(Photo: Hamed Masoumi)
Dating advice is starting to irritate me more and more.
I’m so bored of reading about that ‘Irresistible First-Date Kiss That Will Keep Him Hooked Forever’.
I’m fed up of click-bait magazine articles telling women how to create a steamy night of passion by lighting a scented candle and whispering something into his ear about not wearing underwear, or wearing matching underwear, or whatever the party line on undergarment etiquette happens to be that week.
I’ve read enough about ‘Body Language That Tells You It’s True Love’ and ‘Sexy Positions He Secretly Wants His Girlfriend To Do In Bed’ to last a lifetime.
So I’ve decided to list of some of the sexiest traits I find in a woman that go beyond the usual magazine fodder.
Some are universal to all guys. Others are my own personal preferences.
It’s not an exhaustive list, but these are the things I feel REALLY MATTER, the things that click in my head and set off my “she’s amazing, keep her!” alarm after a few months into dating.
15 Unconventionally Sexy Traits In The Woman I’d Love To Date
I’ve separated the specific traits into four general areas.
Put these traits all together and a girlfriend (at least to me) becomes so sexy – so incredibly attractive – she’s basically irreplaceable:
1. An Intelligent/Beautiful Mind
[*] A girlfriend with a rich intellectual life, who is engaged in lifelong learning and reads good books for pleasure (think One Hundred Years of Solitude rather than Fifty Shades Of Grey).[*] A girlfriend who is genuinely open-minded about new experiences and is capable of changing her opinions, rather than the woman who thinks ‘open-minded’ means ‘believing in everything’, from the power of healing crystals to Dowsing. [*] A girlfriend who is a critical thinker and questions everything, embraces doubt, and isn’t dogmatic about her views.
2. Intimacy and Thoughtfulness[*] A girlfriend who learns my likes and dislikes and shows that she factors them into her decisions. [*] A girlfriend who will hug me when I’ve been beaten up (emotionally) by everyone else instead of making me feel like less of a man for being vulnerable. [*] A girlfriend who will let me hold her when she’s suffering without accusing me of being patronising. [*] A girlfriend who is a problem-solver and works out difficulties together. She doesn’t shut down or hide in moments of conflict. [*] A girlfriend who tells me the truth without making me feel judged, and corrects me without making me feel like an inept, hopeless child.
3. Integrity and Rounded Character[*] A girlfriend who decides for herself what is important for her mind to focus on, instead of parroting whatever her celebrity-filled twitter feed tells her is big news this week.
[*] A girlfriend who loves socialising for fun and enjoyment, not because she wants validation and attention.
[*] A girlfriend who can debate without turning it into an argument.
[*] A girlfriend who adapts to situations. She can drink beer and play pool, go running together in the park, be elegant and charming at a dinner party, work on our laptops in the evening, and wear sweats and eat pizza when we relax on the weekend.
4. Long-Term Thinker[*] A girlfriend who invests in her long-term skills and potential instead of desperately trying to hold onto superficial things through her twenties/thirties/forties. [*] A girlfriend who takes pride in being able to take care of her own life, and doesn’t secretly dream someone will come and fix it for her. [*] A girlfriend who builds a future she loves, instead of trying to recreate a past that is already behind her.
Dating advice tends to focus a hell of a lot of What To Do, and not much on Who You Are.
Tips and techniques are great – but relationships are really defined by what happens when the initial charm and best intentions of the first dates wear off, when people really start to see what lies behind the self you present to the rest of the world.
Want to keep a guy?
Forget lighting candles and wearing matching underwear. That’s just the neat, glossy cover that surrounds the book.
And nice covers are great. They are the icing on the cake. They look impressive when you show them off on your coffee table. It’s much more pleasing to have a book with a beautiful cover than an ugly one.
But it’s the rich content inside that makes you never want to put it down.
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What’s ONE thing you find sexy that you never hear people talk about? Leave a comment below!
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163 Replies to “15 Things I NEVER Hear Men Say Are Sexy In A Girlfriend (But Wish They Would)”
Someone who is true to themselves and knows their self worth is attractive to me, someone who is relaxed around me, overall a confident and positive person to be around. And doesn’t spend ages grooming himself and checking himself out in the mirror too much. And someone who doesn’t love themselves out vainess. Does this type of person even exist Stephen?
Hi Stephen. I really enjoyed this read. It offered me a lot to think about and reflect upon myself & I am in agreement with you that these qualities are far more superior than exterior beauty & flashy style. It spoke of vulnerability to me which is a true act of courage & trust. I am no expert, but in my experience, your search within your criteria is not as rare as the one who would embrace such a person whole heartedly with respect and appreciation. This, I believe, is why valid trust & vulnerability in a woman is difficult to find sometimes. However, I have faith you will find what you seek. You are a rare gem.
Best Wishes & Thank you
For someone like me who was never thought how to love myself, how to have friends and how to have hobbies instead of just studying my whole life your words (although make sense) are hard to implement in real life. I want to rebuild myself before I look for the guy. I know if one has a good life they naturally know to do the right thing. Please right on how to be these traits you wrote above.
I’m a girl and those are the qualities I’m looking for in a man. Never found them so far.
That’s what I want from a man! (I’m female.)
I’m a woman who also embraces the traits you mentioned above to be ones I hope I’ve developed in myself ! And I look for them in a guy !!
One trait I find sexy is, after sizing up a potential guy on a dating site and he gives me his number to call him. Then we text a few exchanges and he would like to call me. He does. And this guy who appears handsome, family oriented, educated, industrious, admittedly looking for love suddenly says, ” I like you, I like talking with you, you make me feel free.”
That, right there. That’s the good stuff !
Infinite authenticity integrity and conscious evolution on the internal journey of oneself at whatever pace
To dance life’s dance and know there are no backward or forward steps in life, just a beautiful dance that goes on eternally whilst becoming the dance
And sometimes to share moments of the soul without the noise of language
To share my epiphanies and also share my silence, both are deep
There is nothing I want
But there are things I appreciate
I do not want a relationship
Sharing life’s moments though in a non co dependant, healthy, emotionally intelligent interaction is as beautiful as a shooting star without the wish
Hi Stephen, these tips and questions are very good to approach my crush. Thanks for sharing these tips and questions. Keep Updating.
Is anyone here in a position to recommend Swings? Cheers x
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