How to STOP Attracting The Wrong Guys

Why do so many guys turn out to be jerks?? Maybe you’re unlucky. Or maybe men just suck as a gender. But then you realise those are just dumb beliefs.

Then  you consider ANOTHER terrifying possibility: what if YOU are the problem?? What if you’re doing something to attract the bad guys without even knowing why? In this week’s blog video, I want to put this issue to rest once and for all. So many women ask me how to avoid crappy men, and so many times I always want to give the same answer. So here it is…hope you’re ready for me to lay down some serious TRUTH today!

Remember, the sooner you get rid of the wrong ones, the more you’ll have room for the right one.

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31 Replies to “How to STOP Attracting The Wrong Guys”

  1. Hmmmm… sounds familiar! I keep coming back to the subject of self-respect. It’s something I believe that needs to be worked on, not always easy but very important! Maybe we need to also look at finding a guy who shows self respect as well…

  2. Hey Matthew! Powerful video! I have a request though. Could you make a video on spotting red flags and warning signs? I know a few things to look out for but I’m still learning. Even though red flags are commonly discussed, you have a way of putting your own unique spin on run-of-the-mill topics that cause me to view them from a perspective I would have never considered before. It would be really helpful to me (and others I’m sure) if you shed some insight on red flags. Which would result in helping us become more high value if we knew what to watch for in a guy-not from a mindset of fear but from a place of awareness. Thanks in advance for the consideration ;)

  3. Hi dear Hussey brothers! :)

    This was a great video post, thank you Matt. But this message is for Stephen! I’m just leaving it here at the latest blog in order to make sure you see it!

    I’ve seen your Periscope last night and right now I’ve just listened to 2 episodes of love life that the 2 of you did together. I’ve always loved Stephen’s writings and views and appreciated what he has to say. Which is why I find myself really pulling for him to succeed in this new path as well. So I thought I really need to say what I think would be beneficial to you even if I think you know it and it’s very simple… I’m not a great speaker by any measures and I’m hoping this doesn’t come off as patronizing.

    I think you, Stephen, should adopt a different approach in talking and recognize how it’s different from writing. I’m a PhD candidate and I know a lot about the habits of writers. (BTW, English is not my first language so bear with me! LOL). As writers, we start a sentence and change our minds midway and go back and forth before we are satisfied with each sentence and paragraph… this is different from speaking; writers can afford being fussy about the assumed perfection of what they write, speakers don’t have that luxury! While speaking, you have to choose what you wanna say and how you wanna phrase it and stick with it. if you find that it wasn’t as enlightening as you wanted it to be, you have the next sentence to correct that. And the more you speak, it becomes easier and more natural to you. But in speaking, at least when it’s spontaneous, you have to get there by practice.

    Last year I started teaching undergrad classes in university for the first time and I’ve found whole classrooms of confused students trying to understand what I was trying to convey with my speech! I started recording my own speaking and came to realize that I did exactly what you, dear Stephen, are doing right now: I was speaking as if I was writing! Expect there was no backspace and and my students(although pretty stupid!) had no idea when I was changing my sentence!

    I’m 100% sure that you will succeed in this, Stephen. I just had to put in my 2 cents. I wish you a very great 2016. Good luck.

    Best,
    Samin.

    1. Hi I just read what you wrote and it’s so true for me, lol. I teach little kids and they never seem to understand what I’m trying to say most of the time and I come out feeling pants. I’m gonna take on your advice, thank you :-)

    2. Considering it was Stephen’s first blog video (and regardless), I thought he did really well. He brings a nice laid back vibe that perfectly goes with Matt’s.

      Stephen’s insights were really spot on.

      I think it’s always hard not to talk-think when they have not seen the questions before. Maybe select the questions ahead of time for next blog? I think there’s no way Stephen could have prepared or talked better on this one. It’s a tough situation to go into with on the spot Q&A for the very first blog.

  4. Just what I needed to hear! Guess I must pay attention not only to the red flags, but also to the “yellow” flags: If a guy says he doesn´t know if he wants to settle, I´ll take it as a NO…I deverve more.

  5. you are so right, usually when i ignore those red flags to follow my friends advice that i should give a chance and do not think that much, so i will not be alone because they think i am a great woman and i had the crazy idea that perhaps they are right and i should ignore my intuition hehe, i usually end up on really horrible dates that make me think that i should stop trying.

  6. This is such a good video and for me it hit the nail on the head. I’ve recently started to date again, and I’m at a totally different frame of mind in terms of where I am in my relationship with myself. I’ve spent the majority of my time recently alone and I have to say that I’ve had moments when I’ve hesitated to get involved with a guy that I felt wasn’t honoring or respecting me as a woman. I’ve literally had conversations with myself where I’ve said ” I’d rather be alone then subject myself to someone who I don’t feel is giving me that respect, love, and kindness I deserve”. I honestly have no tolerance for it but it took me while to get to this point. I also have moments of weakness when I do get tired of being alone but this video validates how I feel and again, Matthew, thank you for reminding me of that.

  7. This is a great video, thank you very much. This woman sounds like me and yes, I’ve begun to look around and realize that theres an abundance of people in my life that like to hold me down and make me feel “negative”. Ive begun to cut these people out and hold them at a distance for I feel that these people contribute to that outlook about myself. They dont respect my self worth and this is a terrible situation to be in. This is just a reaffirmation to me that I’m doing the right thing at this point in my life. Thank you!!

  8. Nah, that’s not me. I jump ship. Or the guy jumps when he sees he doesn’t meet my standards. Doesn’t mean it’s all great, though. I mean I know I’ll find someone better. I mean I found him, right? ;-) But the key to what you said in the video is ‘for as long as it takes’. It can take a long time to separate the wheat from the chaff. Sometimes I get tired of the sorting. It’s fun sometimes, but not always.

  9. Dear Matt & Team,
    It gives me the creeps how timely your videos are every time:)
    I’ve been dating a guy for several months and everything was going fine until he suddenly decided he needed closure in his last relationship and stopped being intimate with me. Since we have an unbelievable connection and have formed a strong friendship by now, there’s nothing we can’t discuss lovingly like teammates. In a very respectful way he explained the process that was happening inside his soul so, in his words, I’d know it’s not that he finds me less attractive or anything like that. Thus we continued our relationship for a while longer with hope and effort to resolve whatever might arise when three nights ago he took me out and said he can’t keep me hanging on because he doesn’t believe he’ll ever be able to trust women again and that his belief in love was crushed way before the two of us met.
    He was incredibly gentle and kind while making his statement, but it was, nevertheless, a firm one and we broke up.
    Right at that moment, I felt my heart withdrawing from him. I still wanted us to keep being friends, because we do have a beautiful friendship, but somehow all my desire to touch, caress and kiss him, to give him the intimacy two lovers share, dissapeared. To remove all ambiguity, I didn’t stop being kind, gentle and loving to him as he is indeed my friend. Also, I understand that these things do happen and that eventually he will resolve his issues. But I didn’t feel like having a romantic connection with him anymore (even though later that night I cried myself to sleep hugging my pillow;)).
    Actually, what I am writing about, is that I felt like an ice queen of sorts, like a cruely cold person who is capable of silencing their heart if need be. I got really afraid I had lost my sensitivity!
    The next day, however, I was feeling greatly relieved – and in this video you absolutely prove me right. I used to be the type of person who would do anything just to keep her loved one even though deep down I’d realized it’s not the sort of connection I’m looking for. During the past two years, during which I have been following the advice you give (through your online programs and youtube channel) I have transformed into a woman who loves and nurtures herself so much that I’d never trick myself into staying somewhere – friendship, business or love story – where I am not “handled right” or simply, is beneath my standards (as now I actually have those!:D). Further on, I have become the type of person who prefers to be harsh with herself and end a relationship because I know in my heart, I couldn’t give my best to somebody because I feel underwhelmed at a conscious or subconscious level. Nobody deserves such a treatment and even though at first they might be angry or fearful or spiteful, I know it’s the only morally right thing to do.
    Lastly, I want to thank you from my heart and soul, for doing what you do and helping people become better not only in understanding the other person, be it a lover, a friend or a business partner, but also to understand, love and nurture oneself. You have my utmost gratitude, respect and admiration!
    xoxo

  10. Powerful advice!
    Being single sucks, but it would suck even more to date the wrong guy( and possibly emotionally damaging).
    Being ok being alone is your weapon against dating not so great guys…

    BTW, I watched a video where the host talked about his mother and how unhappy she was with his father. When he asked her why she stayed with him her response was “well, he doesn’t hit me!” :/

    Dating/Marrying the wrong guy is like selling your soul. It slowly eats away your being till you can’t recognize yourself in the mirror.

    1. Marrying the wrong guy (and staying) IS selling your soul. Do not be afraid to just walk if you are seeing bad signs.

      I think we often hold on to that idealistic vision of the future with any particular guy and I know that prevented me from walking away when I had my golden window of opportunity.

      1. Some things can be fixed but if you’re with a guy who thinks he can do no wrong at all and won’t make himself better even if you are willing to, just walk and don’t look back.

  11. Truth. And why so many do not make it to the first or second date with me.

    If he cannot meet the standard,
    He’s out.

    Great post, Matthew! ✨

  12. Beautifully said. I have always struggled with self-confidence issues. I just don’t believe I’m worth much. Sadly, this issue not only affects my love life, but it also affects my life in school with my work, and my social life in general.. every part of my life, really. Recently, I’m trying my best to tackle this issue, so I want to thank you for this timely message. Take care and much love to you. :)

    1. I am reading a book by Louise Hay called Life Loves You that someone suggested on Matt’s facebook page, and it has really helped me a lot.

      You should try reading it and doing the exercises at the end of each chapter!

      Self love is the best love.

      Also , for you, I recommend watching Matt say “taco” on his LoveLife/Periscope combination video. It’s too cute.

        1. Thank you so much, Sydney! It sounds like a lovely book. I can’t wait to get my hands on it. I’ll watch that periscope video too. Thanks again and have a wonderful day (or night). :)

  13. We love you too Matt. That was well said. For 3 yrs I stayed single cos the guys I met I felt did not cut it. They did not deserve me but my friends and sisters thought it was being picky. Indeed am confident that I am an awesome woman to be in a relationship with or to be a part of someone’s life and can’t take someone who only takes and brings me down. Now as a Matt loyal subscriber I have been with an amazing guy we hit our 1 yr anniversary in March.thanks Matt xx

  14. Thx Mathew, love to watch your videos ☺inpires me in the right direction, make me aware of, that we always have a choicheto make the right desicion and bei happy THANK YOU ☺☺☺

  15. Basically the internal mental dialogue you have been given by your childhood, parental role models, dysfunctional feedback from relatives and conditioned friends etc, MAY make you make shitty decisions and take equally shitty actions. This is not about men but self and programming. It may be therapy first and romance second is best.

    This is about making sure you are ok with you before trying to find a mate. This is not rocket science but human development so buy a book, see a therapist, it is cheaper. ‘Less than you deserve’ is probably being ‘interviewed’ to see if you can make the grade on a retreat and I don’t see that as helping traumatised/worried/abused women other than upping statistics for someone who can then say to those who passed selection (really?) ‘I can help you’. No doubt you can…now.
    Do not worry about attracting the wrong guys or any guys – find out who you really are and WHY before anything else. In this I do agree with Matt’s somewhat round about way of saying – as the Oracle at Delphi said – Know thyself. From that all things will grow.

  16. What a great video. I have been in a few bad relationships and have ended them. Been single for a while now and hear it from friends all the time about being picky. I don’t feel picky, I feel like I don’t want to end up with the same kind of relationship that I’ve been in before. I was glad to hear you say that it’s ok to be selective.

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