Whether you’re single or seeing someone this Valentine’s Day, my new video gives you 9 romantic surprises you can do for anyone in your life to make them go weak in the knees for you.
Check ‘em out, friend . . .
Let’s Spark More Joy for Each Other.
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I’m a big believer in the idea that the things we do every day that are the more modest forms of romance are more important than the grand gestures we do one day a year on a day like today, Valentine’s day.
So here are nine subtle, unexpected things you can do to be romantic with someone you care about.
Number one: Surprise dessert delivery.
This was actually Jameson’s one. I’m back with Jameson after a while of being away from him, which is why I’m a bit giddy. You’ve got the dinner you were planning to do. They know you’re going to have that dinner, but then suddenly dinner’s finished. Right, Jameson? Doorbell goes off. Who’s that? Robber? No, dessert baron.
Are robbers really ringing the doorbell?
Oh, didn’t think that one through.
Number two: Watch the movie they want to watch.
Now, this could be the movie that they haven’t seen that they really want to watch. It could also be, and sometimes this is an even more romantic thing, a movie they’ve already seen that they really want you to watch. You know when someone’s trying to get you to watch a movie, it’s almost destined that, just because you’re selling it to me, I don’t want to watch it. It could be the greatest movie ever. But when it’s being sold to you, you don’t want to watch it. Instead of rebelling against that, just go, “Yeah, I’d love to.” And then enjoy it. Have a good time with it. There’s nothing more fun than showing someone a movie you love. Let your partner have that experience with you.
Number three: Start a sentence with, “Do you know, one of my favorite things about you…”
You might say, “You know one of my favorite things about you? How much you care about the people you love. You always go out of the way for the people that are really important to you and that is so beautiful. I love that about you.” Bonus points if it’s something you haven’t even said to them before, because I think there’s always things about people that are our favorite things that we never actually, consciously tell them.
Number four: Text them at a time you wouldn’t normally text them to say something nice.
It could be that you just stepped out of the house to go on a run. You saw them 10 minutes ago and, midway through the run, you text them and say, “I love you.” Here’s what’s interesting about the psychology: If you text someone at a time that’s not obvious, where they wouldn’t normally hear from you, you can say something that’s loving but obvious. If you just left someone five minutes ago for work, and normally, you wouldn’t speak to them until that evening, but five minutes after you leave the house, you say, “I miss you already.” You can say something that’s really obvious like that, and it’s still going to have tremendous meaning because the context is not obvious. When the context is obvious, you have to be more original, like Valentine’s Day. Telling someone, “I love you,” on Valentine’s Day is saying something obvious in an obvious context. Now, it’s just noise. When it’s obvious context, you have to do something original. When it’s not normal context, the obvious becomes special.
Number five: Do an anonymous act of kindness for your partner.
Do something nice for your partner that they may not even necessarily thank you for because they don’t know you’ve done it. It could be putting a glass of water by the side of the bed for them because you know they’re going to want it at night. Normally, they do it for themselves. You’re going to do it for them. You’re not going to say, “I got your glass of water, by the way.” You just do it. If they notice, they notice. But that’s not why you do it. You do it because you love them. I actually think, interestingly, when we do little things like that, just because we love someone, we love them more because we’re investing in that person’s happiness.
Number six: Listen out for something they say they want, and then Amazon Prime that sucker the next day.
This isn’t a promo for Amazon. You can also do it at a local shop if you’re better than the rest of us. Don’t wait until a birthday. Don’t wait until the next time it’s an occasion. Just have something show up tomorrow or next week that they said they wanted today.
Number seven: A lot of us are working from home now, aren’t we? Well, if you happen to have the good fortune of working around your partner, interrupt your productivity for a cuddle or kiss, a moment with your partner. The same way that many of us are prepared to interrupt our productivity for Twitter.
You know when your partner comes over and tries to say something to you, and you’re like, “I’m just… I’m just… I’ll be… I’ll be over in a sec.” Then, they leave. Probably two minutes later, in the middle of whatever you’re doing, you just go, “Has anyone posted anything?” We clearly are prepared to interrupt our day a thousand times a day for crap. Why not interrupt it for love?
Number eight: Fix up an area of the house that they use a lot.
Could be a workstation, could be a cupboard that they use a lot, a drawer that they store all of their stuff in. Tidy it up. Get them something, a nice accessory for that area. Jazz it up. Clean it. DIY. Fix it. Do something for that area that shows that you’re giving love to something they use every day.
Number nine: Tell them how grateful you are for something that they may not even realize you’ve noticed. Something they may mistakenly assume you take for granted.
If you want to know what these things are, look to your past relationships and ask yourself, “What did I argue about in those relationships all the time that I never argue about in this one?” When something goes wrong, it gets lots of attention. When something goes right in our existing relationship, it may get no attention because it’s going right. It’s not loud. It’s not in your face as a problem. It’s just existing as something that’s not a problem. Notice the things that aren’t a problem because they’re probably not problems because your partner has a wonderful trait.
If, for example, you have a difficult family and your partner does an amazing job of navigating that difficult family, you could say to them, “Thank you so much, by the way, for being such an incredible teammate. I know that my family isn’t easy. I know it’s got some characters. You do such a wonderful job of being kind and compassionate and just doing your best.” That moment is a moment that can make all of that effort worthwhile, especially when someone doesn’t even necessarily know if you notice what they’re doing.
I think that when we give romantic gestures or gifts, we should think about not just giving people what they need, which is important… Socks for Christmas is important. We all need socks, but no one really wants socks for Christmas… Instead of giving people what they need – or only giving people what they need – we should give them what they want. If you want Jedi-level status, don’t just get them what they want. Get them what they don’t even know they want. Do for them what they don’t even know they want you to do for them. If you want clues as to what the person you care about wants, pay attention. Pay attention to their goals. What do they want to learn? Where do they want to go? Pay attention to their fears, their frustrations, their complaints. Pay attention to the things that spark joy for them. Sparking joy, a concept from Marie Kondo. You know that sweet Japanese lady who goes into people’s houses to tidy up. She has them hold objects. They’ll hold an old T-shirt, and she says, “Does that spark joy for you?” If they say yes, then they keep it. If they say no, then she dumps it. It’s gone.
I think we should ask ourselves, “Do we, as a partner, spark joy for the person we’re with? When they hold us, do we spark joy?” That’s something we can create by doing more things that create joy for that person.
You, my dear audience, spark joy for me and Jameson, so thank you. If we spark joy for you, subscribe. We never ask you to subscribe. We are honestly the worst YouTubers there are. We never ask people to subscribe. There’s a button somewhere.
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