The REAL Secret to Getting Closure (It’s not what you think…)

Let’s face it, I have a weird job.

This week, if you’ve ever wanted a behind-the-scenes preview into the actual life of a “dating coach” (God, I hate that job title), then make sure to watch this week’s video.

You’ll see some of my personal thoughts on the state of modern dating, as well as one of my most powerful mindset shifts to help you handle your emotional response when a guy flakes on you...

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39 Replies to “The REAL Secret to Getting Closure (It’s not what you think…)”

  1. You are so amazing .
    This looks so promising Mathew ❤

    I feel miserable that he is not mine, I wait for him like crazy all day and all night. I yearn for those random texts he sends once a week or two to keep me hanging.
    The simple ‘hi’ from that cheater is like an elixir!
    I so want him bad though I know for sure I should be running away from him.He is a player!
    Your words make so much sense. I wish I have the courage to apply them in my life.
    You are so on point,
    ‘Closure is disinterest’

  2. Dear Matthew,

    Thank you for the video and valuable insights as always.

    The thing with closure is that there are several kinds of it.
    Sometimes people don’t respond for various reasons, and their silence is NOT a closure.
    They may feel shy, ashamed, fearful, or could be going through whatever problems. They could be also using the silence as a narcissistic ego-feeding tool to get more out of us, to see how much we care, how much we can give, wanting us to chase them and become their ‘groupies’ etc.

    As to other kinds of the ‘silent’ closure, on the one hand, I agree, if it was me not wanting any more contact with someone (if they had behaved badly towards me etc.) by all means, I’d love them to see that my silence does mean closure, it’d be my ‘safety blanket’ of some sort.
    Same when it comes from a mutual decision of ending an acquaintance/relationship etc.

    On the other hand, it feels quite different when both parts were interested…and then suddenly it STOPS on one side.
    If I really liked someone, invested my time and emotions in them (and vice versa) and now I’m at the receiving end of their silence, I’d want to know WHY, and I don’t agree with the popular advice that the ‘dumping’ person does not need to explain anything. They do. Big time. If they’re decent people, they’d feel moral duty to do so, the way they would if it comes to any kind of business contract.
    Entering someone’s intimate world is a heart deal, and messing up with other person’s emotions does not differ from a breach of contract.

    However, as in any contract, we want to know if we can get out if there’s something we do not like. And the thing about any kind of modern contracts is that they’re rarely clear, and oftentimes there’s lots of ”small print” that requires a magnifying glass to be ”read” properly…even harder when someone who considers themselves as the upper hand ”service provider” keeps changing the rules to their liking time after time…simple metaphor but true!

    So yes, if someone is ‘breadcrumbing’ us (by the way, genius expression!) they simply do not deserve anything more from us, and leaving them to their own devices by treating them to OUR silent closure does make sense on a higher level. Though it does take courage, good insight, understanding, and most of all lots of healthy SELF LOVE to be able to close the door on someone who’s not interested in us, but interested in us being interested in them.

    There are lots of topics I feel I’d love to share sometime, among others some of the answers to why there are people who aren’t interested in (and weary of) the so called ‘modern dating’ but that’s a completely different story :)

    All the best to you and your team!

    1. or… he’s just not that into you!
      most gilrs dont ghost or leave bread crumbs because we want closure and we hate it when guys disapear. Disapearing is a guy thing and there are no excuses because if he really cared about me he will give me closure. no excuses.

  3. Hello Matthew , well I’m very proud of all that I have heard from you all your emails are so true. I was married for 25 years. He was the love of my life until he broke my heart .. he cheated on me 12 years ago … he came back we went for counselling this was ok for the frist five years but he started mean thing that I was fat and also that I’m the one that was cheating on him. Any way it’s been one year now and I still feel sum love for this jerk and I did have two daughters with him .. will I ever love again or even just have some one to talk to. U just said a very good point on getting texts from someone you think u both like each other really makes sense. I feel at a loss I do feel very lonely a lot also I still cry for him ???? Or is this because I’m so used to being with someone there .. thanks for everything. Michelle

  4. I love your messages – I wish I could do what your advice tells us to do. I am a mess without him even though when I listen to your messages I should not be with him.

  5. I miss you guys. I miss when Matt used to occasionally answer comments here. Stephen on Wednesdays. iHeartRadio. VDay in our PJs. Remember when Jameson used to be like Mr. Snuffaluffagus and you didn’t know if anyone could see him but Matt? (And Jameson turned out to be a little hottie over there!)

    You’ve come a long way from that tiny yoga studio in New York years ago. But times change, don’t they Matthew? I appreciate your team and all you guys have done and still do.


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Read previous post:
Exactly What to Say When He Pulls Away

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