6 Behaviors That Kill Relationships

If we don’t work on eliminating toxic relationship habits, it doesn’t matter how attractive we are: we’ll always find a way to self-sabotage and drive our partner away.

So here are 6 relationship-killing behaviors to avoid at all costs if you want to keep an amazing guy…


►► Discover the Exact Behaviors to Find – and Keep – Lasting Love → KeepTheGuy.com

57 Responses to 6 Behaviors That Kill Relationships

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  1. Mmess says:

    I had a wonderful guy. We had so much trust. Two people who made each other happy just being themselves. The kind of relationship where when you embrace the other person, you feel safe loved and everything is right in the world. Then physical distance happened. I guess I needed certainty we were working towards being in a place together. I was preparing to give up my old life to move, I just needed direction. But in life there is no certainty so how could I ask him for something he can’t guarantee? I committed all 6 sins above because of my own paranoid insecurity and I’ve hurt someone I love terribly. I’m at a loss how to fix this. But now that you guys know what you avoid, don’t let it be you that gets caught in my situation. I have only myself to blame and it feels awful.

  2. Min says:

    What if my partner and i had been drinking and he repeatedly is saying and doing things that upset me? Is it not smart to walk away because we are under the influence? He never recalls much afterwards if he will be reasonable enough for me to try to talk after a few beers. I haven’t seen any good come from the times I didn’t leave to avoid more problems and to deal with it when we are sober. Which one is best?

  3. Lorena Ali says:

    I’m having a bad time in my relationship, I can’t stop thinking my boyfriend doesn’t love anymore, and I’m going crazy!! Analyzing every little detail of our time together, it makes me feel exhausted and unhappy. I keep comparing the before with now. I’m selfish, I know that, and he always said that I don’t love him, because I don’t try hard enough, he is having a bad time now, I’m not by his side because I think he is not inloved with me again! I feel used, we break up and come back together, we argue and we take it back asap. But now in my mind he is not inloved with me, and in his mind I don’t love him…
    so, we just fight every day, for everything! I decided not to go back this time, when we talk I’m always the bad guy, and he not even said I miss u or I love u…we have been together for a year, and it’s been a wonderful year, I don’t know what is going on!!! I need help

  4. Kevesha Pillay says:

    I really am not in a great place so I was dating this guy he seemed great then we fell pregnant and got married… Soon after lots of bad things started happening money started getting stole and he even cheated on me a few time while I was pregnant…. I didnt know I chose to believe every little lie he told me… Then I went through on to forgive him and in Jan this year I lost my baby because I stressed just because I found out he kissed another woman imagine if I knew he slept with another woman. The debt keep ringing up even after my baby passed away … He had nothing when I met him he was sitting at home. I helped him find a job I helped him get his driver license. I helped him finish school. He used my car to continue cheating on me a few months after the baby passed he pretended like he cared and he vanished to find out he was by on of his mistresses…. Its now been 9 months since the baby passed and he left 2 months ago again this is the first time in my life I went where I havent called or heard his voice or even asked his friends about him in 2 months…. I feel like I am progressing then all of a sudden he messages saying he missed me and he wants me back and our divorce is almost final…. I dont want to take him back but I need some advice not to fell bad if I do not take him back.

  5. Cristina says:

    What should i do my man is always teasing me that he always looks on others girls and he gets laughed whenever i get mad. I felt insecure but he just lauhjed at it.

  6. Keira says:

    @ Melisa You spelt ‘bull shit’ wrong.

    @ MH You’re words are deep and only people who take relationships seriously would understand this. Thank-you.

  7. save marriage says:

    i think argument kill the relation but Being married i think its very difficult especially for wives to stop arguing with her men.when wife feel that husband do something wrong then who it could be possible for her to don’t stop him from doing wrong.

  8. letitia barnes says:

    What if he tell you now im in a relationship and we stii friends and i love you do he still have feeling for me

  9. sara vatik says:

    Amazing incisive and heartbreakingly simple…if only I could have had this knowledge before my marriage collapsed. Please dont stop teaching us Matt. You have the respect of millions.

  10. Disa Jardine says:

    Well said, indeed, Matthew! When I see ppl acting in ‘weird & wonderful ways’, I see a human who, perhaps is unable to express themselves clearly or freely (for whatever reason) and resorts to a default response that they’ve not corrected just yet. Much Love & Respect to you, Matt!

  11. Sue says:

    What happens when you have tried to do that continually and he will not discuss anything, open up, tell me why he stays silent? I have tried again and again and now after 10 years of trying i am now the one who does all those things you said not to. I feel bad and he just continues as though nothing is wrong and i will get over it. I am so tired of trying and i know people might say split up but i cannot do that for several reasons. I do not even know how i feel about him, us or me anymore

  12. Rebecca says:

    I needed this today. So much. Thank you. :) xxxxxxx

  13. Ann says:

    Hey Matt,
    I didn’t think that I would ever want to write to you. You are stranger, over the ocean…but yeah, I feel that kind of connection, when you are on the same wavelength. And what’s more I feel so defeted. Oh, sorry for my English if there are some misteakes I don’t have much opportunities to practice it. I don’t want to complain how men are, I don’t like to generate people, but I start to be so irritated, I feel so damn powerless.
    I met a guy, everything was fine, I guess I meight fall in love with him, cuz that was something special in my life. Then he took a break, cuz as he said his memories come back, he felt guilty, like he is doing sth bad, cuz his fiancée died and she was pregnant in that moment. 2 months have passed, I asked if that’s end or what he is thinking about now, but he just make some jokes, no straight answer. Then after another month he send me some funny video, we chatted, again jokes. I wrote him that he could be sb really important for me and I missed him but if he don’t want to know me better and he is gonna only make jokes once a month I don’t need this, I don’t wanna this. As an answer I received a silence. I’ve got only that kind of stories. Before him was a guy, who when the things become more serious, suddenly said that he have a depression, don’t know what to do with life and so on.
    When I watched your videos I smiled and thought yeah, I know, I do this whole stuff, everything is correct. I have my standards and I know how to show them, I’m never aggressive or nervous. I guess my mom taken some drugs when she was pregnant with me cuz I’m always smiling :) I try to always make progresses in all areas of my life. I make mistakes, but I also learn from them. But this is something I don’t understand. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and maybe what I don’t see. That is just impossible that I’ve got such a bad luck.
    So…thank U for reading and take care :)

  14. Allie says:

    I cannot believe that made me tear up. Really well said Matthew. Thank you very much.

  15. Zina M says:

    I don’t know what to say!

    I almost cried while i watching this video!

    Yes, I did ALL these mistakes of wrong responses because i felt insecure and fear,i broke relationships that i had and that i may had and i pushed away many guys,simply because i am afraid, i got hurt from people around me even close one and that make me scared and make quick responses without thinking of the consequences or make aggressive responses especially when i feel that the guy disrespect me by the way he talks or behaves! and now i will be 35 years old next month in Baghdad that will be just another daily struggle when every day people ask me why i am still single and that guys don’t fall in love and marry women in my age!and when guys likes me then when they try to talk with me and later find out my age they simply disappear! this a reality!
    P.S: I need your help Matthew, do you give online individual advises? and how much it will cost? and how can i pay?

    • MH Support says:

      Hi Zina, thank you for sharing your story! Matthew doesn’t do personal coaching anymore, but he is beginning to create some amazing content, much more intimate, for his Fast Track to Mr. Right VIPs. We offer frequent live trainings for members of our Fast Track to Mr. Right program where you can submit your questions. As a VIP member of the “Fast Track to Mr. Right” program, you’ll be granted exclusive access to monthly live coaching sessions with Matt – an incredibly rare and valuable benefit other women simply don’t get. If you’d like more info about the Fast Track to Mr. Right program, please contact our team at support@howtogettheguy.com. – Mars

      • zina m says:

        thank you for you reply, yea sure i would like to know more about the program, i will email your team to get more information.

  16. Debbie says:

    I went silent and it drove him nuts. That along with other things cost me my marriage.

  17. Ayat says:

    Perfect and in it’s time…thanks

  18. Lizzie says:

    That may have been the BEST video I’ve seen of yours. It made me tear up a bit. I feel like this can apply to every type of relationship in one’s life. I struggle with handling my emotions in a healthy manner, and the consequences have been haunting me for years. I want to do better. Thank you for kindly and inspirationally helping people better their lives one message at a time. What a wonderful job, Matthew and team.

  19. lynelle says:

    Great, Matt. Great. Over 34 years, I’ve been doing this over…and over…and over…and it’s over now (not the relationship, just that f’d-up behavior pattern). And we’re better than ever. Period.

    P.s. Please don’t put on toooooo much muscle to your upper body! You’ve got just enough now, imho, and it works — hopefully it’s enough for your boxing to be at its best too.


  20. Rebecca morais says:

    What do we do when none of our reactions affect the persons behaviour and that person still remains the same and sometimes u dont get justification to certain issues and without an answer you mind doesnt move any further.we feel.less worth when we are the first and the last person to compromise all the time :( ease suggest me how to react when a person doesnt react to your emotions or problems but says “he loves you” but wont react to your pain or anger.

  21. Janice May says:

    Thank you so much Matt for your video. What really stood out for me was when you said all these kinds of reactions come from fear. I did all of those things in my past relationship and hearing you talk on this topic has opened my eyes to understanding how my reaction to tensions ultimately caused the end of my relationship.
    I’m so grateful that you make these videos and that i can keep working on myself to become the person i want to be.

    (South Africa)

  22. Cindy says:

    I LOVE this video, and it is presented in such a way that I can see myself a little bit in almost all of the responses at times… it was so simple to see flashes of ourselves in each choice.
    My favorite part was the simple choices of the opposite, it makes it very easy to see a simple step towards verses a step away!

    Thank you SO much for what you do, I have really benefited from all your work that you present!

  23. Laurie says:

    Great video, Matt! You should do more videos on this topic of how to deal with tension/conflict in a relationship. I find that’s where I need a lot of navigation and could use more confidence and competence.

  24. Karla says:

    Thank you Mathew! I follow and watch your videos on youtube, but I’ve never posted anything before. Just wanted to thank you cause there must be hundreds of people like me who you help without them saying anything at all.
    This video came up just in the right moment for me, I struggle a lot, I mean a lot! on the way I react in those moments. Sometimes, like right now, I kinda loose faith I will change. My major mistake is the way I speak and how I feel and make my partner feel like it’s never good enough. Right now I’m not sure if it’s my idea o his but that’s the problem in the dynamic right now.

    I really hope and I think this video will help a lot. Thank you again!!!

    PS: Finding you attractive is a plus of your videos haha!


  25. Yasmin says:

    This message is so empowering and the delivery incredible (tone, language, choice of words), it made me post a comment for the first time. A brilliantly concise roadmap to follow in times of need.

  26. Sandra Andersen says:

    Really great!! Thank you

  27. Mirai says:

    Thanks so much for all those videos. You might have saved my love life!!

  28. Melissa Ryan says:

    Spectacular video. It spoke to me on so many levels. If we could get out of our own way, without the old stories or triggers then our relationship with others and ourselves would be magical. Thank you Matthew.

  29. Lauren says:

    I love this video Matt, so true and you have broken it down so simply with some real actions to take when you do those responses. Simple, genuine and thoughtful.
    Thank you

  30. Linda says:

    It’s like after a fall out. I want to make up and say sorry. but it’s my partner who will not make up. He will not talk and I just talk about it and carry it on.we fell out and we broke up.I kept from him a misscarrge and told him. He said he didn’t want to know.

  31. Julie MacKenzie says:

    I loved this video…and the 2 choices you have…to pull away or to solve it with understanding & kindness…the silent treatment never works too efficiently…Thanks for illustrating that & not leaving that video where she storms out of the vehicle…..;) <3 Hugs! Thank you Matthew! "Love is patient & kind…"

  32. Martha Bixby says:

    Well done Matthew Hussey & Team! This is an extraordinarily impactful video guide that delivers a “to the heart of the matter” kind of message about emotional control that we can use in romantic relationships and all kinds of relationships. I just realized watching it that probably need to re-think my “high value woman march”…because it’s really storming off. I will try hard to stay & solve next time, and allow for both to be true…but keep my B.S. detector finely tuned. (kind of kidding). Thanks for this humbling video.

  33. Yana Dashevski says:

    Thank you Matthew for the video

  34. Leona says:

    Great video. My toxic behavior is being passive-aggressive. When my friend called me out on this I immediately wanted to protest, but he was right. I try to make light of what’s bothering me by making jokes or snarky comments because I am afraid of asking for what I want or need. Now that I know how much it bothers him, I’ve begun to just say what’s on my mind.

  35. Luky Cawarra says:

    Cried over it – miss that connection, fear I made those mistakes but then I remember you saying that we can’t break the right thing. Working on my reactions, and I feel that my ex was making these mistakes, as my coach told me that I’m too accommodating, not taking care of myself enough. Ugh – a fine line…

  36. Ingrid Thompson says:

    Matt, you are so inspiring. You always have the most relevant, useful dating advice and I thank you for the work you do.

  37. Gale Scaramuzza says:

    When she took his hand, at the end of the video, I started to cry.

  38. Shelly says:

    I loved this video. I have found myself responding in more then one of these noneffective ways when conflicts arise in my relationship. This video helped me realize the changes I need to make to improve my relationships in my lovE life and personal life. Thank you!

  39. Brenda Shaw says:

    Thanks Matthew
    You are so right. I would love to see some follow ups on this video. If I had known how to deal with these things better years ago, I would not be divorced from what was a really great 20 year marriage. Please teach us more skills on how to talk through conflicts so if I do manage to find a new guy someday, I can keep him this time.

  40. Fiona says:

    Oh! When she chose to take his hand….heartbreakingly beautiful. Thank you Matthew for showing where the growth can be done x

  41. Sab says:

    Beautifully said!

  42. Lisa says:

    Great video!
    Thanks for sharing! I do like the fact that both sides hold their truths and the important thing is not what you argue about but how.
    Unfortunately I find myself to often in relationships where it’s either just black or white. Grey zones are however most of life consists of but too many people haven’t yet realized that! I started to get this only a few years ago myself!

  43. Terri says:

    Man Matthew…was that ever GOOD…no…GREAT! Thank You!!!

  44. SASKIA says:

    ..I agree and I do believe in it. And also I believe my [more grown up & present] view are more like this. Lesson learned because of some prior experiences when I was younger and married with a [as it seems at that time] popular guy.. As a comment I believe it could have worked if the both of us were on the same page.. Which wasn’t at that moment..

  45. Faizah says:

    Thank you Matthew for this valuable video. Your work and your words have an amazing effect on me, and I even recommended your blog to my best friend :D

    I am in an amazing relationship at the moment with this wonderful man. I like everything about him, but my issue is that he tend to keep silent whenever he’s not happy about something I did. I wish that he could open up a little and try to talk about what makes him unhappy.

    I talked to him about it, but he said that this is how had always behaved when he is upset. Please, if you could enlighten us on how should we help our partners to open up more in times of difficulties.

    Love you Matthew,

    • Phoebe says:

      Being loving and patient with your partner and encouraging them to say what’s on their mind and it’s ok to express what he feels. I was always the silent one for fear of saying something “wrong” or that I would later regret so I never expressed it. He might be trying to do the same. I got “I can’t handle this” and he’d storm off which made me clam up even more. These are patterns often learned in childhood so real compassion is needed to break it.

  46. Lynn Keogh says:

    that is why you are THE GUY Matthew. I am an accredited therapist but when it comes to my own issues I need someone who knows their stuff…what I admire about you is that you are not about the gimmick. So many out there who promise and don’t deliver.

    I love how you say what we truly need to hear and you don’t leave us hanging …just pay a gazillion dollars and I;ll tell you what those 6 behaviours are….lol Your videos are NOT sales pitches they are gifts and that is what really sells the whole package of who you are and what you offer.

    Love an intelligent man and you are definitely one of those…now just find me one in his 50s or 60s and I will owe you big time! lol

  47. mue says:

    Matthew Please will You marry me or will i just have to join the queue

  48. Divya says:

    Hi Matt, thank you for this amazing video. Though am not in a relationship right now I know me learning all this is only going to make our life a little bit better. I love all your videos keep doing the great work you do because I know world is better with you in it

  49. Olivia says:

    Thank you Matthew for inspiring me I really appreciate your advices, I hv question,what if my boyfriend doesn’t want me to come near him when we ar in public, he doesn’t call or text like before? Planning of breaking up with him..

  50. Hansika Singh says:

    Dear Matthew,

    Thank you so much for this video.. this is truely an eye opening video.. thnx mate :)

  51. Lisa Marie says:

    Dear Matthew,

    This was an eye-
    opening video that describes the behavioural patterns of reactions fuelled by fear extremely well. You could actually elaborate on each point and explain in more detail how these patterns could be broken. I think it´s very important to get a better understanding of how these patterns work in order to behave differently in the situation itself.

    Thanks for combining analytical thinking and emotional understanding that show us a new path of growth and freedom.

    Lisa Marie

  52. Leticia says:

    Matthew!! Can you please make a video on why guys get reppelled by extroverted women?!?! I just don’t get it. They like extroverted women just to be friends and have fun with, but they never take them serious to be in a relatioship with. I’m naturally extroverted, and I get really well with guys, but i always seem to create a friendly atmosphere and never really get to know any of these guys: Not because they didn’t think I was pretty, nor feminine. I think it’s because I create a fun and friendly bond with them, that they don’t see me as a potential gf. I really need an advice because I don’t want to change my personality to get to meet guys deeply, but i need help on how extroverted women like me could use this aspect on our favor!!! Could you pleeeease help me?! Thank you!! Love your work

  53. Michele Cipressi Dean says:

    This is really amazing.

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