How To Be Sexier And Smarter At The Same Time

Knowledge is one of the most attractive things we can have.

Sometimes knowledge comes in the form of what we know, other times in the form of things we can do and skills we have.

We live in a world where it’s become more necessary than ever to have eclectic knowledge and diverse skillsets.

Men are running out of ways to feel special

It’s not enough that we make money or have status, because women today already have these things.

We have to work a little harder to be interesting

We cannot afford NOT to be a Renaissance man or woman with a variety of skillsets, art forms and knowledge bases.

Knowledge and skill is a good look on anyone – as is curiosity which inevitably leads us to these things.

And attraction is sustained for longer periods of time when you’re able to keep surprising your partner.


Go and learn about or study something that you have no real need for. Just do something new.

When you’ve decided, leave a comment about the thing you’ve picked. Then come back and leave another at the end of the week to let me know how you’ve gotten on! Do you feel more interesting? Do you have a story because of it?

Be sure to let me know as you’ll be giving me ideas for what I can go on to do next myself!

Want a proven blueprint for meeting great guys while involved in group activities and taking improving classes? Check out my online program The Man Myth to get inside the male mind, chance your ‘filter’ for creating opportunity, and start meeting more men than ever before.

562 Responses to How To Be Sexier And Smarter At The Same Time

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  1. Starr says:

    Ur amazing!!!! The knowledge u impart to us can’t be put into words only values… if this makes any sense… I wish u couldn’t been my age… u would of been mine… I will learn something new tomorrow… thanks caring so much!!!! We love you so much back!!!! One last thing ur accent is so cute but some of the words u r pronouncing are not how we do in the states… lol good night friend, ur the best ever!!!!

  2. Samantha Tooley says:

    Have you seen a ted talk about self sabotage. When your growing into the new you. You get scared and run back to the old you.

    I think reading palms would be a cool skill. Plus you can hold there hand for along time.

  3. Ami says:

    Hi Matthew,
    First of all I like your blog and your youtube channel. I’ve been following you for a while. you’re doing a great job.
    I have a question for you.
    I met a guy 2 months ago and he’s really nice to me. we used to hang out twice a week or maybe more. I think I like him but we’re not in a relationship. we’re still friends but I kinda know that he likes me too as he gave me some hints. He used to care for me so much and used to text me a lot and say missing you and all and then 3 weeks ago he got so busy with work and family stuff so we haven’t met but he kept texting saying he missed me and so on but all of a sudden he stopped texting for around 3 days now. I didn’t text him back as I didn’t want to be pushing and also to keep my pride. so please, advise me what I should do with him?

  4. Annah says:

    Hey!I’m a CS student and it’s in me to pile up knowledge on different science fields not related to Computers.This week I watched a documentary called “Cosmos a space time odessy.” Learnt about evolution, how earth was created, about other stars (red dwarfs etc) the age of the universe&the earth… Can’t wait to introduce the series to a guy friend I like. He likes it when I go geek and I can’t help myself!Sometimes I overdo it.

  5. Keshia says:

    Chinese is not a sexy language.

  6. Giulia says:

    You’re absolutely right. I’m thinking about attending a course for wine serving. I’m trying to pass on your ideas to my friends in Italy…

  7. Meenakshi says:

    This video really struck me. I have been thinking of learning something new but i could never take the baby step towards it. I will make sure i do it today and will comeback here to share it with you!

  8. Leena says:

    What advise will you give to an introvert…who are finding difficult to deal with people in their day to day life, talk to them but still looking for the people who can love them… irrespective of their introvert nature

  9. JP says:

    I have a question. I finally decided to explore to start socializing with men after I divorced my ex. I met this guy by chance. Mom gave him my # so I could do a transaction. He asked me wanted call me. I agreed. Eventually I got scare and blocked him. 3 weeks after I contacted Him.I wanted to know if I could ever get over my feelings towards my ex. We talked and text 3 days and even very late – night. We pursued me and did phone sex 2x. He asked wanted to see me personally I declined 2x.he pulled off saying I was a very women and didn’t want to hurt me he said was scared that I might go wild after sex. I told him that people have to make those decisions of allowing it to happen. So I agreed let go. But then he started pursuing me even more. + show concern 4 me.actually hooked up after.he told me was very busy but was going to make tome in his agenda 4 me and include me in his schedule when is off. He owns a business.while we were hooking up the phone ran 5x and he to stop to deal it it.i sent him the text you said one should send the day after sex – which I know he read. At 10:45 am he was snooping on Whatts app, at 1pm I sent the text I just mentioned. Is 6pm I haven’t get any reply. What should I do.

  10. Ashley says:

    I will try to learn a diffrent language to help my self better.And thank you matthew for all your videos it helps me feel more secure of my self.

  11. Hunter Collins says:

    Wow! I spent all my growing-up years learning tons of things,like lace-making, European cooking, history of carriages, tailoring, Irish songs, on & on. Now there is finally a way to use all that backlog of history, philosophy, sports, poetry, etc. Thank you! That is amazingly liberating. Spice to a conversation. Mr. H, you are an incredible help.Tusen takk! (Norwegian for ‘thank you’).

  12. Sydney says:

    I’m off to a good start! I’ve started to learn dirty talk in several different languages. My guy digs it

  13. Ayurosa Kristyarini says:

    Hi Matthew,

    How are you doing?
    First of all, let me introduce my self, my name is Ayurosa (Ayu), 38 years old and I am Indonesian.

    I’ve been watching your youtube videos just lately, in these few days. I’m so happy to find all your videos and saw your videos as well with Esther Perel (my hero) :-) and particularly this subject of “How to be Sexier and Smarter at the same time”…then i got to realise what i’ve been doing for my own knowledges so far in my life.
    I’m grateful to be able to share this part of my life to you or to the world, even i don’t know if you will read or response ;-)

    For my knowledge, i’ve been doing such things as:
    (but doesn’t mean that i’ll be good on all those i’ve learnt)
    – Dance (Salsa, Tango, Belly, Traditional Indonesian dances, Rn’B/Hip Hop)
    – Martial Arts (Karate, Taekwondo, Capoeira, Silat (Indonesia), Boxing)
    – Music (Guitar, Drum, Electric Piano, Harmonica)
    – Other Art activities (Painting, Paper cut, Sewing, Fabric Paintin (Batik – Indonesian), Pottery)
    – Languages (English, French, Spanish, Italian, Japanese, German)
    – Sports (Snorkeling, Diving, Yoga, Swimming, Basketball, Softball, Badminton, Bowling, Tennis, Ping Pong, Billiard, Hiking, Trekking, Climbing)
    – Culture (Spanish, Italian, French, Middle East, Japan)
    – Religion (Hindhu, Budha, Taoism, Christian, Moslem)
    – Other Activities (Cooking, Baking, Writing, Blogging, Reading, Singing, Theatrical, Therapist)
    – Work related (Accounting, Managing, PR, Laws (notary & lawyer interaction), Government affairs)
    – Work experience (Hotel, Travel Agent, Shipping, Development, Prefabricated House, Spa, Salon, Retails, Sourcing, Personal Assistant)
    – Travelling (Italy, French, Singapore, Malaysia, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Maldive, Australia, New Zealand, Japan)
    – Recycle project (plastics into art, origami, house project from usable bottles)
    – Other knowledges (chemist, biology, physic, anatomy, economy, history)

    And after watching your video, i’ve been thinking something else that i need to learn for my knowledge :-) I’m curious person and always believe on the words from Alice in Wonderland “to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible”
    Perhaps you can help me to give some idea?

    Others than what i’ve been getting for my knowledge…i’ve been going through my divorce 3 months ago (March 2018) after 11 years of marriage where my ex husband left the house directly with someone else at the same day he told me that he loves other person than 1 month after the girl is pregnant and the girl was good friend of both of us, they are living now in the beautiful house which me and my ex planned. I will be soon processing our legal divorce.

    With all those happening in my life for quite short time (let’s say that), i still feel grateful with the life i have until now and weird, good one, i’m in love with my life more. And, i’m still willing to share the good and bad which happen in my life with others to share my idea of trinity in life: Acceptance, Grateful and Love.

    So…thank you for your kind attention on my comments (long one…LOL) and i wish that i can share more my grateful energy and i wish all people can still be positive in this wild world :-)

    Hope have a wonderful days and send you warm sun from Indonesia :-)

  14. Susan says:

    Hi Matt,

    Your video’s have been helpful. My husband of 20 years and I seperated in June last year however he returned after 7 months apart and moved back in with my children and I so we can try and reconcile. After 4 months together he left again due to he feeling guilty about a emotional affair he had and later found out that he had only broke that off a month before he came back but I didn’t know. I have forgiven him but now he wants a divorce and I don’t. He knows I want to work on us but he can’t get passed what he has done and thinks it’s the only way forward. I know have left him be and don’t ask if he is sure about the divorce so am starting to look after myself and my children and trying to move forward, even though my heart hurts and I didn’t think this would ever happen. Can you please offer some help on if I should just let him go or let him think I have and just wait. Please help PS please don’t put my full name

  15. Alaa says:

    Hi, Matthew
    I’m a student and i study English and german. Recently I have learned some sentences in turkey and about hamlet’s role play and now after I had seen your video, i will try to get more information every day about several things

  16. June says:

    I have a great tuna salad recipe! Came up with it myself :D

  17. Amy says:

    Hello Matthew,
    I truly enjoy watching an listening to your videos. They are very helpful.

    I have a huge dilemma. Guy I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months. An out of nowhere has not return text messages until today. It was a week w/ no text on his part. Last night I test
    I was getting concerned and he finally text me and said,

    I’m not trying pressure you. I’m trying to give you space. Its been over a week since I’ve heard from you and I’m just concerned.

    He replied this morning;

    Hey. I know I’ve been off the grid. I’m just trying to figure something things out. I’ll be in touch soon.

    I replied
    Sounds like you have confusion going on and that’s fine. I too needed some alone time for personal and family time.

    Sum up our relationship we have been w each other for 4 months. Sent a lot of time together, an holidays… with his family and friends.

    We told me he was falling in love with me.. and I felt the same. 3 weeks into us dating.

    What do I do?

  18. Laia says:

    Matthew, I watch your videos on youtube to learn English! You are cute … But anyway,you encorage me to think about the things I should do… Sexy thing… if you wear a v t-shirt… something I realice you keep doing…you should think about laser on your chest (stylish tip)..;) that would make you sexier…

  19. Shafali Patel says:

    Well thanks for enlightening us with your utube vids.So I saw your current one about learning new things. Ive always had a passion about hotels since visiting them in my early career. Im now on a short hotel management course and have learnt about the different areas of careers in hotel. I didnt know all the different aspects of wking in a hotel. Some jobs are now obsulete for example a key clerk or bell jobs. Thanks Matthew for encouraging us to work towards our goals what ever happens.

  20. Sapphire says:

    Hey Matthew!
    I’m friends with some of the typically ‘popular’ guys and girls in school, in fact two of them are my best friends. Though it isn’t really well known, so I feel like an outsider when I hang out with their other friends.
    Pretty much, I have feelings towards one of those ‘other friends’, but we’ve only really had conversations a couple times (they were pleasant, but still). I was just wondering what should I do, as in, should I wait and see if tension builds? or should I just make a move?

  21. Rossy says:

    Every morning I listening to you!
    You made my days happier!
    I’m learning a lot of new things to interact around people. Thank you

  22. Kat Berkeley says:

    I am always learning new things. Meditation, Tai Chi, wood carving, beading… This weekend I will be part of the retinue for the King & Queen, Prince and Princess at our medieval feast. I’ve belonged to the Society for Creative Anachronism, for over 20 years and I’m ALWAYS learning something new. I will learn how to interact with Royalty, and thus be more at ease talking with ANYONE!

    Thank you for your videos, they are helping me move on from the lose of my husband from ALS.

    Bless you!

  23. Katie says:

    I took up ballroom dancing while with my ex-boyfriend. He joined me for the first 6 lessons and broke it off with me (out of nowhere). I continued the lessons anx joined two hiphop classes at the studio.

    Looking forward to horseback riding lessons and taking up archery.

  24. Laura says:

    I was wondering if I could ask you a question about sex. I need your opinion on something. My boyfriend is more sexually experienced than me. I haven’t had any experience with vaginal sex. I’ve only recently experimented with oral sex. I had close sexual encounters with other guys in the past, who attempted unsuccessfully to take sexual advantage of me at ages 16 and 21, and my boyfriend now knows this about me. I am feeling awkward, confused, insecure, and sexually inadequate. How do I deal with feeling more sexually inexperienced than my boyfriend? How do I deal with feeling that I have to meet my boyfriend’s sexual standards? I am also confused about if he has any sexual standards and what they are. Do I have to meet his expectations?

    • MH Support says:

      Hi Laura, Matt was recently asked this question in one of his live coaching sessions. Here’s what he said: “What’s most important isn’t experience, but being open-minded and an attentive listener. Paying attention, understanding and learning what you and your partner like are much better predictors of sexual satisfaction and make you far more attractive in the long term than your past experience.” I hope this helps! -Mars

  25. Jolee says:

    Hi Matthew,
    I am not usually the type to comment on blogs or videos, but I have been binge watching you for the past week or two. I have been out of work due to illness and you brought some joy to my days!

    After seeing so much of your content, I would love to hear more about where you go to learn in life? Who are the masters that you look up to? What are your favorite books? Podcasts? Movies? Anything.

    I was told a long time ago that if you find someone who inspires you, figure out who inspired them, and who inspired that person before them. It will unlock a wealth of knowledge and history.

    I think a lot of your viewers would love this sort of “resource guide” to have a place to start when looking to explore new things.

    Thanks for all of your thoughtful, intriguing, and humorous content. You’ve made the last two weeks a whole lot more fun.

  26. Maria says:

    Hi Matt

    Awesome video , I recently started to listen to your videos. Recently went through a divorce and he left me to take care of our dog at 1st I looked at it as a burden but it has helped me meet new people and even has given me strength to get out more. Your videos are helping me learn to put myself out there instead of getting stock thinking about the past. I look forward to learning more.

  27. MELANNIE says:

    Hi Matt,

    I want to ask you something that I think I may do wrong. When I start to talk with a guy we ALWAYS talk about what he studied and what I am studying but, when I say what I am studying,it seems like they feel intimidated. I don’t know why this happen if that is a regular question with a regular answer but they tread me different (not in a good way)since that moment. I don’t know what to do

  28. Emily says:


    I took up ballroom dancing and bachata/salsa awhile back for this reason. It has been one of the best things I’ve done! I’ve made so many more friends and opened myself up to amazing new experiences and conversations. As an added bonus, it is great exercise.

    This video has motivated me to keep doing things like this. Next, I plan to focus on learning some basic/conversational Polish.


  29. Maja says:

    HI Matthew ! Maybe you can help me out. I’m texting with this guy for a Long time back and forth but most of the time I’m texting first. He asked me once out but we shift for another time and didn’t see each other. He is polite, sweet and write Long text Messages back to me. But I want him to ask me out because I feel I’m the only one who keeps the contact and some affort. It`s like he isn’t interested

  30. Kulta says:

    Hey Mat, I wanted to ask you, do you find difficult to find a girl that you are attracted to,because since you know all these things and know how a persons psychology functions, it must be really hard to like someone especially to establish a long term relationship,because you already know all those”tricks” haha

  31. María says:

    You inspired me to start learning Swedish. My cousin is actually married to a swede and as a future doctor I actually see it as a possible career destination. Also dabbling in the history of China because I remember being awed by the terracotta warriors when a few visited London a few years ago.

  32. Nina says:


    I am new to this how ever I have been watching your video. I find that the video are very insightful and helpful in particular in the area of my confidence. Thank you for the advice you are giving and keep the ideas coming as there are very motivating to myself and others.


  33. Samantha peters says:

    So I did some research on the guy I like and turns out his nanna use to make him his fav meal (Currie sousages) so I picked a video on how to make it and added a few of my own things so this week I went to his house and just dropped in and casually gave him some I had packed away and said ” hey I happen to make my specialty thought you would love it” so in my opinion it worked like a charme :)

  34. Victoria Duarte says:

    Hello Mathew,

    I listen to you religiously and absolutely love youe advice. I have tried on multiple occasions to get your 9 texts free even the 5 text on and have been unsuccessful every time. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are and allowing us women to have a better understanding of the infastructure of the male mind.

  35. Maria says:

    Is that Mandarin / Chinese? Anyways, I’m learning to belly dance via workouts and I want to learn that 20% of French that I’ve been wanting to learn. Thanks for the inspiration!.

  36. Rayen says:

    I’M learning how to Play the cajon

  37. Diana says:

    I just learned how to use Scrivener yesterday to write my thesis and realised writing a chapter is not so scary after all ;-)

    The core concept of Scrivener is taking a big document and breaking it into manageable chunks–works.

    Thats how i’d like to think about MH retreat program is. I’ve never been to one. Living half way across the world seem impossible for me to experience this life changing program (according to what i read from the comments on youtube).

    Indeed Matt, learning somethung new does make life more interesting. Even just a new way of making a cup of tea (which i just learned last week too. Now i feel like i’m tea enthusiast ;-)).

    Can’t wait for more to come from Matthew Hussey!! I want to change and manage my life better! That is what i hope to gain from the At Home retreat program

    Canberra, Australia

  38. Eva says:

    Hi Matt, thanks for the great insights. Your thoughts are beyond man/woman relationship. It actually touches upon the human being’s behavior and the dynamics of interactions. I started watching your video just to learn some practical tips about relationship but I am learning way more than I expected! You are definitely different from other youtubers so called “relationship coaches”. Speaking of learning new things, I agree with you that people are really attracted to people who bring new information or show her/his uniqueness. I am Asian but spent most my adulthood in the US and am currently working in Africa. Before, I didn’t think I am interesting enough (in a positive way) to get someone’s attention. But many guys are actually very impressed by the fact that I am living in Africa. (though it doesn’t mean they are attracted to me lol). At least they think I am different from other ladies they have met before. What I am saying is that uniqueness is definitely a big factor that helps get his/her attention!! Well, I am leaving Africa soon, so I am looking for what else I can surprise people with!! :) Wish me luck!

  39. Laura Joy says:

    Hay Matthew! Awesome Chinese :) By the way what did you say? because you might be saying something…unprecedented… My Chinese friends must help me.

  40. Brenda the pretty one says:

    Recently, I’ve been introduced to your youtube channel by searching particular words like: love, relationships, or dating advice. To be honest, I had just been through a horrible relationship, so I would like to prevent that to happen again. As I expected, your videos didn’t disappoint me, and I even learned more than I have expected. The one advice I need most is to “set up my standards”, and after weeks of following your advice, I started to attract the right guys instead of playboys.
    Today, I clicked on this video to see how could sexy and smart exist in the same time, and I finally understood what I’m pursuing my entire life (although I’m still in my twenties :) ).
    At last, I’m from Taiwan, and you surprised me by saying my native language. Thank you for what you’ve done. My life have gotten to another level because of your videos.

  41. soncera says:

    It is so great to have such a natural understanding of women emanating from a man who can deliver patriarchal advice in such a wonderfully comfortable style. I think you should be recognized for an ability to advise women about how to approach the patriarchal access system. I used only one little clue to catch attention via text, and it was quite by accident as I played with my cat when we were homebound by the season’s first snow. The cat stepped on my phone sending a couple of ?s to a man I had not thanked for hosting a dinner. Before I could text a message about how we had not spent enough time together and I wanted to get together, he texted me about the curious question marks. You were right. I will test other ideas and let you know if it works for the special population I belong to (over 60)and if there is a variance among men of my age….I don’t know any women my “age” that want to check this out, so my data may be outlying because I am such a young old person.
    Thank you so much for giving me something useful, and exciting, as well as educational to do!

  42. soncera says:

    This is so refreshing compared to when I was in my first mate finding years. At that time, I was encouraged to hide my intelligence, my tech and mech abilities, and only socialize with mundane superficial crap I am so grateful to see you encouraging women to accept, normalize, and express their curiosities about the world. Thank you for encouraging men to be challenged by a woman’s knowledge instead of threatened by it. You cannot imagine how many men simply rudely walked away when I started asking questions about the nature of Jupiter or how the eye works or how a saline extraction device separates water and salt so that we have some potable, if not tasty, water.

  43. Elizabeth Cannon says:

    Hello Matthew,

    After being with my ex of 20 years, I found him engaged on FB while we were still “together.” He didn’t marry her. However, he married another after three weeks of dating. I’m finally done beating myself up……Now, I find myself single. I’ve never been on an “old fashioned” formal date in my life. I can’t get enough of your videos. Thank you for opening my mind up. Cheers.

    • soncera says:

      Found a quote that simply encourages me to let go:
      I gotta stop giving CpR to dead situations.
      And another:
      Eventually, your kingdom will fall
      When you find that your discarded pawn
      Was the Queen all along…
      And my final favorite:
      I am still a bit pissed that I can’t fly
      Or set things on fire with my mind

      Oh, well. sigh. no harm, no foul.
      The next man I take will not be a fool like you.

      • soncera says:

        Sorry, the fool I refer to in the last line is my now deceased ex who left me for a woman of greater wealth, younger but looks substantially older, and I think she bored him to death. LOLOLOL. Sorry if that strikes anyone as inappropriate but she recently called looking to replace the significant amount of money he ran through when with her. I think he loved me enough to spare me an economic expense but I miss him so much and am rather angry he was willing to die with her present instead of me. Still so much to process, I ask you to forgive me if I seem crass.

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