The Number One Most Attractive Trait – Do You Have IT?

There is ONE trait that makes any person magnetically attractive…

Whether straight or gay; female or male; regardless of age, ethnicity or culture…

If you possess this one thing, you are guaranteed to get the respect, admiration and love you deserve.

Can you guess what it is?

I reveal it in this week’s video blog…

58 Responses to The Number One Most Attractive Trait – Do You Have IT?

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  1. Diana says:

    Thank you Matthew for all you do.
    I’ve learned so much from you…
    I hope to get to go to your Retreat in December this year:)

    You’re simply amazing and a good soul.


  2. yazmin varas says:

    Standards yes obviously… When those standards are set out men run. Ok you might state ” maybe I sounded too demanding” or “don’t scare the guy” or even ” he’s not the right guy for me.” I come from a good family with values moral. My whole life I have been taught to have standards self respect and everything. However, every time the “standards topic” pops up because these guys Wang to text 2-3 weeks later to hang out I always tell them I’m busy we should plan ahead if he wants to hang out. I’ve about had it. I’ve dated a guy and gave him 4 years of my life. The day of his birthday I made some arrangements (it was a surprise) he blew me off. I then made plans to go out with my cousins, later he texted he wanted to go out. I told him i had made plans because he made it clear to me he didn’t want to hamg out. He gave me the biggest F bomb to me. I didn’t say anything I just hung up. Also almost all the guys I meet just want to have casual sex/dating. That’s way out of my comfort zone and will never EVER consider doing.

  3. Lynn says:

    Coming from a 62 year old… I MUST comment… You are so right Matthew about RESPECT… A woman knows, if they are honest with themselves, whether respect is present. It goes both ways… No game playing. With eyes wide open. It’s there or it isn’t. Please Ladies… Dont lose it. Behave as if it is ( because it should always be there) at all times and offer it in return. If he /she is not treating you with Respect, LOSE him/her quick. It will not get any better. The person has his/her own problems to work out and nothing you do will change that. But by staying in can certainly change you. DON’T DO IT !!!

  4. Anna says:

    I must say I love your advice and your enthusiasm for this topic. I believe we need to have standards not only in romantic relationships but also in friendships. I have just started to watch your videos and I have a question. What should I do of I like a guy but hand No idea if Hey likes me back??? I have been rejecTed before and I don’t like the feeling what can o do to male it hurt slot less? Thank you for your help and your bids!!!

  5. Lee says:

    Thank you for this Matt. I sometimes debate myself of a past relationship with someone I thought was the one. We actually broke up because he wasn’t rising up to my standards & one of the last things he actually said to me was “I can’t be the person you want me to be.” He was right, no matter how much I longed & loved for him to not say that he was right that he couldn’t meet my standards & respect & love me for having them. In hindsight my gut was right. Thank you for validating this.

  6. Maud says:

    So how do I achieve that?

  7. Arsalon says:


    I really agree with you on this one. Having standards and being a challenge is magnetically attractive to me. Excellent post about perceived values and yes. shout out the LGBT communities.


  8. Kim McMaster says:

    Love it!!!

  9. Christine says:

    Hey Matt.

    I really loved this video. I’m kind of ashamed to say that I lowered my standards soooo much recently for this guy I really loved. And what ended up happening was that our relationship ended up being really unhealthy and emotionally abusive on his end. I tried to stay positive but ended up getting dragged down. I need to learn how to keep and hold to my standards in my next relationship. Thank you for reminding me of that. Love Christine

  10. Freshy says:

    Hey Matt, absolutely loved this video, I was sitting here in a dilemma about someone with whom I have dropped my standard and you and your video was God send at a time that I really needed it. It gave me the courage to tell him that I wanted to talk to him and I will be telling him what I need from him.

    You are an amazing human being and I am so happy that I have found you.

    lots of Love

  11. Shahrin says:

    Thank you matt. ..For all your interesting issues always.

    You feed me and keeps me coming back too with full of passion to watch your videos and advices :)))) :*

    ♡ ♡

  12. Patricia Heil says:


    YOU are the best and I love listening to you and looking at you! You are so darn handsome, adorable and sweet! Please tell me you have a girlfriend? A man of your quality should not be single.

    Thank you for your constant great advice!

    trish heil

  13. Catriona says:


    I have to admit when I first read your email I thought IT was going to be confidence but this goes above and beyond confidence. You can have confidence outwardly but not inner confidence and that’s what it takes to communicate your standards. And as usual this is a universal message in all areas of life not just dating so thanks for that! I would love more advice on how to communicate standards in the right way when confrontation comes up. Not just in dating but in life in general I need to be more assertive, I always let people walk all over me!

  14. Jackie says:


  15. Lisa says:

    I appreciate what you’re saying but you assume we have the tools to do this and know what it means. My mother was a doormat to my drug using father and I spent 20 years in an abusive marriage. I have no idea how to show “high value.” If you have no good relationship to use as a compass or have never closely seen a high value woman in a relationship, you don’t know what to do. There seems to be a fine line between being understanding of special circumstances (bad day, stress at work, etc) and being high value. I need examples. It’s the real life situations with exact words and actions that you provide (once in a while but not often enough for me) that make me say, “Oh, THAT’S what it means to be high value.” Please do this more.

  16. stella says:

    I hv been following you since I was 19…I am 24 now… And ur videos and speeches have actually changed the way I should be and was around men…the actual test came when my man recently took a break from me stating so lot of justifications why he needed this break when Eric are already in a long distance relationship…. Him going back to his shell did not at all make Me insecure rather gave me time to rethink my standards and the boundaries I had to set if I were to be respected and more attractive… I was actually having fun with my life when 5 days into this break I started seeing what you have been constantly explaining what gets your guy back…!! Just 5days Matt and just saw the difference… I still am on a break but this time on my ground rules! Because I wanna feel the freedom till the time I am ready to go back into my relationship… I feel the power and things under my control only because I kno I have a back… Ur videos and your wise advices!
    Thanks for bringing confidence back in us women folk Matt :)

  17. Kristina says:

    Loved this Matt :) your message is felt around the world and you must feel so proud of how your work is coming across and delivered. Happy Easter and enjoy :)

  18. Emilia says:

    If got a question but I have some baaaad english Skills. Hope you understand sth.

    Well, I’ve been gone through many things in my life and I’ve never had that person to talk to or to look up to. Even no one in my family give me credit. Its a complicated Family Situation. They’ve always been rude to me. The only advice i got to be happy or successful in life Is to accept what they say even when i knew their beliefs are completely wrong. Like to never trust someone except the Family or everyone is bad except the family . I grew up as an uncertain Person Who always have doubts to never be good enough in every life Situation and in every Relationship. And that kills my Ambition.

    Im still Doing things others expecting me to do because I dont wanna disappoint someone.. It has a negative effect at my Social life. Never had a really good friend to actually Trust or Talk to. Its difficult to me. No one ever told me with what to deal in life, what is right or wrong. I’ve only learned to do what others wants me to do and have No opinion.

    • Kristy says:

      Hi Emilia

      I understand what u feel . It must has been very hard for you , without any life instruction like that , right ?

      Well, the good news for you is : actually there are only very small number people has someone else to instruct them how to live. The major population has the same vague unclear direction as you do. So you are with many people with the same situation.

      a better news : you can learn these life principles.

      1. Ask people. not only one person . but as many people as you can . Because one may be not ur suitable answer. maybe multiple answers are for you.

      2.When you got ur answer of how to live , try each of them. and cancel out what is bad for you.

      3. These answer have to fit in these standard : wealth , health , emotion.
      Which means any principles or skill that is not good for you to archive these above standard is not good at all. Try another principle.

      i believe u can do it :)

    • Kimberley Soze says:

      Hi Em. I am a tranny and I felt that my life was similar to your description for a long time. This Christmas just gone I decided to change my life for the better. I have moved mountains in a lot of my life areas and now feel much better. Think about YOU and what you want out of life. Screw the people that don’t support you. I know that you care(its visible). But now its your time sweetie. Make some new friends, go for a new job ,find your love. They are all out there-you just have to look. The first step is the hardest but after that you will be addicted to improving yourself and your life. Appreciate yourself you are sooo much stronger and beautiful than you think. What would your first step be?

  19. Liberty says:

    You’re just wonderful Matt. I’m bisexual and find your advice very helpful. You’re coaching had helped me in many parts of my journey. I struve everyday to have and give value to all my relationships.


  20. J says:

    This was great Matt! Standards are where its at. Respect.

  21. Gloria says:


  22. Debbie Bivens says:

    You are incredible, Matthew! Thank you for sharing your wisdom, I appreciate all of your videos. This one today however, reaffirmed what a good, gracious and genuine man you truly are. Thank you for sharing that!

  23. Niroshi says:

    Hi Matt,

    I love your video’s which I just recently came across on youtube. I’m not currently focused on having a relationship, but your advice covers aspects I can definitely apply, and its easy to look at you :) you’re good looking.

    I am curious though, whats it like being a guy looking at relationships from a woman’s perspective?

    Look forward to seeing your new posts!


  24. Martha says:

    Dear Matt,

    I also am a huge fan of your and benefit so much from your short but deep videos. Many thanks for all your work!

    I get that being a high value woman with high standards is most important and I struggle with how that looks exactly. There aren’t many role models for this. Mostly women seem to be throwing themselves and guys, bending over backwards for them, going along with what they want and putting up with all kinds of poor treatment.

    I myself have not been with a man in over 10 years because I never feel treated well by them enough to get more involved. So I keep holding out, in the meantime feels like I’m missing out on all the good that I envision about being in a relationship.

    I appreciate your thoughts if you have any.

    Much Love,

  25. Angela says:


    Hi, there. I attended your retreat last year in Florida and gained so much from it. I really need your advice; please help. I would so appreciate it.

    My husband and I dated for 4 years and have been married for 12. We have 3 wonderful, little boys. Here is my issue. When we were dating, and up till recently, emotionally speaking, my husband has always treated me like a princess and made me feel special. Early in our marriage, I was the breadwinner and he was a struggling lawyer. I never made this an issue. In the last 2 years, my business came to a close while my husband established his own law firm and slowly became more prosperous. The thing is, if we were best friends and partners, now he seldom asks my opinion, let’s me know where the money is going, and has recently taken to raising his voice at me at the dinner table in front of my in-laws, and twice in front of our friends – for completely trivial, inconsequential reasons. It hurt me so very deeply. Instead of apologizing, he tells me that he has a lot of pressure with work and supporting our family. If he were to have raised his voice to me when I did not deserve it when we were dating, I would have had absolutely no conflict picking up my handbag, standing up from the restaurant table and calling myself a cab. I would never look back – literally and figuratively. I am a very high value woman – always have been, always will be. But we’ve built a precious family together, and I am committed to my husband and our marriage. I have told him that humiliating me in public like that just won’t fly, and he begrudgingly apologizes and asks me to be patient with him.

    My question, Matt, is – what should I actually do when my standards are violated (stay away, be distant?), and how do I keep my self-respect while allowing got my
    husband’s mistakes?

    What would you do if your spouse raised her voice at you in public – after you’ve already told her that that mode of conduct is below your standards of what you will accept in your relationship?

    Thank you very much for reading my question. Thank you for all the good work that you do.


    • Angela says:

      Thanks, C.
      I’m just not sure sometimes when to let it go and when to dig in my heels.
      Take care.

    • Lisa says:

      I appreciate what you’re saying but you assume we have the tools to do this and know what it means. My mother was a doormat to my drug using father and I spent 20 years in an abusive marriage. I have no idea how to show “high value.” If you have no good relationship to use as a compass or have never closely seen a high value woman in a relationship, you don’t know what to do. There seems to be a fine line between being understanding of special circumstances (bad day, stress at work, etc) and being high value. I need examples. It’s the real life situations with exact words and actions that you provide (once in a while but not often enough for me) that make me say, “Oh, THAT’S what it means to be high value.” Please do this more.

  26. Erin says:

    This is probably my favorite video you’ve done Matt. I couldn’t agree more that having standards is the number one rule. What i’ve learned from you most of all is that when i respect myself, it’s easy to set standards in a relationship or when dating. Brilliant!

  27. Gale says:

    Matt, you are friggin’ brilliant!!!!!!! I am putting a gold star next to this email and putting it in my Matthew Hussey folder with Attract Any Guy, Fast Tract To Mr. Right and Impact. I have learned so much from you and I still am. I watch you on the Today Show, too. HAPPY EASTER! Gale

  28. Ekaterina says:

    Thank you Matthew! This time you made me cry, seriously. Thank you for putting first the universal human values, regardless the gender, the country, the orientation.
    You working hard to make the world better.
    Happy Easter!

  29. Km says:

    I definitely learn my lesson by having standard its very important in me now.i have watch your video I realize that Aaha… momen for me Thank you so much Matt this video woke me up Thanks again.

  30. Kasandra says:

    What a wonderful basket! and Glad to see that u r looking well and recovered from your cold ~~~ I followed you because u were such an encouraging presence and even though I don’t think I am going to find THE one immediately, I realise that I did definitely learn to have standards from your video blogs~~~

  31. Kristi says:

    “educating them with your standards” sounds really sexy and very manly…i thought i would hear something like “you need to change something or submit. Speak his language or appreciate it, you just don’t notice it,you missed it…blah blahs and blah blah blahs” telling us we need to do more and i was surprised this was more like a “comforting back-hugs, a tap on the shoulders-on women who do everything to keep the relationship work ( or just how women perceives while still keeping our identity.
    This blog makes me feel good to being me and i noticed men too really find ways to express themselves and be understood;) you just voice it out :)
    this is really something…i find balance and unity in everything you said. i would not be surprised anymore if your language becomes universal. loool people will be talking more about you…

    seriously, i am very impressed ;)

  32. Mary says:

    This is the best advice, and an amplification of something you discussed on the Florida retreat I spent with you. My problem was with relationships other than romantic and this has helped me so much. Thanks, and a Happy Easter to you and your wonderful family and team.

  33. Andee says:

    So insightful, as usual Matt. Such truth you speak, and you are so positive, and empowering!

  34. Kiara says:

    The best thing about your advice is just how applicable it is to ALL areas of life, not just love life. Thank you!

  35. Nicole G says:


    Thank you for being you. :-). Funny I would wake up to this video. I have recently voiced my standards to a man that I love. I felt that I had chameleonized myself and had become so done I didn’t like or know just to get him to want me. I lowered my standards in hopes that he would ” choose” me. Needless to say, since my discussion, I have not heard from him. It has been nearly three weeks and I am very upset. I miss his voice…I miss him terribly. I feel used and like he is nit at all who I thought he was. Yet, I want him back. :-(. I know you are right in that I should have maintained my standards from the start. Is it still too late to turn this around. I have not tried to contact him since. I figured he didn’t like that I am no longer willing to function at and accept the lower standards.

    • Anastasia says:

      Hi Nicole,

      Hope you don’t mind that I reached out. Your post really hit home for me. I was where you are now a year ago. Please know it takes the heart a little longer to accept what your head knows is the right thing to do. It was rough for awhile. Your friends will get you through it. Do not contact him because he will think you were not serious and are willing to lower your standards again for him. A year later I can say it took some soul searching but that I know my worth now and it shows in all the choices of good men who are trying to date me now! Stay strong!

  36. Nilda says:

    Matt, you are simply incredible and it is amazing that each time I am insecure about something, you come up with the exact video that I need.
    Thank you!

  37. Monika says:

    Hi Matt

    Thanking you for this amazing video. I needed to hear that today – it just came in the right moment. I value your work enormously. Thanks to you I have had so many aha moments in my life which added value to my every day interactions. Happy Easter! :)

  38. Jill says:

    Whoever gave you that basket is a genius! I’m kind of sad I didn’t think of it. Secondly, you’re right keeping your standards is something I need to work on especially around guys that I like. Last but certainly not least I don’t think I’ve told how wonderful you are;)

  39. Liz says:

    Hey Matt,

    Just wanted to let you know that I am also a gay woman and I religiously follow your videos! Your advice has not just been of great value in my relationships but also within many aspects of my life – and for that I am extremely grateful. Naturally, it would be amazing if you were to make a few videos that occasionally catered more towards the LGBT community, but this is by no means a necessity for me to appreciate your work. I love all of your videos and your logical approach to life :)

  40. Louise says:

    I always feel the fact that someone thought of you enough to get you a gift means so much. I will always as a ‘thank you’ or if someone is going through a bad time give a ‘thinking of you’ gift. They are by no means big expensive things, sometimes they are just flowers I have picked from my garden and bunched together. The fact that l had thought of someone to do that means enough to them and they are always so grateful. Unfortunately not enough do it and it is a shame as it’s a great feeling to know someone did that especially for you.

    This video also came at a perfect time. In my work I am struggling at the moment to deal with one of my clients. She has the opinion that she is the only one I should deal with and if priority isn’t given to her, her attitude is horrendous and everything then becomes my fault. Looking forward to future videos where you go through how to keep standards high. Thank you :-)

  41. Kathryn says:

    Couldn’t agree more Matt. Just love how genuine you are for us all to learn together. Respect, absolutely. Absolutely. I also believe, whatever persuasion or relationships we are in, you are never too old or jaded or mistake ridden to learn and move forward. It is never too late to have the realisations. In the past,sometimes, I have thought your advice is maybe mainly suited to young, single, straight people with all their lives ahead of them. This is not so.
    The kindness and thoughtfulness of your gift there Matt goes over and above the norm. You go over and above what you could be and we thank you for being that way. You inspire us to be this way and we love having the debate with you. How adorable you are.
    Happy Easter to you and lots of love.

  42. Katherine says:

    Great! Thank you very much!
    As usual very inspirational!!!

  43. Shawnelle Maritneaux says:

    That was so sweet! And true! I am learning to educate people on my standards and it is working quite well. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and Steve and your entire team for the investment you make in my life without knowing it. Means a lot.

  44. Lauren says:

    Beautiful story! Beautiful advice! You’ve definitely helped me to truly love and appreciate myself more and helped me to stand strong in my standards. Whenever I feel myself diverting from my standards I usually will remember something you said and it keeps me on course! I’m not perfect but I’m so much better at upholding my standards than I used to be. I love the work that you do, the way that you do it and the positive effect it has on so many people’s lives! :)

  45. M says:

    I’ve always been this way. The few times I loosened the standards for mistakenly believing we mutually held to the same values, I got hurt. The minute I re-established my values, not easy, truth was present. And it was ultimatum time. What gave?
    Oftentimes the offender per se’ would not want the standards ‘back up’ and would choose the easy way OUT.
    Important lesson, and something to keep in mind is that, it takes great great courage to be a person of standards. Ie you will be the minority. Which in the long run, IS better. For, you are left in a smaller pool of great quality people to be surrounded by, and choose The One Love from. XO

  46. M says:

    I’ve always been this way. The few times I loosened the standards for mistakenly believing we mutually held to the values, I always got hurt. The minute I re-established my values, not easy, truth was present. Oftentimes the offender pee se’ would not want the standArds ‘back up’ and would choose the easy way OUT.
    Important lesson and sonething to know it takes a Great great courage to be a person of standards. Ie you will be the minority. Which in theong turn is better. For you are left in a smaller pool of great quality people to be surrounded by and choose The One Love from. XO

  47. JJ says:

    What do you think of New Zealand men Matthew?.. They are like Brits a bit aren’t they?… I get the feeling they are a bit reserved and overly polite. Any advice for NewZealand men for me?… How are men in their culture with women?… Are they more feminized or less assertive… I like someone from there. Thanks.

    Big hug ((xx ))

  48. JJ says:

    Brilliant Matthew!..

    I just had this conversation with a friend and you just affirmed what I was saying is true.

    Yesterday I also posted on Facebook this…

    “I gal can get 10 compliments in a day from the opposite sex but if it doesn’t come from a high value man, she isn’t flattered.”

    Thanks for the video. Watched it twice already.

    • JJ says:

      When you said “Chameleonize ourselves” reminds me of the movie “RUNAWAY BRIDE” where Juila Roberts does this with her grooms. She likes what the men she dates likes right down to how her eggs are cooked.

      My sister did that with every guy she dated and always ended up alone and completely lost her identity.

    • M says:

      Spot on. we want to bed layered by gentlemen. That is, those of us to whom this matters :)

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