One day consists of 86,400 seconds, each one containing countless options, possibilities and decisions of which only one can emerge…
When we look back on our past relationships, too often we remember the way they ended. The big fight, the difficult breakup, the painful emotions. The final chapter where we part ways often sticks in our minds. But as I sit here today, and reflect on my past relationships, I can’t help but think about the moments where they started.
I’m not talking about the moment we finally decided to call it a ‘relationship’. I’m talking about the moment I, they, or both of us, set in motion the sequence of events that led to all of those amazing experiences we had together. Even as I’m writing this I feel those moments tugging on my heart strings, making me realise just how significant the most insignificant of moments can be.
The moment I finally asked that girl at school to go to the cinema with me (albeit very timidly)…
The moment when I was 18, driving my car with the friend I’d always secretly had a crush, and I took the risk to hold her hand for the first time….
The moment in the elevator where I kissed that girl on the cheek…
The moment I met eyes with that person on he street in the middle of London, prompting me to run after her once she’d walked by…
These small moments have given me some of the greatest experiences of my life so far. And as I sit here writing about them I can’t help but recall how many more of these moments I could have created along the way but didn’t.
How many of these moments did I miss? How many of these moments have you missed in your life? Not that it’s productive to think that way, but it does serve as a reminder for just how rich everyday can be.
If we’ve missed these moments in the past, then chances are we’re still missing them today. And of course it’s much more than just the moment that we miss, it’s the whole new future that that moment would have created had we gone for it.
It’s for this reason I’ve always found time travel so fascinating. Time travel brings with it the simple idea that a single change in behaviour at any given moment can create an entirely different future…in effect, a parallel universe.
But the idea of us actually being able to invent the technology for time travel has never been necessary for me to maintain this fascination. The reason is that for me, time travel already exists, in the present. We get the chance to choose alternate realities in every moment of our lives. Anytime you make the decision to start speaking to the person standing next to you…the moment you decide to go out instead of staying in…the moment you decide to finally express your feelings to someone…the moment you decide to kiss someone on the cheek for no reason at all…these are all moments that have the ability to create a new future.
It blows my mind how much can change from one small moment. People too often forget that the changes in our destination can come from the smallest shifts in behaviour in any given moment. And right now I’m just speaking for our love lives, it’s truly mind blowing to see that this is possible for every other area of our lives too.
If you knew that speaking to the person ordering their coffee next to you would be the beginning of a life spent with your soulmate, would you do it?
Now of course it might not, but the possibility is there. And along with it the possibility of so many other things…a new friend, a lover, a chance to be part of a new circle of people…we could go on. The more relevant question is “what are the chances of any of these realities happening without you taking this moment and using it?”.
It’s hard to get what you want when no one knows you want it. Going about life like that is like walking into a restaurant and leaving it up to the waiter to bring you the thing you fancy most on the menu without telling him.
Life gives us a pretty big menu, which makes it that much more important that in our moments of decision we choose what we want; without succumbing to the fear of rejection, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of failure, or the fear of choosing the wrong thing.
And there are many moments of decision every day.
One day consists of 86,400 seconds, each one containing countless options, possibilities and decisions of which only one can emerge.
Here’s to the infinite variety life has to offer.
Matthew x
Track for the day: Track name – Life of the Bird (Album – The Crimson Wing: Mystery of the Flamingos)
Question for today: Which moments will you commit to take more advantage of? Let me know in your comments below.
Very inspiring, thanks loads, time travelling! WOW, yes, every single thing we choose has meaning and a choice can open up a parallel time, leaving another reality behind! How amazing is that! Imagine! Am contemplating opening my arms, entwining my fingers with the one I love, our hearts beating as one, and having so much fun, together forever! Now is that not extraordinary! And true too!
OMG I’ve lost a lot of moments in my life …is not going to happen again
I missed an important moment with a guy 10 years ago… just like the girl in the video, I just walked away. a couple of weeks ago I accidentally met the same guy… now HE missed the moment. What can I say.
Hi Matt,
This is beautiful and yet at the same time sad. Sad of the many possibilities I let them pass by.
I can’t explain why but I found this article difficult to swallow. I am only 19 years old so I know I can’t really talk out of much experience, but everyday I am surrounded by people who have a partner and seem so happy. I’ve read many of your articles and watched many of your videos, however I still haven’t had any luck. I am an attractive and funny girl, but I don’t understand why my time hasn’t happened yet. Last year I was with someone only for a short period of time, didn’t end well but ever since any one I’ve been with I haven’t felt the same, or in many cases I haven’t felt anything at all. This person was beyond perfect in my book, and every since I feel drained from emotion and its
horrible.
Now back to the point, (apologies for rambling on) The video I just watched and the article I just read terrified me. I live my life with the words “what if” in my mind and its torture. I honestly don’t know if that video has benefitted me or has just made me more regretful of my past decisions, but I think I am afraid because every time I do take a leap it has backfired within a matter of months and I end up more and more damaged. Its gotten to the point where I can’t remember the last time I felt a deep emotion. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely cried or even genuinely laughed out loud. I can’t remember what it feels like to meet someone, and have that exiting jump in your stomach that lasts for a few minutes when you know you have a connection. Im very sorry if this has depressed anyone but I couldn’t not express my feelings on this article (although I still think its a brilliant one) and I could really do with some advise?
Btw – track of the day is beautiful. Can’t stop pressing replay :)
hello,ive just read your message…first i would like to say that i feel you.when i was at about 20.i was feeling something like that…that it takes me ages to meet someone special…enjoy real feelings with him…and when we break up…i feel hurt and after awile its just not the same….now im 24 and in these few years i learnt a lot…and ive had few real strong connection based relationships and just recently recovered after break up with a man I truly shared something special..and thats when realization came….it does take time to meet that special person…for some,including me…and its down to inexperience and lack of understanding that people break up…and i believe with all my heart that i will meet him,the only one,when the time comes…but i do date a lot and i hope it will be soon.you should not worry that much that you have that bad,sad hurtful experience…thats life teaching you and everyone..whats more important..that you would work on you,get to know yourself,dont shut yourself down and keep meeting new people,but dont constantly think about the fact that it takes time and you dont feel deep emotions…you do….but you lost innocence and thats why you feel drained…its not that you drained..its just you had feelings and now as if you lost them..but you didn’t,trust me..its just you will grow a little,because you have more experience and understanding…love yourself and youll see how everything will look more positive! Do everything to make your life full and keep meeting new people! Best of luck.much of love X
Hello Bex,
It sounds very probable from what you describe that you are looking for a deeper meaning in life period. Something that no man can give you. It makes me sad to hear anyone say they can’t remember the last time they had a good, genuine, laugh out loud laugh. Everyone should experience that daily! But as long as we look for joy in other people, we will never find it. God puts wonderful people in our lives to love us through them, but our ultimate joy comes from an intimate relationship with Him, our Father, our Creator, the one who knows us and loves us most unconditionally. There is nothing wrong with trying but sometimes things do not work out because we are ultimately not in control and He knows that it isn’t the best for us to have a relationship with a particular person.
This is what I hope for you, Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope”.
–Chekeitha
Thank you! A very good reminder. I think we too often forget that every little effort is gonna make the biggest changes. We think of all the reasons why we shouldn’t do things, like you perfectly said, letting our fears control our behaviors. But doing that we miss out on so many possibilities. This new way of living has been proved to me to be the best rewarding, and the more you practice it, the better you become at it. There’s nothing to loose, only gain! Even if you’re not always a success, well you’ll learn from all those moments and grow from them stronger!! :) Trying= No regret and a possibility to actually get what you want and deserve!
Thanks Matthew! :)
Powerful video and beautiful song! Thank you!
Thanks.
Dear Matthew,
I have a friend. We kinda have the awkward moment once(which is the phase between close friends and couple).But, at last we were seperated. Currently, i tried to give signals to the guy that i’m still there for him. But he kinda left me cold shoulder sometimes. When we met outside of the place where we usually met, he kinda nervous and out of control. I wonder is he still there for me or I;m the one who cont move forward????
Bex^^^^^ If you read this, I totally get you! I had exactly the same when I was 19, exactly, had a series of short barely-relationship-relationships followed by one that I liked but who wasn’t great for me and who I was devastated over at the time but in hindsight I don’t think I really loved, I was just mourning what felt like losing a part of myself….
I was so scared to just get back into the water.
One night my friends coaxed me out (I was in reading Tolkein, aged 20 – yes I am an oddbod who lives in fantasy land), and we were just chatting and having fun when my eyes locked with an insanely handsome man across the room… He looked somewhere between Brad Pitt (in that vampire movie?) and a blonde swarthy viking, but tanned and dressed like Kurt Cobain and just GLOWING! And I wanted to do what I normally do – look away – but for some reason that night I didn’t care if this handsome stranger thought I was odd; I smiled up at him, and looked him right in the eye. He smiled back, and within minutes he’d broken off from his friends to come talk to me, and somehow I found myself letting go with him more than anyone else before and having a fun, incredible 2 year relationship. We’re still friends, and with him I realised that what I had loved so much about the previous boyfriend was that feeling of being in a relationship, and the opportunities it brings, like having someone to plan dates with and laugh with…
Until that boyfriend, aged 20, I had no idea what I wanted or what happiness felt like, and most of the time I would now say I was pretty seriously depressed… But now I know that I have the ability to create those magic relationship moments any time… Like in the video, a little glance that becomes something more, and living in the moment when dating, and giggling and making memories with friends and strangers whenever I have the time spare.
I am totally sure that someday you’ll find yourself in the path of a moment, and you won’t care if someone thinks you’re odd, and for whatever reason you’ll decide to just have fun and be yourself. Don’t give up and let it get you down Bex, not when you’re so young. There are so many amazing little happy seconds to come, I promise. LOVE,
Cordee, 22, and dating, and happy. x x
Good one. I guess even you got countless rejections or frustrations, never let the fear takes over!
I believe I should have kissed the guy I have a crush on, that one night after this party, but I didn’t because I was too afraid of the consequences… I don’t think this will happen to me again, next time I will go for it, because I love time traveling as much as you do, and the lessons we learn out of them.
Life has so much beauty and there are so many things worth to discover, so many people to meet, so much love to give and get. We shouldn’t hide behind fears anymore but step out and show the world how amazing we are, and see how awesome life can be, if you dare to life.
Thank you Matthew for posting this video and reminding me that every second can change my life and a risk is worth taking it, because you have to earn love, everything in life actually.
I think we’ve all let the sec pass us by..when is the right second to approach that stranger you are so attracted to? rejection is not fun at all but I guess we have to keep trying until it happens…nice video for sure! thanks Matt! I am ready for a nice/friendly relationship with a nice guy and will never stop trying to find the right one!
Hi Matthew,
It’s great to see you “back”! Thank you for sharing the video “Seconds”. It really puts life into perspective. I don’t know if it was meant solely about relationships, but I find it applicable on a much broader and deeper scale about all areas of life.
Dear Matthew,
Your article speaks volumes. Your optimism is catching, and you’re idea that we decide our own futures, we determine our own direction through time travel of the present, has given me a sort of epiphany not only to be more open, but to embrace life’s possibilities to my full potential.
In your question of the day, you asked “Which moments will you commit to take more advantage of?”
If I were to answer this fully or even sufficiently, I would need days. In a general sense, I will be more willing to be allow myself to be vulnerable. I will act more on my feelings than on my situationally misconstrued mind.
More often than not, when we avoid taking risks or initiating a conversation with someone, we justify our actions with defense mechanisms. We convince ourselves that we are doing the logical rational thing by avoiding the minor possibility of rejection. In order to fix this problem, I believe we should do things to boost our confidence, whether it be joining “Toastmasters” for improvement in public speaking, working out at the gym to increase the endorphins in our brains, or anything else constructive.
Thank you – most enjoyed and realistically informative. Keep up the good work!
Oh Matthew!
What a great video and what a great post. Just recently I found myself thinking of these past weeks could have been so different had I not decided to visit someone and end up having a conversation with someone else I’ve bumped into several times these past two weeks (at times intentionally,lol). Anyway, you just clarified that endless possibilities that lie behind single decisions.
Maybe I’ll be a little different from the woman in the video and ask the guy next to me what he’s having…
– Miriam
This…is lovely…thank you.
Matthew your videos and comments are totally amazing.
I love getting your emails. I in a situation right now where I might a beautiful man a few people around me is encouraging negative remarks. I am typically a shy/timid individual this person is sooo High Value alpha male and beautiful I want to do something sooooooooooo amazing it will knock his sock off. When I received your emails your timing is perfect. I look forward to your emails.
Their are few videos you have advertised I would like to get them but I don’t know how to process the payment arrangements could you please help me.
1. Find Mr. Right
2) Deadly Mistakes Women Make In Bed
3) High Value Woman Program
All for $97
Also I would love to see meet up with your conferences/seminar here in America either in Florida/New York City.
Let me know on status.
Hey Maria,
I will be doing more events in the US hopefully later this year. However, as I’ve said to a few others in the next month I have something perfect for you. My advice is don’t buy the Find Mr Right programme right now, because what I have on the way is going to be new and improved from anything I’ve brought out before. Will have updates in next few weeks! x
Yes grab the moment I am 56 ,widowed my friend said I should do online dating ,I met a Canadian,I flew to Canada while i was e mailing him I noticed a very unusual man who had written the most beautiful poem I wrote just to say hello and tell him how much I loved his poem, did not even think he would write back, as he is younger than me ,guess what he wrote back and I said I was more or less dating someone else he answered he did not care,we could be friends ,things did not work out with the first date ,HE said I was waiting for YOU ,we now have the most incredible relation ,although we do not even live in the same country he is making plans for the future I just feel we are perfect for each other so one goes ANOTHER ONE comes do not be afraid life is a beautiful game .
YOU DO NOT WIN ALL THE TIME BUT IF YOU DO NOT PLAY YOU WILL NEVER WIN. ENJOY
Hello Angeline,
Wow, I find your comment so motivating&inspiring&lovely and I totally agree with you!
We have to give, have to risk, we have to trust.
Life is good; in my eyes life is a rollercoaster, and if you try it once for real you will become “addicted” to it.
YES there ups AND downs, but after all the experience is worth it.
Life has to be lived!
Thank you for sharing your story:)
-Sarah