Today, I teamed up with my brother Stephen Hussey (co-writer of the Get The Guy book) to break down the top 5 annoying dating myths that need to end now.
This is a fun one – can’t wait for you to see it…
Agree or Disagree with the Dating Myths?
Leave a comment below…
Matt Hussey: I’m here with my brother, Steve Hussey. It’s been a while.
Steve Hussey: Hello, Matt.
Matt Hussey: You’re back.
Steve Hussey: I’ve come to visit the big guy in L.A., and he said, “Let’s get you on camera.” So here I am, baby.
Matt Hussey: Now, this video is your idea.
Steve Hussey: Yes, sir.
Matt Hussey: And it contains five points. I’m already nervous about the length of the video.
Steve Hussey: Okay, let’s keep it really snappy.
Steve Hussey: Five dating myths that are holding you back in love.
Matt Hussey: Today.
Steve Hussey: Why today? Any day.
Matt Hussey: I just wanna contribute.
Matt Hussey: The first one you wrote down was, “There aren’t enough great people.”
Steve Hussey: Yes. I think there’s loads of growth-oriented people out there, people who read personal development, they work on themselves, and they assume, “Well, I’m doing all this work on myself, and there aren’t enough other great people like me.” And I think men and women have fallen into this trap. I think that we can get into a very arrogant place, where we assume that the opposite sex just aren’t carrying their load, they’re not trying. And actually there’s loads of men really, really trying, there’s loads of women who are really, really trying, and I think you have to start humanizing people again.
Matt Hussey: How do you do that? Get to know them better?
Steve Hussey: You have to actually give people a chance. You can’t just swipe left on everyone because they don’t immediately match up to your lofty standards, you have to actually give people a chance. People are three-dimensional. Allow yourself to be surprised.
Matt Hussey: Myth number two that Steve wrote down was that, “No one wants real commitment anymore.”
Steve Hussey: It’s a choice to buy into that culture, and I’ve done it as well. When you use these dating apps and things too much, you can just buy into this buffet mentality where you just assume that everyone is superficial, everyone’s super shallow, and no one wants anything real. I do think in some ways it’s tougher today, and I do empathize with being single, but it’s not true that no one’s looking for real commitment. There’s plenty of people marrying, plenty of people coupling up. There’s more than enough to go around.
Matt Hussey: I think it’s probably true that people are still willing to commit. But less are willing to settle. And that just means, to be someone that someone goes for, we have to be great.
Matt Hussey: Myth number three, “The right person will accept you at your worst.”
Steve Hussey: No.
Matt Hussey: Now, this is a tricky one, because on one hand I truly believe that we should be with someone who accepts us for us. I think that often gets confused with feeling like we have a right to bring our worst selves to the table, and that if the person we’re with can’t handle that, then that’s their problem. We owe our partners better than our worst. When we find someone worth holding onto, we should be striving to bring our best. We’ll often fail to bring our absolute best to someone, but that doesn’t mean expecting that day after day we can be our worst and this person is supposed to be able to handle that, and more, be grateful for us in the process.
Steve Hussey: Myth number four, “I’ll never love anyone like that again.” This is one of those mindsets that is incredibly destructive, and it’s easy to feel that way when you’ve just had a terrible breakup, even a year after, and you don’t feel like you’ve replicated the same feelings as you had for the person before. But I think the truth is, the next person won’t be the same as before. There’ll be a different kind of unique, amazing, interesting connection.
Matt Hussey: I think we get hung up on the person. Whilst it’s true that the person we’re with was unique, they had their own thumbprint that made them them, people may not be replaceable, but feelings are. Instead of trying to replace the person, I think what we need to do is focus on replacing the feeling. And that’s something that we might get on our own, it’s something we might get from the next person. But you will feel those feelings again.
Steve Hussey: All right, final myth, “The right relationship should be easy.”
Matt Hussey: I get a bit sick of this one.
Steve Hussey: Right, you hear this a lot?
Matt Hussey: Yeah, “The right relationship should be easy.” I just don’t think relationships are easy. I think everything’s hard. Business, you wanna make a great business? That’s hard. You wanna make a great relationship? That’s hard. Even if you’re with the right person, there’s challenges. There are ways that a relationship forces you to grow, love calls on you to be your best self, there’s nothing easy about being your best self.
Matt Hussey: Now, what we have to make a distinction between is the right kind of hard and the wrong kind of hard. Because something can be hard for the wrong reasons. Because someone is toxic, because someone’s bringing you bad energy, because someone’s holding you down, being controlling, being this. It can be hard for the wrong reasons, and sometimes that means walking away. But it can also be hard for the right reasons, like you’re being challenged to grow, or you have your demons that this relationship is calling to the forefront.
Steve Hussey: Yeah, and relationships expose you, right? They expose you to a past that you’ve ignored of yourself.
Matt Hussey: They hold up a mirror. So we might find someone great who is more confident than someone we’ve been with before, and now all of a sudden our insecurities are exposed, and we need to grow in order to be with a person this confident. That doesn’t mean run away, that means this is gonna be a challenge, but it’s gonna make me better. So relationships shouldn’t just be easy. Sometimes the right relationships are uniquely challenging, but it needs to be challenging for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
Steve Hussey: Damn, you’re a smart guy, bro.
Matt Hussey: Thank you. Thank you, you too.
Steve Hussey: Thanks, man.
Matt Hussey: So that’s it.
Steve Hussey: Myths busted, right bro?
Matt Hussey: I bet you in the comments we’ll find out they’re not quite busted. I think you’ll find in the comments that a lot of people disagree with things we’ve said.
Steve Hussey: Tell us in the comments where you disagree. I’m interested.
Matt Hussey: Let’s have a conversation.
Steve Hussey: Thanks for having me, guys. It’s been a real pleasure.
Matt Hussey: Thanks for being here.
Steve Hussey: I love you, YouTube.
Matt Hussey: YouTube?
Steve Hussey: I really love YouTube..
61 Replies to “Top 5 Dating Myths Holding You Back in Love”
I totally agree on the last one but I think that most guys don’t and the minute you put up a boundry or a standart they back off, they take it as a challenge and they’re not up to it; they just want easy chill things
And on the other hand, I do think people don’t want to commit this days… even many people who are in relationships are not really commited, and most guys (also some girls but i don’t know that field as good XD) just wanna hang out and chill
I agree 100% that relationships are HARD. I mean, the falling-in-love part is easy, but maintenance is HARD. But I grew soooo much! I learned the importance of bringing the best version of myself to the table EVERY day, not just on the first date. I learned how to better communicate. I learned another perspective. Relationships are challenging but can be one of the most effective springboards for personal growth I’ve ever experienced. For me, relationships go stagnant once growth potential dwindles, though. It’s important to keep the spark alive.
Thanks a million times bro. Another myth I want to add to your myths is that “one person holds or sustains a relationship ” probably the strong one or whoever that wants it to work. This is a big fallacy because it takes two to tango. When only one hand is carrying what two hands are meant to carry, it won’t carry it long and it will collapse.
As a nursing student the questions were, which orange is the right orange? All were right answers but one was more right. I sense this in relationships as well. In myth busting, my answer is, all of them apply. You both brought a different perspective to each myth and made it work. Bravo!
Thank you for your insights. I appreciate you both
I agree with you on all points except that great people may be out there but one can’t seem to find anyone of the same maturity level. That’s normally my experience. I’m 58 this year, and the men I have gone out with were all too immature in their thinking. That’s why I believe I’ll never find THE one. Ever.
I absolutely enjoy your videos. And even this one is cute and goofy. You both really look like one another.
The most eye-opening for me in this video was the idea that you need to focus to replace the feeling. So true. This is definitely sth I will take to heart.
But while I am aware that certain things and situations in life are challenging, I don`t think that believing that “everything is hard” is a belief that will serve you well in anyway. In fact, quite the opposite. Believing that everything is hard will often generate situations which will mirror exactly this belief.
So, I hope you yourself don`t get trapped on this one.
Keep on the fantastic work you do!
This is great. Thanks to both of you!
I totally agree, been there,done that, Is not easy!
I agree with number 1, 3 and 5 of Top 5 dating myths. I disagree with mumber 2 and 4 of top 5 dating myths. But I agree about Steve Gusset’s comment for number 2. And I agree about your comment for number 4 of these dating myths, Matt
Typo, Steve Hussey.
You two are so funny and yet spot on with your advice. I have realized that I have had difficulty in the past when picking men to be with in a relationship. As a kid I always brought home the strays. Unfortunately, I think it continued into my adult life. Now I’m afraid my age is against me. (68). Is that another myth? Love to you both.
I don’t believe in LDR cause only one sex want I’m so tired to find a real person
Two handsome funny hehe
Agreed — but wanted to add, that relationships can be EASY for the RIGHT reasons AND the WRONG reasons, too. Having experienced the “easy” relationship that turned out to be marked by abandonment and neglect, I’d say that what feels “easy” might lead one partner (or both) to stop making the effort to build a mutually-satisfying, need-fulfilling and joyful relationship. Just sayin’….
This is one of the best video you guys have created, there is so much value in all you siad. Yes, being positive is a choice and we do have control at every juncture point. Thank yoi for bringing this video today…we all have bought into these limiting belielfs at some point or another and they don’t serve us well. ALl they bring into our reality is that exact thing we believe! Is a mirror image, literally! Amazing conversation! Thank you !
Great video, guys. I love it when you talk about things together. You’re both so handsome.
I agree with all the myths here. I don’t really believe any of them so it was no surprise when you debunked them.
My issue is I have to avoid control freaks. My mother and both husbands were always trying to push me around and control my life. How do I make sure the next guy isn’t a control freak? Can you do a video about that? Maybe show the red flags that you are dating a control freak and how you can avoid them? That’d be very helpful for me and I bet a lot of other ladies out there.
You Guys Are Adorable, Super Smart/Humble, articulate, sophisticated, also easy to understand. I love how you do what you, with your Family.I hope I do not offend But I love how you Preach Keep Preaching:)To me that means Sharing Truth in a Fun Way. I feel like you are speaking to me, I have begun to make changes over this last year, based on your Wisdom. There is so much content that you give(I love how You Shared with us, that was something you learned, that you were over giving to People who were not as invested, It was such a Privilege( Dictionary has several meanings for Privilege, I like the first meaning for you, “special right” so precious.
Competency, Content, A+
Plays well with others,A+:)
One specific truth:
Nothing in Life is Easy.
Then you said knowing Good Hard vs. Bad, Toxic Hard.
I love how you break it down, are clear.
Nice seeing You too Together on this, Brothers ,so cool.
Fun music! Myths are true, specially when you don’t give a chance to the other person you just met. Social media makes us impatient and intolerant. And Yes Mathew, relationships are hard work. You are trying to connect, please, and not dissapear at the same time so it’s very much like a clown balancing balls in the air….
So much truth! Especially the whole “relationships are not easy” point.
I’ve noticed how relationships have, in the past, brought out all my insecurities. I think this comes as a rude shock to the men at the time, as- even though I am extremely introverted- I seem to be pretty good at coming across as confident initially (I’m not sure how….this always puzzles me!). The one thing that annoys me in this scenario is that it’s bleedingly obvious that they themselves have certain insecurities. I’m ok with this; men have them just as women do. It’s part of being human. But I think it’s how honestly we deal with these that is key. I believe in honest, open communication, but some people are afraid of the vulnerability that this produces. It’s too confronting for them ( feels too much like “hard work”), so they give up.
I do, in part, blame our growing addiction to convenience/ culture of convenience. It is making us lazy. We want instant gratification, and it is just SO easy to get that nowadays that only the brave few dare to enter into any situation where an effort will be required of them…..
Which brings me to the ONE point you guys made which I disagree with:
MYTH 1! Of course, there ARE some beautiful, self aware, intellectually curious men out there who are constantly striving to grow as human beings. However, in my experience, these men are, unfortunately, NOT of the single genre! They are the ultimate catch, and as such, they get caught- and early on! As a woman in her 40’s, I can truthfully say that I meet amazing men all the time….but NEVER amazing SINGLE men. They are all married, and have been for 15 years at least. (Or they are young enough to be my son, or old enough to be my father…and neither of those options are my target demographic :/).
With this, I will share one more annoying myth- one that was not discussed. It is this: “There is someone out there for everyone”. Pffft. I’ve been told this since I was a kid, and I always believed it…..up until the last few years. It is hard to accept, but I do truly believe that some of us will indeed miss out. You can put in the effort; you can be authentic; you can work on yourself….but in the end, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, life – and love- is a bit of a lottery. There are no guarantees any of us will find what we’re looking for. The best we can do is find what makes us tick; be true to ourselves, and continue living our lives. Anything on top of that is a bonus.
Anyway, thankyou Matt and Steve. I appreciate your insights :)
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