The Myth Of Unconditional Love

In this week’s episode of LOVELife I argue that unconditional love doesn’t exist…

Question Of The Day: Love is conditional – do you agree? Let me know in the comments below!

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38 Replies to “The Myth Of Unconditional Love”

  • Hi matthiew.
    I think you are right in some ways. I loved a guy that did not love me. Even if he did not care of me I could’t stop loving him. So love can be unconditional but it should not be unconditional. We should learn ( for our wellness and our partner’s wellness) to love without losing our standards and our respect of ourselves. It depends on how much we love ourselves before we start loving other people. Thanks foro sharing this video.
    misia

  • This is the only point of disagreement between myself and Matthew that I have come across so far in all of the materials he has published (which is truly astonishing, thank you for sharing so much wisdom!)

    I believe that unconditional love does exist and is desirable to cultivate. I believe that every person is worthy of love and I endeavor to see everyone I meet in this way; this kind of love does not have limit and applies to every living thing if it applies to any one thing. It is a spiritual and universal love, not limited by religious dogma or a label.

    In the past it has been difficult for me to separate the types of ‘love’ when getting romantically involved with someone because I do go into the relationship loving them already, and I do not stop loving them once the relationship ends. This has often been confusing or scary for a man who does not have the same belief system as I do.

    That does not mean that I am destroyed by the end of a relationship. On the contrary, I have ended relationships before and I have also been happy about the end of a relationship that was initiated by the other person (though sometimes not right away!!). I am much more at peace about letting go of a relationship now that I do not feel that I am giving up love when that happens. I think that perhaps with this slight change of language, what Matthew has to say is very powerful and wise, but it is very important to make the following distinction: unconditional love is not the same thing as an unconditional relationship.

    An unconditional relationship is a dangerous and unhealthy concept because it only comes about when a person denies unconditional love to his or her own self. Unconditional love for everyone includes the necessity of loving oneself and taking care of one’s own needs. That may mean leaving a relationship in your past when it no longer serves your highest future.

    Thanks for reading!

  • Animals, non homo sapiens, are the only species that are able to provide unconditional love. That’s one of the numerous blessings they offer humans when sharing our lives with us. Unconditional love reeks of ‘Cinderella’ fairytales that even I believed until hearing this video. Now, my perspective has changed and I do agree with you, Matthew. Humans get hurt, have ego’s and respond to their pain. It’s easier to accept that we don’t have unconditional love and to go with the flow. Ultimately, it will make dealing with challenges that arise in a relationship, easier to work through or let go. Matthew, as always, you have amazing insight and offer us priceless gems of wisdom to learn from. Thank you as always!!!

  • I don’t want to take relationship advice from a man, who can’t keep a woman, still single, and can’t commit. It’s easy to get a man or woman, but keeping them is the hard part; which this man can’t seem to do if you do research on him. Sorry Matty-boy, you don’t have no successful relationships to speak of. Other than giving this highschool bf/gf mentality to other women. You’re a quack. This is like taking cooking advice from a bad cook. Talking about immaturity, what advice have you given women to have a long term and beneficial relationship. Ladies check those credentials before buying and consuming.

  • I think there is some confusion with the concept here. The truth is that, yes, love seldom exists in the relationships. The thing is, that we usually try to objectify love. We say we search for love, meaning we search for an object with whom we supposedly would experience love.

    The thing is that you will not comprehend love before you will be able to to love yourself (do not confuse with satisfying own ego in every possible way), this means truly understanding yourself (not only conscious but unconscious as well) and accepting yourself.

    We all have emotional wounds and most often we find partner that also has emotional wounds. Both therefore try to diminish internal issues by using each other. This Matthew means when he makes an example that you can have a partner who is abusive. Let us say you will absolutely not involve yourself in an unequal game – when you love yourself.

    When you love and truly accept yourself – you will learn and accept all the embarrassing and ugly sides of yourself. Only then you will be able to accept the same in another human being. We hate in others our own ugly side.

    And then love is often confused with sacrifice. Love is not a sacrifice. And really, true love does not bring you pain. When you do love someone unconditionally, this means you accept that person. You accept, for example that person has too much pain and should do some internal work. Letting that person go – could be an act of love as well, as this might make that person to learn a lesson, to review his action. Bending yourself and sacrificing yourself is not an act of love, it is actually an egoistic act – you want to keep that person, you will not let that person reevaluate, you feed that persons ego. Instead seeing father than that person’s current state. And being ready to let it go. Let that person reevaluate.

    Love is a very complex concept. Love does not need to be searched – we all have it within – we just do not see it due to emotional issues. Sometimes a person can become a door for you – to the better self. And you can become the door – for that person’s better self. Only if you become the door (the path) for each other to the better self – you will be able to comprehend love between the two humans. Sometimes relationship is not a solution. Sometimes it can take time to reach each other’s level.

    1. Brilliant. My thoughts exactly. Love isn’t a game, attraction is. Unconditional love = love for self and the other. Conditional love = “Dance for me monkey, and I’ll reward you with a peanut. If not, get the hell out. You will be replaced. Or I’ll just leave you.” Such emotional bondage, and violence , far from a nurturing relationship. As for me, I don’t want a monkey, I want a truly, loving man.

  • Hi Matthew,
    You Are Giving People Good Advice…

    I Will Say that …Real Relationships Do Exist
    They Are Unconditional…That Is Called A 5D Relationship..

    The Dating Advice You Are giving Is For 3D Relationships…
    Which Is Fine..
    I Just want To say That…Those Relationships Do Exist..
    That Are Called Relationships..Without Ego…
    Tara Grace

  • An Example Of 5D relationship
    Would Be
    Yeshua And Mary Maglalene…

    Yeshu Saw Mary As An Egual..
    That Very thing…threw The Pharisees Off..
    And Why Many People Where Afraid Of Yeshua

    Yeshua And Mary Maglalene Where Soul Mates
    And Stood For A Five D Life…
    Life Beyond Ego
    Tara Grace

  • I Personally Am Not Looking To date
    Anyone Right Now…I Enjoy Being Single

    Just Saw Your Description of What A guy Is
    Thinking When He Breaks Up With You..

    I Think You Described it Pretty Well For Women,
    I Personally Am In A Different Category
    Than What You Coach About…
    When I do Go Back Into The Dating Scene
    Maybe Not For A while Now…
    I Will Be Looking For A 5 D Guy
    No More Guys …Run By Ego…
    Tara Grace

  • Thank you Matthew!

    I was in a painful situation, of thinking I shouldn’t leave him no matter what because I love him a lot!

    Listening to you, and the idea of unconditional love does not / should not exist in this context…

    is a WOW moment! You have just LIBERATED ME, my soul!

    Sincere gratitude!

    I can now sleep in peace =)

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