Last year I found myself on camera for a TV show – on one of the biggest stages I’d ever been on – in front of a live studio audience…
This clip is going to ‘inoculate’ you for life and have you ready should anyone ever try to embarrass you in front of others.
As a compliment to this video, get the guide that everyone’s been going crazy about…
Click here for my brother’s expose ‘The First Five Minutes’ >>
Wow, I love this video.
Countless of times we find ourselves in these situations that bring upon, powerful emotional responses. The answer is so simple in this video, I will definitely be using this technique for future encounters!
Thank you for sharing Matt!
You’re welcome Melina. Sometimes the right technique is so simple. The hard part is knowing the right technique for the right moment.
x
I defenetly Want more of these kind of videos!
I’ll see what I can do Sofie : ) x
Amazing guys. Just amazing. Speechless.
Thanks Nikky. I’ll do my best to keep them coming.
Matthew x
*Holds out bowl, in a manner befitting Oliver Twist* Please, sirs, can we have some more? :)
As someone who shares the same interest in interpersonal dynamics as Matt, Stephen and (I’m sure) many other subscribers, this has been fascinating. It’s one thing to study a theory; it’s quite another to see it in action.
Along with your ‘First Five Minutes’ exposé, it’s a reminder that the strongest energy in the room generally wins and (particularly evident in the radio interview) how, through the self-mastery generated by those 6 steps, changing someone’s emotional state (generating laughter or connection etc) adds further to your impact.
My only ponderment *wonders if that’s a real word; shrugs, carries on* is whether you, Matt, were aware of how many ‘always’ you used in your feedback to the girl in question? While her response illustrated your point quite spectacularly, the sensed repetition of what is often a term of generalisation, perhaps inflamed the more argumentative aspect of her personality. Just a thought *shrug* :)
Keep up the good work, guys :)
Best beginning to a comment ever!
I think you make a valid point. Although I believe she probably would have attacked me at this stage in the game no matter how I framed criticism, one of my pet hates is the over use of a term like ‘always’ to describe something that doesn’t warrant it (and few things do). Very good observation there Anna. If I could go back, I would change the wording.
Keep watching and commenting, I love having intelligent people on my blog.
Matthew x
*Tips brim of hat; gentle wink* You’re welcome although, given the shock I felt when I discovered you blogged a response to one of my last comments, I’ve fought a little shy of swinging by… ;)
I’ve just devoured The Road Less Travelled, as a direct result of your London book launch recommendation; it has resonated powerfully, and consolidated beautifully, so much for me. Thank you.
I’m left feeling curious, though, about if and how the final chapter on Grace manifests itself, for you? Beyond your Orestes moment after the school disco, of course ;)
Could it be that Stephen’s prompting to ‘share your secrets’, and the vulnerability you may feel, are signs to step into a greater calling, to share your greater gift? Inspiring and modelling for others the discipline and courage it takes to rewrite the story we tell ourselves about ourselves, unlocking potential and creating tremendous freedom and choice?
Who knows; perhaps relationship coaching will turn out to be the doorway to what you’re really here to share with us.
Not that I’m envisioning a new book and much-loved TED talk, of course… ;)
Anna x
Thank you very much Matt. I highly appreciate that you are sharing your personal techniques, this increased my respect for you. You don’t pretend to be someone who’s not. You are showing your humanity, witch is why many people LOVE your articles and videos.
This video is one of my top favorites so far.. simply because we’re seeing what you’re talking about “in action”. Please keep these kinds of videos and topics coming. We need such an advice in real life, and this will help us so much in our love-life as well.
My respect to you,
Faizah
Thanks Faizah. I think we see too many people in the media who never really let you behind the curtain, and it makes it hard to learn from them. Sometimes the only way to learn is for someone to show you what is going on beneath the surface, or the preparation that goes INTO what they do. We are too used to people only showing us the most impressive parts of themselves and never really discovering how they got there or what we can do to replicate their success.
My aim is to give you the details that help!
Matthew x
I like that you’re branching out into broader areas. I think this is a fun change to incorporate and would like to see more!
Thanks Cindy,
I’ve really enjoyed talking to you about different subjects recently. Of course, what a lot of people forget is that you can’t separate the love life advice I give from these broader topics, nor these topics from your love life. They are all connected skill sets which determine your ability to manage your behaviour, your emotions, and your influence over others. In a sense we are not dealing with different subjects, just getting more perspective on the same puzzle!
Matthew x
Matt, thank you for making feel more confident about the mindset and lifestyle I’m holding on to in my life: most importantly, common sense and truth, stickig to my own words and actually doing what I’ve said, not just saying smth and then doing something totally different… I hate when people say sth in your face and then try to swerve from their own words! It drives me crazy. I felt put off so many times by this just because I tried to defend myself saying: “hey, you said… ” I hope that this video brings common sense to many people and I hope one day most people would be sticking to the meaning they’re putting into words!!!
Thank you, you’re awesome!)
Thanks Ilona!
What you are really talking about is known as ‘congruence’. It’s a very powerful word, which in this context essentially means that what we are on the inside is consistent with what we are portraying on the outside. Great observation.
Matthew x
Matt,
What you have put up is very interesting. I have a lot to learn. I an a teacher and I know I can really make use of this and more of the similar content. I have been through where a co worker was constantly not happy and criticizing my work. I have voiced it out to family and friends and at time I was doubtful whether what I did was wrong or right. I never replied to his comments though but I got worked up later.
Now, I am learning from you and keep learning.
Thank you Matt.
Hi Matthew,
This is a bit off topic but I remember watching a video of you where you discussed “Creators” versus “Waiters.” Truly enjoyed that talk and just wanted to ask you, as you had referred to both categories as “guys” or “he,” whether you intentionally excluded “her” or “girls.” I say that, not as a feminist (as I’m not), but as someone who is a “Creator” but I find that this very type of personality turns “Alpha” males off and I end up attracting betas, or “Waiters.” :S
Thanks, and keep up the great work!
Rachel xo
Matt, I loved this! It s nice to have a concrete example that you can walk us through. Seeing it in “real life” (real reality T.V.? LOL) adds a new dimension to your videos, as you are not just telling us the stories – we are actually seeing and experiencing the emotions of both the people involved in the conflict. It shows very powerfully how keeping one’s cool can help diffuse a situation. You put her in her place, stopping her response from affecting the audience’s opinion of you, but then gently reminded her that you are not her enemy, giving her an out to back down. Gracefully done, and a great model for us!
I finally got the chance to watch this and it reminded me of how I was thinking How in the world are they going to edit 10 hours of taping into a 2 hour show. Anyhoo, we know how that ended. I have noticed in my life when I am most comfortable in my own skin is when I am able to be calm and act instead of react. One person who was always such a great example of that to me was my older brother not so much when we were kids but as we have gotten older very rarely would I see him lose his cool. I have to be honest though when this happened I was sitting in the front row and me and my girlfriend looked at each other and just said Oh, he’s pissed but you did handle yourself very well. I also learned how old you are and I was surprised.
Matt This was so helpful and what a novel idea to break down the situation. I got more of this clip that I can tangibly use as opposed to just reading about how to handle confrontation. I watch your YT vids and you are one of the most insightful people I’ve come across. I feel like your content and character has single-handedly been the most influential on my journey in the last 4 months ive been following you. On that note my weakness is the battle in my mind. Ill say im not going to let this or that affect me (I guess its easy to say when your in a sane frame of mind) but when things heat up..someone says something that I find disrespectful etc I instantly get emotional . then the ironic thing is at the end of it all im not even focus on what was said or done to me im just beating myself up over how I handled it what I said or the personality change I allowed someone to gravitate me toward. I always thought it was weaker not to “check” or put someone in their place when they try to discredit you but through this play by play I see that the non reactive response and as u put it making the biggest statement with least amount of words I see you owned it. guess the thing I need to check is not the other person it is my EGO because you sure showed how confidence involves putting the ego to the side. im going to try this. that’s what I love about your advice ive found I can use them inmy everyday life. this is off sunject but u did a video about being more approachable and that day and everyday after ive made a conscious effort to do as you suggested…making eye contact smiling engaging in small talk and not so focused in my own world that I miss out of real life connections not even being aware of all the potential to meet good people whether male or female. I could go on and on about how ive incorporated your methods but I’ll spare you. Thank you for being you because it’s helping me be a better version of me. I love anything and everything related to self help/self awareness and learning about people and why we do what we do the driving forces both consciously and unconscious..it drives my interests and analysis of everything so needless to say im taking in all your nuggets of wisdom. I have right now on my nightstand thinks and grow rich, 7 habit of highly effect people and total self confidence by Robert Anthony and while I love those books I would rather watch u!
Love this format! Great way to learn by using a live example, then hearing your reasoning / explaination. It’s like being an eye witness to your lessons. Great work!
Brilliant and eloquent Matt, even if you are a an inexperienced, self-proclaimed, guru youngster! :)
Hi Matt
This was brilliant! I loved how you dealt with the situation. You cleverly put her in her place and then proceeded to diffuse and soften the tension by being clear about what you were really trying to do from a place of goodwill. I liked that you did NOT offer her an apology or say things like “oh I’m sorry if my comment hurt you” or any defense.
Although you were verbally non-reactive, your body language did show some discomfort (understandably) and negativity (the hand wave, the almost eye roll). As you mentioned yourself, it would be even more powerful to not show even the slightest discomfort physically. Just coolly, calmly looking at her straight in the eyes, head titled with a hint of curiosity about what stunt she would pull next is enough. I have seen some people do this and it is very powerful.
And KUDOS for “thanks for proving my point”. Epic.
I agree with you about always remaining calm when under attack and not bothering to defend yourself. That is ultimate confidence. As I have grown older I have learned to stay calm under attack which happens often, especially when people get very personal.
However, I do not have your kind of wit and I’m always short of comebacks like these. I think of them too late. If I were you I would have said something along the lines of….well this show is about your dating skills, we can discuss my coaching credentials another time and proceeded to discuss her date etc. Not half as interesting/witty as what you did.
Anyway, I’ll remember your comment forever and hope I can use it with your blessings:)
How did you develop the skill to come up with witty remarks so fast? Can you do a video on that? Sure, it can come with practice…but how?
Also, please do more videos like this. These are life skills that will translate into more success even in our love lives and many other areas. I totally see you evolving into a complete life coach rather than just a dating guru.
Hi Matthew,
I was just curious to know if you have heard of William Ury? He wrote “Getting Past No” (negotiating your way from confrontation to cooperation) and co-wrote “Getting to Yes” (negotiating agreement without giving in). I had to read these books when I was in university in my negotiation/conflict resolution class. We had to do a lot of role playing in class which helped a lot to practice the principles: separate the people from the problem and focus on interests, not positions. I found it really helpful to practice with friends where we would create a situation and do some role reversal.
Another book you might have heard of too, which I love, love – is by Vincent Ryan Ruggiero – Beyond Feelings (A guide to critical thinking). It’s one of my favourites and I often go back to it.
Anyway I just wanted to share these with you in case you haven’t come across these books.
I so appreciate all you’re doing. Have a great day.
Maria
Hi Matt,
I want to thank you for providing us with this brilliant and valuable information to all of us. I have learned so much from all of your videos. We will all love to see more videos like this that also teach us to be better communicators and how to help us deal with different life situations and life struggles like depression, anti-social, low self esteem etc. I just can’t get enough of all this stuff Matt. You got me hooked!! I love it!!!
I liked how you dealt with that awkward incident. It was very clever of you to be prepared for what you felt was coming by reading back her own quotes. Also, liked the way how you broke down the steps that you did to deal with this situation.
How would you deal with a similar Situations if your boss who has more years in the work force than you begins to humiliate or embarrass you in front of others? I have been in several situations in the past at my last job where my boss (the owner of the company) literally screamed his lungs out at me and others for something so meaningless. Even though I felt my blood boiling from anger, I remained calm. I din’t know how to defend myself or what to say. This happens to me often. I’m not as fast as you to think what to say to someone. I felt angry inside and helpless because I didn’t know how to deal with a situation like that. I knew if I argued with him, things will probably get worst. Due to his obnoxious dis-respectful behavior, I decided to quit that job. I was not going to allow any person disrespect me that way since I’m a high value women and will not settle for less.
Matt, please continue to make more videos like this. They make a difference in all of us.
Thanks
Grisel
Hey Matt, i definitely love this video. very educative. I’m glad you took the time to do something different other than love life videos. Ofcause i want to advance in my love life but also in other areas in my life and this definitely helps guide me on how to respond to certain difficult situations i might face or currently am facing. Thank you, i’m expecting more now. :)
Hey Matt, Thanks so much for this. An inspiring way to help us understand how to see others and to stay in our own power. Love what you are doing, keep it up as I get so much out of it.
Hi Matt.. Thanks! It’s like you put up a mirror and showed her exactly what she is, and we need that sometimes to keep us grounded. I love how you handled that. So many times I’ve argued when I could have just stayed calm and waited to intelligently respond. Yeah silence really can be more powerful than reactive words and actions. Thank you again. :) I’d like you to post more scenarios like this. And thank you so much for what you’re doing to help people! God Bless! Xoxo