The Surprising Way to Become Instantly More Attractive

I get it….  You’ve all had a good laugh at my botched spray tan. (In case you missed it, watch last Sunday’s blog and check out all of the negative comments on YouTube).

Now you may think that type of thing gets me upset, but it doesn’t. It used to, of course – I’m only human. But being in the public eye, I’ve learned a few things about overcoming negativity and bad energy, and I want to share them with you today…

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

248 Responses to The Surprising Way to Become Instantly More Attractive

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  1. Hilla says:

    hi Matt from Finland! I have to say that I didn’t notice you’re white hands in the last video when I watched it the first. I actually thought have I missed one video. :D but now that you’ve pointti it out I did notice it.
    And finally, the part(s) of my body that I’m self-confident about are my stomach, backfat and double chin.

  2. Catherine says:

    Hi Mat from Australia!

    After leaving a 23 year relationship, I am finding the new dating world very different to the one I left in 1991. Your book Get The Guy & your clips/email newsletters are crucial in helping me navigate this changed world of men.

    All the dates I have been on have been with much younger men & I follow your advice closely. Thank you.

    I am extremely fit thanks to running & weight lifting (ladies….the weights room is the ideal place to meet men as you are always outnumbered in there!!!) so I am extremely body confident. However, my insecurity is lots of broken capillaries on my legs. I have great legs but keep them covered in tights & am not confident enough to wear shorts.

    Funnily enough, not one man I have ever been with has commented on them. It is obviously an issue for me only & no-one else.

    Love all of your advice Matt. Hope you come Down Under one day.
    Thank you

  3. evelyn says:

    So I have a lot of insecurities I don’t know quite why I am 19 years old everyone says I’m skiny and pretty I don’t believe it I care what others say way to much instead of just being my self and doing what I like bcus everyone is going to talk and the only person I have get proud is my self and I so my greatest insecurity is that I have big boobs and a normal butt like I don’t like my self I feel fat tho I know I am not but I feel fat I don’t like my body I know I can look better and I focus on that instead of loving my self the way I am

  4. Amina says:

    Mat mat mat,,, I must say I love ( not in a creepy way ) lol

    Ok I just had a thought and hoping you can shed some light on it :)

    We ( well I ) often find myself gravitating towards things I can’t see, you know mysterious objects/ people.
    Example Jameson, I’m dying to see what he looks like lol

    And in the past I’ve ended up liking people that I met online and then actually found them really unattractive in person but I can’t get out of that.

    Why is it like that and how can I change ?

    Thanks Matt

    God bless you xx

  5. Sofia says:

    Great video ! Really appreciated the rawness and honesty.

    I hadn’t even noticed the so criticized tan spray from the previous video because I was focusing more on the actual message instead of your usual perfect look ;)
    By the way you look great and in shape!

    My insecurity is the bit of extra weight I’ve been trying to loose for some time now. I’m pushing myself to reach my health and fitness goals whilst enjoying each step of the way.

    Love you too Matt <3

  6. Martha says:

    I am an American woman. And, I’m over 40. So when I look at women, even older than me (43) who look AMAZING, I feel a bit insecure. These women are all over the place. Magazine covers, at work, at the gym. Everywhere. So I notice that I hate my tummy , it makes me feel like I’m a lazy, undisciplined mess. And my skin has pick marks from teen acne and adult acne. These, and others make me suck my gut in and hide the scars, even more when I’m around people. However, I have gotten more confident about this recently (no sucking and no makeup) , and I’ve had many people tell me, you have a 19yr old daughter…??? I thought you were my age! (35). Many times I’ve gotten this compliment. It is solely due to my attitude about myself and my personality. Also how I dress. I feel so young at heart. And I mostly don’t care about all that negative stuff. And it was all because of my attitude towards myself!! I love who I am. And I love my life.

  7. Marina says:

    Hi Matt,

    I feel uncomfortable with lots of things… I guess the two main things would be that I have pimples (and I am 30) and the way I curve my back when I am walking (I try to control it, but it is impossible).

    Still, I live my life :-)

    XXX

  8. flawless complexion serum says:

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  9. Violet Venom says:

    Your videos are so inspirational. I am afraid to start my Youtube channel, but watching your videos honestly push me toward my goals, and dreams.
    I am an aspiring High fashion Model, Author and Actress.But I am extremely shy. I am lacking the confidence I need, because I worry about what people think about me. I appreciate your honesty, it helps me sooo much.

  10. Valtressa says:

    Love this! I’m learning how to love my body as is, while taking steps to improve it :)

  11. Susanne says:

    I feel insecure about the fact that I have herpes from time to time. And also that my face is slightly crooked. But you’re right: Fuck it! :D

  12. Sabrina says:

    I’m at a speed dating even. Does it get anyworse than thAt. It’s sad. I think I’ll tell them I’m into puppet-tree. Lol

  13. Lin says:

    I hate my fat cheeks.

  14. Allison says:

    My insecurity: thunder thighs!!

    I used to feel insecure about my curviness and large hips… mainly because I was the “largest” out of my group of very slender friends!

    However, since I have come to embrace this side of myself and not hide them (the thighs) I have actually found that it is exactly what men find attractive about me!

    Who would have known… I now wonder why I was so worried about it in the past…

    I don’t get the big deal about the spray tan – I am sure that ANYONE who has attempted fake tanning can relate to this problem ;)

  15. jillian says:

    Hey Matt x Thanks for the video, very cool topic and always a great reminder. Funny how helpful it is to be reminded to reclaim our personal power and boundaries. I’d say my area of sensitivity is my nose. Although I like my looks overall, I’ve always been sensitive of the Italian nose I inherited from my Grandmother, and yet I’m very proud of my heritage. I still have plenty of luck with men, I guess it’s just something I hope to love and accept more. The thought of surgery is tempting but a bit too scary as I wonder if the new nose would suit me better than this one :) I’ll probably stick with my nose ha, although could use a bit more confidence about it x Thanks Matt! Hope to see you at an event soon.

  16. Theresa Moser says:

    Negative inonized water is healthy for the body… while if your body is to positive ionized (like if you eat fat things, sugar, coffe, smoke, or whatever) it´s unhealthy!

    This is a problem in our language!! SOOOOO negative is not bad, and postive is not good!! In this case negative energy is good!
    It´s a Molekühl thing we learn in shool.. or maby it´s a magnetism thing! TURN ON THE ION Jihaaaaa… Get Ironic Man!!!

    Do not be too positive Matt hahaha… this might be a big mistake! hahahha

    So what did we learn in shool today….
    Positive is good and negative is good!!!
    Bad is bad, and mad is mad! hihi

    • Theresa Moser says:

      Oh my bad habbit.. is skratching pimpels, and so i have a lot of scars on different parts of my body…. also next to my little lady.. hahhaha cause if a hair grow in, i cannot wait until it comes out the natural way… the idea is to have soft, straight skin… so i skrach… but as i already now, this technik never bring the result.. hahaha

  17. mango says:

    For your conditioning: Why so conscious about not self conscious.
    Pros: You are one insightful, inspirational and attractive person.

    M

  18. Aiysha says:

    Great video Mat! Very insightful and I enjoyed the length. I never used to be happy with my body but going to the gym and eating right has done wonders. I remember in a part of your book you’ve written if you don’t like something about yourself change it or learn to love it and it holds true to your video

  19. Anna says:

    the funny thing is, I’ve seen the video where your tan is ‘botched’ but I never noticed anything odd about it until you mentioned it in today’s message. proves that when someone is truly confident and draws us in with their personality, we don’t focus on imperfections, they just kind of blend in with the overall perception of that person. thank you Matt for reminding me of this, because in spite of that knowledge, the reflex you described is still there and I will be watching out for it not to creep in and destroy my confidence ever again. xo

  20. Misha Sinclair says:

    “Fuck that!” The best part of the video for me! We all get self -conscious from time to time but you know that old adage…” Opinions are like assholes… Everyone’s got one” and one of the other favorites… ” Take the plank out of your own eye and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
    You’be come along way Mr. Hussey and you’ve done well. Carry on

    My insecurity presently is my weight. I wanna lose some cus I wanna get back to my ideal. I still feel sexy but f I dropped some weight I’d be sexy as “F@ck”…. But what it comes down to it, I need to get off my ass and workout. Just so fed up after work that all I wanna do is unwind from the day… so there it is!

  21. Shev says:

    This post is so incredibly timely for me Matt!! I swear you are psychic!

    Here goes – my biggest insecurities are my age and my weight. The weight is something I have struggled with for a few years now, and for the past 8-9 months have started making an effort towards addressing that. Definitely a work in progress!!
    My age of course, is something that one cannot do anything about except acceptance. And not use it as a crutch or an excuse for not going for things I want to do in life or an excuse to hold myself back.

    It doesn’t help matters, that I have family, who although love me, will comment on both of these issues ad nauseam. Particularly my mother, who will critique my outfits, and make helpful ( at least in her mind ) comments. Which make me more self conscious and self critical.

    In addition to all the wonderful memories of my time at the Retreat, was the fact that I didn’t allow my weight to hinder me in participating in the activities there, and wore clothes that I haven’t done in years, with no negative comments!
    Although I do confess to having one major regret. I did not take many pictures of myself, with team members or other participants, because of my insecurity of my weight.
    Thank you again for being open, honest and vulnerable with us, and allowing us an opportunity to do so as well!!!
    Warmest regards,

    Shev XX

  22. Anne says:

    Matt this video is a gem . This is such a very special time for me,again learning something valuable from you. It’s helpful when you point out how to skillfully manage criticisms and bad energy just by owning those little imperfections we have. I appreciate your authenticity and your spirit and the wealth of knowledge you put out for us. I appreciate you immensely.

    hmm.. as to my physical insecurity, I didn’t like my height so much. They always say had I been taller i could have been to pageants but yeah, can’t have it all I guess. but it’s all good, I’ve learned to love the complete package that is me, I’m a 5’2 dusky ,sharp witted,beautiful Asian woman. and that’s a package right there you can sell me that way *wink*

    • Molly says:

      I LOVE the way you describe yourself in the last line of your comment and I’m SURE it’s accurate!!! :)

      • Anne says:

        Hello Molly that is very sweet of you :D i’m loving your energy and i love the fact that you appreciate what i said. we need more of some thoughtful and sweet persons like you darling. you are a sunshine :)
        XXX

  23. Julie says:

    I love the authenticity you reflect and represent. I LOVE that we are perfectly imperfect, and the fact you share that OWNING our imperfections is what is attractive. AWESOME!!

  24. Sunita Shailam says:

    I love this video! One of my favorites!! As a small business owner with website presence, I can relate. This video makes me smile. I liked how you spoke about your own perceived imperfections and most importantly I like how you are constantly creating and improvising new relevant material with passion and is truly an inspiration. Keep up the fantastic work! Matt and Jameson you are awesome!!!!!

  25. Diana says:

    Hi Matt, this video is so timely! Thank you for your awesomeness, as always :)

    One of my insecurities: I don’t have a symmetrical face – like noticeably asymmetrical, and I get hyper aware of my side profile not being like, I don’t know.. Angelina Jolie’s, for example and feel unattractive because of it. And as I’m writing this, I feel silly because I just wanna say to myself, “So you’re not perfect, big deal.”

  26. kim says:

    Right now –> my weight – hands down. I feel strong, but I look big in photos. Since childhood, I’ve been hard on myself – which I’ve found makes me ‘hard’ on other people. Only until recently have I been able to really notice & silence the negative critiques in my head…I am getting better. I don’t want to be hard on myself & I don’t want to have such high expectations of others anymore. It’s just silly & ridiculous to expect everyone to be perfect;P

  27. Jenny says:

    Matt, I cannot thank you enough! I was struggling all day, thinking about what someone had said about me(who for unfortunate circumstances will be in my life for a long time). But your video has inspired me and it has given me the right strategies to deal with this.
    Btw, my nose is the one thing that has made me feel insecure in the past but I can now say that I’m proud to have a healthy and beautiful nose! :) and i will not allow anyone to make me question my own value and what I stand for.
    Thanks again for your videos and for your awesome personality.
    Kisses and hugs
    Jen

  28. Madeline Melo says:

    I loved this video so very much. I wish I had these type of videos when I was a young girl in my early 20s … heck even as a teenager. I am going to go raw and be brutally honest and admit my biggest flaw. I have been so insecure about everything about myself since I was a little girl… to the point of panic attacks I had so much dislike for myself. They got so bad that in my mid 20s I developed a crazy fear of actually being in public (not camera) I’m talking the supermarket, pharmacy, work …. you know all the daily shit. I actually walked out of my job one day and was hospitalized for attempted suicide (twice). I hated myself so much.
    Now obviously… I’m still here and the turn around for me was my own version of a miracle. I have had many people come in my life in the form of books and programs. I watch you very diligently not because I want to attract a man in my life but because the things you say inspire so much confidence in me. I have reached a wonderful place in my life where I just love life and I truly believe that it’s people like you that are the reason I’m still here. Thank you for that.

  29. Kate Rushton says:

    I am insecure about the lump on my nose and my pointy chin.

  30. Molly says:

    I liked this a lot and suspected you were going for the raw unedited effect and I really liked seeing you a bit more stripped down and kind of vulnerable.

    Once about ten yrs ago a guy told me I have small teeth! I thought that that was so specific a comment it MUST have been true. So for years since then I was endlessly paranoid about them. No one else has ever said anything before OR since then, but I just honed in on that single comment for YEARS. Until I embraced them I literally thought about them all day and wanted to get veneeers and it was just this awful cycle. Now I know that for the most part as long as they’re healthy and white I should probably stop worrying because I’m hot and they’re a part of that hotness. I’d probably look wrong with any other teeth. Though I definitely am not 100% comfortable smiling in photographs, still. Ugh. At least we’re all like this though haha.

    • Haiho says:

      Yeah.. you surely aren’t;)
      I got a compliment on my teeth some weeks ago and boy, this man had no idea of how big a compliment that was for me!
      I love that Matt points out that nobody’s ever bulletproof. I think we’re very conditioned that we have to be in order to be confident ‘enough’ – I surely am not, but it is great to have those moments of self-talk where I’m not just going ‘well screw it then’ but actually go ‘well screw it, I’m awesome right now’!
      And: It’s healthy and I’m grateful for having those moments where I completely forget about how I look.
      I love how you talk about embracing your teeth – it’s inspiring:)

      • Haiho says:

        sorry.. ahem, misspelled..wanted to say ‘you surely aren’t the only one’= yep we’re probably all like this.

        • Molly says:

          Totally understood what you meant, no worries! JEALOUS of your teeth compliment, haha, nice one, girl! Once a guy told me he liked my nostrils… they are some surprising creatures…

          You totally nail it on the head here, pointing out the small difference between: ‘well screw it then’ and ‘well screw it, I’m awesome right now’!

          It’s the “awesome” part that really heals one. we are lucky (you and me and those here, hopefully) to be the kind of girls who rather than sulk can summon the power to look in the mirror and just be like, dayummmm. It took me a LONG time to get here. All girls deserve the feeling of weird, sexy power that comes with enjoying the things about ourselves we used to find imperfect. (I think this also can endear us to other people which is just a total bonus!)

  31. Cynthia says:

    I’m self conscious about my hair. It’s very thin on top and I feel people are staring at me. It’s embarrassing for me as a women to have baby fine hair and you can see my scalp area. I’m not perfect but I still love myself!

  32. Dennielle says:

    Thank you for this video.
    I sometimes don’t like being so skinny or that my teeth aren’t as nice as they used to be because I have gone too long without seeing a dentist. This reminds me I have t taken care of myself in the way I should if I say I love myself. I sometimes wish I had fuller lips.
    But really all of that is still not that bad. I’ve lived with my body for 26 years and most of that time obviously it was growing and changing and I had nothing to do to control it. So I never really tried.
    But the things that are my biggest insecurities are what you can’t see. I’m so driven by fear these days that I know I gave talent as a singer and a writer but I’m petrified of doing anything with it.
    I am afraid of not being good enough.
    Not worthy of love from who I really want love from. I’m afraid of settling in any area of my life and I’ve noticed recently I’ve settled in all areas
    I can easily own my physical insecurities but I’ve not mastered the battle of the internal ones.

    • Lisa Marie says:

      then you should read “I thought it was just me (but it isn´t) by Brené Brown. It´s a life-changing book.

    • Lisa Marie says:

      Then you should read “I thought it was just me (but it isn´t)” by Brené Brown. it´s a life-changing book!

  33. Hadas says:

    Right on time :) thank you matt,
    love watching you as always..

  34. Afsoun says:

    Fantastic Mat! This video is great. It seems so obvious but I hadn’t caught it till now.

  35. DeeDee says:

    Okay, here it goes…whenever I smile (really smile, not a fake smile) my upper lip lifts high enough to expose my gum line above my teeth. Whenever my father-in-law and ex-husband used to drink, they would always tell me that I resembled a shark.

    Even though almost every comment written in my yearbook years ago was a comment about my beautiful smile and an encouragement to keep smiling because I made the world a better place with my smile, I always seem to focus on the hurt caused by the drunken comments of my ex.

  36. Haiho says:

    Up for the challenge and joining the club.. (waaaaah I better close my eyes that’s embarrassing!)
    I’m in a clinch with myself: I do hate to constantly concentrate on my looks, and in the same time I do want to take pride in myself ..and my looks, too.
    To open Pandora’s box:

    I often have bruises somewhere, and almost always some blue and black marks on my legs..
    I think they come from work, we constantly bump into each other and into stuff in the rush. And I can be a bit of a tomboy.
    As I have a strong sense of elegance, I sometimes feel conscious about that e.g when wearing a nice skirt, as it isn’t really ladylike.
    If I had a magic wand I’d want my teeth to be more white.
    Something I’m very aware of but suppressed: I look horrible on photos, especially my face.
    ..I do have a chance when someone takes a snapshot..
    I think I’m better looking in real life than on pic, but it bothers me. I still wanna look good.
    I never really trained my facial expressions in front of a mirror all , or worked on my mimic; was too self-critical – or thought that’s stupid.
    I got a big reminder of that during the Retreat: Me and one of the girls each wanted one picture of us at the Gatsby party..
    We ended up with a photo session, almost lying on the floor laughing. We were both equally horrible at it, so we had no shame of pointing it out, oh no I look horrible! God you look AWFUL! Can’t believe that we’re really that bad at this – we have to delete that! From body posture to closed eyes to weird grin – it was bad:D
    Also: Still learning the make-up tricks and I HATE I’m not already a pro in how to look my best when I want to.
    (Am learning. Discovered bb-cream. AND that other women are REALLY generous in giving tips!)
    For most of those things, I figured it’s not that bad. A friend of mine whom I ‘secretly confessed’ how I think I’m not pretty for having shades under my eyes looked at me weirdly, saying: I think you’re the only one telling this to yourself. I dunno.
    I’ve been on both sides, from getting too chubby to too thin, being not the pretty one and mocked at to (apparently) count as one of the pretty ones – where you also get negativity in form of ‘oh you don’t have any problems’ to. You’re or insecure (=unattractive), or arrogant, or fishing for compliments blabla – no matter where you are on the ‘beautiful-scale’.
    I had it all, and for many years now I’ve just grown to be over it.
    I do love my agility though. Fat hinders that and I get to feel unfomfortable. Fortunately to get trim goes pretty quick for me so that’s easy.

    A few months ago I finally read ‘Tiny Beautiful Things’ by Cheryl Strayed.
    In the last letter she writes to her former self, starting with this epic line:
    “Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit” ;)

    ..That thing about justifying being no good is true.
    I just got aware of that two days ago during work with a colleague of mine: He made a stupid criticizing remark. He can be a real asshole so I countered (good) BUT: I immediately caught myself as I said it that I was justifying myself..
    My boss was standing next to us, not saying a word.
    He’s the first one to know what an idiot this guy can be. It wasn’t a big deal, in fact I love the people I’m working with as it’s not swiss-like at all: lots of temperament, but by the end of the day we all have a heart.
    I like to train on him:)
    But in this context, I realized how much more powerful it would’ve been to just lough it off, or not react on it in that way but make a funny face or give a completely unaware frown about the whole situation in the sense of ‘WTF is his problem again’.
    My boss would’ve loved that.
    It is important not to work with bullies. I already cannot count on one hand what I went through within a span of one year looking back. I’m happy I didn’t try to toughen up that much so to stay in those environments.
    BUT: I learned a lot. A ton.

    Hit send. Cannot edit or wouldn’t post after all.
    Thanks for that video I love it!

  37. Tiffani says:

    My blotchy + uneven toned skin as a result of acne and compulsive skin picking in my tweens onwards. I have not had a fully clear face since 2004 and wear at least two layers of foundation every single day. My goal since turning 23 is to take care of my skin enough to spend a whole day at work completely foundation free! And I envied this colleague who I thought had naturally flawless skin, well what do you know one morning she walked in and I saw it was blotchier than normal – she ‘covers up’ too! Every one is doing the same thing like you said Matt, we are all united in having insecurities and trying to cover them up from everyone else.

  38. Livi says:

    As a Young Teenager, I was very conscious about my long nose. Now I like it, it makes my profile intresting. Today my insecurity is my weight. I weight 67kg and am 175cm. Another insecurity of mine is that I spend too much time watching TV, sometimes my ADS and my insecurity for new situations. The Thing with the ADS. It’s what I learnt from my parants not to openly communicate it, since my brother hadn’t have a good experience with that.
    Thank you Matt, Liked the Video, but normally I find that in the shorter ones the message is much clearer communicated. Appreciate your work, Livi

  39. Maya Morgan says:

    Last week a guy on the street started talking me into signing to give money for natural parks, I listened to him and end up saying “No thanks but we can crab coffee maybe”. I thought I was totally on it Mat haha until this guy said “Oh, you’re sweet, it was nice talking to you but that was enough for me” something like that! All of a sudden I went from being confident to feeling super rejected by a men that wasn’t even that hot. But the crazy part is that yes I felt this painful feeling for like 3 minutes but than I started laughing at myself and giving myself a tap on the shoulder for having pushed my comfort and I decided to own my rejection! When you talk about feeling empowered by owning our actions this is so true. This situation would have teared me down some years ago, but now it doesn’t because I have pushed myself giving numbers, asking people out, initiating and yes received many rejections but they have totally made me stronger and love myself more! How crazy! :) Love the raw video!!! My arms could use a little more work ;)

    • Lisa Marie says:

      Yeah! This is great! You can be proud of yourself! Having this mindset really does make the difference. Being brave and strong enough to ask him for a date or his number is not about him saying yes or no, but about your growth! I can relate to your experience. I feel empowered and more confident as well, when I dared greatly!

  40. Maya Morgan says:

    Mat I am only have through the video and already want to comment! First of all THANK YOU. The funniest thing is that I didn’t even notice your difference of skin tone on the previous video. We say what we want to see in others. It’s interesting to think that that is what people take out of your videos. I am so interested in your views, what you are sharing and your deep message that all these details really don’t even cross my mind. Also want to point out that I really love this video and you sharing about what processing went through your mind. That moment were you felt the need to give excuses I think is very powerful… It’s like we either go into protection of our ego or we give in that little moment of uncomfortable feeling and we just own it! This video makes me appreciate you even more, and actually if you were the type of person pretending to be perfect and trying to hard not being authentic, I would have stopped following you long time ago! I keep coming back for your honesty so thank you!

  41. Elizabeth says:

    Thanks Matt,
    Your experiences are link to mines in a really strange way, every time that I had a problem you told about it the same day or in the same week, of course you already deal with it but the topic is related to me.

    I am not perfect no even close but I don’t have big problems neither, but unfortunately I left my ex boyfriend to go into my mind for over 4 years and criticised everything that I did or not, or physical or intellectual, I had lost all the confidence that I had. I had really good days but really low ones as well and even crazy days that I want to back to him…. CRAZY.

    Thank you for talk about everything, hope to see you in London on the 19 of September at the moment I am busy but trying to move thing around….

    Thank you

  42. Cailin says:

    I never even noticed the man tan vs. white hands. I was too interested in what you were saying. :)

    I am a full-grown adult, and I still bite my nails. It’s embarrassing and disgusting. Nothing has helped me stop this habit.

    Be well!

  43. Dianna says:

    Hey. OMG do you ever respond to ridiculous comments like that with; “and that is why you don’t have a man.” ? I’m a Police Officer. We aren’t very popular and I get criticized ALL the time about what I do, what I say, how I look, and what I think. I can relate to the beating your ego takes. (Should have listened to my Dad and been a fire fighter.) But what I related to most in your video is how people ask for your help and advice and then criticize the manner in which you give They aren’t brave enough to do your job. You rock. Oh- my insecurity; my knees are fat. Ridiculous I know; but there it is. LOL

  44. Paloma says:

    Appreciate the honesty and the “rawness” of this unedited video. You’re showing, rather than telling us, how to own your imperfections, and that, Matthew is a much more valuable lesson.

    I am going to say I am insecure about my less than perfect teeth, they’re a bit wonky. But despite the wonkiness, I like my smile :)

  45. Anna says:

    Hey Matt, Hey Jameson, Hey Girls :),

    Ok. that will be really akward and ugly… but you wanted this Matt :D. I have massive problem with accept that I am a human…

    When I am eating or eat too much I feel filthy and disqust about myself. My belly going big and I feel like a sack of s*it… so I wear big clothes to not show it… and also as you propably guess I do other stuff to not feel filthy…

    In fact I weigh 47 kg (154 cm) and I have sporty body (I know I am attractive for others), but still I hate that I have it…

    Love u guys,
    Anna

  46. Tara says:

    One of the many things I learned from the best therapist ever was, to look at the truth about myself and to believe it. Don’t focus on the lies your emotions tell you. A moment of insecurity can turn into a night or week of negative talk to youself. Write ten positive truths about you, AND the facts that prove it true. It can be an accomplishment like landing the great job you have right now. It’s a fact that your employer chose you out of all those people to hire. Realistically think back, I received my degree therefore it is a fact I am dedicated. Those are FACTS, TRUTHS! Believe the truth, you cannot deny facts. Read your list any time you begin to feel insecure. Facts do not lie! Believe the truth, own your true self. You will be surprised how easy it is to list 10 positive TRUTHS with the facts about yourself! I was!!

    • Tara says:

      Oh and I feel I have one of the most noticeable insecurities! Facial hair! I try to believe the fact only one person, my no manners ex husband, has ever even remarked on my “sugar” what my boyfriend calls my facial hair. It’s so hard to remain confident when you feel everyone is looking at that what feels like 6 inch black hair I missed tweezing this morning!

  47. T says:

    My absolute & all time favorite video/message from you EVER! The unedited style is so much better but I realize the average viewer has a 5 min attention span, if that! Keep up the beautiful energy & thanks for sharing your brilliant mind! As far as my main insecurity: Even when in great shape I’m a curvy girl. Along with that comes big thighs & some cellulite! Ok I said it, lol! Admittedly I’m insecure about it; however, if someone were to ridicule me about it, shame on them! I truly refuse to let that erode my self worth even though it might hurt for a moment. No one should have a power over you on that level. And it’s your job to have pity for those who point out other’s flaws as they must be so very fearful of seeing themselves in the mirror!

  48. Eva says:

    Loving yourself is a gift. I read a few comments and just shook my head. Lots of comments about having children and your body not being the same anymore. Boo hoo. You have a beautiful child, is that not enough to be happy and amazed at what your body did? Health is beauty. So sorry not sorry your boobs are small or your tummy is a little flappy. We’re human. The point of life is to be real, not perfect.
    My biggest insecurity is my disability. I’d give anything to have a flappy tummy and small boobs if it meant I could be healthy again. Be thankful for all that you have, for where your feet have taken you, and what your body continues to do for you everyday.

    • Lisa Marie says:

      that´s not a very empathetic reply.

    • Anna says:

      Ohhh Eva – try to understand… everybody looks for the situation from place they are – not you are… I don’t know why, but humans brain is made for having problems – maybe this is because we need rason to action…

      For example: a lot of rich people have depression – for me it was sth that I couldn’t understand… (You have money – you can do everything you want. Why you are not happy?), but then I release that I was a bitch who is thinking only from inside my box and even not try to look to the other person box. It is easy to put labels and judgment – more difficult is try to understand….

    • Monica says:

      I agree we should all be thankful for the good in our lives. However everyone lives with their own problems they may not be yours and yours may be worse, or something that may make one person insecure may not bother another. Let’s practice empathy however and realize that we are all allowed our own insecurities, it’s not a competition. It’s not healthy for anyone to compare themself to others and I think that’s part of what Matty was getting at here. Let’s try and take something positive away from this and not bring negativity to the table if we do we’ve missed the point. It seems we all could use a little more self love.

  49. Kim Haygood says:

    I am insecure about my excess weight…mostly in my big stomach, but also all over in my legs, hips, face, and arms. I feel like I carry a large pumpkin in front of me with my stomach hanging so big and low. It has always made me self-conscious. I have always felt like you said, as if I have to justify, or even worse, APOLOGIZE, for my excess weight. Wow! Thanks for this video, Matthew, and kudos to you, too, Jameson (sorry if I misspelled your name). I always enjoy your videos so much and find great insight and wisdom in them. Thank you for putting yourself out there for our benefit.

  50. Lola says:

    After 3 kids my tits look like wet socks with rocks at the bottom. Wanna suck ’em?

  51. CJ says:

    Not editing this video was genius. You had my complete attention especially because I have always been self conscious about my crooked teeth. I feel that it has been something that has held me back from getting jobs, making friends and most of all getting the guy. I realize that the problem is not that the teeth are crooked as much as the fact that I don’t smile because of it! Thank you for putting it out there raw and unedited just like real life living.

  52. Jackie says:

    I have a limp because of a physical disability I was born with. I fondly refer to it as my “pimp limp” most times but I definitely still have days where I hate it and feel insecure about it, especially when people point it out and ask me about it.

    Thank you for a great Sunday blog Matthew! Super thought provoking and really resonated with me.

  53. Nancy says:

    A very inspiring video! Thank you!

    My insecurity is my freckles. I didn’t use to think much about them until my sister said something to me about them many years ago….then I was okay with them again until a dermatologist was really rude to me about them. Not sure what that was about. No one else seems to even notice them much, though, but I definitely do. I even get compliments on them sometimes, but it’s hard to let it sink in. Sometimes I google pics of models with freckles—looking at the pics of all these beautiful women with freckles does help, actually. It puts things into perspective for me.

  54. Dee says:

    My insecurity is my stomach. After three children I feel like I will never get rid of the pooch. When I look at a picture of myself that is the first thig I critique myself on. I have been working hard for the past 2 years to lose weight and have even started teaching group fitness. I’m glad that I didn’t wait to be the perfect size before teaching. I know that my students can appreciate knowing I’m not in perfect shape.
    I loved what you said about when you feel the need to justify your decisions is when you give your power away. I loved that life for so long and I’m so thankful I finally learned that I don’t have to justify myself. It’s a good reminder because just recently I found myself feeling the need to justify something and I feel so empowered after your video and renewed my resolve never to live that way again.
    So thank you so much for that message.

  55. Mara says:

    I have no large intestine and a bag is attached to my skin on my stomach for digested food and gas to be released. I have no control over the output. Bag fills and needs to be emptied several times a day. Gas sounds coming from my stomach that I can’t control. It’s my secret that I worry will Freak the guy out once he found out.

  56. Ashley says:

    The stretch marks on my abdomen from my food baby Gertrude… Even when I have lost the abdominal weight they are still there as a permanent reminder of my fatter years. Blah.

  57. Becca says:

    My big insecurity is I shave my face once a week. I have long peach fuzz. The hairs are a mix of blond and dark. It’s my biggest secret and I feel like if a guy found out, he would leave me. Shaving is just the quickest, most invisible way of dealing with it, but its such a masculine thing that I have a fear of being found out. I can just imagine the look of horror on both of our faces as I hold the razor to my face… It’s almost comical.
    Him:’Are you.. shaving.. your beard?? You have a beard??!!’ Me:’Honey.. This not what it looks like,I mean yes it is, but its just so convenient and i may have a really tiny minor beard issue but its not really that bad and OMG PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!!!’
    Thanks for putting a new perspective on it. If a guy did find out down the line, just own it. I can still maintain my secret weekly shave, but if he found out I don’t have to be a cowering insecure mess about it. Just own it. Say cheekily ‘what, all the cool kids do it. It’s big in Japan’ or ‘that’ll teach you to knock before entering’ and leave it at that.

  58. Vavavoom says:

    I didn’t really take to much notice of the tan either…
    My insecurity is my abdomen… I’ve always had that muffin top, I look six months pregnant.

    These days it’s my mysterious, dark features that are bothering me. I’m always mistaken for latina or spanish. But my parents are scandinavian/persian, and my cultural identity is 100% exclusively scandinavian. (My parents didn’t want us to be stuck between 2 different cultures, so they chose scandinavian culture as that is where we live).
    I have people walking up to me here in scandinavia speaking english to me thinking I don’t speak the language.. thinking i’m a foreign exchange student. It really bothers me. I don’t have beauty problems related to my exotic looks, it’s just uncomfortable knowing that people don’t see you for who you are. That people don’t regognize you as one of their own.

  59. Val says:

    Great video!!! Matt, you are truly an inspiration! My biggest insecurity is that I get so nervous talking that I get tongue-tied to the point of saying really stupid things…in my brain I know better, I do, I really do….but it is so very difficult for me.
    I’m a very accomplished business woman, with great tact and talent with fellow colleagues…but be out on a “date” and I’m a mess! A MESS! Thank you for listening.

  60. Sharon says:

    Hi Matt
    Thank you so much for this video. It’s exactly what I need to hear right now.
    In my previous relationship I put on a lot of weight, it really affected me and still does to the point where sometimes I will avoid social situations because I think I look a mess. I am now working out and losing weight but in the meantime I am getting interest from guys online but putting off meeting them until Im “perfect” I know this is madness and its my insecurity but it is hard.I avoid photos, videos anything that means looking at myself overweight. I also I have a Periscope account but wont make a Periscope video yet because I dont want people to see me not at my best. Wow this is some confession! Like you said this is insecurity, I dont need to be perfect and I should do what I want anyway..it is hard though lol.

  61. Danielle says:

    FEEDBACK: You show up as honest, vulnerable, unapologetic, & authentic. This seemingly unrehersed shameless share was by far one of my favorites. Quite refreshing. Thank you.

    Self-conscious body issue confession:
    I have a small bust. Although I’m thin & it doesn’t seem to make a difference to anyone else…it is a constant frustration and really bothers me at times. I’m 30 now, so I am doing my best to own it with pride & without false advertisement, yet I’d be lying if I said I was perfectly content in my modest brassiere when I see guys practically drooling on themselves over every voluptuous pair that goes bouncing by. It haunts me most during bikini season, like it’s taunting my femininity. It has its perks but I can’t help but wonder what life might look like with some sweet curvy cleave once in awhile.

  62. anon says:

    Matt, I’ve got a bit of acne rosecea on my chin & on top of that every time I get a spot – I get it on my chin – so I’m doubly self conscious then. I got a bit of perspective on it recently because the beauty salon I go to – one of the beauticians there has a lot of really lumpy spots on her chin – so I don’t feel so bad now! By the way, I watched last weeks video & I never even noticed your so called “Botched” tan. “Botched” is not a very nice word actually – really your arms were just a bit more brown & that’s no big deal – it’s not important in the grand scheme of things.

  63. Della says:

    I love all your youtubes but I was really moved by this week. You have it all; looks , personality, brains and humor. Thank you for sharing how you stay positive and giving advice that is inspirational and as always, applicable , in my own life.

  64. Lisa Marie says:

    Thanks for the message! When you wrote about what is really important about appearance in your book, I already had a lightbulb going off above my head.
    It´s about the way you carry yourself, your bodylanguage, your smile that adds to your charisma not the individual body parts or those parts we consider as flaws. It´s the whole package that matters. Since then I enjoy working and playing with what I have. Even a few spots or a bad hair day don´t make me feel self- conscious anymore.
    There´s always someone, who objectively will look better than us, but when we embrace ourselves on the inside and convey our selflove through our bodies, imperfections won´t matter and we are beautiful.

  65. Hafssa says:

    You’re hot Matt don’t pay attention to the negative comments because most of the time it comes from jalousy and imperfection that those people suffer from.

    Keep doing what you(re doing trying to help people you’re the best.

    Wish you the best.

  66. Fiona says:

    I love being on this journey with you x

  67. Cathy says:

    Matt, I was so moved by this video. Over and over again, I learn from you when you show your vulnerabilities, and how you overcome them and learn from them. You are such a great teacher, and we all benefit from all the work you have done, and continue to do, to grow. Thank you!

  68. Julia says:

    Thanks for this empowering message Matt. The one thing I have been insecure about is my small breast size, which really makes me feel unfeminine. Sometimes a colleague tries to joke about me being a lesbian. Now, I’m not homophobic, but I don’t appreciate his comments because I’m not. I like to look feminine and don’t want people to think of me as a lesbian. At first I got really upset and since he’s a gay man, he can’t understand why it bothers me. But after I while I thought I’ll just leave it as it is and even joke about it myself. Since he noticed that it doesn’t bother me anymore, he’s started saying other things about me such as having a beard. I know these might be some sensitive topics but I do have some facial hair (we all do) and since I am from an Arabic background, they tend to be darker and more visible. I think I’ve started to really own these situations, there is not much that can shake me anymore because I am confident in who I am. I am beautiful, have a great personality and am very ambitious. I always believed that people who point out the negative in others are more insecure themselves than the person they are trying to put down. Of course I sometimes wish that I had bigger breasts or was compelyely hair free, but I think it’s crucial to accept who I am and focus on what I do have. You’re right that people can become intimidated by my confidence because they can see I am not perfect but still have self-assurance. I love this!

    • Sally Clough says:

      Julia, I think you need to tell this guy to back off or you will be going and speaking to the Human Resources Manager. Xx

      • Vavavoom says:

        I agree, you need to learn how to set boundaries with people.
        And stop joking about it yourself.

        I can’t help but think that proportionate, appealing breasts that make you feel feminine and attractive, and a beard-free face isn’t too much to ask for.
        I think you’re being to hard on yourself. It’s natural to be occupied with certain physical characteristics like those associated with the differenciating of the sexes/genders… no woman wants to look like a man…
        I just think it’s a sign of insecurity and taking yourself too seriously to get offended by your own idea of beauty and/or appropriateness… like your too high and mighty to change or manage yourself. Do you not shave armpits either?

        I get your point I just think that it’s possible your being too hard on your self… I wouldn’t judge you for a facial wax..
        Bottomline: I agree with Sally, the comments need to stop because they’re creating insecurity.

    • Nancy says:

      I know lots of men that dig small breasts! (and some women, too!). That guy sounds like a jerk. Embrace it! You can go bra-less and look hot, and they will stay perky forever!! Love them up, girl!

  69. Hannah says:

    Thanks Matt and Jameson. I found this video really empowering and it has helped me to start shedding some insecurities. Also I didn’t notice your fake tan Matt. I was too busy eyeing up those sweet, sweet thin mint cookies, and listening to you of course.

    One of my biggest concerns is my height. Sometimes I find it hard to feel feminine around guys, especially when told that I’m at a disadvantage, that I’m too tall to dance with or that I might as well be a bloke. For a long time these kind of comments (made by an ex crush and friends) caused me to have trust issues. I had a low self esteem, constantly searching for validation but whenever someone did compliment me I didn’t believe them.

    However I do feel that I’m tougher now for it and am willing to stand my ground if someone feels that absolute desire to make petty remarks. I’m developing a ‘IDFWU’ mentality to the haters. Word

    Like you said, even though hurtful comments do suck, having that kind of exposure does help build character. Now it’s all down to if we choose to learn and grow from the experience or continue to be tied down by it.

    Thanks again Matt and Jameson. You two and the GetTheGuy team are awesome. You have no idea how much you have unknowingly helped me during some hard times. I can’t wait to see you guys at the London event this September.

    Lots of love

    Hannah
    Xoxox

  70. Slobodanka says:

    Speaking of the imperfections, i broke my leg anckle, and now my foot looks awfull. I can’t wear sandals, for example, but that great pain made me stronger and, actually more confident than before.
    Love you, guys! This is the best video so far, so natural and spontaneous. :-*

  71. Suzanne says:

    loved this video and how you are showing us your vunrability to the world of fake tanning haha.

    This feels really empowering sharing our insecurities and turning them into attractive qualities if we own then ;) for me it’s my face Im very critical of every blemish and mark magnifying it to the world.

    Closed off my heart for a few months, held me back from dating but I’ve started interacting with men again and owning it is something I’m now working on warts an all ;)

    Big hugs to you Matt #vunrability is #atttactive

  72. Dominika says:

    Hello Matthew
    For me you are perfect :) ! If you woul’d say about this video – that it wasn’t edited I actually would’t notice and I think it is great.
    Generally all of your videos and work are valuable for me.
    To be honest I have a lot of insecurity. When I was 15 I felt sick and went to hospital. From that moment my lify comletely changed and so my body. I put on weight about 20 kg when I came back home because of the medications I had to take
    I was slim and now I am plump – I try to accept myself. I am working on it very hard. My biggest weekness is my enormous belly – many times guys let me sit In a bus becase they think I am pregnant – it is so embarrasing to me. Another thing I don’t like in my body are my big brests – when I run is a dis aster ;). I could’t think of a third feature but I hope you don’t mind.
    You say you love me and I love you too. You are great Matthew.
    Thank you for everything that you do.
    Greetings from Poland, Dominika :)

  73. Carrie says:

    Loved it!
    I have always had a problem with my body always felt fat, had an eating disorder from 17 to well into my 30’s. Never had a problem getting dates, people told me I was pretty but I never felt it inside.
    I am now 57, was at a friend’s not long ago and she brought out some old pics from functions we had attended together 15-20 years prior. I am looking through them and there is a very attractive woman cuddled up to my then husband. Another pic she has her hand on his leg and I am starting to get upset. He didn’t seem to mind either and she was really pretty. We are split so it really doesn’t matter but I always trusted him and now I was having my doubts and I am feeling insecure.
    I asked my girl friend who this woman is and she looks at me really strange and laughed, I really starting to get upset, what does she know that I don’t? She tells me to look closer at the pics; it was me!! I was really stunning! I was not fat, not even close to fat, I was really pretty. I wasted so many years worrying about being attractive enough and totally missed that I was! What a kicker!! to finally realize you are fine and pretty just the way you are – 20 years after the fact!
    it prompted me to look back through my whole life and I NEVER was fat, I never needed to diet.
    So now I know my eyes lie to me and I don’t let the voice in my head tell me lies. if I want to see how I look I don’t look in the mirror I take a photo and look at myself as someone who doesn’t know me. (if that made sense). I don’t want to be 80 looking at pics of me at 57 and thinking OMG I wasted more time worrying about a problem that didn’t exist!

  74. Kalee says:

    Well here it goes…my two “vampire” teeth.

    I used to not be so self-conscious of them, but since I moved to NYC almost two years, it has been so much worse. Plus smiling is such a big thing, but I have noticed if I smile or laugh too much I either cover my mouth while laughing or I am just constantly thinking about what other people are thinking about my teeth.

    I have always had small teeth, and had braces that were supposed to help pull the “vampire” teeth down (the two teeth that the third set in the top middle). However, braces were so long ago, and I have even been looking into having part of my gums removed so it will make the “vampire” teeth less visible or not visible at all. It is called gum contouring, def painful, and not cheap. I have tried to give this less power over me, but it is something I think about DAILY, well actually, CONSTANTLY.

    But I am putting this out there because you are an inspiration Matt, and I just love everything about you. It is the reason why I have read your books, gone to your NYC events, and even met you when you were shooting a Free Advice Segment for Valentine’s Day for the Today Show. Love you. xoxo

  75. Hayley says:

    i LOVE your videos, but it seems as though lately they’re getting longer and longer and a little sidetracked.
    I wish they’d go back to the short, sweet, to the point videos they used to be.

    :)

  76. dr mansi mankame says:

    Hey Matt,
    The content of your previous video,as all others, was so intriguing, that i didnt even notice the difference in the colour of your hands.
    This video was a confidence booster as it felt so normal,perhaps for the first time, to not be perfect or to go wrong once in a while. When such a thought is put forward by someone like you, to whom i look up to for advice on relationships in my life, it definately means a lot. Thanks and looking forward to more great stuff from you.

  77. LULU says:

    I am happy to see you are wearing nice shirts again.

  78. Kim s says:

    Waaaauwwww..i was looking for the video this video was talking about ..it toke me a good 5 mins to see it what the deal was…..and my reaction was: POEFFFF,this people need to get a life.being negative on such a small thing,is like being negative to someone who pushing his breath a little bit harder then you matthew,if i was you,i wouldn’t even make this video and give those people more attention,soo not worth it.but good for you for own it and stand your ground.my new motto for stupidity and negatism is..whoooo got time for that?! Definatelly not mee

  79. Kerry says:

    I love watching your videos Matthew. I think you are so sexy and endearing I’m a confident person usually I have no trouble finding dates. My flaw is that I have quite bad scars on my private areas from being abused as a child.i just wanted to say that even though I have these scars and feel self consious when first being intimate with a guy.that I’m ok with it.and generally so have the guys been.and any guy not ok with it wouldn’t be worth my time.its not something I chose.so if anyone has similar scars please don’t worry and let it put you off being intimate with your dream guy.

  80. monica says:

    Thank you for being ‘raw’ and unedited. It’s what makes me wanna keep on watching you. The human quality, the openness and the universality of emotions… We can ALL identify. Thank you for sharing : )

    As for me… Oh well… I wish that monster called ‘cellulite’, that begins to show its ugly face on my behind ( LOL ), could be one of those fictional monsters that could be swallowed hole by my unbeatable, superior and free from judgement, sense of self!

    I’m on my way : )

    Monica

  81. Jo says:

    I loved this video – thank you Matt for reinforcing the truth about the world being imperfect. Since a teen I’ve been self conscious about my nose being too big and later on I had surgery to improve it. I’m always being told how attractive looking I am in fact women don’t warm to me easily I think because of how I look. But I’m still conscious about my nose being too big! In a way because I’m attractive it’s something people can easily pick out on me so I’m always afraid someone will tease me in public, or say something behind my back and I’m not sure how to react. I get paranoid about people staring and photos taken in profile! I would welcome your thoughts on how I should handle this.

  82. Hira says:

    A little more hairy than how I need to. ( Oh wait, is there a specific amount of hair, set for ladies? hah ). I don’t know.

    I have dry skin at times.

    Short eyebrows.

    Short attention span.

    What else…oh yahh…

    too much love for someone who is loving me for who I am
    right now haha.

  83. Boria says:

    :)Okay, let’s play…
    My stomach makes loud noises sometimes – and the timing can be horribly hilarious :D Some time back it occurred to me it’s more of a blessing than a curse – if I’m all hot and bothered with a guy and in the middle of it, my stomach makes a crazy noise, I get to see whether he actually has a true authentic sense of humor…:D

    I actually wished to comment on this particular video somewhere around minute 11 when you raised your hands above your head and looked a little to the side. Let me give you some context – I’ve been on board with you since 2012, more so since last august’s blast and I’ve watched a lot of your material. It has brought a sense of understanding of myself and the way “things” work that I can’t be nothing less but humbly grateful for.

    This one struck me tonight though, as I watched it with a really crappy internet connection from a Vietnamese office, where I’m living while I’m EVS volunteering these last couple of months. At this moment, minute 11, uncut and unedited, I felt like you and I were sitting together, lost in conversations – not 22 min, but the entire night. One of those, when you actually almost faint from excitement from the fluidity of the conversation with another furiously passionate human being…

    I love this video (if you couldn’t tell already;)) The last few weeks in this crazy loud and beautiful asian country have been hecktic in ways I never could imagine and challenged my confidence in ways I just…couldn’t defeat. I felt myself slipping back to a previous version of myself that felt distanced from her own truth and power. And at that specific moment, laying on a wooden bed, way sweatier than a sauna ever could make me, I heard my heart pound a silent “It’s OK. You’re OK.” And that was all it took. I knew that quest for being perfect bodily, emotionally, physically, had loosened its grip on me to make space for a person, drenched in stillness. One that knows nobody can do “us” better that ourselves. And this should not be read as dramatic or nostalgic or sad, but with a mindset of immense strength and a generous bit of playfulness – with that “oops” behavior we have as kids when we try something new and it backfires. I believe there’s nothing more fun in life than trying out all the possibilities we can be and experience – as far as our health and ethics will allow us, of course:)
    Thus, I feel selfishly connected to this video, as if it was custom made for me :3 And I’m owning this awkward synchronicity I have with the flow of your videos like a boss:D
    Oh, look at what you’ve done! Making me so excited in this hot Vietnamese weather is borderline dangerous for this European body! Just finish your noodles and go away to your next video, you!!! ;) :D

  84. Julie says:

    Matthew…..this has been the most helpful advice to me…I am coming out of a 26year relationship…..I was married to a Narcissist…..and I was a people pleaserin in the relationship….quite a toxic mix. I can relate when u mention that you have to develop mental and emotional toughness. This is so important for confidence building now that I am single. There are a lot of people who judge my actions now because of my new status…..and it’s so sad that I had to give up on a 30 year friendship with my girlfriend because of the bad energy she was directing my way. The biggest lightbulb moment was when u mentioned that u do not have to justify yourself to anyone. THAT WAS HUGE,!!! So the thing that I am most self conscious about is my middle aged single status. After watching this blog…I will not justify my actions any longer as I am on this journey of self discovery as a single woman. Thanks so much…it was incredibly helpful ! , xo

  85. Meera Sinroja says:

    Embarassed about my walk!!! Its normal..but yeah

  86. Monica says:

    Hey Matthew

    I’m actually reading a book by Brené Brown titled “Daring Greatly” and your video this week reminded me of some of things I’m reading. I myself am trying to “lean in” to my vulnerabilities and practice “shame resilience”.

    My insecurity: I have stretch marks on my stomach. I got them after a growth spurt when I was 14. I’ve never been pregnant but once a guy I was dating saw them and said, “wait I thought you said you didn’t have kids!?” I felt humiliated, I never saw him again. I allowed his ignorance to shatter my confidence, never again.

    Cheers Matt,
    This video wais one of your best!

  87. Holly says:

    I hate my big boobs – but my boyfriend loves them!
    We both hate our tummies. Talking of which – getting punched in the stomach 50 times?! Are you sure you’re not getting beaten up?!

  88. Amanda says:

    This is actually the first time I am watching a blog video, I love that the video is unedited and here I am being “raw” and putting out my insecurities and owning it.

    First my physical insecurity. I am of Italian descent and I am a hairy Italian girl as I like to say. It’s a double-edged sword because even though I have been blessed with a full head of thick brown hair, I have hair on my face and it makes me insecure. I get threading done for my eyebrows and my upper lip. I remember being younger and kids would make comments in why I had a mustache when I was a girl. I now notice other parts of my body that I wish had less hair such as my stomach. It is nothing like the amount of hair that a guy has but still it makes me self-conscience from time to time.

    Secondly, the other insecurity that I want to get out. It is going to be three weeks tomorrow that I will be out of an almost three year relationship. I would have been with this guy for three years tomorrow and it’s killing me. Now here’s the thing, the guy and I have both admitted since we split that we love each other and are in still love with each other. And since then we have done some things and you know what, part of me doesn’t care, but I am insecure. Being intimate and know that is is 100% love all there and sharing everything in that moment. I am insecure on what other people would think and I am so afraid. So I don’t tell anyone. And then I hear “I think we need to stop…” This is a guy that I am absolutely in love with and think the ending of this relationship is due to timing. And I am insecure that it had to end. I am insecure with the rejection. Insecure that the person doesn’t want me in that capacity as a girlfriend, at least in this moment in time. Like I said, this ending I believe is due to timing. And I can go on and tell you more, but I am so drained and feel like I have been hiding some of my feelings. He went to a strip club for the first time with a friend and honestly, that made me feel insecure. I am not his girlfriend at this moment, but it made me feel this way. Even though it was to scope out locations for a bachelor party, it made me insecure. Like I wasn’t good enough. And then seeing each other for the first time a few days ago was absolutely electric and every time we see each other it is magical but we have such a connection and love towards one another. It’s like we are dating again. I can see it in his eyes and face and look… I would love to just tell someone this whole problem and how I am feeling. And I just want him back and maybe I am a fool for doing so, but I do know that we are both two fools in love with one another…still… And I don’t know how to handle this situation all of the time, I do know that I feel too many emotions all at once…

    So here I am, unedited and a hairy Italian girl, hopeless romanic, fool in love and hopeful that my love will come back to me…

  89. Leona_Lovequest says:

    Over the past couple of weeks, for some reason I seemed to be finding new and unique ways to obtain minor injuries, the most conspicuous being a burn on my collar bone I achieved from twirling a flaming marshmallow too quickly while making s’mores. To make matters worse, I was going to the beach the next day to spend time with friends, some of which I hadn’t seen in over a decade. I was feeling somewhat apprehensive about the trip anyway as I had gained some weight over the years and was the only one in our group who never married, had children, or even managed to find a significant other. I decided before any of them asked me about the oddly placed band-aid just below my neck, I would tell them the story of how I got the burn, which was actually quite hilarious when I spoke it out loud. After that, I didn’t even think about it for the rest of the trip.

  90. Claire says:

    Good for you, Matt! I had a similar experience yesterday when I rolled out of bed and had the sudden inspiration that I should make a short YouTube video for my fledgling business’s website so people could meet me and get a feel for me. I literally had just rolled out of bed and my hair was sticking straight up in all kinds of ways, so I just put on a barrette and just filmed it and published it. I may at some point redo it as I was on one of those bouncy balls so it is not super stable, but I had this feeling like it’s okay to put it up as is for now because I just wanted to be me, and being me is definitely not perfect!

    http://youtu.be/TPYNkNJLeNE

  91. Gale says:

    I think this is so funny. I saw your hands and thought, well maybe they wear 2 gloves to play golf in England. I no longer was distracted by it. Matt, you have so much valuable content in your videos, that to be focused on something so simplistic, would be a disservice to myself and you. I love how you described taking a hit to strengthen oneself to protect one’s energy. I was also thinking that you have Superman hair and then you started talking about that day at school. I used to tell my mother, when I heard her justifying herself, “Mom, you don’t have to defend your decision to do what you want. You are saying to people that, deep down, you think you are wrong and they are right.” Yes, Matt that was giving her power away. I have been singing a song, since I was little, “I don’t care, I don’t care, what people may think of me.” I am very kind and do so much volunteer work in the community, that I won an award from the Lions Club, for the most hours served. This was a statewide participation. It is very hard for someone to knock me off my perch. But we all know, when it comes to matters of the heart, it gets tricky. I am very self-conscious about the little bit of cellulite on my thighs. There, I SAID IT!!!

  92. Paula says:

    Sow leave a comment about the most dreaded lack of confidence I have would have to be that so many people tell me how strong I am. In reality o have daily struggles with failing and being weak. I don’t see myself as strong so I put of walls of confidence and pride that deep inside really aren’t there. When I feel rejected that’s when I see the true nature of me come out in private. The real lack of confidence and lack of how to be what everyone else sees in me. A strong woman.

  93. Paulette says:

    Great video. Love it. We’re all the same.
    My insecurity:
    Facial scarring
    Age lines

  94. Athena Taylor says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I want to thank you for all the tireless work you do to make other people’s lives better. I’m 48 and have the world experience to see that the care you put into helping your fellow human beings to find personal happiness is unusual. You have the trifecta: brains/good looks AND you care. You are NOT the cold hearted American Psycho guy. ;)

    You are exactly right that being confident despite your flaws is powerful and admired by others.
    As for myself, I know I’m pretty attractive, I always have been, (no ugly duckling) and though getting older, I am aging pretty well. But I take my looks for granted, I’ve always worried about appearing stupid in how I expeess my thoughts. Though I have a high IQ, and several degrees, I STILL feel self-conscious that people think I’m an air head. But going back to the physical….ever since I was born I’ve had a strawberry mark scar on my chin. It’s about as big a quarter and looks like a bruise. But I have NEVER cared about it, it’s never bothered me and I don’t think about it. I’ve probably had about 10 people IN MY ENTIRE LIFE ever comment or ask me about it! People may notice it, but bc I don’t care about it, they are polite enough to forget about it too.

    So as you are saying: whatever might be our flaws, embrace, own and then forget about them and others will too. CONFIDENT STRENGTH IS THE KEY to relating to others in a positive, successful way! Thanks for being you Matthew!
    Warm regards, Athena

  95. Daria says:

    Honestly… I didn’t even notice your tan, I was listening to what you were saying, not even looking at your hands. So not everyone notices such superficial imperfections ;)

  96. Sana says:

    One of the best videos I’ve watched. Thankyou for bringing this up. It’s refreshing to hear about stuff that is real in everyone’s lives but no one has the confidence to bring it up.
    I get self concious when I’m out with friends or on a date about my hands coz they’re not perfectly manicured and polished. But I don’t change that. I’m learning to own that coz that’s how I like my hands.

  97. Stephanie Shannon says:

    My body isn’t perfect at all,but when I decided to take beginning Boudoir Dancing lessons even though I hadn’t lost all of the weight I wanted to, I found that my confidence shot through the roof and I learned to appreciate my curves and the way my body can make me feel, not just for the way it looks! The physical imperfections are a moot point now, and I have gotten the attention of some very eligible gentlemen.

  98. Jana bel says:

    Good stuff! Saying no more.

    Cheers
    J

  99. Elena says:

    This video was perfect!

    Thank your reminding me to own ALL parts of me, even the extra weight I carry – my arms, thighs and belly jiggle, roll and look completely opposite of a swimsuit model.

    I’ve been ashamed of myself for having this weight, beating myself up or mentally justifying that I will show up tomorrow – when lose this weight. how sad, because I give so much on so many levels – I work Christmas and thanksgiving and volunteer – not for ego, but because I want to leave a legacy of goodness, and create miracles that happen when people care beyond convenience.

    Up until now I’ve thrown away so much of my value on the weight. And all I can realize is what a dishonor I’ve done to my heart.

    Thank you for being raw – I never even noticed the mismatch.

  100. Kira says:

    I’m currently sitting in Chicago-O’Hare airport, on my way from Philly to Seattle to teach a dance workshop, and I have an accidental huge obnoxious green stripe in my hair. My head looks like it’s telling the world “GO!” I went in yesterday to get a tiny deep blue highlight put in, and it turned out a different color and on a larger chunk of hair than I anticipated, but I had no time to fix it before I left.
    Oh fucking well. I’ve wanted to go to Seattle for years and if that means I’ll spend part of my trip connecting with a hair stylist, that sounds great!
    So I just booked myself a hair appointment. New city, new salon, new experience. Can’t wait! Thanks for shifting my perspective on this one!

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