The Strange Secret to a Happy Relationship: Trash Cans

I bet you’ve never thought about relationships the way I’m about to show you.

The secret I give in this video isn’t one you’ll find in every book out there…

What are the “Trash Cans” you want in your dream relationship? The day-to-day details and acts of support?


This isn’t fantasy. This isn’t building a castle in the sky. The idea of love. The idea of what we could be. The one day wager – I call it the one day wager. I’m making a wager that one day you’ll be what I want you to be. One day you’ll invest in me the way I want you to. One day you’ll change. The one day wager is the most dangerous wager you can possibly make in your love life. The real shit is what’s going on now. Is someone trying? Do they want to be here? Are they focused on the little shit? Not just the big shit, because anyone can go and have a… People say, “But when it’s great, it’s great.”


“It’s amazing.” Yeah.


“When we go out, we’ve been on some amazing dates.”


“We’re on vacation.”


Or “We did that vacation, we had the best time and it was amazing.” Of course, you were on fucking vacation. Anyone can go to Disney World and have a great time. It’s Disney World! That’s the job of the place, is to make sure you have a great time no matter who you’re with.




Right? You know what? When I was, I think I was 12 or 13, my parents took me to America for the first time and we came to Florida, and where do you think we went? We went to –


Disney World.


… Disney World and I was massively excited. I was so –




… excited. It was exciting to be in America. I was excited to see the things I’d seen on TV. Excited to see the references to movies I’d seen. Excited for the rides. We go into Disney World and I learned something very interesting about myself there. Because of course, I go in there, it’s magical. It’s, “Oh my God, this is crazy. It’s huge.”


And your photo with Mickey.


You go on Space Mountain.




Yeah, there’s Mickey there, there’s all these dazzling attractions. But it was something that stood out to me even more than Space Mountain, even more than the big ride. It was the trash cans.


Oh, yeah?


On some level that maybe I couldn’t fully articulate at that age, I saw the trash cans and I was moved by it. I said, “Someone cared enough about this place to theme the trash cans.” The trash can in Tomorrow Land is a futuristic trash can, the trash can in Indiana Jones Land or whatever it’s called is a Tiki bamboo trash can. The trash cans were different depending on where you were.


It’s amazing.


Someone cared so much about the detail of that world that they styled and themed the trash cans. It moved me. I’ve never forgotten that. The trash cans in life. And I’ve thought about that endlessly in my business. When I do a retreat – I just got back from my retreat, and I told this story on the retreat  – someone came to me at the end of the retreat – because of all the little details we put on the retreat, you know, it’s not just a seminar, an event, we hold parties and inside there are –


It’s an experience, yeah.


It’s an immersive world. We like to think we’ve created the immersive theater of the self-development world. And someone came up to me at the end of this retreat and said, “You achieved trash can status.” And it –


That’s big.


The 13-year-old in me wanted to cry.


Wow, that’s amazing.


Right? And it moved me again and I thought, “That’s what I want.” And I thought about this even today as I was coming here and I was like, “You know what? This absolutely applies to relationships too.” Often in a breakup, often when people are going through difficult times with their partner or whatever, the thing they go back to is, “But we had that amazing trip, but we had those amazing times.” They go to these highlights, they go to the Space Mountain of their relationship and they go, “But remember when we met Mickey?” It’s that, right?




The meeting Mickey moment of their relationship. But relationships are about the trash cans, man. It’s the trash cans.




Because guess what? In a day at Disney, you ride Space Mountain once, maybe twice.


It’s a moment.


How many times do you use the trash cans?


Every day, all the time.


Every 20 minutes, every 30 minutes.




It’s the trash cans. What will define your relationship is the trash cans, not Space Mountain.


The lower moments, the messy moments.


The micro attractions. The moment where we do something sweet, where we think of our partner when we didn’t need to and we worry about the day they had or support them, or even just support them silently or in private, or support them by what we don’t bring to them. It’s that. It’s the detail. It’s the detail, and that’s what’s going to determine how great your life is. My concern is, and we’ve all been there, my concern is the number of people out there who are staying in the wrong thing because of the Space Mountain of the relationship.


The few moments that were magical.


Or they’re spending too much grieving the loss of the wrong thing because all they remember is Space Mountain.




But they don’t think of how shitty the trash cans were and the trash cans, that’s the stuff, that’s the day-to-day. How good was it day-to-day? There’s a difference between being in love and being happy.


What is the difference between love and happiness?


You can be in love and be really unhappy.


Be suffering inside and be in love.


You can be in love and be having a relationship that’s causing you constant anxiety, constant heartache, constant pain, feeling overlooked, not feeling important. You can be in love and all of those things still be true, how crazy is that? We think that love is this thing where it’s rational, like, “I’m going to be in love with this person who brings me joy.” Not true. We need to start worrying more about happiness because if someone isn’t building with you, if someone isn’t committing to actually building the castle with you, that’s the quality of your life, not how in love you are.


You might love certain things about them. You might’ve loved the date you went on, you might have loved the Space Mountain or –


Certain characteristics they had.


The sex was incredible.


How charming they were, how charismatic, how whatever. It doesn’t mean that you’re happy day-to-day, there’s a big difference.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

52 Responses to The Strange Secret to a Happy Relationship: Trash Cans

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  1. Nadia says:

    That makes total sense!!! I like the trash can theory. I’ve gone through a breakup and we have been trying to make it work so much in the past few years were we sat down one night and I ask him where do you see yourself in six months he automatically answered I’m taking it six months at a time as I don’t know where COVID is going to affect my business. Then I asked him where do you see us he responded I feel like we are flat mates. I agreed. As I love him but not in love with him as I couldn’t see any of the daily “trash can” between us. Just the big moments. I couldn’t see myself just living the big moments. I wanted the daily trash cans.

  2. Jasmine Arden-Brown says:

    Hi Matthew. I’m such a huge fan of your videos, and as someone who deeply values emotional intelligence, I find myself agreeing with everything you say, and still learning a lot of new slants on relationship psychology that really stick with me.

    Most recently, your concept of the Disneyland ‘trashcan’ moments.

    My partner and I both live in the UK as actors/writers, which means we can have long periods of time apart (going off on theatre tours), followed by long periods of being together all day every day (and writing our novel together).

    When we’re apart, there are plenty of ‘trashcan’ moments that we realise we miss. Like you say, it’s the little things. For me, it might be the simple physical sensation of sitting down next to him on our sofa, or the fact that he’s made a tradition of running over to hug me when I sneeze. For him, it might be the way I absent-mindedly pull his socks up for him, or tug on his earlobe when we’re watching TV. He always throws me a huge grin when I do that.

    When we are able to have breakfast together, we make a little ceremony of it (even if we have just had breakfast together for the fiftieth time in a row). We call them ‘Happy Breakfasts’ and we put our milk in jugs and our cereal in jars and just eat at the table with no other distractions but each other and we are thrilled by it each and every time!

    And we fully express the littlest joys we feel in the ordinary, and we constantly tell each other how happy we are with each other, how grateful we are that life put us together at the time that it did.

    A few nights ago, we met some friends at a bar, and we got chatting to the waitress. She asked how long we had been together, and when we said it was almost five years, she said “And you’re STILL like that?!” delightfully shocked that we were still in the so-called ‘honeymoon’ period, and still looked at and laughed with each other in that way. Our goal is to always be like that, and be cute/gross fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty year olds together.

    We certainly do like to remember the BIG memories, like the time he proposed to me on holiday in Mexico. But we far more frequently reminisce about the beautiful ‘trashcan’ memories.

    I like to remind him of the time, early on in our relationship, that he said “You know what I’ve realised about you? You’re very sincere,” and I tell him that that might have been my single, favourite compliment I’ve ever received.

    Or he might remind me of the time I revealed that I had bought him a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in secret, because he wanted to try eating less chocolate but I knew he’d change his mind and wish he had some and get sad because he didn’t buy any. His reaction was priceless!

    Matthew, you are SO right about these ‘trashcan’ moments. They are the extraordinary in the ordinary. The magic in the mundane. If you find as much happiness in the ‘trashcans’ as you do in the ‘space mountains,’ then you will live every day like you’re at Disneyland. Because we certainly feel that way when we’re together.

    Watching your videos helps me find new ways of being grateful, and making logical sense out of love and happiness.

  3. Felicia Gwynne says:

    I get it and some of Matthew’s philosophy to relationships is useful like improving yourself, growing as a person and finding someone who you want to make a life with etc. Every relationship is unique and while some of his advice are sensible, I prefer to trust my instinct as I already have trouble making friends, keeping a relationship (I have married the first man I dated), it seems that people struggle to accept me for me and while I have been working on it with help from my partner, it is extremely exhausting hearing every time that I am not ‘performing’ correctly to the unspoken social rules by having to control those ‘bad’ traits of mine such as my clothing, my way of saying things or conversing (not being rude at least not on purpose but I often say things that dont quite come across as how I intend), it always seems to overshadow my kind personality where I try to be as unjudgemental as possible ( i dont care how people dress, walk, laugh etc those should never be used as ways to diminish a person’s good qualities) I think I would prefer to be alone, no judgement, space to be myself (warts and all with space to improve what truly matters), so while other women may lap all of matthew’s advice up, maybe the key to happiness is to accept yourself and keep people (most are the wrong kind of people to be in a relationship with) at a very far distance.

  4. Lucy says:

    That’s so true! It’s also so easy to stay in something because you’ve already invested so much time that in your mind, it feels like a lot to give it all up after all that effort. Then the brainwave is that the relationship is not running on its own steam but being driven entirely by you. Despite the fact I realise this logically in my mind, I’m still prone to stay in an unsuitable relationship because I don’t want to give up trying. When I break up, which I did recently, I feel guilty for not trying harder.

  5. Shirley Lancaster says:

    That simple analogy was one of your best. I total agree to care about the simple things in a relationship now and always is key. Thank you Mathew for sharing that
    With me.:-)

  6. Lucia says:

    This! You always have a wonderful way of putting things into perspective.

  7. Melissa says:

    Thank you for this video. I appreciated hearing your trash can thoughts about how things are day to day not just the Disney experience…Your thoughts at the end regarding love. You can love someone and be a state of anxiety or stress, or lonely..,I so needed to hear that because I feel my significant other is not able to love me as I have expressed needing to be loved. They aren’t able to communicate with me and it has caused a huge rift between us.
    Thank you again!

  8. Nicole says:

    Thanks for again a great video, I love the trashcans, not just at Disney but in life. The end makes me wonder though, if what your saying means that being in love isn’t all its cracked up to be. Its not enough to be in love. But still that’s what people are (I am) looking for. That spark, the butterflies, the zazazoo.

    I feel like your saying that because I am looking for more than someone who’s just fun to be around, I’m over thinking it, or asking to much from a guy.. Or am I just getting this wrong.

  9. Caroline says:

    The most real thing i have read .Thanks for sharing

  10. Marlin says:

    Am not happy in my relationship

  11. Grace Macharia says:

    Now I know the micro details of relationship, thank you for being an eye opener. I was stuck but thank you

  12. April says:

    Matthew, you have percent reassured me that I made the right decision to end the on going whatever relationship I’ve been involved in for the past 8 years!!!! I’m now 40 and beyond tired of giving all of me and not getting what I want in return. Thank you for all your wisdom and true answers to keep me focused to move on! Your the best! ❤️

  13. BB says:

    What if the trash cans are kind of alright, but there aren’t great moments? Sometimes I feel like it’s so hard to decide I would do the right thing or not if I left my partner. He does nice things for me in a relationship, but then the other way around, when we go on vacation, he has some problems with things and we start arguing over little things, like he doesn’t know how to have fun. Sometimes it’s hard for me to decide if I am being too hard on him and I am just being too picky always wanting someone better after a while in my relationships. Can you relate to that?

  14. Shameza Abdulla says:

    you’re right. recently my boyfriend told me he thinks of me cooking in my apartment every time he needs to quiet his mind. i love that the simple act of me cooking has become a trash can for him. for me i travel a lot for work in very difficult places for humanitarian reasons- my trash can with my boyfriend is him checking in on me to make sure i am safe and that i am taking care of myself ( eating properly and getting sleep) – it may seem mundane or non romantic but it means a lot to me that he cares about my wellbeing when i am on deployment

  15. Melanie says:

    Wow! Thank you so much! I really needed this. I was so in love with my ex, who wouldn’t commit to anything for years – that I was missing out on a quality relationship with someone else. Now I’m with someone who worships me, is a great partner & wants to build a beautiful castle. Only problem is… I’m not in love with him, nor am I attracted to hIm. I have fallen in love w the wrong people all my life. How can I learn to love the right people??

  16. Desiree says:

    Yes, Sirs. The day to day “How are you? How was your day?” consist part of our trash can stuff. I just realized it listening to you. I would reply more earnestly when asked.
    And, credit my man more for asking without fail those 2 seemingly ordinarily bland questions.
    He presses me for an answer if I retell the news on tv or other things, that he thinks doesn’t show how I am really. He means to know & cares. Thank you for this aha! moment.

  17. Michelle Lange says:

    Matthew, I couldnt agree with you more. It is emphatically true that relationships boil down to the day to day life interactions. How you support carecand be there for each other. The highlights, grandiose moments are the icing on the cake and shouldn’t be indicative e of the relationship. I often check the day to day as a gauge of how things are going.
    Thank you for the I sight of being in love but not fulfilled or happy in a relationship. It makes perfect sense and can see it.
    Love this video

  18. Arezoo says:

    Hi Matthew, I have been listening and reading your material for couple of years and got quite a few friends of mine to do so… you really got it! Thank you so much.
    I get all you say about the building the castle, trashcan and the rest. Now, tell me what is wrong with doing it all solo? I was married for 9vyears and have 2 wonderful children, been in a relationship which wasnt great, been in many dates but got to the point that I feel like, why am I trying to bring someone else in?! What you’ve just said now made lots of sense to me, to not try to be in love, try to be happy! I am happy, in fact, I make myself unhappy with trying to find someone else to add to the equation!! It is enough! Right? I should not feel the pressure of becoming a part of 2 for the sake of the society acceptances, I can be happy and society and it’s beliefs can sort itself out! Right? I am really wondering here?!! Thank you SO much x

  19. Fiona Duncan says:

    What you said in this video sums up perfectly the relationship I just left …. I loved him but I was not happy…. there was no castle building.
    Thank you for confirming what I thought and did.

  20. Mihaela says:

    Beautiful, Matt!:) Beautiful story and very relevant indeed. Even the truth you said it’s very simple and logical, when we are in love with someone, we tend to ignore this fundamental aspect. I love your story and its deep message! And I promise myself to never ever forget Trash Cans Story and to apply it in my life, in everything I do.Thank you!!!

  21. M.C. SHINNICK says:

    I get you,totally, Matthew.
    Clever stuff; so true.

    Take care You. X.

  22. Val says:

    So, if your not happy day-to-day in your relationship, what do you do?

  23. Emily says:

    Always communicating, even when things are hard. They can say when they need to be alone but they still communicate. They show up, and we are there for each other, show up for each other. Noticing the little things, saying words of appreciation, showing affection. Noticing something that would make things easier for me and doing it, it can be small. Those are golden.

  24. Maggie says:

    Your trash can example is on the money Matthew. Small simple demonstrations of respect. Small examples of being thought of during the day. Returning for one last kiss before leaving for work. The last man I had a relationship with would cook very often and insistent on doing the clean up. Or he would stock my favorite beverage in his fridge. I would stop at his place just to get that hug that would make every distasteful moment that day fade away. I loved to have him laugh at my attempts of humor. Our problem was here was never a trip to space mountain. You need a balance of both. More trash can moments yet an occasional run to the mountain.

  25. Cyndy Bocan says:

    This piece is so poignant & on point it hurts… becuz growth is painful when we know we must go forth into the next phase of honoring ourselves & coming out whole & happy!! Thanks for clarifying feelings, thoughts & indecision. We all face this revelation at some point.

  26. Leesa says:

    I agree completely, I left a 20 year relationship because, although I loved him, there was no happiness anymore. He forgot about the trash cans.

  27. Lisa C. says:

    This is so true, Matthew. You can be in love and not really happy. It’s easy to focus on the great times, the Space Mountains. (Frankly, I thought the two minutes on Space Mountain weren’t really worth standing in line for over 45 minutes!)
    It’s the day-to-day stuff that matters.
    What would my trash cans be? My love language is acts of service. So little things like him doing the dishes or washing my car mean a lot. I’m not in a relationship now but that’s what rings true for me.

  28. Fiona Fletcher says:

    Wow I related to this scenario right here and right now as I have someone not commiting to build the castle with me …. thank you this has given me clarity at a pivitol point …. Fiona

  29. Fabiola says:

    I agree you cant be in love and suffer … if not … what is the point? Better to be alone in that case … I want someone who accept me with all my little trash cans and live with that … make them as Disneyland … fun and part of the view … not something to be criticized every single moment .

  30. Alenka says:

    This is absolutly amazing.. it feels like there is nothig more to say. thank you Matthew.. I hope some day I’ll be able to come to your retret.

  31. Caroline says:

    Love the thought and yes it’s true – it’s the everyday nitty gritty stuff that makes or breaks relationships. The big stuff has the potential to refresh a relationship though, when you’re in a rut and need some kid of intervention. My only point Matt… its bins and holidays not trash cans and vacations! Greetings from Europe!

  32. Nan says:

    Trash cans = everything life “can” and DOES throw at us. It is interesting and insightful that a 13 year old’s observation could offer a common sense reflection of true LOVE in action in REAL LIFE. How very true. I have been listening and appreciating your relationship expertise for a few years Matthew. You comfortably wear your heart on your sleeve – and genuinely CARE. Trash Cans – may end up being one of your most meaningful offerings embraced by the masses in your thoughtful career — because it’s VERY real, VERY true and a relatable reflection of what day-to-day love in life is all about Thank you. ♥️ You give people road maps of HOPE with clarity – Cheers!

  33. Linda says:

    Matthew, you hit it out of the park with those metaphors. Growing up with the old fairy tales that tell us true love is something to be cherished is embedded in our psyche. So I couldn’t reconcile being in love but being utterly miserable, made worse by him telling me he loved me, even though the “trash cans” told a different story. You explained it so so well. A million thanks.

  34. Hayley Canter says:

    Wow this really makes you think xx

  35. Lihi Kissilevich says:

    In my relationship the trash cans where very detailed and decorative, but 1 important trash can was not, accepting the idea I am divorced with a daughter. Having a daughter was the trash can that he could never accept. So for 1 single but highly important trash can… i had to end an amazing relationship. At the end of the day, its not any trash can which needs to be special, but the most important one!

  36. Katharina says:

    thanks matthew, thats a good one. My fav “trash cans” are making the bed and washing the dishes. Specially if you are “just dating” and not living together.
    Without asking, without me watching. Just silently so that I do notice it sometimes later on the evening when I get home from work or come back from my morning walk with the dog. Sometimes I dont even notice it at all.
    But This is for me the cutest way to say: Id do care about you. I care about your/our freshly with love made bed, I care about your/our nice an tidy home.
    If I think about it, Id say guys that care for my well-being and my health make me happy.

  37. Jane says:

    I just wish that I could see my boyfriend more than once per week. We go out to dinner every Saturday, so I see him 2 or 3 hours. Today we are going to an auto show in addition to dinner. I am always home by 8 p.m, missing him. We have been dating for 14 years.

  38. Teresa McMurrin says:

    Oh, man, you just described every relationship in my life! This is why I’d always stayed way, way too long with men that could be “romantic” when they wanted to be–but in the day-to-day treated me like *I* belonged in a trash can (and not a nice one).

    After the last one, I’d avoided relationships altogether, and was celibate for *20 years*. Then I met Steve. We started out as friends, but when I found how perceptive, thoughtful, supportive and caring he was (and still is), my heart just melted. When I discovered he felt the same way about me…!! We’re married now; I tell him, “many people say their wedding was the best day of their lives; but while it was a special & joyful day, *being* married to you is even better!” Our ‘trash cans’ are beautiful and we keep them well-polished, day by day.

  39. Lisa says:

    The hand placed lightly in the small of my back when we are moving through a crowd or walking through a door speaks VOLUMES. It says you’re mine, I care, you matter, I love you, with one small, simple gesture. The first time he did it my heart sang – I knew I’d found the right guy.

  40. Melisa says:

    Good Morning Matthew you hew wyt this ,meny thing fow I fill . you think this is not henaf?i not laik to move more bikoz I hew notice end I hew not to luz enything ,bikoz evrything bring mi joi.i hew dat filling not bikoz aer vryli henaf bat not aer more interesting and not giv to mi joy more dan I em in mi prey wyt mi creator this samthing wat mast faind self people not only bay helping .I not andersten way this olov people send to mi your link to du samthin of to bi helpfully to your job program hu you wyt very big lov aer duing dat ,bat frend I’m thaert of lovelaeif you andersten I’m nidit for no jest mi Lorde (Allah ende I. Want I em in front for prey to him I fill dat I em wryly hepy bikoz olveys hev give to mi chens to si joi of laif in this world wyt meny thinks .End I hew biger Reichert selef way evry this thing of evry this lovely personality not bryng to mi hepines. Dan I few faind self how I hew prey wyt meny difikull so litel girl .I hew lovit to du this so gud bat I ken not duit bikoz I ben hendikep in prey to Allah this ben for mi mi Trash cans wat I ken not duit properly. Dan I’m starting to faind this tot nu en I em seing dat jest dat Mike mi hepy bikoz I em duing best of mi.Onesli this stopt never for mi bikoz I hew olveys nyve fillings ende nyve eksperienc vat aer beliv mi or not biger dill dan lovelaif .love of perends ,lov fore children ,ende enithing wat mind this world. Dus I em seing dat love how I fill for Lord this stopt noit ..samtaems wat people prey think dat aer henaf bat I think want you love samthing this giv to you wery spich les end you ken olveys help to evry won wyt this love from mi Lord ,bat wyt love from personality olveys hew so mach difficult bat this duing self people to self no to evry bady ,meibi ..samtaems end hert more meny of emotions dat not kan si . Sey beter du in this present hew you pain of not bikoz aer importent to fill evry thing ,bed, zyrte seĺfish, lovli Moment’s
    sadness ,pein of benit singel
    End evry thing wat aer good in this world .i kent no so mach fore andere world bat I beliv dat exist bikoz of mi existence ,bat thinks wat mind in this laif not meik mi henaf hepy this is end rezen way i ken hew eny discussion o bat evry think bat i em not duing dat bikoz aer izi for mi ,olso aer healthy to stey long from this said bikoz never not ken eny bady wan ken hert sambady of bring hepines.
    I wysh to you best in lovelaif end job end I hops dat you ken help people to enjoy in this laeif world to du more PROPERLY end wyt more hepines eny things ,not aer black evry thinks olveis ken si people in wyt think of faind in wyt of color thinks so du your best.
    Al’s you hew samthing to esk mi du this direkt bikoz I’ not laik to bi wyt media this meik mi very bed person so em not for this not bikoz I hew never not dan I hew dan dat in mi scholl laif and I hew notice dat I hew ben henaf good bat not hepy so plz not meik to mi more disclosing tv .ok heb plezher to met you end olov your staf not nidit to si your identity bat i not laik to du this things.i hops dat you andersten mi more dan ever.

  41. Jael says:

    I want the little hugs, sharing gratitude practice, making breakfast together. Folding laundry together. Laughing about the grumpy bus driver. Making in jokes. Coming back to those moments.

  42. Gale says:

    WOW!! that is so deep, that ‘deep’ doesn’t define it well enough. THANK you Matt. You bring a level of insight that NO ONE else does. You are a HUGE GIFT to the world. Thank you again.

  43. Reyes Álvarez says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I totally agree with what you say in this video. And actually, what makes me think that my current boyfriend could be a good partner for me is not the fantastic time we had on our first date. Yes, as you say, everything was amazing, from the cocktail bar to the dinner and afterwards in the salsa dancing place where he took me. What matters to me much more than that, is the fact that he takes care of me in every possible way when I am sick. He cooks for me, cuddles me while I fall asleep, sends me a message during his busy working day to see if I am OK. Those things are precious to me because they mean he really cares.

  44. Samira Assad-Zadeh-Yassamani says:

    Woww, this was great Matt!! You are getting better everry day at this!! THANK YOU!!

  45. Adebola Sanyaolu says:

    On point

  46. Veronica says:

    Thank you!
    You just clarify my relationship..,
    I wanted to go to your retreat but couldn’t it was out of my budget but thank you got this video.

  47. Corina says:

    This hit me like a tsunami!!! What an eye opener.
    I know for sure that this is so true. I stayed too long in unhappy relationships for the few special moments.

    Thank you!!!
    Much love xx

  48. Corina says:

    This hit me like a tsunami!!! What an eye opener.
    I know for sure that this is so true. I stayed too long in unhappy relationships for the few special moments.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
    Much love xx

  49. Sherry says:

    So much truth here. I had to make the toughest decision to leave a 18yr marriage because I couldn’t live for the two times a year things were great anymore. Living with being overlooked, not valued, not a partner, feeling like a single parent already. It was the hardest thing I had to do and nobody understood it. It took a long time for me to figure who I was without that life but I’m in such a better place now. Thank you for your insight and the great work that you do!!

  50. Alex says:

    You’re an absolute genius, Matthew! I would be so interested to know how you built this fascinating knowledge and how you reach these remarkable insights that everyone seems to miss, although they are so crystal clear once you point them out for us. I have so much genuine respect and admiration for you.

  51. Maria says:

    With laser-focused accuracy, you described my 3rd marriage. I was so in love with him, but in so much emotional pain knowing that l was not enough for him. He had “grown” to the point that he “needed” to be able to have multiple relationships in order to be happy…you’ve heard the term polyamorous. We had discussed it and he knew where l stood on that. I couldn’t do it. He pressed because he’d found someone that he wanted in addition to me. To add insult to this already injurious thing, he wanted to put me, his wife, in 2nd place to this new “love”. Well,duh?! Why wouldn’t he? She’s “the new toy”. Well, that was it. I told him that I’m nobody’s second place. We divorced, she moved in within days of my daughter and me leaving,got engaged to her 3 months after our divorce was final,and married her last year. I am doing so much better. Walking away from him was the best thing for not just me, but for my daughter,too. I took 3 years to focus on me, my family, and my PhD. Am currently close to the end of my doctoral program, my daughter has been in a sweet relationship with her boyfriend for over a year now, and, the cherry on top, is that l recently met someone. I am now able to actually practice what I’ve been reading about in your blogs, seeing/hearing on your videos, etc. I AM that high value woman and nobody’s 2nd place.
    Thank you, Matthew, for all you do!

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