The 4 Types of Guys That Love Bomb

When we meet someone we feel excited about, “love bombing” can feel like everything we’ve ever wanted.

But then, like clockwork, it happens. As quickly as they came, they’re gone.

In this week’s new video, my brother Stephen and I break down the four different types of love bombers.

If this video speaks to you, let me know in the comments. I’ll be reading all of them and would love to hear your thoughts and stories on love bombing. 

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Matthew:

They want to come in and make you fall in love with them as quickly as possible because that’s where they get their validation. And once they feel validated, once they feel like, “Ah, I did it, I made them fall for me. Look how wonderful I am,” it’s confirmed. They can then move on.

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Matthew:

A love bomb, or a love bomber is someone who comes into your life and immediately has an incredible intensity about them. They shower you with praise, and attention, and affection, and maybe even something that looks like love. They want your time, your energy. Maybe, they do things very quickly, like introduce you to family. Maybe, they immediately give up their whole week. They want to see you every single day. They want to know where you are all the time, because they miss you. It’s someone who is very grandiose in the beginning. You may even feel in the beginning with this person, like the pace of it makes you slightly uncomfortable.

And, the reason it’s called love bombing is because someone comes in and drops this bomb, but then they disappear just as quickly when they’re done. And that’s what so many people experience, is the pain of feeling like they had something that was so intense and felt like it was so important, and it really felt like it was going somewhere very quickly. And then as quickly as that person came in and showered you with that affection, they disappear.

So, what do you think about this, Stephen? What do you think that people need to hear about this, who have either suffered from it or don’t want to fall prey to it?

Stephen:

I think the first thing for me, and this is a topic that’s always strange for me, because I don’t think I understand the psychology of guy who do this. Is it ego? Why would a guy shower someone with tons of attention and pronouncements of love, and lavish them with attention, if they didn’t want to actually be with them?

Matthew:

Well, I think there’s a generous interpretation of this and also a less generous interpretation. And I think that they’re not always the same person. So if I were to take the most egregious kind of love bomber, it would be someone on the spectrum of narcissism somewhere, who really enjoys someone falling in love with them. They want to come in and make you fall in love with them as quickly as possible because that’s where they get their validation. That’s what makes them feel good. So it was never really about loving you, it was about giving you, overwhelming you so much with their affection and how wonderful they are, that you fall for them immensely. And they now feel validated.

And once they feel validated, once they feel like, “Ah, I did it. I made them fall for me. Look how wonderful I am,” it’s confirmed. They can then move on.

Stephen:

But see like I’m human.

Matthew:

That’s one person.

Stephen:

I’m human, I like that attention, I like that validation. And, I totally get that. It’s nice when people are attracted to you, but maybe this is my own avoidant tendencies coming out, but I would be worried if I go too far in over-lavishing someone who I’m not that into, with attention and stuff, they’re going to feel really attached, and it’s going to be really messy to get out of that. And, if I suddenly change my mind or if I decide this isn’t the one for me, I now have created this scenario where they think we’re in love and we have something special. And I think, “Oh God, I’m really in it now.”

Matthew:

Well, I think you’re being unkind to yourself there, Stephen, because I think that that’s a sign of having a moral compass. Because, for those without a moral compass, they don’t see it as a lot of work to extricate themselves from that situation. They just say, “I’m never going to text them again. I’m just going to disappear. I’m now going to ghost them, essentially.” because that’s not something that you would ever default to, because you realize that for you, extricating yourself from something like that means carefully untangling it in a kind way, and you know the amount of work that would take. You don’t want to put yourself in that position in the first place. But someone, a lot of people don’t have your, that moral compunction that you would have in that situation. But that’s one kind of person, and I say it’s the most egregious kind for exactly that reason, because they have no conscience about disappearing as fast as they came into your life.

The second kind of person is someone who really enjoys the idea of falling in love. It’s not just about them being loved by you as a way to feel important. They truly enjoy that feeling, that high, because falling in love is a drug. It’s a literal drug. So, I’m going into enjoy the high of that drug, not to build something sustainable. When it gets to be real effort, when it gets to be that I actually have to put some work in, some structure. When I have to wake up and continue to put in effort with this person to love them, and the high in that same dizzying way is no longer there, the drug has worn off to me and it doesn’t feel how I think it’s supposed to feel anymore, so then I move on. And that suggests not… It certainly can suggest a kind of selfishness still, but it perhaps more so suggests an immaturity and an un-evolved perspective when it comes to what a relationship actually is.

So, for that person, I would argue, if we could broadly say the first person shows narcissistic tendencies, the second person shows a tremendous amount of immaturity and lack of awareness about what a relationship actually is.

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

And then, I think you have the third category of people.

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Matthew:

Quick interlude to the video. Whether you are trying to improve your relationships this year, your relationship with yourself, your career, your health, your habits, we all need confidence to achieve our goals. And this month, back by popular demand, we are doing the 30-day confidence challenge. We did it twice last year with amazing results for people. I went through it too, and really enjoyed it. And we’re all going to do the same thing this month. To get this challenge for free and be part of it with me in my tribe, go to MHChallenge.com. The link is also in the description. I can’t wait to see you there. Back to the video.

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Matthew:

There’s a Chet Baker song, Stephen, I Fall in Love Too Easily. I Fall in Love Too Fast. I Fall in Love Too Terribly Hard for Love to Ever Last. And, when I hear the lyrics of this song, I hear the third person. And the third person is, it is the person that immediately projects onto someone everything that they want in their ideal person. As soon as they feel a hint of chemistry, they immediately start to take the 5% they know about someone, and fill in the other 95% they don’t know, with their fantasy. What’s the movie, Jameson, Weird Science? Is that where the guys, the two geeky guys build their dream woman as a computer, as a robot, and they design what they think is their dream woman?

Well, I think that people do that. They design in their head their person, based on the small amount they know about someone, and they fall hard and fast for that projection. And then, when someone doesn’t live up to the projection, because how can they, they now feel like this must not be the right person after all. And this is still a kind of lack of awareness about perhaps a kind of relationship immaturity. And it’s a lack of understanding, I believe, of how so many people who come to be in strong relationships, actually end up in strong relationships. This idea is born out of this societal myth of love at first sight.

Stephen:

Yeah, is it kind of shiny object syndrome, shiny new object syndrome?

Matthew:

Well, I think it can be, but in a way that falls a little bit into the second category, that it’s exciting as long as it’s exciting, as long as it’s the drug high. But I think in the third category of people, the projection, it’s about that love at first sight myth, that I’m supposed to meet someone and be absolutely bowled over by everything that they are, instantly, and that’s the indicator of whether, how much potential this has and whether we’re going to go the distance.

And that’s incredibly dangerous, because anything that feels that good that fast has the potential to let us down, because so much of it is based on emotion, it’s not based on true compatibility, because we can’t possibly seek true compatibility at that stage. But, in addition to that, it’s neglecting. And I think a lot of people genuinely don’t understand this about so many couples. It’s a lack of understanding that love grows. Love doesn’t start, love grows. You find someone who you feel is worth going on another date with, not someone who, from the first time you meet them, keeps you up all night because you’re like, “I can’t stop thinking about them.” That’s the thing to be suspicious of, because now you’re probably basing their value on something that’s not real.

Love grows. When you find someone that you think is worth going on another date with, you’re giving love a potential, the potential to grow. And the more you connect with someone, and the more you invest in them, and the more you tease out the wonderful, hidden parts of them, and they do same for you, the more you come to realize what an incredible human being this is, and what an incredible partner this could be. And of course, it’s hard if you start with absolutely zero chemistry. If there’s not even a basic attraction there at all, that’s hard. But, having a basic attraction for each other isn’t the same as, “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe without them. I immediately, I left the date and I just, I can’t wait another day to see them again,” that’s the dangerous part.

Love grows over time, and that’s something that the third kind of love bomber doesn’t appreciate, because they feel like if it’s not immediately the most compelling thing in my life, it must be a sign that I’m not that into this person. And that is the love at first sight myth.

Stephen:

Yeah. If it’s not rollercoaster, then I’m not having the high, so something’s wrong.

Jameson:

I think there’s one other category of guy that I think you haven’t slotted in yet, Matt. I think there’s a stereotype of just, “Oh, single guy. A single guy, we all know what that single guy is like. He’s this player type. He’s out there, playing the field, meeting lots of people.” And, in general, I think that’s a very small percentage of guys. More likely, someone you meet is going to have been in a couple relationships for a while that didn’t work out. And so now, this guy that’s newly single, he probably doesn’t know how to be a player, but he knows how to be a boyfriend. And, he knows, “Well, if I’m trying to… When I was trying to impress my girlfriend, I would’ve done this. I would’ve done this.” And he starts acting innocuously, or at least without bad intentions, like a boyfriend. And, that’s just how he’s, he’s sort of binary, that’s his one default. That’s his one default move.

“I can dangle this sort of idea that I’m good boyfriend material in front of you, as just me making a good impression.” And if he discovers maybe he doesn’t want anything more, then he’s like, “Uh oh, I didn’t have Stephen’s foresight to know that this was going to work, but I’m not that interested, and now I’ve just love bombed.”

Matthew:

Yeah. That’s really interesting. Yeah. And I think that guy can also be the kind of guy that, because all they know is being in a relationship, there’s find a relationship at any cost, mode. And so, they’re not necessarily truly evaluating whether the person in front of them is right for the relationship. They’re just putting wanting a relationship ahead of anything. So, they go in hard and fast, and to love as intensely as possible, but then if they ever stop to catch their breath and actually evaluate whether it’s right, they may find out it’s not. But like you say, they’ve just exercised all of their boyfriend tools immediately, because it’s all they know.

Jameson:

Yeah. And maybe it’s just that they wanted attention, and this is literally the only tool in their toolkit that they had available. They didn’t know how to be suave, they didn’t know how to do all these other things that all those other cool single guys are doing. They’re just default, love bomber.

Matthew:

They didn’t know how to have a different intensity.

Jameson:

Yeah.

Matthew:

Or a lower intensity. And, I suppose that’s a good juncture because people may say, “Well then, my God, how do I, do I have to sit there and try and decipher which one of the categories that you’ve just said someone falls into?” No, you don’t. You don’t. The answer is actually very simple for you when you are in the early stages of dating. The first is, be distrusting of any situation that has reached a unsustainable level of intensity. That doesn’t mean… And maybe distrusting-

Stephen:

Would you say unearned intensity, like early intensity?

Matthew:

Unearned intensity, but even just an unsustainable level of intensity. No relationship is going to stay at that crazy intensity. So, you may enjoy it, but be wary of it. Just be careful, and understand that you dictate the pace. You don’t have to just go along with somebody else’s pace. Whether it’s the narcissist type, who is trying to do all of these grand things, and take up all of your time and attention because of that reason, or whether it’s the person Jameson is talking about who’s doing it because they only know one speed. You can dictate the pace.

If someone wants to see you every day right now and you just met at them, you can slow them down and say… Make your own decision. “I feel comfortable maybe seeing this person a couple of times a week at this stage while I’m getting to know them.” I’m not suddenly going to free up every night for someone that I don’t know. You can decide that. And, when someone does things that perhaps you wouldn’t do that soon because they introduce you to their family and you think, “Wow, if I was introducing someone to my family, that would be a big deal to me. Therefore, if I’m being introduced to their family, that must be a big deal to them.” Don’t assume that something means the same thing to somebody else that it means to you-

Stephen:

Yeah.

Matthew:

Because it may not.

Stephen:

That’s a big one.

Matthew:

And that’s the danger is when we assume that without them having actually said it, we assume, “Oh, that must…” It’s the same as a woman saying, “Well, if I sleep with someone, that deepens my connection with them, so I wouldn’t sleep with someone unless I was ready to deepen my connection with them.” But, you should never assume. And, I know so many women who get… We coach so many women who get in trouble because they assume that sex means the same thing that it does to her. And, in some cases it does, but in a lot of cases, it doesn’t. They have a different association with what sex means. Assuming that whatever is happening right now is something they’ve attached the same meaning to as you have, is a recipe for unmet expectations. That’s why we have to bring conversation into the mix, and talk about these things. Be willing to have the conversation.

So, number one, be wary of a pace and an intensity that’s unsustainable. Number two, don’t assume something means the same thing. Oh, and I should say, for number one, you be willing to set the pace. So number one, be wary of a pace and intensity that’s unsustainable, and be willing to take the pace back. You can dictate the pace, even if they’re trying to speed it up.

Number two, don’t assume something means the same thing to somebody else as it does to you. Just because someone’s doing something that feels intense to you, it may not be intense to them, it may be what they do all the time.

And number three, measure consistency over intensity. It’s easy to think that because somebody is being grandiose in their actions, because they’re being intense in their actions, that that must be a portent for things to come. We have to say, “No. No matter how good this feels, no matter how exciting this appears, and no matter how dramatic their words and their actions seem to be, I have to stay very grounded and measure consistency of action of words, of behavior, over intensity in someone’s words, and actions, and behavior.”

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Matthew:

This next video I have for you is really, really important. Click here to watch.

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Matthew:

If narcissism can be associated with a kind of obsession with control. If I can dismantle your ego, if I can dismantle your confidence, because your confidence is a threat to my control.

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32 Replies to “The 4 Types of Guys That Love Bomb”

  1. Absolutely loved this video. Wow. It resonated so deeply in my life. Matthew, your words helped me understand my last 10 year relationship. Of course I gained insight into my partner…and I also was able to ‘see’ some shadows in my behaviors and patterns. Thank you. This was beautiful. I have a lot of gratitude for all your work. I have followed you for years and this is my first share. You have covered these topics before – but this time i got it :)

  2. I was so focused on reading his
    actions to words and they were spot on. Words of affirmation and caring too. Texted everyday. He then dropped me like a hot potato. We were 10 months in. Now I’m wondering, was it love bombing or was his unfinished business financial affairs with his ex that resurfaced that caused the disappearance. I’m so hurt and it’s so painful, the withdrawal of him. It’s been 3.5 months. He treated me so well. The best I ever had. I’m 56 he was 52.

  3. Men with attachment disorders do this. They either choose women who they know don’t suit them or they bail when they get too close. Either way, they end up disconnected because they can’t handle being connected in the long haul because it is too risky for them; they could get hurt.

    1. Women do it too! I fall in love so deeply and completely and I don’t get over men when they leave. I know this is how I am, so in order to protect myself, I stick to plutonic relationships.

    2. I’m thinking mine bailed.. It was too good to be true!? He said I was like his mom, and when I did meet his parents, his mom said I was like her! I was shocked to hear that lol.
      He never married his ex of 20 years, never had kids with her either. Maybe there is an attachment issue…

  4. Hm. I don’t think I’ve ever lovebombed anyine myself, but once I’ve met someone, I still have become a combination of #2 and #3 in the past….I think I’m growing out of it. But I’m still afraid that I’ll miss out on something great because I’ll fall head over heels for someone who doesn’t want to move with me or support my career goals….so then I’ll either stay for them and become miserable or have to break up. And I can’t handle breakups. I have a terrible inability to move on. I avoid dating like the plague. And I hate apps and would rather be surprised by just bumping into someone in person

    1. Agreed! I experienced this a couple months ago with a guy and this video really opened my eyes as to what happened – that I wasn’t doing anything wrong but that I was just with someone who needed their ego stroked/ feel accomplished

  5. I could have benefitted from this video years ago. I’ve experienced every type, and been threatened when stepping back or slowing down. Am now single, often lonely, but better off. Sad not to find a a partner but happy to have a dog and two horses. No partner is better than a disappointing one.

  6. This has just happened to me . The pace of the ‘relationship’ was so fast but when I listen to his voice messages and texts I didn’t imagine it. He was so loving , we were soulmates , we were perfect together and as quickly as it happened he did a u turn. No longer was I gorgeous but my name . Contact dropped dramatically and then and I was expecting it ….the I’m not ready for a relationship message. I’m so confused, I was careful and still was taken in . I feel so foolish.

  7. I’m not sure of my ex was a love bomber or not? We went out for six months. I saw him once a week for the first month although a couple of times he contacted me at a weekend to ask if I had a spare couple of hours to see him before he picked up his son. We then upped it to seeing each other twice a week and within two and a half months he was stopping over at mine those two nights. He asked if I wanted to go on a mini break with him around my birthday then next month and asked if I’d join him at a family wedding later in the year. After a couple of weeks he had a panic about whether he wanted a relationship or not but that he still wanted to go away with me. I sent him away saying he needed to take sometime to work out what he really wanted. He text within 24 hours saying I ticked every box and more for what he wanted in a partner and that he had just gotten to used to being alone. He came around the next day and we talked it out and he didn’t realise he had some hang ups from the break up with his ex but wanted to build a long term relationship with me leading to moving in together but didn’t want to rush things as that of what happened with his ex – they moved in together within two months. We went away together and had a great time. He said I was everything he wanted in a partner but he was afraid of getting hurt. At end of august he told me he loved me when we went out for a few drinks but also said a few things like he didn’t know if I was too nice for him and that he knew if we broke up it would be because he had done something and would cause it. I went to the wedding and he spent the whole evening telling me how much he loved me and wanted a family with me. But he also said he tried not to fall for me as he was scared of getting hurt. I believed him this time around and I returned the sentiment as I did love him too. He brought his son to mine one day for the first time and I went to a big family meal too. Although he was too shy to meet my family yet. Then he said about spending more time together and suggested he stop at mine a third night a week and trial a night where his son would stop over too. We only managed one week of the one week of the increased time together before it ended despite him bringing a bag of clothes and filled two drawers at mine. He said about using the last of his leave to go away with me but then booked to go away with his son. Obviously time with his son is important but he told me by text and didn’t even acknowledge what he’d said about us going away despite him reminding me of it just a couple of days before. I just asked for him to talk to me more about his plans so I knew where i stood. He took it well at first and said he wasn’t used to including someone else in his plans before the conversation continued and then he started saying things like am I wasting your time? And I don’t want you waiting around for me. I never waited around for him – I was always doing stuff with my friends and family as well as keep fit. But abruptly the conversation changed tone and it led to him saying he didn’t see a future with me. Obviously this hit me hard as everything had been going so well. He said he wanted us to finish whilst he we still on good terms as he didn’t want me to hate him. He said this once before too. Which I don’t get as if it’s working surely you want it to continue. I text him a few times to get a bit of clarity what happened and the answers were quite vague but one said he didn’t feel the same as me which was weird as he was the first to say I love you. In the last text he seemed a bit annoyed I still had questions. Then he started ghosting me. I wished him happy Christmas and new year and he always reads my texts straight away but never responds.

  8. This video is just what I needed to be reminded of. I have recognized a pattern of being love-bombed (from all 4 types tbh). And when I reflect on how to break this pattern, I REALLY appreciated the 3 tools you offered at the end. Light bulb moment. And it brought back my sense of strength and confidence and hope, rather than defeat and confusion. Thank you for this video.

  9. In my experience, there are two key types of guy who love bomb: 1) as you mentioned, the narcissist, who in the very early stages of dating when you’re super fascinated about getting to know them, is totally lapping up that attention – and maybe even putting on a bit of a show to get you hooked. But then as soon as you start pushing for more mutual balance in the relationship, of the importance also of your own needs, or when you dial down star struck fascination with hearing all theit best, well-rehearsed stories and start to actually get to know them, they rapidly lose interest as they’re no longer the absolute centre of attention all the time… they want to go find a fan club somewhere ro give them that dopamine hit of validation again due to their massive insecurities. And 2) someone with ADHD – they will be totally fascinated with you to begin with, as they haven’t quite figured you out yet. But as soon as you go to have a more relaxed get to know you conversation after the first few whirlwind dates or so, they will instantly get bored, self-centred and unable to focus on conversation or anything you have to say at all. People with ADHD need the constant stimulation of 100% novelty to have any ability to maintain focus on a conversation, making them unlikely to stay in relationships longer term.

    Learn from my mistakes at least and don’t fall for the “romance” of wirlwind new relationships. Give them time and space to breathe and don’t over-invest emotionally too quickly.

  10. This was fantastic, I’m a bit afraid of commitment so love bombing scares me right off, but it was still fascinating and eye opening.

  11. Actually, reading some of the comments and reflecting on who I’ve dated in the past, there’s also #3): The commitment phobe. Right down to declaring undying love, saying you’re everything they’ve ever wanted, them saying they want to marry and have kids with you, introducing you to their entire family and all their friends, going away on holidays together, etc etc etc … then suddenly, completely out of nowhere, totally freezing up one day with no provoking incident (confirmed multiple times years later) and just saying they can’t do it and have to break up and they run away suddenly… then the next and the next and the next year, they keep coming back, wanting to repeat the whole process (and, if you give them an inch, doing so) over and over again.

  12. Literally just happened to me. A week ago I was blocked on everything.
    We met the same day we matched online. Things moved incredibly fast, his messages were constant, he was portraying himself to be my knight in shining armour. So much in common, such a gentleman, it was so intense, it felt incredible. Then, out of the blue I was blocked. Gone. As fast as he came in to my life, he left.
    The withdrawal was horrendous. I was in a very dark place. Now I can see this was classic love bombing – and I can’t thank you enough for this timely video. I’m still reeling but slowly getting over the drug effects.
    Never again will I love that quickly. I’ve learnt a hard lesson.

  13. Thank you so much for this video. The number two personality was spot on with regards to a situation that I have been just been through with the same person twice. The first time I was so overwhelmed (and had never even heard of love bombing.) and the intensity was crazy everything from telling me that loved me, to wanting kids, telling me that I wouldn’t be spending my 50th birthday alone and then gradually he stopped calling, stopped wanting to see me and suddenly all texts stopped. He broke my heart, especially when he knew what I had been through previously in my life. It left me in a bad way, as especially as he was the first person I felt I could trust and left vulnerable with after my husband died. He suddenly disappeared for three months and came back out of nowhere. Said sorry for hurting me etc and that he had changed. I believe him and thought that everyone deserves a second chance. The patterns were repeated and he did exactly the same thing again! So thank you again for making me aware that men like this exist and it’s not me, because all that time I thought that I was the problem and did something to make him leave me.

  14. Matthew, I think you are explaining very good what love bombing is and I am so gratefull that I follow you and get your advices. You are a-mazing. So dedicated and passionate on what you are doing, I think you are living your purpose and you are doing such a great job!
    million hugs

  15. I don’t resonate with all the content from you Matthew and Stephen, but this one captivated me and was bang on. I’m seeing a type 4. The boyfriend toolbox guy. Have been analyzing his behaviour for a few weeks now, I couldn’t quite articulate how I felt and what it all meant but knew something was off. The way you described the scenario made a lot of sense and brought that clarity for me. I was with someone on the narcissistic spectrum for 10 years so have learned to tread with caution. Thank you for your dedication, relentless videos and content that we all get so much out of. x

  16. Thank you for this video! This was really helpful. I recently reconnected with someone who lovebombed me seven years ago and I have had my worries that the same thing would repeat. When we first met he was super intense and wanted to see me everyday and introduce me to his family after 1.5 weeks of dating. I got thrown off by his behaviour and questioned why he liked me so much because he wouldn’t really have been able to know me that well that soon. Then it all stopped as quickly as it had started. Back in the day we were in our early twenties and now we are at the cusps of our thirties. Your video made me realize that his past behaviour could have been explained by his relationship immaturity. I believe we have both experienced a lot during these years and hopefully become more mature on the way so if we now take the time to really get to know each other, things could go differently. Should I give this a chance or am I just making myself believe this could work? Can “lovebombers” change?

  17. This literally just happened to me. I normally am the one to set the intensity pace, mostly bcs of past relationships and whatnot. However, this time I let my guard down because he was a longtime friend of mine whom I had kept in touch with for several years. It went on for about 9 months. We live in different states, so we were talking for several hours every night. We each had flown back and forth a couple times each to spend time together. Normally a guarded person, he made me feel safe. He supposedly shared things with me from his tours of duty he had not shared with others. He professed feelings of future hopes of our relationship. He validated me and had even told me he was “all in”. However, I also knew he was in a place in his life that brought lots of changes. He just recently got out of the marines, his custody was changing with his kids, he was battling his ex, he was starting a new job, a new “civilian” life. I of course was understanding of all of this, I even brought up in conversations about if this was really what he wanted right now, a new relationship. I actually gave him many “outs”. Then things quickly changed. Conversations and texts came few and far between (which is important with long distance). He said he wasn’t ghosting me. He asked me to bare with him, to not build my walls back up. However, things continued to get worse and worse until I was lucky to get a response once a month. Since he works for the government, he’s not in social media(I know that sounds suspicious, but he really doesn’t lol) and it wasn’t like I could pop over to see him. He first and foremost was my friend of several years. So normally, I would have dropped it and learned from it. But my strength and sometimes my downfall is my loyalty. So I hung on for about 6 more months. I continued to give him space and understanding with all that he was going through, trying to give it the benefit of the doubt. I would barely send him any texts and just try to call every once in a while to see how he was, until out of the blue I could tell he had finally blocked me on his phone. I guess I just wanted closure out of respect for the friendship that we had had before it became romantic and for even the friendship I thought we had grown over those last 9 months. It’s been really hard to get over, partly bcs of the hurt, but also because he never gave me any closure. I know it’s not my job to figure out which “guy” he is from your video, but it’s aggravating bcs there was the person I knew as my friend….I guess I am having a hard time separating that version of him from the other version of him he showed me that I never knew he was. Any advice?

    1. To clarify, things didn’t quickly change after I gave him “outs”. I gave those to him at the start of things. But after several months, things quickly did a 180 out of nowhere

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