You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring – Part II

So last week I did a video on shyness which seems to have struck a nerve.

There were many comments – the majority overwhelmingly good – but also a little controversy which has led me to want to do Part II. Here it is. Enjoy!

Here’s the difference between ‘shy’ and ‘introverted’ as I see it:

–Introversion is associated with being part of someone’s nature.

–Shyness is derived from insecurity. It’s a polite word for being scared.

If we want to overcome shyness, we have to overcome rejection. There are two ways to do this:

1) Get accepted and reinforce a different behaviour

To see that you can talk to someone and get a positive result.

2) Get rejected more

More rejection doesn’t have to make you more insecure. If you talk to people who have to go through a lot of rejection every day – whether it’s people who make cold calls, actors going to auditions, you name it, they’ll tell you that they can become desensitised to that rejection.

We have to decide who we want to be – regardless of acceptance or rejection.

If you go into a situation craving acceptance, it’s going to feel needy and desperate and people will pick up on it.

Go for rejection. Get rejected as much as possible, because the fastest way to get accepted as much as possible (and from the people who will be most beneficial to you) is to be congruent with who you really are.

Hope you enjoyed the video! Thanks to everyone who commented last week. Stay tuned and I’ll be back with more soon!


Having trouble with shyness? Check out my online program The Man Myth that will walk you through simple steps to meet more men, build attraction, and find out if he’s right for you.

166 Responses to You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring – Part II

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. blood sugar optimizer price says:

    Thanks for finally talking about >You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring – Part II
    | Get The Guy <Loved it!

  2. menuiseries pvc says:

    Appreciating the dedication you put into your site
    and in depth information you present. It’s great to come
    across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed
    material. Great read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS
    feeds to my Google account.

  3. moving says:

    Excellent article. Keep writing such kind of information on your blog.

    Im really impressed by it.
    Hello there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll
    certainly digg it and for my part recommend to my friends.
    I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this website.

  4. says:

    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though
    you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your
    site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  5. says:

    Outstanding post, you have stated some excellent details, I believe this is a good site.

  6. ___________ says:

    Hey I am so thrilled I found your web site, I really found you
    by mistake, while I was researching on Askjeeve for something else, Anyways
    I am here now and would just like to say kudos for a remarkable
    post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don_t have time to read through it all at the moment but I have book-marked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I
    will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the fantastic

  7. ______ seo says:

    Awesome post.

  8. online car insurance calculator says:

    Great info. Lucky me I came across your blog by accident (stumbleupon).

    I have book marked it for later!

  9. 7 Months Pregnant says:

    Howdy! I understand this is kind of off-topic
    however I had to ask. Does building a well-established website
    such as yours take a massive amount work? I’m completely new to blogging but I do write in my diary on a daily basis.

    I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my own experience and feelings online.
    Please let me know if you have any recommendations or
    tips for brand new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!

  10. Laryssa Fiu says:

    Hello Matt,
    Well firstly, I do agree with what you have said. I was that person; being shy and being too scared to express my opinions and also speaking in public was such a major fear.
    It was only this year that I managed to overcome it because I have seen it from various angles, telling myself, “Why should I be shy? I don’t know these people personally. I might not even see them again after this so why not be vocal.”

    I found that it has been such a relief being this way now and that my shyness all this time had been so unnecessary. So now when I do class presentations I am able to get my audience involved and it makes things so much easier for me because I can relate to them in some way when they are, at first, hesitant to participant.

    So thank you for this video, Matthew :)

    Kind regards,
    Laryssa Fiu

  11. Vanessa Nicole Vallozzi says:

    Hi Matt,

    Great video! I completely agree. Generally I am not a shy person, my friends would characterize me as outgoing. I talk to everyone from the lady standing beside me in the grocery store to the old man beside me on the bus … and then the dreaded thing happens. I like someone and I close up. I get nervous and end up saying nothing or saying very little and after that is exactly how I feel, like the conversation was boring. It takes two to Tango so if both parties are not participating in a conversation there can be no spark. I know a lot of people who I initially thought were really boring, but when they come out of their shell and you get to know them they actually aren’t boring at all. They have likes and dislikes and knowledge to share. Anyone watching this shouldn’t take it as an insult. It’s the truth. When you are shy or even if you truly do suffer from social anxiety you aren’t showing your best self. The person who loves comic books or architecture. The person who knows a lot about old school video games or ancient Egypt. If you do suffer from shyness it’s a process to get more comfortable. After reading Matthew’s book Get the Guy and his original E-Book Secrets of The Male Mind I was really motivated to work on myself and what I thought I needed to grow past. Sometimes you need to offend people to get a message across and not be sorry for it.

  12. Emmi says:

    Always love your videos Matt. I know I suffer from having to be accepted but I will work on it and do my best to become a better image of myself. Thank you!

  13. francesca says:

    Great rant! Being introverted doesn’t mean one needs to always be quiet, it only means that one generates their energy and motivation from within rather than from external forces. That should help those introverts out there who think it is cool to act shy. I love that you say it is okay to be shy, but not okay to act shy. Love it thanks Matthew!

  14. lola says:

    Hi Matthew!
    As a really shy person who’s trying desesperately to change this video was very useful to me. I know being shy it’s not an excuse, but sometimes it’s so damn hard for me to make the real things I want to do.
    Sometimes We just need people who talks us clearly like you to wake up and starting trying harder.
    Thank you, and excuse me for my bad English.

  15. Inas says:

    You’re such a genius! You really do understand people’s psychology which is not easy at All!
    Your words make perfect sense, really simple no complications!
    You manage to convince me with your simplicity when no one actually can!
    Matt,You really inspire me a lot! :)

  16. Oksana says:

    Matthew, you’re so great. Your videos change my life. It’s really hard to feel rejected, but it’s better than doing nothing. We should be active more. You’re absolutely right. Thanks a lot:) Wish you the best!

  17. Jessica Lyon says:

    Matt, your messages always seem to come at the right time. I know I’m late in posting this, but I wanted to share how your message helped me in a huge, meaningful way. I went in for a job interview the day after I saw this message. It was a job I really wanted. I listened to your message about how to be confident and not sound desperate. Go for rejection! Or at least, not be afraid of rejection. So, I had an interview with a VP at 8am in the morning. It was my second interview, so I knew that this was it. I was one of the finalists, but not the chosen one. YET. As I made my way to the interview, I thought of your positive energy in the video, and your message. I met with the VP, was confident, and didn’t worry. Today my job offer was extended to me. I am so excited to be starting this new job. Matt, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your words and messages DO have a direct and meaningful impact on people’s lives. On my life. And I did listen to your other message about Seinfeld and really working hard. Torture, you called it, so I know the journey is just beginning with my new work. That too came at an appropriate time. Again, my gratitude and thanks. I will keep applying what you teach, oh wise one.

  18. Sara Meyer says:

    Matthew I’ve never seen anyone so excited by the possibility of being rejected LOL your advice has helped me a lot in so many ways. THANK YOU!!!! I couldn’t thank you enough. Keep up the great work!!!

  19. Adriana says:

    I just bought your book, and I am reading it in your voice!

  20. Lynn says:

    All good and well to get rejected more but for how long? I have played it save not shy, but since attending the womens weekend and being in contact with new friends. I believe I have partly stopped blaming myself for failed relationships. Really good support. I’m more gulity of being on guard and safe for good reasons. Thank you Matt

  21. Salam Shurfi says:

    Hey Matthew,

    You rock :) thump up, the way you are dealing and reacting is really cool please keep going.


  22. Yolanda says:

    I’d like to find out more? I’d love to find out some additional

  23. Heavenly says:

    Hi! So hard to go for rejection, I guess I have to be brave so I can learn from it.

    By the way, I´m from Mexico, I guessed it would be nice for you to know that we are watching you from here :)

  24. Leslie says:

    Hey Matthew
    Love all your posts. You look good in vests! I won’t judge you wearing an outfit again (as long as you clean it) Hey Duchess Kate wears outfits the second time around. I applaud her and love that she isn’t worried about what the population or tabloids say about her. On your last vid, I don’t comment most of the time because I don’t really know what to write. Sorry I am boring.

  25. celi says:

    hahahahahahahahahaha it was really funny,and elightening. I think I’m shy (scared) when I want something, but I don’t want it enough, so I don’t really try. Because everytime I want something very much I don’t stop at nothing till I get it, nerves and fears be damned. When I was younger I used to be really shy, until I realised thet it wasn’t getting me nowhere.
    You had me laughing a lot with this video. So cheeky!! I loved it!! #TeamJameson

  26. Priti Khan says:

    Hi Matthew, I saw your video 2 month ago, I was in depression, not because of relationship, but because of other stuff, for 14 years, everything went bad but since I saw your video 2 month ago, 80 % of my life changed, I AM TRYING TO FOLLOW YOUR ADVICE! PLEASE CONTINUE GUIDING US! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU! :D

  27. Liz says:

    A quick Qs to Matthew:

    If I bought the book already, is it necessary to buy the Man Myth Video then? Are they similar to each other?


  28. Hajer Kamil says:

    I agree with you
    I honestly think that you are the best in your field ..good job Hussey

  29. Anna says:

    Matt you look great whatever you wear!
    Thanks for this post and again thanks for reminding me of not being afraid of rejection!!


  30. Sarah says:

    I completely agree with you Matthew! While I’m shy or a little quiet when I meet someone for the first time, after about half an hour of talking with them I just become me! Whilst I do it regardless to agender, my thought is when it’s a guy if he can’t handle me, when I’m being me? Then he is not worth any more of my time! I cut my loses and make room for someone else. Rejection sucks! But it’s what builds our character in the end!!

  31. sara says:

    Hey Matt,

    what does it mean if a guy says you bore him sometimes but not always. then he says he misses you and wants to see you. And you tel him “why do you want to c me i bore you” and he says “forget about it” HOW R U MEANT TO INTERPRET THAT.. im sooo confused!!

  32. sara says:

    what does it mean if a guy says you bore him sometimes but not always. then he says he misses you and wants to see you. And you tel him “why do you want to c me i i bore you” and he says “forget about it” HOW R U MEANT TO INTERPRET THAT

  33. Sam says:

    You’re funny.. Love it!

  34. Lauren says:

    Woah. I really needed to hear this. Gunna go out there and try to get rejected today! Instead of avoiding those situations at all cost…

  35. Rachel Allen says:

    I have taken part one of this video to heart, and I think I used my shyness to benefit me. I got a first kiss and I blushed! I am sure the guy saw and I felt sparks fly. Getting out of my comfort zone made things exciting, and I am that much closer to him because of it.

  36. Amber says:

    loved the comment about shy being a polite word for being scared.
    P.s you should go on the Conan show (you have both have the same hairstyle hehe)

  37. Jen says:

    Thanks for the awesome video, Matt! Also, no judgement on your snazzy outfit ;)

  38. Iryna says:

    Thank you! It changed my prospective on being an introvert!

  39. Rocky says:

    Here Matt, you should read this article:

    Rejection Theraphy: a hundred days of no

    Not that I am the most outspoken person in this universe, but this article open my eyes.Something that I want to put in practice. I am too comfortable inside my shell and surrounded by my loves one that I sometimes dont see the need to get out there. Deep down inside me that’s something that I have to do. Get out and get comfortable with rejections if there’s any :-) you never know!

    Have a good day!

  40. Rebecca says:

    Regardless of the definitions, the message is still there, as it always has been (I see a theme emerging here Matt!) and that is, ‘put yourself out there’. Talk to people. Yes it’s scary, and we can all have our excuses: introvert/shyness/I just don’t feel good today, but unless we push past those excuses we can expect the same result as always – nothing. Some days it’s easier than others to go out there and do, but occasionally one has to just go for it, however scary it seems.
    Then of course there’s rejection. Oh dear. Not something I’m very good with, not something I enjoy knowing I have to face. I think I’ve actually gotten over rejection in one area of my life, my career, easier than I do rejection in relationships. It knocks me for six, I’ll confess. I get disheartened feeling like I’m not getting ‘results’ even though I’ve tried. I still keep telling myself I must keep trying though. Sometimes I need time out to recover, rethink my strategy, but then I think I must try again, or else live with the regret of not having tried. Each new attempt I convince myself makes me richer for the experience.
    While some people may get caught up in the definitions, I hope the message, intended to help is not lost.

Read previous post:
You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring

Here's a little rant I just recorded. It's said with all of the love in my heart and as a...