Sex/Life, Penis Size, and Male vs. Female Insecurities

Get ready for a saucy video this week.

Today, we have flawlessness at our fingertips—how is reality supposed to compete?  In the comments, I’d love it if you shared a unique feature you appreciate about yourself. Those features are beautiful stories that are too often erased by the sweep of a filter.

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Matthew:

Have you seen the series Sex Life yet on Netflix?

Stephen:

Sex Life it’s called?

Matthew:

It’s called Sex Life, yes.

Stephen:

No, I haven’t seen it.

Matthew:

Unlike this podcast is called Love Life, the show is Sex Life. I was at a party the other night. It was for my friend Ryan, he’s having a little birthday party, and there were a group of women who were talking about the show Sex Life, which I have seen on Netflix. I haven’t actually watched it.

From the trailers, and I’m just speaking about the trailers, is about a woman who’s in a marriage where they’ve got a kid. He sort of comes home, gives her, you know, a quick casual kiss on the cheek, and then gives lots of his attention to the kid instead, and then says, “I’ll see you later,” or “I’m going to go and watch the game.”

Meanwhile, she’s got an ex that she’s, again, I’m just reading from the description on YouTube now, Stephen, she’s got sort of, they didn’t say sordid. They said sort of a she has like a interesting sexual past. They didn’t use the adjective, interesting. They use something else that was a bit saucy. I can’t remember what it was. But basically the insinuation is she’s had a mad old time with her ex-

Stephen:

Oh, all right.

Matthew:

… who’s British, I think, and-

Stephen:

Figures.

Matthew:

Right, and she’s had a pretty wild sex life with him. But now she’s in this stale old marriage.

There’s a renowned scene now that they were talking about where the guy’s in the shower, and he’s just got an enormous penis, which I was surprised they showed, which I suppose shows the inherent sexism in movies and TV, but I was still very surprised.

Stephen:

Which guy, though?

Matthew:

Who do you think, Stephen?

Stephen:

Right.

Matthew:

Do you think it was the boring husband?

Stephen:

No. It’s old Big Ben, innit…

Matthew:

Right. Very good. So they’ve added to this fantasy, this pornography is essentially what it is, right? It’s pornography of the mind.

Actually, I suppose one at the point of which you’re just showing an enormous penis in the shower, it might be starting to cross over in just pornography. Well, no, see there’s the inherent sexism again because we see women’s parts on TV and movies all the time, don’t we?

Anyway, I heard this and there was guys at the party… It was quite funny because there was a guy at the party who was like, I immediately went, this is no joke, a guy said, “I immediately went and googled that actor’s shoe size.” He goes, “Because I wanted to know if it was real.”

Firstly, as if there just always is a… Like you know for sure from someone’s feet size what it is. And if he was like a size seven he’d have gone, “Oh, phew. Thank God.”

Stephen:

And that Google has accurate feet sizes for all actors is suspicious as well.

Matthew:

Right. Yeah. We can’t even trust Wikipedia on my height. Wikipedia had my height wrong for years. They’re not exactly going to get my shoe size right.

Stephen:

Yeah. You’re five-foot-three.

Matthew:

According to Wikipedia, I was five-seven for years, and I’m not, everyone, all right?

Stephen:

Right, you’re right.

Matthew:

I’m five-eleven. I could say six foot, but I’m an honest man.

Stephen:

Yeah, that is honest.

Matthew:

Stephen, I thought it would be good for someone on a dating app if you were five-eleven as a man, and I… If I was a man, which I am, and I was on a dating app, if you put five-eleven, and then somewhere on the thing you could put, “Why you should date me? Well, you know I’m honest because I said I was five-eleven.”

Stephen:

That’s good. That was good.

Matthew:

It’s good, aint it?

Stephen:

If I was five-eleven, I would use that.

Matthew:

Right? Wow. What a little dig.

Stephen:

It’s not. That is not a dig.

Matthew:

What a dig. So here’s my dilemma. Do I have to watch this show so that we can make a video on it?

Stephen:

Sorry, that… Okay. Do we have to watch a show? What were the women saying about the fact that… Were they like, “Oh, British man is so hunky. You would want to go and have a romp with your ex?” Or were they… It sounds like they were on the side of fidelity and commitment.

Matthew:

One of them was a bit annoyed that she hadn’t just had more of a conversation with her husband first, but that wouldn’t have really played to the fantasy, I suppose, is months of couples therapy trying to work it out, talking about the feelings you’ve been having.

Stephen:

This thing sounds as well very designed to provoke the sort of angry male community who feel like they’re always writing these sort of hate articles that like women are only as faithful as their options, and, oh, there’s some sexy guy and as soon as he shows up, as soon as he’s higher value and has a big old boy down there, then she’s off, so.

Matthew:

Stephen, I always remember, it’s funny how you look at things and you go, this is… God, not to get too philosophical or sound too old, but it’s, like, there’s so much of what we read and see creates insecurities. Do you know what I mean? It might be in the value of entertainment. It might be in the way of an article.

I remember when I was a kid, I was like 11 years old, just sort of nearing that age where you started to worry about things, one of them your penis size, and I remember the day I started worrying about penis size. I was reading-

Stephen:

Really?

Matthew:

Yeah, I remember it. I was reading an article in FHM. Do you remember there was that band, that girl band Mis-Teeq?

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

In the UK they were an old Garage band.

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

And for those of you that don’t know in the UK, there was… Garage was like two-step. It was kind of a sort of sped-up, something between hip-hop and drum and bass on the register, and I used to DJ that sound a lot. And Mis-Teeq was one of the commercial Garage bands, and there was the main woman from Mis-Teeq, she was really beautiful, and I used to fancy her quite a lot. And I just remember… I was reading FHM, which I was too young to be reading FHM, lots of saucy articles.

Stephen:

It was the ’90s lads’ mag era, the ’90s, early 2000 lads’ mags. And that was one of the sort of cleaner ones, but a little bit saucy.

Matthew:

But you could still read some sauce in there as a kid.

Stephen:

Yeah. Yeah. They had sex tips and-

Matthew:

You could get…

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

Exactly. Yeah, which every 11-year-old needs, obviously, but, though, I went there for my sauce, and there was a little article with her. It was just like an interview with the lead singer of Mis-Teeq and they asked her like, “Does penis size matter?”, Right?

Now, this is a moment where she’s going to leave an imprint on me. I think she’s gorgeous. I fancy her a lot. You know, I DJ her music. What’s she going to say? This is the ultimate verdict? And she goes… By the way, I can’t remember her name, but apology, if she’s a listener of this podcast, which, Stephen, I’ll tell you, it’s more than possible these days because Rebel Wilson put out a story this morning about how she loved our last podcast together.

Stephen:

Shout out to Rebel.

Matthew:

She absolutely loved it. Yeah. We should get Rebel on here, Stephen, you know?

Stephen:

That’d be brilliant.

Matthew:

She’s a listener. So, Rebel, if you’re listening to this, this is me putting public pressure on you, friend, to come join us. So, you know, it possible that the lead singer for Mis-Teeq is listening to this, but it did have an impact because here’s what she said. She said, “Well, if it’s not big enough…” I literally remember the words of this, Stephen. Can you believe that?

Stephen:

It was a great piece. That’s a great piece.

Matthew:

She said, “If it’s not big enough, how are you ever going to, to get to those hard-to-reach places?” She made it sound like some sort of cavernous, like a cave of wonders that had all sorts of different tunnels you could go down.

Stephen:

Some sort of online adventure game.

Matthew:

“If it’s not big enough, how are you going to get to those hard-to-reach places?” By the way, she may have never said that. I’ve been misquoted in many a magazine and newspaper. So it’s possible she said it doesn’t matter and that the writer then took that to mean what they wrote.

But this was what came across, and it stuck with me through those teenage years. That’s how easily a insecurity can be born. By the way, think about that now. That was me at 11 from an FHM article. Think of kids now with Instagram, disaster.

Stephen:

Yeah, yeah.

Matthew:

Imagine I was 11 watching Sex Life, I’m not hearing it from the lead singer of Mis-Teeq, I’m seeing a guy with a third leg in the shower-

Stephen:

But Boogie Nights.

Matthew:

… and I’m thinking, “Good Lord.” Well, I suppose boys are getting that anyway from porn, aren’t they, when they’re watching porn.

Matthew:

Where are we in this podcast? My point is-

Stephen:

So your point is, what, body insecurities stay with you?

Matthew:

I suppose my point is that these shows are great as stories. They are like that cheap magazine or comic book that you’re reading just for some sort of fantasy story.

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

They’re probably not something we should take many lessons from.

Stephen:

I see Instagram a little bit that way you’re talking about as well, where I treat that… A lot of people say that Instagram and things makes them feel insecure. You’ve got guys with like rippling six-packs. You’ve got women who look like glamor models and they’re kind of everywhere, right?

But I treat that as like a pulpy comic book, silly magazine. I see it as like a cartoon thing. I know they’re real people, but I just, like, these are people doing like an extreme version of a kind of play-acting, and they’re really disproportionately mutated. Like they’re just focusing completely on their body and air-brushing it, changing it. That’s my way of putting myself removed from that. I’m, like, this is silly cartoon, comic book version of beauty, and I kind of treat it as all a bit of a silly game.

Matthew:

That’s a good way of looking at it, it’s like a comic book. It’s just these ridiculous accentuated things. That’s a really good way of putting it. And, of course, accentuated both by the attention they’re given in someone’s profile with every other picture is a picture of his six-pack abs. And also accentuated quite literally through the filters and tools they now have to be able to do it. Yeah.

Stephen:

And it’s like I want burritos in my life, you know? I haven’t got that kind of… It’s like, let them do that thing. That’s cool. You can have the protein shakes for lunch. You can have that.

Matthew:

I quite like it when a woman posts a photo of like the bikini photo of two, literally the same moment, but just a slightly different pose that show-

Stephen:

Oh, yeah. Those are good ones.

Matthew:

… this is how different you can make your arse look in the space of three seconds for a photo. One of them will make the world insecure about their arse, and the other one will make us all feel united in our arses. And I quite like that because it makes it so evident how so many of the things we’re comparing ourselves to it’s not just an unrealistic expectation for ourselves. It’s an unrealistic expectation for themselves, for the one that posted it, that they can’t even live up to that three seconds later after the photo is taken. I think that’s fascinating.

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18 Responses to Sex/Life, Penis Size, and Male vs. Female Insecurities

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  1. Grace says:

    I feel like the best orgasms come from sex with someone with whom you are emotionally connected. In the movie, the female lead talks about a sex position that made her feel closest to her ex and even went ahead to call him a sex god. So when guys master their partners bodies and know where to touch to excite them, know where and how to kiss and be exposed and intimate with their partners, that’s when the sexual experience is most pleasurable. But hey, that is just my opinion.

  2. Christian says:

    “Those features are beautiful stories that are too often erased by the sweep of a filter.”
    -Hussey 1:1 {this is pure love gospel! ;) }
    Wow?! I’ll start with saying I heard your voice with your sweet English accent saying this quote and thought?
    Now, that? THAT, is how you close a shower of compliments. So? As for I? I am in love with my smile, my sense of humor and the spontaneous jokes I say that make others laugh. The silly faces I make that create a belly laugh in others then I ask with a serious face what they’re laughing about; when really? I am just being myself. Life is better when choosing happiness and I’m crazy about it!

  3. Toni says:

    So good. I am 50 plus now and more comfortable with my body than ever. Ladies, youth is beautiful. Bodies are beautiful. The sexiest girl in the world is the one naked in the room with you. Anyone who gets the pleasure to see your body, flaws and is very lucky. It’s yours and you choose who to share it with. Don’t share with anyone who doesn’t value you or know it’s worth. Anyone can be sexy to you if you have that “connection”.

  4. christina says:

    I’ll start by saying, I love the content you create and get so much value from it, thank you!! I’m only commenting on this week’s video for that reason. I’m surprised but I do think it’s a little uncharacteristically sloppy relative to the usual fantastic level. It seems if you’d watched an episode or two of the show your whole video is more or less based on, the basic facts would have been relayed more accurately. You mention the frustration of being misquoted, depicted as the wrong height, etc. And although it must happens a lot, I wonder what it is like when someone takes a position on what you do when they’ve never even seen it?

  5. Danijela says:

    Over the years I learned to love my whole body, my face, even my small boobs or funny toes … beacause they are mine.

  6. Johanna says:

    I love everything about my body, especially that cute belly fat, because I’m wearing it as a badge of honour after recovering from being dangerously too skinny for years as a result of a burn-out. I wouldn’t have a flat belly or a visible six-pack, not for all the jewels on the crown

  7. TLB says:

    You guys should really watch the Sex/Life series in the interest of work purposes hahaha. I found it quite fascinating. For me, there was one line that stood out. It was when the leading lady questioned can a person you do day to day life with also be your passionate lover. The ending was epic and I hope leads to another series where she explores things. For me personally, a big dick doesn’t matter. It’s personality and trust over everything.

  8. Lisa says:

    Mr Elephant is actually Aussie & his trunk is apparently real

  9. Beryl says:

    Louise,
    I am going to disagree with you. I can orgasm both ways, but only one guy was able to get me to orgasm vaginally, and he wasn’t all that big, but he knew how to move. That was key. Just pounding away doesn’t get me there.

  10. Louise says:

    Let me clear up the issue around penis size, once and for all – it depends on how a woman orgasms. Women orgasm in potentially two different ways, either with clitoral stimulation or vaginal. (I have heard some women can do both – but of all the female friends I have discussed sex with, there seems to be a preference for one or the other; the majority prefer clitoral and I think two in my entire acquaintance have preferred vaginal. Women mostly orgasm with clitoral stimulation.) So if it’s clitoral stimulation – penis size does not matter. If it’s vaginal stimulation – the size and being able to last a long time, seems to matter.

    I’d also like to mention a quote from a male friend of mine, also on the subject. He said to me, “The female munters who bang on about a man needing a massive dick, equate to the male munters who bang on about women needing a massive rack.”

    I hope that’s been educational and sorted out some facts from fiction?

  11. Lisa says:

    I wanted to say people are watching porn & fantasizing all the time about someone more physically attractive/sexually appealing to excite themselves etc. as it is human nature. She was writing about these fantasies in private on her laptop but her husband stumbled upon it. Some people in real life do look like that, work hard, genetics, etc. It’s great that finally we have a show for women that feel unseen & unheard because apparently it’s only men that have a high sex drive, etc & it can be both or a male having less than a big sexual appetite or that guys are having all these hot sexual partners and lives (which I’m sure some do) but that is not always the case. However, when a man does this he is praised for gettin so much “ass” and a woman on the other hand are easy, trashy or sluts? So there is a double standard for sure. Def watch the entire thing & come back to talk more about the show and topics of sexual fantasies, porn, going to strip clubs together and sex in relationships in general/and long term ones with relation to these things as they can be very touchy or heated discussions/debates. Women def have always had lot of pressure to look a certain way & how prevalent eating disorders are among women and even young girls. I imagine though that men might be feeling this way more nowadays with Marvel, social media? Thanks for bringing it up and sharing how that magazine article affected you. I would say to talk more about how to be more secure with your imperfections or not looking a certain way too in spite of what is popular or supposedly hot. I do want to say thank you Matt for being open & talking about this because in all honesty a guy could have a large penis or a regular size, small but they are all having sex. Maybe we need to normalize it & even with people who are overweight engaging in sex. I seem to be bringing up a lot of subjects here but perhaps for future podcasts. I definitely may be making an assumption but you are a very attractive guy physically, personality, successful and one might argue or think that you have it easier than another guy. But, when I was fit & much trimmer people assumed I was having lots of sex or could get any guy I wanted (not going to lie I did have and get a lot of male attention/guys wanting to date me but didn’t reciprocate) but anytime I’ve gotten overweight or plus size absolute crickets. I’m not sure if you have ever addressed this but would like if you did because looks do matter when dating. I think the less attractive you are obviously the less attention, dates & people being into or attracted to you will be.

  12. Kristina P. says:

    I haven’t watched Sex/Life, but I enjoyed your video. It made me laugh – which is more important to me than whatever they showed in that shower scene. ;)

  13. Beryl says:

    I think it’s that she has a life but she’s missing the hot sex. :)

  14. Amber says:

    Size doesn’t matter because there’s other ways of reaching the further up spots. Lol. As long as each person is willing to make sure that their partners needs are being met somehow and some way. You can’t just be worry about yourselves first either. Its about damn time too by the way. Something for the women to have a gander at for a change. Bring it. Ha ha!!

  15. CK says:

    Sex/Life= sex vs life or sex divided by life or how sex divides life…..

  16. AJ says:

    At least there are some other sources that might help balance that view – ie Sex in the City when there was clearly a guy who was too big and couldn’t find anyone who could handle him! And Weeds where they talk about “show-ers” vs “growers”. Not to feed into this compulsion of frequent comparison too much but I have experienced plenty of great lovers who were growers, not “showing” immediately if you know what I’m saying ;)

  17. Mk says:

    For years the social media have no problem showing and displaying every part of the female anatomy. And women are told to accept it.. its just a movie or a show. Now all of a sudden men are put out by the fact that the media show some man’s giant penis.. and it affects mens insecurities.. why don’t you ask women how it feels when they do it to them . Bare ass naked with nothing left to imagination so men can compare the women they are with and find all their flaws because they don’t measure up to the girl on TV. I say girl because they are always after that young piece of ass. And somehow forget they have flaws of their own. Women have put up with this shit for decades. I don’t agree that men or women should be so sexualized. And people wonder why the pirn industry has exploded. That kids and women get kidnapped every day to be used as sex slaves. You don’t have to look at what’s happening in war torn countries to women.. its right in your own back yard.

  18. Beryl says:

    That scene was ridiculous and obviously fake. The fact that the ex-boyfriend in the show “sex/life” turned her out sexually had nothing to do with his penis size. It’s in part the drama and volatility of their relationship. Google “hottest sex of my life.” The description of the sex is usually within a relationship that the woman knew was temporary, there was a sense of urgency about it, maybe even the fact the guy was “inappropriate.” And sometimes you get with a partner who really knows who to push your buttons sexually.

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