The Real Reasons We Avoid Relationships…

Stephen Hussey

I remember talking to a television executive last year (not my usual social milieu, but hey, I was in LA at the time), and we got to talking about how more young people are choosing to avoid relationships.

“I don’t understand that,” she said. “My family come from a Jewish psychotherapy background, and for us it’s all about relationships. That’s where all the growth and learning is. To avoid relationships is to avoid life.”

I’ve thought about that a lot since.

There are no doubt benefits to being single:

  • You learn how to be independent
  • You get an identity and friendships outside of someone else
  • You learn how to make yourself happy (or hopefully you do)

These are all good things. They make you come to relationships from a position of power. But even as someone who is capable of really enjoying the single life, I understood what she meant.

I’ve had several relationships in my twenties, and I’m positive that it’s within those that I did the most maturing and emotional growth, difficult as that process could be. As a result, I can’t help but see the idea of people avoiding relationships as a matter of principle, especially if they have zero experience of them, as a very shortsighted strategy.

The ability to successfully manage a relationship, meet someone else’s needs, and communicate your own effectively, is a skill that takes work like any other. So it pays to get some practice in.

Yet, you’ve probably heard all the excuses people make for avoid relationships:

  • “My life is SO busy right now.”
  • “I want to focus on my career.”
  • “It’s a lot of effort to think about someone else – I just want to do my own thing.”

I get it. I’ve used all of these before as well. Sometimes they’ve been 100% true.

But here’s the problem: these things will always be true.

  • If you’re a Type-A, active person, you’ll always be busy.
  • If you’re ambitious and driven, you’ll always want to put time into your career.
  • If you find it hard to think about someone else’s needs…that will still be hard 10 years from now, so you may as well try it sooner rather than later.

The truth is: it’s not relationships that hold people back, it’s bad relationships.

If you find a relationship is killing your career, sucking up all your free time, or making you feel like you’re constantly giving and get nothing in return, it’s probably a sign you’ve chosen a partner whose values and needs aren’t compatible with your own.

But here’s the catch: You only learn who the right partner is by dating a few of the wrong people (unless you get super lucky on your first try), so experiencing relationships is one of the best ways to discover the qualities you REALLY want in a long-term relationship.

Enjoy Being Single, But Know Why…

Believe me, I’m the last person to suggest you go out and immediately jump into any relationship just so you can get more experience. In fact, please definitely don’t do that. There are already enough crappy marriages in the world caused by society’s insane pressure to see everyone (particularly women) coupled up as soon as possible.

What really matters are your reasons for wanting to be single or in a couple.

We all get addicted to our excuses, and a huge amount of progress comes when we realise how silly these are: e.g. “It’s not possible to have a great career and a successful relationship at the same time”, “I don’t know if the guy I want exists”, “I have no spare time”. When we let these go, it’s liberating. It frees us from our self-imposed stories and makes us open to possibilities again.

I have no dog in this fight. If you love being single, then go for it. Embrace the time for yourself, dive in, and try not to piss too many people off in the process.

Just realise WHY you’re doing it.

It’s always good now and then to look at the stories we tell ourselves in our heads, and ask the difficult question: Is this story bulls**t? Do I have a good reason for believing this? Are there people who I admire who have figured this out in spite of why I’m telling myself it can’t be done?

What excuses are still keeping you single (or making you afraid of it)? Let me know in the comments below!

54 Responses to The Real Reasons We Avoid Relationships…

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  1. Kitty Ruby says:

    I know that feeling all too well , emotional pain turns into physical pain, and I don’t know why I stayed either. Which is why I don’t trust myself and you have to heal so you don’t to to the next what has been done to you. But after awhile you get comfortable being single it’s my safe place. I’m not an emotional wreck. But that’s scary to think that I’m my 30s I’ll be single for the rest of my life. On the flip side it’s more frightening being stuck in a horrible relationship or a makeshift relationship the mirrors one but apparently is all in my head .

  2. Kitty Rubi says:

    Well I’m single because I’ve tried the dating world and no one wants to commit fully , I was so energetic and positive! Relationships hurt , confuse and drain you . You go through it all for that person to tell you , they’re not ready to settle down , after putting you through all the motions of a relationship. I make it known what I’m look for , I’m ok with just being friends… people are users . I don’t date the same type of guy. So I’ve just accepted that I have poor judgment and I need to do what men do , me. Focus on my career , solely focus on my kids . And just learn to enjoy my own company. And at last I’m tired of men telling me I have it all I don’t need a man . why do I have to need you , why can’t we just want one another enjoy each other’s company and whatever may come of it. Being single means no more waiting for the call that will never come. Guys being jerks because they’re having a bad day. Me giving and never truly receiving what was required of me. I’m free , and zero pain , zero expectations! I don’t even date .

  3. Prisca Nobukhosi says:

    I had to remain single for some time as i felt like I needed to heal.I was in a relationship which unfortunately ended in a inhuman way.We were never compatible despite the years we had been together.My pain,disappointment and frustration brought out the worst from me when the relationship ended and i dont want to ever feel like that ever!I feared that i was going to inflict pain on whoever i was going to get into a relationship after that. I have been single for a couple of years and i must say that i like the person i have become today.Mine has been a journey and i dont want to label it as an excuse.

  4. She who Reigns Supreme says:

    I’ve been single all my life. At first it was because of my low self-esteem and mind you I was looking for a boyfriend in order to validate my self. I would always act desperate to a point where I confessed to a guy but he rejected me. At that time I thought it was because of my physical appearance but it was because he had just broken up with a girl that cheated on him with a guy in the same class. Many of my rejections so I thought was because of my physical appearance that I had trouble of accepting at the time. I learnt that my old self was seeking love in all the wrong places by seeking validation from men constantly. I now dedicate the time to know and love myself unconditionally as I have negleted the most important person. I am turning 24 this year and I am happy with the way things turned out because I am comfortable being on my own and nurturing myself. The feeling is liberating when you finally realise that you have always had the love you’re chasing inside of you which is the first and very important step to finding someone to share your life with.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’m just over 40, and have never been in a long term relationship, mostly due to not feeling attracted to other people. The desire to be in a relationship has never arisen, and no one has shown interest (so the feeling’s mutual). My main effort is forming and maintaining friendships, but that is often difficult as well. Reading social cues is often very difficult, and my skills are not on par with my peers. It’s likely just as well.

  6. Alex Stoddard says:

    I’m single because I’m MGTOW and I avoid relationships because it’s dangerous for a man to get into one.

  7. Gre says:

    I havent had a relationship in 18 years. Just now opening myself to date people, even if they are not my type. I wonder now if I should just enter any relationship to, you know, live this experience. Is like there are things I fear before they even occur. Prejudice, fear of making a mistake, that the guy is not the one and that I will hurt him, etc. My friends tell me to try, and I suspect I didn’t really like him as I thought, and certainly not as he likes me.

  8. Lisa says:

    Dear Stephen and Matt Hussey,

    This triggered something in me I was hoping you could address because I am unsure if you ever have before…what if your emotional baggage is a mental illness like depression or even having overcome a suicide attempt. There is so much stigma and I know you say we all have baggage but if this is a part of you (I know it shouldn’t nor does it define you) but how would you go about opening up or sharing this with someone who is particularly interested in you or cares? How do you handle this? Maybe you can do a video if able or an article. Thanks!!!!!!

    • Zelle says:

      Dear Lisa,

      Your depression is part of you. But it’s your baggage, not his. You reveal it as you get closer, like you reveal anything that is a bit tender. And his response tells you something important about him – whether he is calm and caring or whether he can’t handle the hard stuff. If he’s the latter, he’s no good to you anyway. Better to know.
      The important thing is not to imagine you can hand over responsibility for your baggage to another person entirely. It’s always still your baggage.

  9. July says:

    I am single because, I haven’t find that person.

  10. idah says:

    In my surrounding environment where i were raised, all man were irresponsible, and yet to advantages to other persons in which non i can rely on. I think the main reason above all is i don’t trust man.

  11. Mr. Man says:

    Hi E,
    to tell you the truth, I feel sorry for you. it gets me sad to read your posts.

    I don’t think the men on online dating are better/worse than men that are “offline” in many cases they are the same men, just you meet them in different places.

    So you tried dating how much 7 dates and you felt it is not for you? I’m a man, not so younger than you, and I had thousands of online dates, and most of them were not successful, some were nice, many I had 2nd dates, but only recently I found a girl that it is right for me, after years of trying. after years of failing, I keep on going and trying again, and again , and again.

    So I can give you my advice, never stop trying as long as you live, enjoy the failures and accept them as part of your daily live. online dating is the easiest way to try. I tried also offline, but for you as a girl in order to try the offline way you need to be more available to men, that means go out very often, for a drink, a walk, a pub, and do it few times every day so you make enough hours of you to be available to approach. you can also travel a lot for vacations, because traveling makes your more approachable because you are happy and go out more.

    If you stay in the house for many hours, you will not find your man. no man goes to apartments and knock on the doors to find love.. :)

    I hope this helps.

  12. Betina Yordanova says:

    Terrible experiences such as mistreatment, abuse (emotional, verbal, physical and sexual) that leave you traumatized…

  13. Sue says:

    I would be really be interested in ideas/suggestions for seniors relationships. Plenty of us out there.

  14. Imee says:

    They need to finish first their studies and to have a good job!

  15. Anna says:

    I want to meet someone but I have difficulty meeting men. I am a single mom. I have tried the online thing but can’t seem to get to the point of arranging a date. They talk a couple of days and they stop investing. I have even given them my number. They text once or twice and then they are done. Idk what else to do. I also don’t know when to bring up that I have a son. I didn’t put it on my dating profile bc I wasn’t getting a response. I don’t get it I’m a total catch. Please help Matthew!

    • Mr. Man says:

      Hi Anna,
      Well you should explain why you don’t get to the point to get a date. what happens in the conversation that prevents it. usually men will try to make a date when you talk on the phone.

  16. Helena says:

    Hum… I want to be single because I really just want to take care of myself. After a big list of things, it’s finaly time to fight for me and that’s what I have to focus on. There are a lot of things that I have to do for me. A relationship (what ever kind) it’s about giving, not just receiving. And right now, I just want to give to my self because I’ve ignored myself for too long, I thought I could do everything for everyone and I was always leaving me for later. And then I realised that I wasn’t left for later, I was leting me for Never! Now I deserve my own atention and to finaly take care of myself. I also need to learn that I can give to otheres AND to me. Only after learning to put me first, I’ll know WHEN to put me first. Only after make up to myself I want to dedicate to ‘that kind of someone’. Now it’s my turn :) <3

  17. Elvette says:

    I’m a little shy, very independent and I don’t suffer fools gladly. Maybe I’ve gotten a little too good at going to movies, concerts and museums by myself when I don’t have a +1.
    When I haven’t been meeting anyone I’ll give myself a goal of going on x number of dates in a month or a year, the first 5 or 10 (or whatever my goal is) guy who ask me out, regardless how attracted I am to the guy. It’s been a lot of perfectly nice first dates with no spark, a couple creeps and (with online dates) a couple of good guys I never would have met if I wasn’t trying to reach my goal. Still single, still shy, but I’m taking baby steps.

  18. Suh says:

    My brother told me the other day I was staying away from a relationship because of fear, and shocked me a little, I have told myself many times I dont have time, It bores me to be on dates that look more like an enterview for a job or a check on benefits or coinsidences for a good deal (and this is true till today). But I have been thinking on that “fear” part that I never thought of, and have realized that maybe some fear used as a self securing system keeps me making big distances between guys and I. I thing you got a good point in your article and its to make me actually rethink on the core reason why I dont pursue or try on relationships. Keep the good work I like reading and hearing what you share, fun somethimes and real most of them. Blessings.

  19. Sophie says:

    I’ve always had a hard time opening up, and showing vulnerability with my partners. I’ve done so more and more in my past relationships. In my last relationship, i did just that, have never felt so close to a partner and although the first 5 months were amazing with both of us wanting to start a serious relationship, he went off for xmas vacation and came back totally different, saying he didn’t want anything serious. So i had to walk away from a guy i love. I’m wondering still today what happened, if i did something wrong, what i could have done differently. All i can think of is that i showed a more vulnerable side, and that that scared him?
    I struggle with starting something new, because of the pain of having love and losing it (for no apparent reason.) If i had done something massively wrong and my partner would have left me for that, that would have been easier i think.
    Love seems like such a fragile thing, that you can lose at any moment. That makes it hard to be brave, to be yourself, to give yourself the permission to not be perfect, to make mistakes, to screw up, and to try again. Love is a tough teacher!! the scariest and most painful, wrapped into the most amazing and beautiful.

  20. Ea says:

    Funny. I grew and matured immensely after the last bad break up. Of course I also had a new born which might have done it. ;) so yeah my excuse is that it was so wrong that everything is just more right now I’m single. And of course i burned myself, yet i am happy to be rid of him, and happy with my life right now

    Great article! It was nice to hear someone advocating relationships without making it THE reason to live.
    I learn a lot about being single by reading these things, and think about what exactly it is a want in a man. So thanks and good work ^^

  21. N says:

    ‪The fear of that dreadful pain from feeling loss and mourning when it’s time to break up and that inability to get back a handle on your life again anymore, as though you’re in a vegetative state. I just can’t do it anymore..
    I know it’s not right to be thinking about the break up prior to the ‘start up’ and we tell ourselves all these things over and over but in the end, the fear of ‘that’ pain that is so intense it brings you to your knees, it wins every time. I consider myself a very strong woman who has and can handle all sorts of bullets in life, but not break ups ironically. As long as I’m single, I won’t ever feel that way again.

    • Vanessa says:

      Could not agree with you more ! Glad I’m not the only woman who felt SO HURT after a breakup! I thought I was crazy and insane !

  22. Muvhuso says:

    I am just so scared, I haven’t been in a relationship for like 2 years now and that hurts me sometimes when I think about it. It also has more to do with me not being able to commit and trust guys because of my past experience with them. When my friends ask me why I’m still single I just say that I’m too picky and that’s also true, sometimes I just feel like every guy I meet is not good enough for me and that makes it impossible for me to give them a chance coz I lose interest very easily. The other reason is that I rarely attract good guys, of which I don’t know why!

    • Mr. Man says:

      well I believe that after the first meeting you can tell if this guy has the potential to be a great man or not. there are good men outside, I have friends that I know that they have good personality, and you probably also know men that has good personality but they might be taken or not, so thinking many or most guys are not good enough is wrong. in every man or a woman there are flaws, but some are not so important flaws (for example if I was a woman, I don’t think a man that is short, don’t have much money, works in a simple job, don’t have a college degree, not organized, cleans his house only once every 4 months…) all of those are not so big flaws in my point of view, there are much more important things to look for. I advice you to make a list of non import flaws and not say a man is not good enough because he has this flow.

      I have a very good friend, he is bold, don’t have a college degree, he has a simple job, but he likes that job. he actually owns the house he lives in because he was smart enough to buy it when it was not expensive. he is a very good man, he has a good heart, and I know that. I trust him as a friend, and he is not a guy that well get into stupid fights, and I’m sure when he will find his girl he will be very loyal to her.

      so don’t loss hopes! :)

  23. John Peres says:

    Most people avoid relationships because trust has been broken by their loved ones which make them difficult to find that trust in a new person. And many of us, just love to be single and live independently where they can enjoy their life in own style and manner without any interference.

  24. Rax says:

    I’m scared of getting into relationship and be broken again. Yes, I embrace all my excuses. I decided to focus on my kids and my career. Yes, it’s very lonely out here, but I will take that as a consequence of my decision.

    Maybe the right one will come on the right time.

    • Anna says:

      My ex really broke my heart to the point I could actually feel the pain in my chest. I would have dreams where he would hug me and I would wake up and could smell his cologne as if he were there. He left me and my son unexpectedly. I never saw it coming. I found out after he left he had been running up credit cards in my name I didn’t even knew I had. Turned out he never loved me I was just a part of scheme. He is the king of manipulation. He just got a divorce and did the same to her. He doesn’t see his kids and avoids child support. He now has a girlfriend with a kid…the next victim. This man was nothing like the man I fell in love with. It’s almost like he has two personalities. He taught me to trust no one but I will never give up on finding love.

  25. LoveLost says:

    I’ve never made much time, by choice, to invest in dating. I have pretty much been single for ten years and threw myself into raising my kids having to be mom and dad. I worked crazy hours and went to college as well. I’ve attempted online dating, but get disgusted quite easily and retreat back to my comfort zone of being alone. At this point I feel set in my ways, but miss the perks of having someone.
    About two years ago, I had a very close relationship with a much younger male friend and it almost felt like we dated for two years without even knowing it. He was my best friend and time with him was so easy and fun without pressure. We have a very big age difference and he is Mormon and just got back from a two year mission. Before he left, things happened between us. There were strong feelings there, but I don’t fit into his box. I know now that is what I want in a relationship (minus religion), and afraid I won’t find that good of a fit as I never have. I am supposed to see him soon and find myself avoiding it like the plague. Just think it’s easier that way.

  26. Fran says:

    Great article! The reason’s I have been single for almost 5 years is because I have 3 children (2 with challenging needs) and limited childcare. I do not have difficulty attracted men on nights out however chemistry is very import to me and that is not always their. Then its finding time to date and the reality that I am part of a package. I am aware I do tell myself stories which are limiting and I also have real limits. I’m a work in progress and your article has left me with lots to consider. This is a great site. Many thanks.

  27. Irene says:

    Yeah….I’m glad I read this article. I’ve been telling myself for a while that I don’t have space or time or energy for a real relationship in my life and that I’m happy as I am right now. But what it really is is all of those bad relationship experiences weighing down. To be brutally honest, I don’t want the hassle of a really crappy relationship…ANOTHER bad one. And they’ve ALL been bad ones…and that’s what I’ve come to believe all relationships are, that they’re all not worth the effort. But at least now, I’m aware that’s why I’m avoiding one. I spose it only takes one good one to change your mind ;) Great article, thank you

  28. A. says:

    Just had a breakup, TODAY. Sigh. It’s hard to get back out there. I had such trust in him and I feel each time I trust a man it’s a minor miracle to find that trust again for a new man.

    But I do. I somehow do. Sigh. I like being single, because yeah, I don’t have to feel like this when it doesn’t work out. But I keep trying anyway because I know a good relationship is worth it.

  29. Hadar says:

    To be honest, I’m scared And I feel it’s hard for me to trust myself that I can really find a guy that is right for me.
    Every time I feel that it’s right to give it a try, and get to know a guy, there is a personal crisis in my life. I’m fired from my job, or I’m in a tense exams period of time. Or one of my parents are having surgery…
    I don’t feel like I can handle a relationship and it feel suck, because I really want one. I doubt myself a lot, and I’m in a constant feeling of fear to get hurt, and not understood.
    I wish I could be more easygoing.
    Sometimes I feel like I am a kind of burden to some guys, and they don’t want me because all of my problems so I am harsh with myself to try and be better. But I’m tired of being in this situation. I’d really like a guy want me for who I am! Someone that I can feel free to be who I really am around him.
    Right now I’m having lots of deep thoughts about myself and life, so i can do things the right way for me. Maybe I am carrying to much from the last relationships I had…
    I’d really be happy to get some tips… If you have some.
    Have a great day.

  30. Daniela says:

    After a rushed first relationship which involved moving in with each other too soon and engagement, I have decided to join the military to better grow and become independent. I’ve had a few relationship offers, but this is my first time going out and enjoying the single life and I don’t know where I’ll be or when I’m leaving for the military. I know I’m making excuses, but I’m afraid of fighting for something so wrong again.

  31. Collin says:

    My reasoning for not pursuing a relationship right now is because I live with my parents. I just graduated college and have a decent career. I am saving up money for my own place eventually. Plus, I am a fairly quiet person. I don’t know if it’s just me overthinking things but I really just have no idea what to do because I really would like a relationship. I don’t know if I should try to find a girl while I live at home. I really have no idea how to find the right girl though due to lack of experience. Let me know if there is something that I should do about this. Thanks Stephen!

  32. Teresa says:

    Dear Stephen,

    Thank you for this article it is very interesting.

    I don’t think that I have a specific reason for staying single. I want a good and healthy relationship with a great man and In my single time I am learning things about myself that I don’t want to miss. I really enjoy myself and do all the things I want to do and grow every step of the way.

    I think there are sometimes too many reasons of not going into a relationship that we get overwhelmed and do nothing about the issues. (When I lost 10 kilos, when I am confident enough etc… ) The most important thing for me is going out and having fun, to take care about yourself, keeping in mind that somebody will appreciate all your adorable flaws :)

    Greetings from Germany

  33. Stephanie says:

    I’m in school and it takes a lot my time. Secondly I’m afraid of getting rejected and hurt because I have a physical disability and lately I’m very loving person but I’ve became kinda cold because as much love I showed people took me for granted..:(

  34. Laura Chase says:

    Hi Stephen,
    thanks for this brainal!
    What held me back where expectations for a long time! I was afraid I couldn’t meet my partners needs and that I didn’t want to do it I thought I loose my freedome!
    I found that the opposite is true I was afraid of my own expectations and that no one would or could ever meet them! I thought that I wasn’t worthy of it! When I started to allow people to fulfill some of my needs and when I started to fulfill my own with full responsibility I saw that I liked it when I could do sth. for someone else that made them happy. And because I didn’t put the burdon of fulfilling my needs unconsciously on someone else I wasn’t afraid of others expectations anymore! If everyone fulfilles themselves it is such a pleasure to give and make my partner happy and I can fully appreciate and enjoy the gifts of my partner! There is nothing that feels uncomfortable anymore when I keep the responsibility for my fulfillment by myself! Even though I know it takes guts to stand behind what you need for yourself when your partner might not like it but the right person will want you to do only what you feel happy doing they won’t think in terms of they loose sth. When you’re not acting as they want you to they will respect your need and support you in your choice!
    When I am shying away from a relationship I now know it is because I don’t take enough responsibility for my own needs!
    Happy week for everyone

  35. Janae R says:

    I’m afraid of being judged poorly by men, which has happened to me. A guy told me “You look like a virgin who really wants sex.” At first I laughed because of how ridiculous it sounds, but I realized that guy is an ass and there will be a man who understands. It’s just gunna take time weeding through the bullshit. I learned from your brother that attractive people attract everyone even the assholes and gentleman are scared to talk to me based on my looks. I’ve showed gentlemen that it’s okay to talk to me and get closer.

    Thank you for the article Mr. Hussey!

  36. Marcela says:

    edit: with these “2 comments” I meant Candy’s and Diana’s ones!! ;D M.

  37. Marcela says:

    I just would like to add to previous 2 comments with which I identify, too, that there is no more energy left in me for doing that “little” extra that Matt keeps stressing… I have been doing it for a long long time (with breaks of course;))and now, I just feel like I am powerless if stars are in no favour of me getting married… and I am fine with it… Fortunately, I was never addicted to the idea that I MUST get married (or at least have a partner, lately), or have my own biological children… I have seen and heard of too much unhappiness coming out of such ideology ;}
    Anyway, great article, Stephen! I keep reading the staff, so I could encourage other people when they come and ask me for advice or should I see them suffer too much…

  38. Liha says:

    I think the main reason keeping my away from real relationship is affraid of getting hurt or hurting other people. Have you ever been in a relationship that didn’t break?
    Or I haven’t met the person I feel right to be with or given me enough signs to trust them. I don’t think it’s something wrong in me, just I have to keep my standards that way and not settle down with anything lower than that

  39. Lauren says:

    My reasoning for not pursuing a relationship right now is that I don’t think I’m capable of having a healthy relationship right now. I moved in the last 4 months to a new state and still haven’t gotten a “life” if you will. Lacking a friendship group, I know I’d suck the life out of a man and try to get ALL of my needs by him. Let me know Stephen if you think it’s a good idea. Loved the article, thanks Stephen!

  40. Alicia says:

    Why still single? Because the guy I want told me that he only wants sex. We’re really good friends but he only keeps having sex with as many girls as he can. I do not know what I’m gonna do with all this shit, srsly.

    • Michele says:

      Oh my!! If he’s having sex with other women, say Goodbye!! He is NOT the right guy for you. His actions speak louder then words. Please find a nice guy that is ready for a commitment loving relationship with you and only you. From one independent woman to another…keep your standards high. The right guy will find you in time. I’m single and focus on my friendships and family and my job.

    • Jami says:

      He’s not the guy for you. Stop making him the center of your world and go find someone who actually wants to be with just you. You’re chasing the dream of who you want him to be, not who he actually is, and that’s always a recipe for disaster. Take it from someone who’s been there…

  41. Renee says:

    It’s not a choice to be single would love to have someone in my life, but finding someone decent that’s the hard part !! I think it’s very hard these days especially as a single mother of 2 kids working and studying … I don’t get to go out much so how are you supposed to meet someone ?
    I’ve certainly learnt what I don’t want and I won’t go with anyone just to have someone, I’m not closed off or I don’t use the excuses to not have a relationship, I get out where I can, sometimes I think it’s just pure luck !!

  42. Catherine Ho says:

    This is so true.
    Wanting to avoid bad or incompatible relationships allows us to try not to think of relationships, and focus on work. At least I was doing that after focusing too much on work past years and recently just ended a short one when i decided that its time I spent some time to look around me and ‘open my doors’. Sad but true relationships sometimes dont work out. It takes efforts by both parties. And after breaking down my defences when i finally get comfortable with someone and yet get knocked down after all that effort makes it hard. But i always try to tell myself, dont give up. it might take some exercise to warm up those feelings, and this one was just some warm ups for the next better one.

  43. Jonathan Palmer says:

    Perhaps people do not understand what a relationship is. Some might think it means friends with benefits. But I recently read a good relationship as described like this: two people who are equally independent while being mutually dependent all the while having reciprocal obligations. Summed up, it is not getting the right partner but being the right partner.

  44. Diana says:

    Why still single? Not many guys out there who can accept my life style, the way I’m thinking, and my standards.

    Plus, not many commited, charismatic and financially stable single guys left who are at the same age or elder. In my culture, guys normally looking for younger ladies and unmarried ladies at the age beyond 30 are seen as leftovers.

  45. Candy says:

    Another beautifully written piece, Stephen. I have used all of these reasons for staying out of relationships and pushing guys away. I definitely learned a lot about myself being single for a period of time. That was a really great thing I did for myself. The few relationships I was in helped me learn what I didn’t want and what I needed to improve on in myself. I think a great relationship comes down to being very secure with yourself and meeting the right person at the right time. Thank you for helping me fire my neurons and helping me really appreciate where I’m at today.

    • Catherine says:

      So True. I enjoy reading Stephen’s articles. He gives good tips and an inner voice for that positive inputs in my head too. Just getting warmed up for the next compatible or better one Candy!

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