You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring

Here’s a little rant I just recorded. It’s said with all of the love in my heart and as a call to action to break free from the ‘cocoon’ of shyness. Enjoy!

So often people use shyness as an excuse not to contribute.

I know so many introverts – like myself – who make being an introvert into a noble, glorified thing.

If we want to be the most well-rounded, charismatic person we can be…

We have to cultivate the skills of the extrovert.

This doesn’t mean that you have to live in ‘extrovert mode’ 24 hours a day, but it does mean that you have to be able to bring out those skills when you need them.

When I step out on stage for instance, I’m bringing out the skills of the extrovert, even though that’s not who I am naturally.

It’s fun to be able to do both.

You can be an introvert and enjoy being an extrovert on certain evenings and occasions, and then go back to being an introvert.

Never let someone convince you that being an introvert stops you from being able to bring out the extrovert just for the hell of it.

Being able to develop those skills was one of the biggest gifts I gave myself because now I’m able to go into situations that scare me, and in spite of that fear, I’m able to bring out parts of my personality that when I’m younger I never used to be able to bring out.

–Is it okay to sometimes be shy?

Yes of course.

The point is that being that way all the time and using it as an excuse to never not be shy is not good.

You’re more than shy. Don’t allow yourself to be labelled. Be what you want to be in any given moment.

Do what works. Not what you ‘think’ you are.

Want to learn how you can step up and break free from the expectations of others? How you can layer different personality traits on-top of those you already have? Want an easy, step-by-step way to get more sociable, meet more men, and grow your social circle? Check out my online program The Man Myth which covers all of this and more.

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214 Replies to “You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring”

  • So spot on, Matt! It’s so true. I think most of my life, people thought I was a snob. And, the former version of me couldn’t even look at a cute guy (as you know). I think the root of shyness is often thinking that what we have to say isn’t good enough, or isn’t worth saying, so we say nothing. And when it comes to being shy around the opposite sex, it’s the same, but it’s a more pervasive “I’m not good enough for him” thing. Thank GOODNESS I got over that (with some help from you) and just said “Hi,” to my now-husband. Ladies (and gents, if you read this), you CAN overcome it and your life will CHANGE.

    xx,
    Erin

  • “You got that Jameson? That goes for you too” lol… I love when you rant! You bring out so much passion and enthusiasm, really real emotions which people are afraid of. At least that’s been my problem. Just a tad bit of enthusiasm and people have knocked me down and asked me to turn it down a notch. And trust me, I know there’s a fine line and I am very much a introvert than the latter. Yet, now I’ve become super conscious of my upbeat personality to be sensitive towards others space that I’ve become a turtle. I’m over the moon about this video because it really does boil down to little things that don’t get dicusssed in our society these days. I mean, we go around wanting a committed partner for life, yet we don’t have the basics of interacting with one and another. Anyway, now I’ve gone on a rant. But you, fine sir, please rant away, you are exceptional to listen to and also very inspiring. So glad, today I found that random video o you years and years ago on YouTube, been following on your stuff since.

    Much peace, love & happiness,

    Addie :)

  • Hello Matthew!!

    Thank you so so much for this video reminder .
    Have you ever thought of visiting and bringing your program to SouthEast Asia countries ? Because your program doesn’t just help women in the relationship aspect, but in character building too. :) Love your work!

  • Spot-on, Matthew!

    To any lovely lady here who is shy, I’d highly recommend taking an acting lesson or getting any sort of stage action. If it doesn’t help you be more vocal, it will at least help you with stepping into a role and becoming anything you want to become.

    Greetings to Jameson!!

  • I was wondering if you were a “closet” introvert. Something you said in one of your videos, about imitating extraverted people was a tip off. Why would you have to imitate extraverts unless you weren’t naturally one yourself? You just confirmed this. Let it never be said introverts are incapable of charisma.

    I am indeed largely an introvert. I have my extraverted moments, and in watching your videos, I’ve since learned that I do nothing but think of myself when I don’t say anything. I’m trying to move outside myself, ask questions and focus on other people. It’s an ongoing exercise and certainly easier in some settings more than others.

    Is it strange that I use your videos to boost my confidence and work on being an all around person? I almost barely use them to (actively) talk to guys. Though your suggestions are certainly making things worlds easier in that department, so if I want to talk to a guy, it’s not impossible. :)

    1. It’s all about balance. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert, but you need to know how be an extrovert when needed. And I don’t think it’s strange at all! It’s amazing, flattering and really a key in meeting the kind of guys you want to meet. If you’re confident in your self and can hold yourself well, you’re correct, it is easier to and will help when it comes to talking to guys as well as other avenues in your life : ) Thanks for the comment Amber!

      x

    2. It is about contribution and not acting introvert and doing nothing socially and have nothing to share. You are cold and not cultivating helpping others instead of staying comfortable in your zone. That is what he means.

  • So, I am a self-proclaimed introvert. It’s actually taken me a long time to figure it out, and then come to terms with it.
    After a lot of self-discovery though, I know that introverts are not always shy- shy is a derogatory term used for those of us who, by definition in multiple personality assessments, gain our energy through solitary time; this is opposed to extroverts who gain energy by being around others. So this in turn means that introverts’ energies are drained by being around people for extended periods of time (although the length of time/amount of people varies for each person). Introverts also are much more listeners than speakers.
    So as an introvert, I completely understand that you need to cultivate those extroverted skills. Hell I am an operatic singer and LOVE performing live. But when I’m not singing, I like to relax with a small group or solo. I can listen and not have to exert so much of my energy by talking all the time (or singing!). I can think instead of being overwhelmed by others.

    So finally my problem is this… I am a listener, not a talker. I have things to say, but when I get into a situation with someone I don’t know (particularly men) get tongue-tied/nervous/overwhelmed and then I clam up. What extroverted skills do I need in this situation??

  • Hey Matt,

    In one of your videos you mentioned that story-telling is a skill you can build. I have a tendency to act shy in group situations and would love to be able to cultivate the art of telling a story. Have you any suggestions about how to cultivate this skill?

    Thanks!

  • Hi Matthew!This was an interesting video. I a have always been shy and an introvert. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say to people, and I don’t want to sound stupid. I need to push myself, but I don’t know how.

  • Fortunetly, shy is not my issue. I do wish to say that I have misread shy people before as uninterested.

  • : ) As always, love your stuff. I do have problems of shutting down sometimes and you are right that it has everything to do with to do with fear.
    I am very excited because I just got over the fear of my Master’s paper and have finished my rough draft and sent it to my instructor. I also have found someone to hire to format it for me, which is actually the thing that was scaring me about it the most. SOOOO, I will finally graduate soon. And so, this is great. I am excited about my future. : ) The simple things are often hard for me and the harder things easy for me. I am very intelligent, and the actual writing and idea part is easy. The boring, nit picky formatting is difficult. : ) That goes with everything in my life. I think the idea is to be real with yourself and figure out what you can do and what you need help with and not be afraid to ask for help. So it is important not to just get shut down with fear of what you can’t do, but concentrate on what you can do and do that and trust that the rest will come to you.

    1. Heeeey I’m in the same situation right now and have to get over that fear!! I did the things that were much more difficult but this has evolved into a HUGE block for me,mostly for postponing it for so long and lying to myself that I’m going to do it tommorow…so yeah,little things become huge if you let them…untangle the whole mess(which MUST be done)is 1000x more difficult than attacking the problem head on… congrats btw :)and thx for the inspiration

  • So true. I have really learned to be an extrovert where it’s advantageous when out with friends or in group dynamics. I’m still trying to achieve the same confidence in public speaking. I actually get so frustrated when my girlfriends say well “I’m shy” or “I’m an introvert” as an excuse for not interacting. People limit their personal growth due culture brainwashing us into thinking “people should accept you as you are.” No, people should accept the best version of yourself. Thank you for the rant!!

  • El caso es que….. no se me ocurre nada inteligente que escribirte!!! mayormente, pero igualmente tendría que haber agradecido por lo menos, no??? ahhhhh y no me acuerdo como escibrir bien en ingles así que sorry =(

    1. lo que ha dicho es demasiado grande. estoy seguro de que le va a gustar a sus palabras aunque no las entendía. porque él es un hombre increíble.

  • Hi Matt,

    How are you doing? You got me, shock me and move me by the comments at the beginning of the video. I watch all of your short movie messages, read the blogs, enjoy and share them with my friends.
    You are amazing and you know it!
    Many thanks for your hard work.
    Have a great week ahead,
    Cheers,
    Leila

  • I used to be really shy, but two years ago I realized I was acting that way because I was extremely afraid of what people would think of me if I gave my opinion or what they would say to me if I acted a certain way. Now I am still shy, I get nervous when ever I am with people I don’t know or in front of a big crowd where I am everyones attention, but I have learnt that sometimes it is actually fine to step outside your comfort zone, and you know what? Change is uncomfortable but it is way more fun than doing the same things again and again.
    Thank you so much for your videos Matt, I appreciate so much your hard work and your great advice! This one in particular was a quick reminder for me to keep improving myself :)

  • Thanks so much for this blog. I am an introvert. I was shy for most of my life and am now in my 20s trying my best to develop these skills that your talking about. Do you have any suggestions of where to go to learn? A book, course or a coach who specifically works with helping shy people who want to be different and better than they have been so far?
    Thanks for the insights so far. Have an awesome day. =)

  • Dear Matt,
    Its incredible how the words that come from
    Your mouth change me. They transform me into a better person. I admire your power to do that. Thank you so much for your advice! I love you million times much. Keep up with the GREAT work of yours..

    Xxxx

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