The 1 Video You Must Watch If You Want a Relationship

This is an important message…

I need you to know that the journey you and I are on together in 2020 (and beyond) is about so much more than finding love. 

Because while a good portion of my content is about what to say and do in relationships…

At its core, what we’re really doing together is much deeper…

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I’ve been trying to think of what I want to say in this video to begin the year. This year is a year that I want to make my best year ever and I imagine it’s the same for you. And that has me thinking about the journey that I’m on personally. It has me thinking about the journey that we’re on together. It has me thinking about how I want to make an impact this year and is that different from how I’ve made an impact on any other year?

I wrote a book back in 2013 called Get The Guy. If you would, to merely look at the title of that book and say, “What does Matthew Hussey do?” It would be, well, he teaches you how to get the guy. Of course, it’s fun for me when someone talks about a relationship they found as a result of my work or that they’re now engaged or that they just met a great guy last week.

I hear those stories by the thousands and it’s amazing. But it’s not the only place that my heart resides in all of this, because I see the scope of what we do here as being so much bigger than simply finding another human being to pair with. I see it as the love of people, the love of life, and the love of ourselves. And that, to me, has always been our magic trick, is that in our organization and for me as an individual, I’ve spent the last 12 years talking about dating and relationships, about your relationships with other people, but underneath all that, what we’ve really been doing is working with people on transforming their relationship with themselves.

And that’s why, for me, dating and relationships is an enduring subject of fascination for me and something that I’ve been able to maintain a passion for for a long time. It’s because I believe that dating and relationships aren’t the be-all end-all, I just believe that they’re a great revealer of ourselves, our bad habits, our neuroses, our demons, our insecurities. They teach us so much about ourselves and that is very powerful. That’s very, very useful.

So, over the course of this year, you’re going to hear me still talking about dating and relationships. But I want you to understand that that, to me, is a wonderful lens through which to view all of the areas that we want to grow. If you don’t think that when I make a video that’s about dating or relationships, that that video is actually about everything, then you’re not paying close enough attention to the concept of that video. Because the stuff that I teach here applies everywhere. You can apply it to your business, you can apply it to your general ability to follow through in life, you can apply it to your confidence in every area of life.

Attraction isn’t isolated as a concept to your love life. There’s attraction in business, attracting clients, attracting the right friendships. There’s creating attraction around an idea you have, so that people listen to what you have to say. There are so many areas that the principles we teach over here in attraction are relevant to everything in your life.

And I also cringe every time when someone says, “So Matt, why are you still single? How am I supposed to trust you if you’re not in a relationship?” And to that I also feel…have you been paying attention? Because what we’re doing here is so much bigger than that and if you think that my goal here is just to get everyone into a relationship, you couldn’t be further off. I don’t care. I’m not Cupid. I don’t care whether someone is in a relationship. I’m not a matchmaker. That’s not my job to pair people together and to make sure, oh God, that person’s single and that person’s single, I just must put them in a relationship together.

That’s not what I do. I’m just as excited when someone comes up to me and says, “I broke up with someone because of you” as I am about someone saying, “I’m now in a relationship because of you.” Because if my advice gets someone to break up with a toxic person, leave a situation that they shouldn’t be in, or just be happier single, to be happy on their own, to be happy in who they are, to not feel like they have this desperate need for somebody else, so that when they do meet somebody else, they’re sharing a life instead of looking for a life. That to me is the jackpot.

Because the goal isn’t a relationship. The goal is happiness. The goal is you being content. The goal is self-love and I can’t help but think that those same people who say to me, whether it’s in a live event or on a comment, “Matt, why are you still single?” And there’s a tone to that. I can’t help but think that they’re directing that same neurosis, that same judgment towards themselves.

Because that dialogue that’s happening out here is also happening in here and it’s based on the idea that someone would be more valuable if they were in a relationship. And that is something that we have to address, because I believe that that is a wider societal issue that, especially for women, has to be done away with. The idea that you as a person are worth more if you’re in a relationship.

My own confidence cannot come from whether I’m currently in a relationship or not, any more than yours can come from that, because I don’t base my worth on that. And I don’t even base my worth as a coach or as someone who’s here sharing ideas on that. The great irony is that I’ve never been a better partner than I am today and I don’t have a partner today. Wrap your head around that. I’ve never been more capable of a great relationship but I’m not in one right now. But if you think for one second that’s going to determine my worth at this point in my life or it’s going to stop me from sharing ideas or that I don’t think my opinion is as valid because here’s my situation, then you’re misunderstanding what I’m doing here. There is a bigger journey here and there has to be a bigger journey for you too.

So, we have to be very careful about these very rigid stereotypes that only become a reflection of our own internal rules for what we think we need to be happy, for what we think has to happen in our lives, for us to be worthwhile, for us to matter, for us to have any sense of purpose. Far from feed that stereotype, I want to liberate you from that and instead invite you to join me on a journey of real growth. Growth that isn’t reliant on an external factor like whether you happen to be in a relationship and have the label of someone’s girlfriend or someone’s wife right now.

We’re on a bigger journey than that, and I invite you to join me on that journey this year. And to begin that journey this year, I have a training that I did from the stage with a group of people where I took them through the three layers of confidence that culminate on the deepest level at the core layer, which is really the layer I’m talking about in this video, that goes beyond whether you’re with someone, whether you had a great date last night, whether you’re going through a bad break up, whatever it may be, a level of confidence, a bedrock that makes you bulletproof, no matter what’s happening in your life.

Once you watch it, you’ll never be able to view confidence the same way again. It’s free. I’m gifting it to you today. So, come watch that training with me now. Leave me a comment under that training and let me know what you think. It’s at this link and I will see you there. Welcome to 2020. I’m so excited to be here with you. A new year. Let’s make it special together.

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43 Replies to “The 1 Video You Must Watch If You Want a Relationship”

  1. Don’t ever settle, Matt. You taught me that. I am happily single going after my dreams and goals. The retreat was the springboard for this journey when I didn’t know what to do with myself. All the best in 2020!

  2. It is funny how people freak out when they see good-looking, smart and nice people being single. Story of my life. And even if I tell them I am content the way I am, they just simply don’t believe me – such sweet people :))) And no, there’s no irony in this included in this one.
    I’m also happy that your approach matches with the singing approach (Lajos Szamosi’s Path to freedom in singing, aka Libero Canto) I teaching and making music according to. The basis for both is personal psychological growth and self-awareness, and the results you reach through these are easier to keep and liberates you (if done well) from self-judgement.

    Keep up the good work!

  3. I just want to say thank you for all your insights. I was in a long term relationship (off & on) for 15 years. After I finally ended it, I starting watching your videos and buying your programs. It changed my life. I used to be a zero confidence girl consistently going back to a toxic relationship. You helped me gain super confidence and the ability to love myself even though I am not in a relationship. I would love to be in a relationship but I will no longer sacrifice my happiness just to be with someone. It is crazy how people judge someone who is single for more than like a day..lol. So many people question me about why I am still single. I just smile and say I am waiting for “my man” not “a man”.Thanks to you, I have found that only I can make myself happy. So thank you for all your wonderful knowledge!

  4. Hi Matthew,
    This is one of the best videos you’ve made!!!
    I just sow your update from Prague. I wished we met. I just traveled from Israel to Prague 2 month ago to a Blues Dance festival. If we would have met , I would have definitely stopped you in the street just to say to you “After more than one year following you , I am here in Prague SINGLE/ALONE ….(big smile, letting you think is a reproach)..and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT.
    I learned with you that I unfairly complain for not finding a partner, because actually I am not really trying and really not put this as a priority.And there is a good reason for that.
    In all my relationships I was the giver till the point I anihilate my self and my dreams.I learned with you that is OK to say no , I learned that is OK to have requests and to express them assertively and kind, even playful. I learned to see my worthiness.
    So after 10 years of marriage and another 10 of few relationships , after raising alone my 2 boys for many years I decided is my me time. ALONE. To get strong on my personal life. My hobbies, my dreams, my aspirations, my purpose…heal my insecurities and fears,learn to really love myself.
    And if I am told “How a beautiful,smart , independent woman like you is single ? Don’t waste time , you are 43 ….” I remember your advises and stay strong. I don’t let the stigmas or stereotypes define my worthiness.
    Your words in the video touched me deeply in my heart. Your work is much much much more than finding a partner !!!!(Thou when applied it works,I tried it :-) )I am in the best place to be a partner but I am fine and happy as single. Your work is a big part of being in this amassing place!
    So people will say a lot . When I saw your videos first time I said you are too young to teach me something :-) Good i listened to my instincts and not my critical mind.
    Thank you so much for all your work! God, I wish you had a school where I could learn to be a teacher of all your knowledge so I can take it forward to young girls here in schools!!A generation of women free of stereotypes, with good communication skills and strong self esteem! What a dream !
    Dear Matthew your work is much needed.And definitely appreciated.

    You really got me talking … Running to see the new lesson in the link

    Namaste
    Lea Beatrice

  5. Thank you Matt. That was well said. It is happiness we are looking for and you are right, it starts with self love.

  6. Yes! This! Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling for a long time now! My value and worth isn’t dependent or determined by any external factor. I am tired of the societal pressures to be in a relationship. I live as an expat in Korea, and usually the second or third question I get asked, when I meet someone new, is “do you have a boyfriend?” When I say, “No.” the next question is, “How old are you?” Followed by shock at being single at my age, and comments that I should meet some one and get married. It’s definitely a cultural thing here, but oh so frustrating. I have fought so hard to not only accept myself, but be happy and content with who I am, so it not only frustrates me, it hurts when I am devalued by others in this way. This video speaks to me, so How do I help/teach others to respect my value and worth in both loving and respectful ways?

    Mathew Hussey, I have always found you to be very insightful, and your videos have helped me in all of my relationships. Thank you your heart to help others learn to love themselves, in order to have healthier relationships with others.

  7. Wow! I had goosebumps. What you said really gets to the core of it. About relationships, society, happiness… Thank you!

  8. Helle beautiful mind,

    I always asked why my relationships did not work ,on 2019 I discovered that the problem is my personnality .I was not the woman who take care of herself,who focus on her work ,her hobbies and her health.When I found this problems I decided to change the system of my life and now even if I’m single I feel ready to be with a man and continue living without a man because I’m so happy and proud of the efforts I did all this year.
    “We can not solve our problems with the same thinking we use when we created them “A.Einstein ” . Thank you coach

  9. Apart from the well-known fact that is not yet time for us to have a meet cute and butterflies and else hahahaha… I might have started watching your vídeos for love advice, but I’ve found a fresh and nourishing content that gives me a new perspective to help me become a more authentic, strong, vulnerable and kind version of myself: little by little, a few steps each and everyday; seeking and growing and moving. Thanks for that gift. Lotta love and let’s shake this 2020 to its best!

  10. The concepts in your opening year statement are probably the most profound words you’ve said yet. The idea that we are not who were with, but who we are and how we feel about ourselves, and if we truly love ourselves we can then truly love others, and relationships don’t define us but reflect who we are. You allowed yourself to very vulnerable and authentic and I now see why you are so respected and admired in your knowledge of people and relationships.

    Thank you for continuing to send out the message of working on ourselves, believing in who we are, and that we are valuable in this world by ourselves, and to someone fortunate enough to be who we choose to share our life with.

  11. You are brilliant Matt. I was on your 10th Year Anniversary retreat in May and there is definitely a positive change in many facets of my life. I completely agree that what you’ve taught is a comprehensive guide applicable to one’s life, not just the dating arena. Thank you for Your eloquent thoughtful insights. Wishing you a wonderful 2020 year ahead!

    1. Liora, thank you so much for sharing your feedback on your Retreat experience with Matthew! I am so happy that you were able to take so much from it and see the positive changes it made. Here’s to making 2020 your best year yet! My Best, Sara – MH Team

  12. You have gotten me, Matthew Hussey. In the aftermath of a brittled and withered relationship, I went on a rampage trying all the ways I could get him back. I hit the gym harder, I subscribed to numerous blogs and programs for relationship advice, I even tried my luck at new age sorcery extracted from random Buzzfeed articles. I pushed industriously and relentlessly, intermittently finding myself disheartened from my lack of physical proof. Until I realized what my intention was behind all the hard work, all the self-discovery, all the attempts manifested by books and seminars and journal-writing. My intention wasn’t just getting a specific guy. This guy was symbolic of something much more, that I believed he would make me feel complete, whole, happy and fulfilled. My intentions while having this man in my life and without having him in my life remained the same, and although it was emotionally harder for me to discover what happiness, completeness and wholeness looked and smelled and felt like, I was able to come so much closer to the essence of what happiness and wholeness and completeness meant to me, and that I didn’t need to look so externally for it. It was right under my nose the whole time. Both in ‘getting’ my guy, but more so in losing my guy was I able to discover this. Since then, I haven’t focused so much of my time and energy reading relationship advice, not because I don’t value them, but because needed to focus more on myself, filling up my cup, and rearranging my life to focus more on internal validation verses external validation. I knew that I was going to learn how to have a relationship with myself for the time-being. But alas, I felt compelled to watch your video this morning, and all I can say is thank you. You hit the nail on the head and your timing in the course of my life couldn’t be any more perfect. I value your perspective on the world and the all the ways you encourage love and understanding, among women, among men, and the love and understanding we learn to water within ourselves. Thank you for your wisdom, thank you for your guidance, thank you for the inspiration you offer for all of us to grow together.

    Your Player,
    Liz xx

  13. YES!!!!
    So glad you addressed this Matt! I’ve watched your videos and used your programs for years and they have helped me to communicate better- as a human. At work, and in ALL my relationships- not just those of a romantic nature. Your work has given me the confidence to learn to LOVE myself again and not to value myself based upon whether or not I’m in a relationship. I’m actually quite happily single; go on a lot of dates when I choose to; and know that I could easily find a loving relationship to be in IF I wanted to. But I choose not to. I get a lot of joy from being independent and on my own. Dating and love is not always everyone’s priority. Focusing upon your ‘self’ is fulfilling- the happier I became with who I am- was like becoming a magnet – it drew many likeminded people into my life.
    I so loved today’s message- it’s okay to be single. Despite the pressure society places upon us to have a mate. Stay strong Matt, And just do you. Let them judge. They will understand when they put the work in and have reached this state of self love.
    Your work is important- you are a beautiful soul and are really helping people connect- with others, and themselves.
    Thank-you. ❤️

  14. Matt, just a big thankyou from me! I’ve been following you and your programs for a while and just want you to know that this video sums up exactly what I have gained from you. I am single and super happy with the life I’ve built taking on your advice. You have changed my life in so many ways so thankyou thankyou thankyou! And thankyou for your courage to vulnerable to share, it really means alot.

  15. So powerful message to start the year! Sending it to everyone who I think need to hear that. ❤️
    Beside I want to compliment the idea of written text below the video. I know it always was there, but for the first time I used it. To read slowly and in my own speed, quoting and even learning new words. I read it twice and am completely connected with that. You are really creating this world as a better place to live! ❤️

  16. The biggest thing watching & reading your content has given me – is a self awareness of where I am at & the vibe I project … particularly to men .
    Your chats have encouraged me to remove the , please mind my language -, F*** Off A board I have been walking around with … lol …
    I am now more open
    Thank you!!

  17. Ur single? Great news!
    Sorry don’t think I wasn’t reading the rest or taking it in, it’s just that that stood out!

  18. Matthew and team,

    Thank you so much for your vulnerability and for talking to this point. I for one have had a few mates approach me after I went on the retreat last year to tell me ‘well that retreat didn’t work did it? You’re still single’. And I for one was gutted but grateful to learn who my true friends are. We aren’t defined by our relationships. We are our own whole, beautiful, complex and brilliant people, with our own paths, regardless of what people think. Thank you for being raw and real enough to be you on camera and in the world and shining a light on how to be vulnerable and super strong in one fail swoop. I have grown so much stronger as a result of the retreat and my friendship circle is stepping up ten notches because of it too! Thank you thank you thank you for this video.

  19. Matthew I want you to know that your opinion means so much more to me because you are single … because how would you know how it feels like to be single in these times and how would you know what it is like out there if you have been married for 20 years…I personally do not wonder why you are single because I see you and you are a happy person and that is why I listen to you because I want that too in my life …. Happiness :) …Thank you Matthew for being you and for sharing you with me.

  20. You are so damn GOOD!!

    I love this so much!!! I have been trying to find the words to tell others that I feel content and capable alone which doesn’t mean I don’t want a partner and equally I’m able to be the best partner EVER right now too with so much to give!!

    You’ve absolutely made my day and given confidence that I’m on the right track. I’m so happy with who I’ve become.

    Don’t you listen to anyone who questions your capabilities despite not being in a relationship. The world needs more Matthew Hussey xxx

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