3 Secrets to Be Happily Single Until You Find the Right Guy

I’ll keep this short so you can go straight to watch this video.

It’s not just essential watching if you’re single right now…

It’s essential watching in the context of the year we’ve just had and how to navigate being single in it…

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Why are so many people unhappily single?

I had one of my members say to me on a webinar recently, “I decided nine months ago to start looking again for love, for a partner, and nine months in, I still haven’t met anyone. I’m starting to get frustrated, I’m starting to lose hope. And just…I start to wonder why I’m still doing this.” And in her tone I could tell that she was quite a goal-oriented, type A person and that, because she wasn’t getting the result, she was getting very frustrated.

Of course, our love life isn’t an area we can control in quite the same way that we can other things. We can have a huge degree of influence on the direction of our love life, but we can’t control if the right person comes into our life this week or next week, we just have to keep putting ourselves in the right spot, doing the right things, and know that at some point that will be a byproduct.

The challenge is how to enjoy the journey along the way whilst it’s not happening. And we have to go from basing our happiness around getting the result around meeting the person to expanding our lives in pursuit, perhaps – or not even in pursuit of, that makes it sound like that’s the only goal. We have to expand our lives knowing that meeting the right person may be a byproduct of expanding our lives.

I know this isn’t the greatest time in history to expand our lives when everything that’s been going on in the last year has sort of contracted our lives, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things we can do. We have to still look for the ways that we can be creative in expanding our lives. And I want to give you three potential ways of looking at this, three things you could do.

One way to expand our lives is to look at the needs that we have to meet every week. You know, for me, I need to meet the need for learning new things. That’s like a real basic need for me is that I want to learn more, I’m curious, and I always want to be learning. I have the need to train. You know, I like training, I like working out, I like staying in shape. So I have that need. I have the need for connection with other human beings.

What’s a way to meet those needs that is outside my comfort zone? Or just something that I don’t normally do? In January, you know, my friend Lewis Howes, he invited me to go do that ice retreat with Wim Hof for five days with a group of 10 guys. Absolutely not my cup of tea, not something I would do for enjoyment, jumping into frozen lakes and doing 10-minute ice baths. That is not my idea of a good time – although I did have an amazing time and I’m so glad I went.

I could have said to Lewis, “You know what? I know this is going to be great for me and it’s good physical exercise, but, you know, I’ve got jiu-jitsu that week and that’s the thing I always do, that’s my routine, I’m just going to stick to that.” Sticking to that can be a major limitation. And doing that retreat with those guys has led to a completely new friendship group in my life as a result. And of course, a new set of skills, new knowledge, new neural pathways, it has so many benefits, but it’s led to the NEW. Ask yourself, “What way of meeting my old and consistent needs could lead me to the NEW?” I’m still meeting my needs but meeting them in different ways than I’ve become accustomed to.

Number two, start saying yes to the invites of people that you don’t normally say yes to, so that you’re not just hanging around the same people all the time. When that person you don’t see that often says, “Hey, this thing’s going on if you wanted to come.” Instead of being like, “Oh no, I don’t know, I’m kind of busy,” actually say yes. I know it’s uncomfortable, I know it can be a bit difficult to go and be a part of something where you don’t know anybody, but that’s when new friendship groups come from.

Explore a new world through somebody else. And if no one is inviting you to do something new right now, then you go to someone you don’t know that well and invite them to do something new. Be the leader in the process, take the lead.

And number three, the 90-Minute Challenge. Let me explain this. Travel, I think, is one of the greatest ways to expand our lives, but so many people can’t travel right now, travel has become more difficult. The 90-Minute Challenge is find the adventure, find the way that you can be a tourist within a 90-minute driving radius of where you live. Have you ever had that experience of going and doing something close to where you live and going, “I can’t believe this exists within an hour or an hour and a half of my house. I never knew this was here, this is beautiful, this is stunning, this is amazing.”? Go do that thing.

Now look, I’m not saying that when you go do that thing, you’ll meet the right person there. You might go there and there’s no one there. That’s not the point. The point is to expand. The point is to enlarge your world. If, in the next three years, you don’t meet anyone as a result of doing this, there is nothing that I’ve talked about that you will regret. You will still look at those three years as three of the most amazing, beautiful, mind-expanding, world-expanding, friendship-expanding years of your life.

But I also believe that if you take this approach to life, that it makes meeting someone as close to inevitable as possible. Do not allow your life to contract. Make a commitment to expansion, so that you can be one of those people who can be happily single, but also hopeful of who might come.

15 Responses to 3 Secrets to Be Happily Single Until You Find the Right Guy

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  1. Lynn says:

    Matthew I’d have to say that this post is by far my favorite because the focus is on one’s life rather than what one can do to achieve a partner. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy your insignt, knowledge and counsel on dating relationships, but focusing my attention on finding a guy feels like it becomes the goal in all I do. I’m a goal-oriented girl so when the goal isn’t achieved, I get disappointed. Moreover, it renders me helpless since I cannot control the timing of meeting a guy.

    This post reminded me of advice my former chiropractor once gave me; seek the things that bring you joy and passion in life and your opportunity to meet someone will increase. Now this I can get down with since it is 100% in my control. The one thing you did add to that advice that I really liked was to do something new even if it feels uncomfortable. It would seem you and my yoga instructor speak the same language; she often says to be comfortable in being uncomfortable. In that, we find growth. Lastly, my most favorite was when you mentioned having the time of your life even if you didn’t meet the guy. Some of us are lucky to have found love, but that doesn’t mean that single people cannot find happiness without it.

    I appreciate all you said and wanted to let you know that it was a synchronistic post for me.

    Thanks :)

  2. Lizbeth says:

    Thank you so much, I feel like I’ve been so much introverted and yes I’m going out more, nature loves me. Thank you Matt ❤️

  3. Juanita says:

    Thank you Matthew I needed to hear this, I think in a way I myself have contracted my life, so it’s time for me to get out there again and love my best single life!! THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  4. israa says:

    if i like some one he doesnt like me if he likes me i dont like him
    Keeping the this circle iam disappointed specailly at winter and fall season iam really falling down i wish i can do better .god bless you mat thanks friend

  5. israa says:

    Every one i like he doesnt like me and viseversa every one likes me i dont like him
    Iam single and ill be for long lonly i think.for real iam depressed specailly in the utumn i feel bad i wish i can do better god bless you mat miss u

  6. Evelyne says:

    Thanx SO much for today’words. Right words & right time.
    Absolutly those I needed to hear to go on in life
    ThanX

  7. April says:

    Thanks Matt, nice words for single ladies..i often not reading your articles about dating, since i dont have to date with (just being honest) and becoming bitter of reading love stories and all.. just this article about being single is very enlightening to me and for sure for the rest who think there is no hope for us being single. Thank you and God Bless you always.

  8. Elaine says:

    Thanks Matt,

    This was the most perfect thing for me to hear today

  9. LC says:

    Thank you for this video and information. I continue to use this skills to broaden my experiences and friendships especially when all your friends have been married and in a stable relationship and getting ready to retire comfortable Your goals are not the same which can drain your friendships

  10. Keine says:

    Happily single, but also hopeful!

  11. Azeb says:

    Thank you Matthew.

  12. Maria says:

    Loved this message Matthew! What a great reminder!

  13. Luisa says:

    Hi Matt

    I follow your page for a long time and I love all your advices.

    Today I was damp/ghost by a guy where he didn’t had the courtesy to tell me to my face he wasn’t interested in me or text. I had to find out by his online stream where he tells everyone he wasn’t interested in me..

    hours later your post drops on my page and I really need to hear this video to give me the strength to move forward.

    Thanks so much for all the support you give to thousands of people out there me including.

  14. motlatsi lelimo says:

    Thumbs up

  15. Careen says:

    Agreed.. it is the best way to felt contentment.. we have so many circle of relationships, sometime if we felt not fit in base.. we still have so many connection with our surrounding.. which help us to continue our growth.. Thanks Matthew.. God always bless n protect you, family n team

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