You’re in bed with a guy.
It’s the morning after the night before.
You had a great time. The sex was hot. He’s hot.
It all happened so fast. And now you’re starting to have that classic worry: Did I give it away too soon?
Even in the modern world it’s common for women to have this feeling of anxiety after sleeping with a guy too quickly. Maybe you’re worried about he’ll lose respect you, or you want to make sure you don’t attached to him BEFORE you know whether he sees you two as a serious thing. Maybe it all just happened in the heat of the moment and you want to slow down next time before you jump into having regular sex.
Relax. Sex is to be enjoyed, not something to be constantly agonized over.
In this week’s video, I show exactly what to do next if you feel like you’ve slept with a guy too quickly, and reveal a golden line you can say to him if you want to slow things down that will make him EVEN MORE attracted to you and send his respect for you through the roof.
Remember: there’s no conflict between having a fun sex life and being high value.
81 Replies to “Did You Sleep With Him Too Fast?”
I really love your view on this matter. you gave me an idea which step I should take next to get the control of my situation. keep up the good work.
Thank you for this video Matthew. I have had this situation happen to me and I usually don’t hear too often from the guy afterwards even when we had a great time. It’s very hurtful. Sex too soon in my opinion ruins the chance of any possible monogamous relationship in the future. It’s better to wait for a long time when the guy has invested in you and shown that he is worth giving yourself to. Guys are so quick to want sex even if they have no intention of a relationship and they hardly know you.
Hi Susan, let me see if i get it right.
“I usually don’t hear too often from the guy afterwards even when we had a great time”
-Why would u want to hear from a guy if u didn’t have a great time with him in the 1st place? (romantically speaking of course)
“Sex too soon in my opinion ruins the chance of any possible monogamous relationship in the future”
It seems having sex too soon, its a repetitive bad experience to u about developing a long term relationship with a man.
Here is the problem: is not about how fast u have sex with a guy, is about how much value u give to a guy in an attractive way (having a very feminine vibe, being not needeness, and being vague in regard to your personal life, and not hand down ur standards). If u’re contributing a lot in a man’s life and he isn’t returning ur investment, he doesn’t deserved a shot with u.
The feelings of love appears when u aren’t with the person u’re interest in. The other person actually starts to miss ur company and how u make him feel.
Hope that helps Susan, best luck for u!
This is the best video so far. Logical and great advice!
Hello Matthew, I just watched this video about sleeping with a guy a too soon. Exactly what you said is what I went through. The only problem is haven’t spoken to him for a month now. I want to admit that I did sleep with him really soon, but I don’t want to come across as a desperate woman. Secondly, I am upset with him ever since I saw him at a stop light when I yelled out his name and he responded with is head nodding which I thought was a jerk move.
I would want to know more about the background here, Did u sleep too soon with him and then u never know about him (one month ago)?
I ask u for more details, since sometimes, men are also weird in how they express their emotions. If he hasn’t contact until now, probably he will contact u when he wants to have sex with u again, and to preserve the FB (fuck buddy) status. (a)
Or maybe he doesn’t want to sound needy or desperate about “entering in something more seerious” TALK, so then hopefully he will wating for u to reach out. (b)
-I would say, about a 10% men will enter in (b), cuz its a rare case scenario.
-The rest will enter in the (a) category.
Let me know the context here Alexis, and tell me how it went.
Well the chemistry and connection was great! The sex was hot! I suddenly started to realize that I started getting into the same habits I did a long time ago. Whenever I had sex with somebody who I was attracted to, I started to become fearful and clingy. Honestly, I didn’t regret doing it with because I was attracted to him and the same applied with him. He told me not over think it and I decided not to.
That sounds great Alexis, for what i understand, this guy actually keeps in touch with u. And don’t worry about feeling fearful and clingy (all signs of needeness), we ‘re programmed to feeling this way, just don’t get stall. Emotions eventually passes, try doing some meditation to focus ur attention in other things.
Take care and have a great day!
Hi Mathew, in the clip you mentioned that it’s never too late to reassert your standards at any point in a relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and although our relationship is great for the most part, we have our moments where we argue, and I feel that a certain aggressive nature emerges in him (nothing violent or abusive or anything),but he yells as if he was arguing with another guy and not a woman – very loud and aggressive in nature. To me this behavior is hurtful and is really limiting my desire to take the next step with him (although we talk about it all the time). My question is, even though I’ve discussed with him how much his yelling during tough times affects me, he still continues to do it in heated moments, and since I’ve allowed it for so long, how do I reinforce this boundary, even though he has already crossed it numerous times in the past?
Hi Veronica, u’re right, of course u can reassert ur standards at any point of ur relationship, when it has happened for a prolong period of time is a bit harder though. U need a lot of courage and a neutral face (maybe poker face, the idea is to be NON reactive) when u set ur standards.
U can use NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming), there is a 4 steps method to do it:
1)Inform in a one on one situation in cold (non reactive), what bothers u. Ex: “This thing u did actually hurt me”.
2)Repeat in a neutral way the situation that bothered u.
3)Insist and Warn, after u insist in cold, u warn the person u will leave (or do any other action u find reasonable) the room/area u are.
*Most people that actually cares about u, will stop at (2), but if u get to (4), u will have to reframe what u actually will do here or punish him (to define by u). If the latter, he doesn’t really cares about u.
Hope u Good Luck Veronica
Dear Matthew Hussey,
I really stuck in my relationship and I don’t know if you can see my comment or not, but if you did, please help me out. My boyfriend and I met each other for the first time after 2 years talk through Internet. We slept after 2 days we met and talked , then we felt in love so quickly. We traveled together a lot, we even went to overseas together, and his family came to my house to see my mom. He went to USA with me, but one day, he just ignore me, and he doesn’t say love me when I asked. He already divorced with his ex-wife but he has a little cute girl. He said I still have bright future and his life was end. He just need finish his school then come back to his hometown to take care of his parents. He told everyone that he gone look for other girl, but he still so nice and taking care of me, and we still have s**. I don’t know what to do. Is he still love me? Should I move on?? Thank you.
Hi Ha! This situation sounds hard, since i feel there is somethings missing.
I will focus on what u actually put here:
“then we felt in love so quickly”
I think this is what actually happens, but after 2 years a lot of things can happen, and the feelings of love aren’t so hard to change.
This is still a hard affirmation, could be just one sided, but we won’t focus on that since i feel am missing context here.
“and he doesn’t say love me when I asked”
U shouldn’t request anyone for verbally love confirmation, he could say he loves u when u ask him and he wouldn’t exactly mean it.
I would like to think he doesn’t reply to this cuz he actually doesn’t know, but also could be that he doesn’t want to tell u the truth.
“He told everyone that he gone look for other girl”
What girl?, his daughter?, another girlfriend?
“but he still so nice and taking care of me”
-What is actually being nice with u?,
-And what do u mean when u say he takes care of u? Economically?
“and we still have s**”
This is relevant in terms of self-love and strong standars, if u still have sex with him, knowing he is with other women (if this is the case) and wanting a monogamous relationship with him, u handed down all ur power woman.
Reply with more info if u can.
Anyway Good luck!
Omg, Matthew! I have waited so long for you to address this issue. Thank you, thank you, thank you! It makes so much sense the way you describe it.I love this.I think you are AMAZING!
Thanks so much Tori! :D
Matt love hearing your comments about moving to fast. I am w/ or seeing a guy whom works a lot but also likes his friend + family time. I only c him 2 times a month. Very difficult for me to read him. We both have amazing love making, I want more but don’t want to push him, his wife left him after 7years . I’m just not sure what to say to him to see him more often. Any ideas? Love your speaking Mathew
Suzanne, if he is seeing u only 2 times a month, u are not a priority in his life, as Matt has explained in other videos.
I think u might broke ur standards at some point (or maybe u are still doin it).
He might just want to hang out and have great sex with u, 7 years is a lot of time, if he hasnt mentioned the “relationship subject” already, he is probably getting fun with other girls to.
Try to add more value to his life every time u are with him (besides sex), do that by also being vague about ur personal life (dont let him know too much about u), and start to see other guys, that will help to dettach a little and not being too conscious about the subject (that will help to be in the moment when u’re whith him).
Good luck Suzanne, hope the best
Enjoyed your video this week, as I enjoy them most weeks! Quick question – can this pivot technique work in a situation of prolonged intimacy without being in a relationship (several years) but where we have now acknowledged feelings but have still not taken the step to a committed relationship?
lulu of course u can, but u should reframe the line to fill ur long term FWB(Friends with Benefits) relationship. Something along the lines: “I’ve really enojoyed all these years as (input relationship name), but this isn’t the usual me, is just we have such good (emotional connection / sexual chemistry/ both) that i don’t want u to see me only for (the matters)”
If he is in the same place as u, good, u had a lot of courage u help ur realationship to get to the next level. If not he doesn’t deserve more of ur time to invest on him.
*I would rather try to imply in very subtle ways that u have options (other men in rotation), while every time u are with him u are adding value to his life, but being a bit vague about ur personal things (dont tell all the things that are happening in ur life).
Take care and good luck!
Hi Matthew. What if he said we had a great time but I am having a lot on my plate now and we might not be a good match? What should I say to persuade him?
Christy, the way u describe the situation makes me thing u are a female player (maybe an alpha one o_O). I understand for:
-“But I am having a lot on my plate now” that u have a lot of rotation of guys.
-“And we might not be a good match” that u aren’t interested enough in him as a Long Term Relationship partner (maybe just as a lover).
So why bother investing time in trying to persuade him if u already have options. Seems to me u only want him as an orbiter (for seeking validations purpose).
Not really an answer, but more an observation.
Hope it helps!
Thank you for your opinions. Definitely helps a lot.
Thanks Carie :)
Wo! Spot on, Matt! :)
Speaking as a guy, when a woman consents to sex, then back-pedals, as you recommend, it would register with me as a disappointment because of her having second thoughts and grave doubts and that the likelihood is that she probably doesn’t like me enough to continue and I should probably move on. The vague, nebulous bits about “direction” need more specificity to have meaning. What are examples of “direction” that you have in mind that should be considered? Nobody knows what the future holds and what the conclusion of a romantic encounter will be. Sex is nature’s way of fostering interpersonal bonding. Partners should enjoy the moment as it happens. If sex be inadequate because of other considerations, for bonding, then there’s probably no there there, in the first instance, and the “direction” of the partners should be away from each other.
Your eyebrows are a-mazimg! Seriously. A little off topic I know, but it has to be noted… I was literally hypnotized by them in that video! Good one btw, thank you.
I like what you and yes owning what your action is gives you the respect. I must say though its hard to read guys thought and find the right. he seems sincere.
when is the right time to introduce him to my family. Next weekend his meeting one of my bff and close friends from my work.
thank you for your videos
Jorgie, if u already have an emotional connection between u both, and u have had sex (1 to 3 times) its a really good moment for him to meet the family.
For he to meet ur friends, could be before that, since sometimes friends (if they are good ones) make u more attractive to him.
Hi Matt. You are so right. What is the point of regretting sexual interaction if it has already taken place. You were turned on and enjoyed it. One can establish at anytime where a relationship is going. Never too late to do that.
I agree Helen, as long as you are living up to your standard in the process, and not being led along by a false promise a relationship later on.
This was a terrific video this week Matthew! It was exactly what I needed to hear. Whelk first saw the title of the video, my blood chilled! My immediate thought was, how does he know? Then I thought ” uh oh” who is this guy and how does he know?
When I finally came to my realization that there would be no way you’re going to know,and this video goes out to thousands, I said ” ok, I’ll watch ”
Great suggestion on what to say for next date! And, I was already feeling ashamed of myself for sleeping with him so soon. Your words were exactly spot on!!
I would like to know if there is a video you have about kissing when the other person uses too much tongue! What does a person say to not hurt his ego?
Great job, love your video chats!!
Thank was very useful information I’m seeing a guy next week who I saw about twelve weeks ago and whom I did sleep with … I did own it but I was not lovey dovey the next day … We’ve known each other over twenty years … It’s complicated
Pascale, if u haven’t texted each others during those twelve weeks, he probably is expecting sex with u.
So if u want something more from him, its time to test Matthew’s line. >-)
Listening to this makes me think how this could also apply to another type of scenario which happened to me a few years ago when I revealed my feelings to a guy I have known for years and for some reasons an attraction began when we got closer. I soon felt that I ruined the whole friendship by revealing my feelings too soon! That was a big life lesson for me! What I was mostly proud about this whole thing is that I owned it by realizing firstly that attraction do happen, it is not predicted or planned and secondly I preserved my dignity. Like you said it is not my style to go around and tell men I am attracted to them. I am glad to hear you talk about this issue.
I love your honesty and bluntness I enjoy the view through your eyes, I love all of your information.
Really appreciate that Marilyn, thank you truly x
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