We don’t have a rear-view mirror in our love lives, and so are often vulnerable to blind spots. Friends, family and exes will rarely be so candid as to tell us what they are, and so the only way to really get awareness of these areas is by asking deep, reflective questions.
In this week’s article, Steve serves up 5 such questions designed to pinpoint your weak areas and the places that if you were to make millimetre shifts, would lead to a whole new level of success in your love life. Enjoy!(Photo: Christian Yves Ocampo)
Everyone is taught to think of themselves as wonderful. We are all unique snowflakes and we are all special, amazing people that anyone would be lucky to be with.
That’s what our mothers think, at least.
But what are some ways you can make yourself feel like more of a catch right now?
I want to make this practical by going through a quick five-minute exercise that ANYONE who wants to be able to attract a great relationship must be able to answer.
These questions are a huge eye-opener if you take the time to write them down.
The sad thing is most people won’t. Most people tune out as soon as they read the word ‘exercise’. But engaging your creativity in this active way is one of the most effective routines you can create for yourself.
These questions will do one of two things:
(a) They will make you feel great and empowered and give you a surge of confidence as you see all the great things you have to offer.
(b) They will alert you to your blind spots and failings, and give you a bunch of new ideas for areas where you can improve RIGHT NOW.
So read the questions below, take one minute for each, and write down your answers.
If you even get ONE idea out of this article for a new action you can start taking, it will have been worth it.
[As a side note, these questions are not gender-specific. They are the exact questions I would tell men to answer were I writing this article for a male audience.]
Here are Five Basic Questions that should be answerable for anyone who considers themselves to be a great catch.
1) What are three qualities that make me great company?
Are you funny? Intelligent and curious? Giving and loyal? Playful? Generous and attentive?
(Note: These must be qualities you actually display).
For all three qualities you list here, come up with an example of how you demonstrate this quality on a regular basis. For example, I’ve noticed that many people tend to think of themselves as generous and giving, but can hardly think of one instance in which they show this.
Be brutal and you’ll learn something about yourself.
2) What are three exciting things about my life right now?
Are you working on something that makes you passionate and fulfilled? Do you travel and go on incredible and exotic adventures? Do you have great friends who enrich your world and invite you to do cool stuff? Are you learning or achieving something that is unique and intriguing, like a new skill, sport, or language?
Having excitement in our life makes us a more interesting person. We have better conversations. We have more experiences to share. We live with more passion and excitement.
Lifestyle says a lot about us, so if right now your lifestyle consists of little more than work and feeding your cat, it’s time to find something better to do with your weekends.
3) In what ways am I exciting sexually?
Are you thoughtful of the other person’s needs? Are you kinky? Do you have a high sex drive? Exciting? Sensual and alluring? Able to turn him on and be totally open about your sexuality?
Again, people generally assume they are an amazing sexual partner. This exercise should prompt you to be more honest. Are you generous sexually, or are you selfish? Do you seek to understand your partner and completely share with them? You can tell a lot about someone by how much they care about their sex life – if they aren’t passionate and expressive in the bedroom, they probably aren’t passionate in other areas either.
4) Am I a good teammate who brings other people up, or do I drag people down and make things harder?
Do you come up with solutions to problems, or do you create more difficulties and make someone else have to work harder?
This one really cuts to the core of what makes a great partner. Be someone who would make anyone’s life richer and more enjoyable for having you in it.
5) Why am I the best partner someone could ever have?
Just write down a few sentences that come to mind immediately (and hopefully some do!) when you think of this question. Maybe it’s simple. Maybe it’s not. If you can’t think of anything, ask yourself this: what do you need to start doing differently in order to answer this question?
As I said earlier, these questions can either give you great satisfaction, or make you feel like you are sorely lacking in some essential qualities.
Both responses are empowering. If you’re satisfied with your answers, you have reasons to feel bullet-proof and assured in your self-worth. If you’re not satisfied, you now have a roadmap for some of the things you can now work on to improve your inner confidence.
Feeling like a catch is something that happens very gradually. Yes, you get the people in life who walk around with a self-entitled feeling of arrogance with no good reason, and usually these people are found out once they get into a relationship and their partner discovers that nothing lies behind the cocky façade that was initially presented.
For most of us though, feeling like a catch is a case of putting various pieces of the puzzle together until we feel like we have a strong grasp of who we are and what we are worth. It’s a feeling that grows and grows. The only question that matters is: are you doing things today to make yourself more of a catch?
What these questions also do, which I love, is actually ask us what we can give to a relationship – and how we can be better. It’s a long-term investment in ourselves. No matter who hurts you or wrongs you in a relationship, your self-esteem is in tact. Because instead of just beating yourself up and being paralyzed by self-doubt, you will feel secure that you are worthy of someone great. People who don’t think of themselves as a catch are, sadly, liable to stay in dull, unfulfilling, or emotionally abusive relationships, because they have no clear standard for the treatment they deserve. They don’t feel confident in their ability to attract someone new into their life. But when we have self-worth, it’s like having an impenetrable fortress that no-one can break. Even when we get hurt, it’s only superficial damage to the wall of our psyche.
But the only way to build that wall is brick-by-brick-by-brick.
What can you add to that wall today?
What are some other questions that tell you if you’re a catch? I’d love to hear in the comments below.