Maybe you’re telling yourself, “I’m just not the kind of person who can attract the person I want, inspire a crowd, be a leader, or get noticed for my work. You just need to be born with that talent and charisma.”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
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I want to take three areas of life that you might be focused on right now. Areas where you don’t feel truly happy in your progress.
So let’s say one of them is your love life. You want to have an extraordinary love life. And maybe right now you don’t feel like you’ve met someone that you could be with for the long term. Maybe the person you want for the long term isn’t giving you what you want. Or maybe you’re just in a relationship that’s not making you happy.
Second area, let’s take your work life. So let’s say you’re in a company right now and you feel like you’re not able to express yourself the way you want to in that company. You have creative ambitions, or maybe you just feel like you should be at a higher level. You want a promotion or a pay rise. You don’t feel like you’re getting the reward for the work that you’re doing. Or maybe you’re not where you want to be. You want to be running your own business. Maybe you have a passion project you want to get off the ground. Maybe there’s something, some product or service, that you want to bring to the world, and maybe even already are bringing to the world, but you either don’t know how to get started, or you don’t really feel like that thing is growing as quickly as you might like.
And then let’s take home life: family and friends. And let’s say right now you’re not getting the respect you want with someone in your life. There’s someone that you have conflict or confrontation with. Maybe it’s your sister, maybe it’s a parent. There’s someone in your life where you really never feel heard. You never feel like that person respects your opinions or your wishes. You feel like you’re having the same arguments over and over again. And the dynamics with people in your life are making you deeply unhappy.
So you’ve got three distinct areas. Now we would think that these three areas are three different… If we imagine a self-development bookshelf, these are three distinct areas to write about. I believe, in fact, I know, there is a core skillset that unites all of these areas. Because there is one skill that if you have it, will improve your life across the board and you don’t need to think about these things as separate areas. They could all be one book, and that book would be a book on storytelling. Am I telling a compelling story about myself, about my life, about what I believe in, and why other people should respect that belief or believe in it too? Am I telling a compelling story? Now that may seem a little abstract right now, but think about it for a moment.
In your love life, it’s all about storytelling. When you meet someone, you’re telling a story about why they should go on a date with you. When you’re on a first date, you’re telling a story about why they should go on a second date with you, and so on. When we’ve been dating someone, we’re telling a story about why they should want to propose to us, or have a family with us.
Our work life: Am I telling a compelling story about my value to this company? Or if I have my own company, am I telling a compelling story about why my product or service is necessary, about how it will actually hurt your life if you don’t get what I have to offer? Am I telling a compelling story about, not only my products or service, but my company and what it stands for?
And then lastly, even at home, you might ask, “How does story relate to my home life?” Well, if you’re having a constant argument with someone, what’s the story that I’m telling about my argument? How am I telling the story of my feelings, my emotions, my needs, and why they’re important, why they’re relevant, why they should be respected? What story am I telling the people around me, about myself and my value?
This is all storytelling. There has never been more noise, especially in these two areas. If you think about it, there’s never been more competition in the sense that everyone’s on an app. Everyone’s on a dating site. We’re now not just finding dates with people in our local coffee shop, we are able to access people all over the world. And that means we’re also competing with people all over the world.
In our work life, yes, the opportunity has opened up for far more people to create businesses, to decide that they want to put out a product or a service or themselves to the world. They never had that ability before, but neither did everybody else. And now everyone has that ability. So as much as there’s opportunity, there’s also more noise, more competition than there has ever been. That makes the ability to tell a compelling story that much more important, because there is so much noise out there.
If you’re a personal trainer right now trying to build a business, you’ve never been in competition with so many personal trainers. If you’re a person trying to date, you’ve never been in competition with so many other people trying to date. And as much as we’re told now, if you look at a lot of advice out there, both on a personal and a business level, the advice is about talking more. You need to be on more apps. You need to go and join this site. In business, you need to put out more content. You need to be putting out content every single day, making noise every single day so that you’ll be noticed. The problem is that talking doesn’t guarantee we’ll be heard. We need to be telling a story that gets us heard, that cuts through the noise that everybody else is making. That is going to be the defining factor in our success.
And I know this because I have been applying this for years of my life. When I first started out, I knew that, in helping women to go out there and create more options in their dating life, I would have to get many more women to be proactive about going and making some kind of a move, because if they simply waited, they would always be chosen by guys and never be the ones doing the choosing. So I could have just come out and made a video and said, “Women, you have to be proactive. You have to get out there and start making the move.” But I didn’t do that. What I did instead, was I told a story.
I would listen to a woman who would say to me, “Matt, I’m old fashioned. I don’t want to make the move. That’s not who I am.” I would then say, “Then I think you’ve forgotten what old fashioned really was.” Because old fashioned was a woman who walked past a guy a hundred years ago, saw that she was attracted to him and then dropped her handkerchief. He would see the handkerchief and think to himself, “This is an extraordinary opportunity to be a man.” He’d pick it up, walk it over to her and say, “Madam, you dropped this.” She would then say, “Did I?” And they would now have a conversation that he thought was his idea, but it wasn’t. She made the move by choosing him, by dropping the handkerchief in front of that man. And then I would say, “So, don’t you want to learn how to drop the handkerchief in the modern era?” Because if you can do that, you can make a move, and still allow someone else to feel like it was them making the move.
That short story became far more compelling, far stickier, far more evocative, than me saying, “You just need to take action,” ever could be.
Now, if you think that this is only relevant to me because I’m a speaker, you are missing out on one of the most fundamental core ways to upgrade your success in every area of your life. What’s more, you’re also gifting that success to other people who may deserve it less than you. Because you can have a great product, you can have a great service, you can have a great personality, you can be a great person, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to get the best results. In fact, there are other people who might have tried far less hard on who they are as a person or their product in business, who actually achieve far more because they learned this skill and you didn’t.
You know, sometimes in life we see someone who is achieving more than us or who has gotten ahead, and we know that who they are is not a very nice person, or we know that the product or service they have is actually inferior, and it can make us jealous, it can make us very angry, because we look at that and we go, “They don’t deserve that. They’re only getting that because they’re are great marketer. They’re only getting that because they know how to sell themselves, but I’m a great person, or I have something really great to offer and no one knows about it.” A lot of the time when we see that we feel the need to rebel, “Well, screw that. I’m not going to be that person who knows how to be… How to tell a great story, or knows how to have great impact. I’m just going to focus on making me better. I’m just going to focus on making my product better and so on.” And we go the other way. I think the response should be different.
I think, when we see that happening, our response should be, “I am going to make sure that I get great at this skill, great at my own personal impact, so that what I have to offer actually gets seen by the world. Because ultimately, if I have something great to offer the dating world, or my work life, or even a great perspective to offer in my personal life, but I can’t market that opinion, I can’t market that service, I can’t market my life as well as the next person, they’re still going to win, and that’s not acceptable. Because I owe it to the world to bring forward what I have in the most powerful way.” That is what this does.
Now, a little while ago, I was on a radio show, the biggest radio show in America. And in the first five minutes of that show, through my actions and my words, I told a story that allowed me to really win over that room. When I came out of the interview, my brother called me and he said to me, “Matt, you had that room in the first five minutes.” Because I was on the show for about an hour. He said, “But you had them in the first five minutes.” He said, “I want to write a guide, based on what you did in the first five minutes, to tell your story, through your actions and through your words. I want to write a guide that literally dissects what you did, so that other people can see how quickly you tell your story.”
And the reason that’s so important is because so many of us think, “Well, when someone gets to know me, then they’ll know who I am. Then they’ll fall in love with me. Then they’ll be attracted to me.” Or, “When someone really gets to know my product or service, they’re going to see how much better it is.” But the problem with those things is that most people never get there, because they decide in the first five minutes whether to give that person, that product, that service the next hour of their time, or the next level of their investment. So who we are in the first five minutes really does matter.
And what my brother did was really break down what I did in those first five minutes and put it in a free guide, that you can go and read for yourself, so that you can learn, not how to be me, but how to take your best qualities, how to take what’s most compelling about your story, and portray that far quicker. Front load your value, front load what’s attractive about you, front load what’s exciting about you, so that when someone meets you, they go, “Oh my God, I have to spend more time with this person. I have to go on a date with this person, or a third date or a fifth date. I have to invest in this person’s company or product or service, because what I’m seeing right now, has prompted me to the next stage of investment.”
If you are someone who comes to me not just for your love life but to upgrade your life in every area, go download this free guide, because I promise you, it is the glue that ties together all of the concepts that I teach everywhere, that you can use anywhere. Go to that free guide now where I tell you how to do this. I’ll see you there.
5 Replies to “The 5-Minute Secret to Transform Your Love Life AND Career”
Dear Math! I am enjoying your posts. You are very clever, understand psychology of relations beautifully, and very good writer.
Dear Matthew, I really like you and aaaaaall the genial things you teach us. Although I listen to you whenever possible, I apply nothing you teach in my life. You just give the good vibe. :))))) Anyway, what I want to say is you are such an intelligent guy, wont’t you do smth about that handwriting of yours? Plase? :))))) Just asking… :)))))))))))
I try to download but download link dont come to my email. Why?
I love how you positioned storytelling as an effective tool for success in many aspects of life. I also love how you said that old-fashioned women would pick a guy and get him to think that he made the first move but it was really the woman who has set her eyes on the guy – hence, the handkerchief.
And the five-minute rule is right too. Something to do with the pre-frontal cortex or something – like do something really good or really bad so that the brain will accept it and process it. I think I’m gonna go through some of your posts to get to the heart of the areas you are discussing. Thanks and more power.
this video really opened my eyes! <3 thank you Matt!!
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