This Counter-Intuitive Text Reveals His True Intentions for You

I was recently coaching a woman who was frustrated with the texts she was getting from a guy who she’d met on a dating app.

So we looked at the texts together, and today I’m taking you behind the scenes of what she did right and what I would have changed to get her better results…

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Recently, I was coaching a woman who showed me a text exchange with someone she had met on an app. The exchange went like this. “Hmm, are you just a flirt, or is there more to you?” He said, “Are you just a Debbie Downer or more to you?” She said, “You have to be more than a flirt to find out.” He said, “You’re a lot to deal with.”

Although that guy sounds like kind of a joke and probably not someone she wants the attention of, there is something that she said that I wanted to pick up on. She said, “Hmm, are you just a flirt, or is there more to you?”

Now, the problem I have with that is the intention is good. What she wants to see is if this exchange can become more than a flirtatious or perhaps even a sexual interaction and become a deeper connection. I believe the best way to do that is not to ask, “Is there more to you?” but to show there’s more to you because when you reveal more about yourself, what you’re really saying to someone is, “Here’s me. Can you be that, too?”

I’ll give you an example. Let’s say a guy texted a woman and said, “What are you up to?” Now, she could just give a plain response. “I’m with my family right now. What’s going on with you?” or she could see this very simple question as a way to tell her story and reveal more about herself. He says, “What are you up to?” She says, “I’m building a desk from Ikea with my dad and my sister, and none of us seem to be able to do it. So we’re just rolling around on the floor laughing instead.

(singing)

Now, when that woman says that, she’s revealing a lot about herself. She’s a family person. She has an adorable, affectionate relationship with those members of her family, in this case, her dad and her sister.

(singing)

She’s self-deprecating and can laugh at herself in a situation. All of that is telling her story. Now, that does something very subtle. It shows her in three dimensions, and the effect it has is that it invites him to either show himself in three dimensions by getting vulnerable in return and revealing more about his life, or at the very least, it invites him to recognize her in three dimensions, to see her as a more rounded, real human being to invest in.

Now, if at this point, he doesn’t do either of those two things and instead he just says, “So, what are you wearing while you’re making the desk?” he’s showing that he is either completely one-dimensional or that his intentions are completely one-dimensional. You learn more by revealing your own self and your own story than you do by asking someone to reveal theirs because everything is shown in their reaction to you opening up.

If you want more scripts like this, get my program, How to Talk to Men, where I literally give you 59 different scripts that you can use to create more connection, more respect, more intimacy, and more commitment with the guy you like. Check it out at the link below, and I will see you next time.

12 Responses to This Counter-Intuitive Text Reveals His True Intentions for You

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  1. Kat Marsh says:

    So after a year of terrible online dating and after watching your blog about core confidence and now this one all dating apps deleted! Definitely the boost I needed! Thank you

  2. DD says:

    I like this tactic. I often think that if I give details about myself they would think that I’m too chatty. When you put it that it gives me opportunity to study his reaction, it seems pretty simple. Thank you, Matthew!

  3. Joanne says:

    This video is brilliant, and actually relates to a situation I’m in with a guy now… I wish I could put in to words how you’re helping me Matt!

  4. Lynne says:

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for three years. While we have a loving physical relationship we do not have a committed one as for six months of the year I live in a different state. He has a good friend that he does a lot of yard work etc for but it is not a romantic relationship. He helped her out before dating me and I’m ok that they’re good friends. However, He says he can’t be a hermit so occasionally he gets together with a new lady friend he met last year and plays dominoes or shares a meal. He says he would not call it dating, they don’t hold hands or kiss and she’s home by 7 pm. I hate the fact he feels the need to introduce another woman into our life as what happens when I’m back in his home town all summer. Am I going to rotate through three women now? I really care for him and I’m not interested in doing that but I also know if we have no commitment I can’t ask him not to ever see her. We are senior citizens and yet i feel like I’m dealing with a teenager. My daughter tells me if I want to see him I have to accept the situation or move on. I guess she’s right.

  5. Ellie says:

    What can we do about guys who don’t ask any questions on dating sites/text? I can see that some are not guys I want to know anyway, but are there some who just need some encouragement? How can we do this?

  6. Farida Ntshebo says:

    To my opinion on this is that some words can seem like a joke but it’s not, but trying to find out and analyse what the person is putting across. It’s worth a shot. And not everyone you meet at love on first sight is perfect for you. But getting to know the guy better for the ladies is key.

  7. LK says:

    Learned something new here.

  8. Tammy westbrockn says:

    I bought your e books and wgst nwn want how to talk to me twxtcyitr ex back. Impact all of it. Buy i can’t find them now. It just vanished. Mayhew. Will you please. Look i to thus and get me my books back i need them again. I was crushed. My ex now told me he met someine new by leaving her tjong on my pillow. I’d reallybappreate it. I cant sern.to ort yhis go.
    Yep ouch . I snapped post it COMPLETELY.

  9. Antonia Blue Star says:

    This is really inciteful. Thank you for the golden nugget!

  10. Lori Morris says:

    Hi Matthew

    I am Deaf and was in several long term relationships but I’ve been single for quite a while now. I’m 52 and tired of being single. I want to find a nice down to earth guy who knows what he wants in life and someone who has patient and understanding of my needs. I’m sick of Dating apps as most look to be desperate which makes not want to try. Pls help this poor soul. Lori

  11. Delta tomlin says:

    She didn’t give a great answer

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