Learn More About My New Book, Love Life

You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring

Here’s a little rant I just recorded. It’s said with all of the love in my heart and as a call to action to break free from the ‘cocoon’ of shyness. Enjoy!

So often people use shyness as an excuse not to contribute.

I know so many introverts – like myself – who make being an introvert into a noble, glorified thing.

If we want to be the most well-rounded, charismatic person we can be…

We have to cultivate the skills of the extrovert.

This doesn’t mean that you have to live in ‘extrovert mode’ 24 hours a day, but it does mean that you have to be able to bring out those skills when you need them.

When I step out on stage for instance, I’m bringing out the skills of the extrovert, even though that’s not who I am naturally.

It’s fun to be able to do both.

You can be an introvert and enjoy being an extrovert on certain evenings and occasions, and then go back to being an introvert.

Never let someone convince you that being an introvert stops you from being able to bring out the extrovert just for the hell of it.

Being able to develop those skills was one of the biggest gifts I gave myself because now I’m able to go into situations that scare me, and in spite of that fear, I’m able to bring out parts of my personality that when I’m younger I never used to be able to bring out.

–Is it okay to sometimes be shy?

Yes of course.

The point is that being that way all the time and using it as an excuse to never not be shy is not good.

You’re more than shy. Don’t allow yourself to be labelled. Be what you want to be in any given moment.

Do what works. Not what you ‘think’ you are.

Want to learn how you can step up and break free from the expectations of others? How you can layer different personality traits on-top of those you already have? Want an easy, step-by-step way to get more sociable, meet more men, and grow your social circle? Check out my online program The Man Myth which covers all of this and more.

Free Guide

Copy & Paste These
"9 Texts No Man Can Resist"

217 Replies to “You’re Not Shy, You’re Boring”

  • Your videos are absolutely amazing! I must admit I’m one of those that watch but never comment. Sadly I have used the excuse I’m an introvert which I am. but I know what you mean about speaking up or commenting. It’s in everybody to be an extrovert. I participated in toastmasters for awhile to get over my fear of speaking in public. I was a nervous wreck at first but found that I actually enjoy speaking in front of others. I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t taken a risk. Keep posting video’s I’m sure they are much appreciated!

  • As I sit here eating my apple & peanut butter watching Matt’s handsome self, I nod my head yes, yes yes! Some days I’m such an introvert & some days, extrovertism reigns in my world. I thrive on the thoughtfulness I experience or the ability to observe when quiet and at other times, the energy I get from being *out there* is exhilarating. And both are beautifully full of emotion…equally.

    Thank you, Matt, for talking about these 2 very important traits.

    XoXo

    Christina

  • I’ve considered myself shy ever since I was a kid. Someone actually asked if I was mute one time. Anyway, what I discovered over the years is that I am the majority of the time an introvert. It just has to do with where you get your energy. But, as I started to reach out to people more and go outside my comfort zone, I realized I get energy from being around people as well. I love what you said about being whoever you want to be in any given moment. No labels. I’m a person…who likes to connect with myself (a lot) & others.

  • I’m not boring, I’m shy!!!
    Ok, I must confess that many times I told myself, and friends, that I’m boring. And that I wouldn’t date myself…
    The crazy thing… Is that thinking like this, I have no more problems talking to cute guys! If nothing can happen, than, that’s fine. It’s another human being as anyone else! I ended up just being friends. Which is a safe mode, right?

    As the time passed, I now think that I’m not THAT boring. Work and college made me more extroverted, too. Because I needed! But about guys… Well, I don’t even bother to be interested anymore!

    So… Yes. I’m trying now. You can’t even imagine how many videos of yours I’m watching to motivate myself. You’re really good! And I’m traying to help some friends, into watching all of this too, because they are freaking out…

    Hope someday I’ll go all over… half the world… to London, to tell you in person that I’ve finally found myself and feeling complete. Whether with somebody or not. =)

  • Yeah but…. not all introverts are shy and not all extroverts are confident. Introversion and shyness are not mutually exclusive.

  • I loved this video. I have been shy since I was very young. I don’t want to be shy and in many ways I have grown out of that shell through competing in pageants. I never use it as an excuse to hold me back. I feel the most shy when I have run our of things to say on a first date or I can’t think of some clever response to a funny joke. I would love pointers on having things to say in conversations no matter who you are with or what the topic is.

  • I wish you would address what guys think after they break up with you. or why they keep coming back after they break it off? I’ve had several of my friends and a roommate recently get dumped by their boyfriends.. We’ere all so confused. we’d really appreciate some advice. The guy I’m with never seems to make up his mind. When I don’t want him he wants me, then when I want him he ignores me…its all so confusing…

    Thanks, Xox

    P.S. I loved your audio book!

    1. Yes Rachael I agree. I’m tired of reading & watching what we have to do to ‘get the guy’. How about telling us how to understand a guy to begin with!

  • Wow – you have hit the nail on the head!

    However, what I really admire about this video is how honest you’ve been about yourself – that takes guts.
    And it gives folks the guts to open up and be honest with themselves too, we might not like the answer however it’s the Hard Questions that offer the most to learn from.

    And you are so right, life is about contribution, it’s about being interested, engaged and passionate.

    There was a smashing piece of advice that the girl I work for gave me which was “If you are not passionate about your life, how can you expect anyone to be passionate about you?”

    Incidentally, I’m an introvert and I often get mistaken for an extrovert because I can talk to anyone, I’m interested in everyone, I speak in public and I work best with groups of people, I’m a leader. But I’m not an extrovert, I’m just a geeky, willing to learn introvert. So I understand exactly where you are coming from.

    I’m very impressed by the quality of your insights overall, keep up the good work because I want to learn more, and please, keep asking those Hard Questions ;)

  • Only thing that annoys me in this video is that you equate social skills with extroverts and lack thereof with introverts. Such is not the case. Introverts just find it hard to socialize for an extended period of time. After that, it can be difficult to fake interest, because you just can’t take any more conversation.

  • WOW! You hit the nail on the head with this one. It is so me, when I am coaching kids or working behind a bar I am so confident. But put me in a situation when go out and around guys, I go all shy (scared) its weird. Any tips for me.

    Thanks Matt your amazing ! Keep it up

    Thanks Rachel

  • Matt, I agree with you for the most part and do take your point, but as an introvert I also reach a stage where I just can’t sustain the extrovert persona.

    I met my new guy’s friends for the first time on the weekend and for the first 6 hours I could pull off being charming and chatty. HOWEVER the problem was, after that, I started to tire. Just as the evening was taking off and the others were picking up steam, I had no energy left to give the situation and started doing the non-contribution thing you’re talking about. I sat there awkwardly in silence and then left early. And my guy hasn’t been in touch since.

    I don’t want to whine or be negative, but sometimes it feels like a no-win! Such a difficult balance between respecting your own boundaries & pushing yourself to grow.

  • This is so true! As a shy, introvert, scared person I’m glad to have you showing how our behavior appears to the outside.
    It took me 30 years to learn it with lots of struggle, producing undesirable results in career and relationships.

    It is all about who you are for others and what you can give instead of being self-centered and think everyone should understand what goes on in your thoughts.

  • Why the rant?!? People come with different personalities. This world would be an unbearable and exhausting place if everybody acted like an extrovert. Some people like to talk, others prefer to listen and talk less. Still waters run deep – therefore saying that introverts are ‘boring, cold, self-absorbed’ could not be any further from the truth. In fact that’s very shallow thinking in my opinion. If shyness gets in your way of meeting guys then learn some strategies… but don’t feel ashamed for being an introvert. Guys who are worth it will take the time to get to know you better. (From a proud introvert who has learned to use extrovert behaviour in certain situations, but happily goes back to ‘introvert mode’ as I like being true to myself.)

    1. Nicely put..I agree with u Susanna, i am shy, quiet but chatty when needed..if it is a man who is shy i find it quite appealing, surely they must think the same? X

  • Stop torturing Jameson!!! Pooooor guy :)))))

    You know,I totally agree,I am a natural introvert,converted extrovert through sheer intent.Shy when younger? TO THE EXTREME.Now? I can talk to anyone at all. If they don’t like me,that’s their problem :) I have two brothers that are both introverts and are using this excuse for not wanting to share space,adapt,etc and it drives me crazy as well…shy and introvert is no justification for NOT GROWING.And they always say,yeah you are an extrovert,you have no problem with doing xyz…which is BS because I got there through effort. I went alone to this conference once(because no one wanted to go with me,since we “knew nobody there”) where I knew NO ONE and at the end have meet so many people just by not letting my fear stop me.How? “Where can I find napkins/coffee/water” or anything similar takes you far.It’s the contact that counts,you don’t have to be Tolstoy and say something smart/wise…THANX for this GREAT reminder.

    And do answer your fans more often,don’t be boring or shy(how lovely to be able to say it from now on) :D :P

  • Great video Matthew and for the most part I agree with what you said. Shyness and introversion are two completely different things, shyness is more of a fear of what people will think of you and extroverts can be shy. I am 74% introvert and also highly sensitive but not really shy. For anyone interested in this topic, I highly recommend Quiet by Susan Cain, it’s a terrific book mainly addressing the subject of introversion.

  • This is so true – I would class myself as an introvert but on most nights out you wouldn’t know it because I enjoy being extroverted at times and in some situations. Acting shy can come across as boring and sometimes even as rude.

  • Great video! I agree, but it is easier said than done. Something to work on. Thanks for going on your rant! :)

  • Thanks for this Matt! I’m not truly and introvert but there are times when I’m around guys and scared (see you’re right being shy is just being scared) that I act like an introvert. Thing is I always know when I act like this and I hate it, but its hard for me to get out of that shell sometimes. Thanks for this video, it kinda gave me an extra boost of knowing I need to cut it out :)

1 3 4 5 6 7 8

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

All-Time POPULAR Posts