This Counter-Intuitive Text Reveals His True Intentions for You

I was recently coaching a woman who was frustrated with the texts she was getting from a guy who she’d met on a dating app.

So we looked at the texts together, and today I’m taking you behind the scenes of what she did right and what I would have changed to get her better results…

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Recently, I was coaching a woman who showed me a text exchange with someone she had met on an app. The exchange went like this. “Hmm, are you just a flirt, or is there more to you?” He said, “Are you just a Debbie Downer or more to you?” She said, “You have to be more than a flirt to find out.” He said, “You’re a lot to deal with.”

Although that guy sounds like kind of a joke and probably not someone she wants the attention of, there is something that she said that I wanted to pick up on. She said, “Hmm, are you just a flirt, or is there more to you?”

Now, the problem I have with that is the intention is good. What she wants to see is if this exchange can become more than a flirtatious or perhaps even a sexual interaction and become a deeper connection. I believe the best way to do that is not to ask, “Is there more to you?” but to show there’s more to you because when you reveal more about yourself, what you’re really saying to someone is, “Here’s me. Can you be that, too?”

I’ll give you an example. Let’s say a guy texted a woman and said, “What are you up to?” Now, she could just give a plain response. “I’m with my family right now. What’s going on with you?” or she could see this very simple question as a way to tell her story and reveal more about herself. He says, “What are you up to?” She says, “I’m building a desk from Ikea with my dad and my sister, and none of us seem to be able to do it. So we’re just rolling around on the floor laughing instead.


Now, when that woman says that, she’s revealing a lot about herself. She’s a family person. She has an adorable, affectionate relationship with those members of her family, in this case, her dad and her sister.


She’s self-deprecating and can laugh at herself in a situation. All of that is telling her story. Now, that does something very subtle. It shows her in three dimensions, and the effect it has is that it invites him to either show himself in three dimensions by getting vulnerable in return and revealing more about his life, or at the very least, it invites him to recognize her in three dimensions, to see her as a more rounded, real human being to invest in.

Now, if at this point, he doesn’t do either of those two things and instead he just says, “So, what are you wearing while you’re making the desk?” he’s showing that he is either completely one-dimensional or that his intentions are completely one-dimensional. You learn more by revealing your own self and your own story than you do by asking someone to reveal theirs because everything is shown in their reaction to you opening up.

If you want more scripts like this, get my program, How to Talk to Men, where I literally give you 59 different scripts that you can use to create more connection, more respect, more intimacy, and more commitment with the guy you like. Check it out at the link below, and I will see you next time.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

14 Responses to This Counter-Intuitive Text Reveals His True Intentions for You

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  1. Kat Marsh says:

    So after a year of terrible online dating and after watching your blog about core confidence and now this one all dating apps deleted! Definitely the boost I needed! Thank you

  2. Melisa says:

    Hello dear. O bat wat you spik bikoz i vryli not andersten you.Wat you expect to du ,of wat you wryli want from mi .Onesli i think dat you not hew enything to du wyt mi laif of to help mi,of ihew yet not notice wat you want to sey to mi ken you bi more direkt wyt mi bikoz this sh****i wryli not andersten .Dus i hew dan samthing to help you of your institution of your instinkt to go verder wyt your job end you aer prisheidit dit .this is ok very hinsane-bat i hew not esk you eny thing to du for mi way you insted of duing your job more ende more properli wyt your populleishen from male not lok in god wey insted of helping won por wumen hu ken not stey in her legs.plz i beliv dat you aer hier to du your job bat not giv to mi presher bikoz mi haert end brain aer duing very good bat fizik kondishen not ken bi beter i hops end i em duing mi best ,bat not how you ecspekt .Bat (onesli i heit this word BÀT)wat i ken duit to help you of your organizeishen i em very hepy to du wat i kent .so bat ils you laik to si mi i ken not kom you mast andersten not aer in de hand from retreat program to si you won wumen how shi ken bi .you aer welkom in mi hom olveys so not put so haerd mind for me .Allah protect me mi family ,children mi brather olov people hu love me ,olso hu not love mi i wysh to protekt from silly things wat not aer good for laif. You your famiy your covorkerfamily,olso Jemison big kamerman end wryly family man ,i wysh dat you olso in this bytiful yer hew god opportunity for lovelaif wyt wumen hu ken bi your big flinder in your sholders end giv to you good chilldren to go verder bay helping wumen ,i hew not si lang your dad i hop dat hem aer olso good bikoz olov ons lov to faind samthing big in ons bat this ken best ons KREATOR Allah hu hew meik dat i ken you olso in mi laif ,bat als you truly will samthing from mi you mast bi direkt ,bikoz indirekt thinks aer for olov wumen wat you sey from your program . I think dat i hew sey to you henaf ,nu aer taem you to spik to mi of shut more not spik for mi literal laef bikoz you ken faind more ende more wumens in laif hu ken giv to you mor dan you think bat i em not this hu ken duit wat you aer duing .So i wysh you best Melisa.

  3. Melisa says:

    Hi Man .Aer you good of no ? inshalla Allah help you in nyve yer,to bring more joy in 2020 not ken bi izi bat you ken duit olov this wumen aer seing to you very klirli thinks wat meik hepy .so i kent dat you aer duing veru posebiliti to exspres ende self no jest anders jest bi your self end teik your laif more serioz bikoz your job mast stei in good hands after your best wishes for olov female ,plz not giv to mi presher bikoz i em famili wumen, end i lov mi children olso mi men ,so I vish dat you olso hew big wumen after your rugs ,onesli you olredy hew meny of bat in your hom this is olso big dil bikoz aer laif so wyt your born family olso wyt your family hu you wysh to giv best for olov hem .So mi frend this yer teik more seriosli this tok of laif i think dat this blond wumen wyt hu you hew gon in bioskop to wach movi Frozen is very good opertunyti so way you vryli not ken PROPERLY propose her not firget eny bady not aer perfekt bat olov ons wyt more lov work more for ons lovelaif so not vest your taem is very importent to hev your beby in your aerms end to si how God hew grantet you wyt best gift in your laif .Best mi frend ,i si dat you aer not teik mi so god person bat this is normal you aer this hu aer in ferst step ,bat i liv in this grond not aer olveys izi bat think good als i end mi men ken duit dat so hendikaps end bi hepy100%in, way you aer not duing disemt .eni bady not ken vat brengt tomorov so wysh you best wyt your oven family this yer ,olso wyt family wat you aer group, olso wyt your covorkers so du your best .beest wishes to you your Melisa.

  4. DD says:

    I like this tactic. I often think that if I give details about myself they would think that I’m too chatty. When you put it that it gives me opportunity to study his reaction, it seems pretty simple. Thank you, Matthew!

  5. Joanne says:

    This video is brilliant, and actually relates to a situation I’m in with a guy now… I wish I could put in to words how you’re helping me Matt!

  6. Lynne says:

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for three years. While we have a loving physical relationship we do not have a committed one as for six months of the year I live in a different state. He has a good friend that he does a lot of yard work etc for but it is not a romantic relationship. He helped her out before dating me and I’m ok that they’re good friends. However, He says he can’t be a hermit so occasionally he gets together with a new lady friend he met last year and plays dominoes or shares a meal. He says he would not call it dating, they don’t hold hands or kiss and she’s home by 7 pm. I hate the fact he feels the need to introduce another woman into our life as what happens when I’m back in his home town all summer. Am I going to rotate through three women now? I really care for him and I’m not interested in doing that but I also know if we have no commitment I can’t ask him not to ever see her. We are senior citizens and yet i feel like I’m dealing with a teenager. My daughter tells me if I want to see him I have to accept the situation or move on. I guess she’s right.

  7. Ellie says:

    What can we do about guys who don’t ask any questions on dating sites/text? I can see that some are not guys I want to know anyway, but are there some who just need some encouragement? How can we do this?

  8. Farida Ntshebo says:

    To my opinion on this is that some words can seem like a joke but it’s not, but trying to find out and analyse what the person is putting across. It’s worth a shot. And not everyone you meet at love on first sight is perfect for you. But getting to know the guy better for the ladies is key.

  9. LK says:

    Learned something new here.

  10. Tammy westbrockn says:

    I bought your e books and wgst nwn want how to talk to me twxtcyitr ex back. Impact all of it. Buy i can’t find them now. It just vanished. Mayhew. Will you please. Look i to thus and get me my books back i need them again. I was crushed. My ex now told me he met someine new by leaving her tjong on my pillow. I’d reallybappreate it. I cant ort yhis go.
    Yep ouch . I snapped post it COMPLETELY.

  11. Antonia Blue Star says:

    This is really inciteful. Thank you for the golden nugget!

  12. Lori Morris says:

    Hi Matthew

    I am Deaf and was in several long term relationships but I’ve been single for quite a while now. I’m 52 and tired of being single. I want to find a nice down to earth guy who knows what he wants in life and someone who has patient and understanding of my needs. I’m sick of Dating apps as most look to be desperate which makes not want to try. Pls help this poor soul. Lori

  13. Delta tomlin says:

    She didn’t give a great answer

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