This blog is a little off-road compared with the usual love life stuff.
I think it’s important that you continue to know the REAL me through all the craziness that’s happening right now. The me that can get stressed, frustrated, fearful, and have to deal with all the same emotions you do. I’ve said it before, I don’t see this as just some brand, I see it as a community that I love being part of. I come here to connect with you. I don’t always write the articles I think will be most popular, or get the most views. I want them to have heart.
This month as most of you know I’m gearing up for the release of my TV show on NBC. And I’m nervous.
I’m not nervous in the “Oh god I can’t do this” kind of way. More in the sense that it looks like something big is coming and it’s hard to anticipate what that means. In the world I’m in right now, everyone sits you down and tells you about the opportunities that are coming. Everyone tells you about how HUGE you’re going to be. Everyone says what a crazy ride it’s going to be. It’s very ‘LA’.
Here’s the newest trailer for the show:
Crazy isn’t it?
It’s a little strange for me to hear all these things. I tend to have two thoughts.
First, my instinct is to not believe them. Not because I’m pessimistic, but because I don’t tend to get excited about things that haven’t happened, or that are uncertain. I have always had a kind of ‘underdog’ mentality. Over the years I’ve had to fight for credibility, clients, the lifestyle I want, and to be taken seriously (i.e. “Who does this KID think he is?! I’ve been a psycho-analytical-timeline-regression-therapist-NLP-hypnosis-doublebackflip-certified coach for 63 years… what does he know?!”).
Since I’ve had to fight for it, I don’t trust wild claims about things that MIGHT happen. I trust what actually happens.
Second, I actually have a fear of it going well. I’m a pretty private person – and though many don’t believe me when I say this, I’m naturally an introvert. The idea of ‘fame’ is something that scares me. Right now I can go pretty much anywhere and do anything and I’m not going to be recognised (at least not enough to worry about).
Chances are in one month that will no longer be the case.
Right now in your life you may have the same ‘fear of the unknown’. If you do, try to remember what I am trying to remember right now:
That you will work hard to impact the areas you can control, and that most of life is made up of things you can’t.
We feel powerless and afraid when we focus on all of the things that we have no power over. To use a GetTheGuy related example – a woman focused on the fact that she hasn’t met her ideal partner yet – if she focuses on the negative comment she just got from somebody, or the fact that a guy isn’t calling back, she will feel powerless and afraid.
This is a recipe for paralysis.
In my own life, I’m about to receive more hate, more negative comments, and more misinterpretation of my character than I ever have. If I thought I had haters before, it’s going to be 1,000X anything I’ve experienced. If I focus on what they are going to say I will feel powerless and afraid.
I also begin to feel this when I focus on there being more to do before the show airs than can possibly be accomplished.
But in life, 90% of happiness is perspective, not the landscape.
That means we get to choose what we focus on. If the woman in our example above looked at all of the things she could do to influence her situation – go out, meet people, learn how to flirt, build an attractive lifestyle, work on her confidence, bring new friends into her life – she would realise that there are so many exciting things she has power over.
In my life, if I focus on speaking with passion and conviction about the things I know, I become impervious to the haters.
If I look at what I can do in the next three weeks and simply focus on doing that, I will become empowered.
The last step in all of this is acceptance. I can’t do this justice in one article, but acceptance is essential to happiness. If I look at my situation and say “There is so much to do in the next 3 weeks, some of which I can do and a whole lot that is impossible to finish”, I will sleep at night. But as long as I am beating myself up for not being able to do what 10 men couldn’t do, I will feel powerless, afraid, and most of all, worthless.
(You may have realised by now that this article is as much a reminder to myself as it is to you.)
Focus on what you CAN do,
be kind to yourself for doing it…
…then kick back and welcome the unknown.
Love ,
Matthew x
(Photo credit: Ecstaticist)
Wow- the show looks much, much better than I imagined!!! Can’t wait to watch it in the UK! Well done Matt – you are following your dream, which in turn helps us women!!! :) Great job – hope to see you soon for another seminar! :) Love Simi xxx
Thanks Simi! Yeah the show looks great, they’ve really gone all out on it.
Mx
I can’t even imagine why would you have haters. All you do is help people! You are a wonderful human being Matthew. Don’t ever let those haters bother you :)
xx
Matthew you are great. So honest, generous, positive, intelligent, perceptive and proactive!. I wish you the best experiences and fun and intensity with this program. Aim to keep being centered, in your observer. It all passes. Comes and goes. And we can be total, enjoying every moment to the fullest! Yes! you deserve all this. And we deserve you! The world is changing, and it is because of people like us :)
Thanks Victoria.
“The world is changing, and it is because of people like us :)” LOVE that.
x
xx :)
i almost forget to tell you Don’t ever view yourself the way the world see’s you..it will always be distorted..stay close to family and hold on to what you believe. You will always teach more by the life you lead and what you say.good luck for everthing lovely matthew.
Thanks kaoutar, much appreciated x
you re article is very original and so rational.it’s like a written trailer exposing your life from a different side and showing what you’ve been trough to be our savior today .According to me;you shoudn’t be worry about what is going to happend tomorrow because you re in the right direction.Just don’t forget to beware of your enemy once and warn your friend a thousand times.one day i hope you to be my savior in the future .All my best wishes.
BRAVO FOR YOUR SUCCESS and trust me i will always supporting you since i’m alive.it’s kaoutar from MOROCCO;
i’m glad saying this because it’s my first time ever i live a comment on the blog however i’m a silent supporter.i hope you made a differnet person in the future; thanks for sharing your article with us.king regards
Love you Matthew!
Oh wow.. that show will be big indeed, not surprised you are afraid… The show looks awesome!!
About you being afraid, I would say.. I am a bit surprised, you know when you have people who you know who are always succeeding and always as ur role models, or always smiling.. you are one of those supernatural people for me, and knowing that you, as confident you are, can still be afraid of something seems so unreal.. It almost makes me realize that of course you are a human being as well.. For some reason u seem to be above the worries and fears..
just know that you have so many fans to support you and courage you:)
BTW: could I suggest a theme for your next post, I am really really interested of what you might have to say about this: COULD A PERSON HAVE IT ALL?
(I mean, great career they want, nice home, confident/happy with themselves,great personal life) It always seems to me that whenever one area of life is going good or under my control, something else is not..
I would really like to know ur thoughts about this subject.
Thank you Matthew, Love you!:)
xxxx
Hi Kerly!
I’d actually be really interested in that too… At what point does the process of maintaining an extraordinary life, becoming the best version of yourself, focusing on growth, bringing out the best in your other half etc… At what point does juggling all those roles become too much? Can everyone live life at such an extraordinary level?
I suspect the answer is to balance all of the above with prioritising your needs – a prime example being on airplanes, that you will be of more help to those around you by putting on your own mask first? But would love Matt’s advice on this, as well as how to forgive yourself the moments where you drop the ball. Quick aside in case Matt reads this, to say good luck with the near future and thank you for sharing your fears today, alongside the recipes for success… Your ability to dispense practical advice while admitting a vulnerability is a rare and very impressive ability; you should be very proud. :)
The thing that helps me keep perspective when I am overwhelmed at the moment is actually staying in contact with my new peer group I met at a recent Get the Guy event!
We’re all in roughly the same boat, practising the techniques and finding some moments harder than others! Checking into our little messenger group when I’m overwhelmed and know others are probably feeling the same way is reassuring! But more than that, to see that everyone is still applying the techniques, and seeing the incredible progress we are all making??? …… I can’t recommend that feeling highly enough. :) x x
I’ve been reading your blog for a year, I’m from Colombia and even when most of people think we are outgoing, I’m not. But your lines have given to me more confidence, so keep going! I’m sure there are more people that love you than hate you.
Thanks Jenny!I’m here to help you keep moving forward. x
This looks awesome! Congratulations Matthew – this is so well deserved recognition of your talents!
Dear Matt,
I can honestly say I stumbled upon your videos an youtube one day and thought they were so insightful, smart, fresh and really advice that resonated with me. I can totally relate to you’re fear of unknown, after a couple of years of struggling to get thru exams, I finally am rentering medicine–I feel completely green, because book knowledge doesnt equal real world experience and scared as you point out of the unknown, but as you pointed out it is what you choose to focus on–:) and I think youll do great–I really admire your courage, talent, and wish you all the best
Hey Matt,
I definetly agree with you that life cannot be controlled and most of what happens you really cannot anticipate. As your going through your journey this month and on just think to yourself that everything happens for a reason and that no matter how big your anticipation is or worries that if you put your worries in a pot with the worlds that you will end up taking your worry back. I used to be an extremely nervous person in my teens because I didn’t understand that I cannot control life and change is always happening with or without my knowledge and one day I just looked in the mirror and said to myself, “Is it worth you living your life like this always nervous and scared about what’s next”? I’m happy I had that revelation and I have learned a lot throughout my life of 22yrs. From my fathers death at age 6 to my friends turning their backs on me in highschool to some of my coworkers talking behind my back. I believe I’m too nice for my own good and I have learned that no matter what Matt, there will ALWAYS be haters or people who do not have your best interests at heart. But the moment we let these people win, is when we lose ourselves. The only thing we can control is our reaction to the situations as they come. Sorry for writing so much. If it matters, I support you whether your on T.V. or living in a box. Keep your head up!! ;)
Great thoughts, because all this can be applied not only to my personal life but also work, family, self-esteem, self-improvement. Thank you very much for your wise words. I needed them. :)
You’re welcome Alice x
By the way, your show is awesome! Congrats!!! I also wanted to tell you I write from Mexico City and your advice has helped me so much. Thank you very much!
Thanks Alice!
x
Thank you for sharing, Matt. Your honesty and vulnerability are traits that make you stand out and special. Regarding L.A.:please take it all with a grain of salt and don’t believe the hype. You deserve every success and this show seems like a great platform, but I honestly wouldn’t bother watching it if it wasn’t for you… It’s simply too fake for my liking. Anyway I’m sure your lovely family will keep you grounded. Enjoy the buzz! You have our loyal support. Love from London x
You’re gonna be ace. You always were.
Hi Matthew,
Don’t worry about the haters. My friends and I love you and the US is about to too! Everything you have taught me has empowered me and given me back hope with regards to my love life. Just think of this as an opportunity to give that gift to a much wider audience.
The only thing I am worried about is the competition once more woman know what you have taught us all…yikes!
The biggest stars, and those who endure, are not ‘stars’ at all. They are people who stay grounded, grateful for where they are, excited about where they are going, and who never stop caring about how well they do. They are always genuine and nice to everyone. Think Justin Timberlake, Tom Hanks, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Johnny Depp… You’re in their league, Matt, and the new show will be a hit, although it’s good that you’re nervous! Enjoy it!
This article was personally, really well timed for me. I needed a reminder that I can’t control the actions of other people no matter how much I wish I could! Staying positive and focusing on what I can do for me is what I need right now. Thank Matthew, I hope everything goes well for you with the launch of the show.
Big love back from England! x
Matt, I think one of the reasons you continue to inspire me to greater & higher levels is precisely because with all the crazy awesome mind boggling stuff going on for you, you still keep it real. The next 3 weeks will be insane, you will get done exactly what you choose to get done, your team will provide manic support & you have loving encouragement from every corner on this planet :-) As a fellow introvert I recommend that you take 30 mins of total alone time each day to ground yourself & re-energise. And as what everyone says will happen manifests … appreciate it & reward yourself, you deserve it! xx
Matt, You’ve accomplished SO much and you’re so young! That’s something to be extremely proud of. I’ll be watching your show FOR SURE! You have changed the way I act around guys and have pushed me to help my girl friends in the dating scene with your tips!
Keep up the awesome work! And see you on your tour :D
I suddenly want to call you “Darling” and give you big hugs. :) You are in the position you are in because you are so good at taking in information, synthesizing it, packaging it and sharing it in a concise way that’s not dumbed-down. People can genuinely feel that you care. That’s what makes you appealing. You’re not speaking from ego or peddling sleazy quick-fix games.
Yes, you are young, but you have an authentically EARNED knowledge. You’d have to live a hundred lifetimes to gather, through personal experience, the information you’ve been able to gather from others’ stories simply by being perceptive, recognizing patterns and understanding human nature. You’re brilliant at it. You managed to convince someone who is 14 years your senior (and who you once observed is very proud) to sit back and consider how good your ideas really are. I’d have been the first one out the door (metaphorically speaking) if they were weak.
Sensitive intelligent people tend to think that everyone deserves to be heard. Unfortunately, that often means we listen to a lot of opinions that have no value. I hope you don’t read the haters. Don’t even let them in. There is nothing to learn from them. If they can’t be bothered to do their homework and understand who you are and what you are saying before they speak up, they don’t deserve to be heard.
Thank you for doing what you do. I look forward to seeing you in May. :)
What beautiful words. I will remember these always. Thank you so much. Seriously.
Matthew x
My pleasure. ;) xo
Wow! CelesteK, you have put into words EXACTLY how I feel about Matt’s work, but could never verbalise it so precisely and concisely. I’m always amazed that other people can express how I feel so much better than I could…
Not forgetting Matt – Thank you for all your wisdom and tips in the book and your blog/newsletter – I am learning so much about myself and just learning so much! :) xx
Matthew!!
I came here to let you know that everything will be A-OK! I’m writing from the USA to let you know that your mentoring,your wise words have helped me become the person i was meant to be! Thank you and good luck!
p.s. im sure everyone will love and accept you from America,just like i did!