The Introvert’s Guide To Charisma, Surviving Awkward First-Dates, And Career-Defining Moments
No matter what your career, no matter what your relationship status, if you want to move forward in this world, moments of pressure will always be a part of your life.
You’ll have to deal with difficult questions, speak in public, think on your feet, sell ideas, and even win people over to your point of view.
“But I’m an introvert!”
I know. So am I.
Unfortunately, the world is full of people who need to see you in the flesh, talk to you in person, people whom you need to impress in real time and in-the-flesh.
That’s not something you can do hunched over a desk insisting on living a remote life cocooned behind a warm laptop.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who feels ashamed of their own introversion. But nor do I think as an introvert I can shrug my shoulders and assume that I can get away with living in avoidance of these high-pressure social interactions.
We’ll always face the big interview, the first date, the difficult relationship conversation, the do-or-die sales pitch that may launch our career into a new stratosphere.
If we want to stand out in the world, we have to be able to deal with the people in it.
Luckily, charisma really doesn’t have a lot to do with having a big ego or being the loudest person in the room.
Yes, to an extent it’s about confidence, but it’s also about projecting a sense of authenticity and comfort with who you are.
Here are a few basic principles I’ve learnt about how to master charisma (even if you’re an introvert like me):
1. Be A Contributor, Not A Bystander
It’s much easier to have charisma when you’re someone who contributes.
Be the person who has something to add, rather than being the spectator on the sidelines.
People who are valued for their company are people who offer the benefit of what they know and help solve problems. This often means being vocal and speaking up when the time comes.
You can contribute in myriad ways: Tell someone what they do better than anyone else, give advice, bring fun and energy to a party, be a decision-maker, take the initiative to make plan with others, share recommendations. share your skills.
Be someone who brings value to every social situation, even if it’s just making others feel better in your presence.
2. Be Positive About The Future
Charismatic people inspire us to be better. And usually they make us feel hopeful about what can be done, rather than worry about what’s already gone before.
Ever been on a date with someone who never stops whining or wistfully sighing about some old grudge or situation with their friend, or ex, or a job they got fired from?
It’s like a charisma vacuum sucking the life and optimism out of the room.
Bottom line: charisma focuses on what possible, and gets us excited about what’s happening right now, rather than worrying about yesterday’s defeats.
Speaking of which…
3. Be Present
The more you center yourself in the present moment, the more you’ll be able to engage someone.
You’ll give them that feeling when you look them in the eye that you’re considering every word they (because you actually will be), instead of being lost in your head worrying about a work problem or some deadline you have to meet.
Be. Here. Now.
Charismatic people are able to fully submit to the moment they’re in and embrace it completely, meaning that they always make others feel appreciated in conversation by listening to what they have to say and asking better questions than the standard “How’s it going?”.
4. Be Willing To Take “Social Risks”
Charisma is about being the person who is willing to take the risk. To have the difficult conversation. To ask the question other people might be afraid to. To risk the joke that could fall flat on its face. And this all takes practice.
As I said earlier, I’ve always been a natural introvert.
Most people who meet me initially get the impression I’m shy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to wear the extrovert’s clothing after years of practice. I’ve found that, in truth, I actually enjoy my sociable, gregarious, nature when I allow myself to practice it more, even if it takes more warming up for me to be comfortable in certain environments.
Which is why I have personal rules to keep me practiced in this area.
– Always say “yes” to public speaking opportunities
– Sign up for karaoke when it’s on offer (trust me, no-one cares how you sing)
– Put myself forward for presentations
– Say yes to being in YouTube videos (this already happened!)
Charisma is a skill that can be practiced. The same as being able to do maths in your head. While there might be some born ‘naturals’ at these skills, that doesn’t mean they can’t also be learnt to a high level by people who haven’t always had them.
The First Five Minutes: Why I HAD To Write A Guide On Charisma (Download HERE)
It might surprise you to hear that even my brother Matt is a natural introvert.
He’s someone who growing up used to hate the idea of being up on stage, and was absolutely terrified of being put on the spot front of crowds. Yet today he gives seminars to thousands of women as his day job.
This is something I think Matt never speaks about enough, and for this reason, a while ago I decided to put together a guide that would reveal all of Matt’s well-honed secrets that helped him acquire the charisma he has today.
I call it “The First Five Minutes”, and when you download and start reading it you’ll soon see why.
In this free guide, I decided it was time to share Matt’s best techniques that he uses to charm people at dinner parties, interviews, pitches, and even on dates, which enabled him to win people over in the first 5 minutes of every interaction.
Click HERE to download your copy now…
Read it and you’ll instantly learn how to charm people with your personality.
And please let me know what you think in the comments below. I invested many hours writing “The First Five Minutes” and would love to hear your feedback and comments.
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Stephen Hussey helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.