Today, I teamed up with my brother Stephen Hussey (co-writer of the Get The Guy book) to break down the top 5 annoying dating myths that need to end now.
This is a fun one – can’t wait for you to see it…
Agree or Disagree with the Dating Myths?
Leave a comment below…
Matt Hussey: I’m here with my brother, Steve Hussey. It’s been a while.
Steve Hussey: Hello, Matt.
Matt Hussey: You’re back.
Steve Hussey: I’ve come to visit the big guy in L.A., and he said, “Let’s get you on camera.” So here I am, baby.
Matt Hussey: Now, this video is your idea.
Steve Hussey: Yes, sir.
Matt Hussey: And it contains five points. I’m already nervous about the length of the video.
Steve Hussey: Okay, let’s keep it really snappy.
Steve Hussey: Five dating myths that are holding you back in love.
Matt Hussey: Today.
Steve Hussey: Why today? Any day.
Matt Hussey: I just wanna contribute.
Matt Hussey: The first one you wrote down was, “There aren’t enough great people.”
Steve Hussey: Yes. I think there’s loads of growth-oriented people out there, people who read personal development, they work on themselves, and they assume, “Well, I’m doing all this work on myself, and there aren’t enough other great people like me.” And I think men and women have fallen into this trap. I think that we can get into a very arrogant place, where we assume that the opposite sex just aren’t carrying their load, they’re not trying. And actually there’s loads of men really, really trying, there’s loads of women who are really, really trying, and I think you have to start humanizing people again.
Matt Hussey: How do you do that? Get to know them better?
Steve Hussey: You have to actually give people a chance. You can’t just swipe left on everyone because they don’t immediately match up to your lofty standards, you have to actually give people a chance. People are three-dimensional. Allow yourself to be surprised.
Matt Hussey: Myth number two that Steve wrote down was that, “No one wants real commitment anymore.”
Steve Hussey: It’s a choice to buy into that culture, and I’ve done it as well. When you use these dating apps and things too much, you can just buy into this buffet mentality where you just assume that everyone is superficial, everyone’s super shallow, and no one wants anything real. I do think in some ways it’s tougher today, and I do empathize with being single, but it’s not true that no one’s looking for real commitment. There’s plenty of people marrying, plenty of people coupling up. There’s more than enough to go around.
Matt Hussey: I think it’s probably true that people are still willing to commit. But less are willing to settle. And that just means, to be someone that someone goes for, we have to be great.
Matt Hussey: Myth number three, “The right person will accept you at your worst.”
Steve Hussey: No.
Matt Hussey: Now, this is a tricky one, because on one hand I truly believe that we should be with someone who accepts us for us. I think that often gets confused with feeling like we have a right to bring our worst selves to the table, and that if the person we’re with can’t handle that, then that’s their problem. We owe our partners better than our worst. When we find someone worth holding onto, we should be striving to bring our best. We’ll often fail to bring our absolute best to someone, but that doesn’t mean expecting that day after day we can be our worst and this person is supposed to be able to handle that, and more, be grateful for us in the process.
Steve Hussey: Myth number four, “I’ll never love anyone like that again.” This is one of those mindsets that is incredibly destructive, and it’s easy to feel that way when you’ve just had a terrible breakup, even a year after, and you don’t feel like you’ve replicated the same feelings as you had for the person before. But I think the truth is, the next person won’t be the same as before. There’ll be a different kind of unique, amazing, interesting connection.
Matt Hussey: I think we get hung up on the person. Whilst it’s true that the person we’re with was unique, they had their own thumbprint that made them them, people may not be replaceable, but feelings are. Instead of trying to replace the person, I think what we need to do is focus on replacing the feeling. And that’s something that we might get on our own, it’s something we might get from the next person. But you will feel those feelings again.
Steve Hussey: All right, final myth, “The right relationship should be easy.”
Matt Hussey: I get a bit sick of this one.
Steve Hussey: Right, you hear this a lot?
Matt Hussey: Yeah, “The right relationship should be easy.” I just don’t think relationships are easy. I think everything’s hard. Business, you wanna make a great business? That’s hard. You wanna make a great relationship? That’s hard. Even if you’re with the right person, there’s challenges. There are ways that a relationship forces you to grow, love calls on you to be your best self, there’s nothing easy about being your best self.
Matt Hussey: Now, what we have to make a distinction between is the right kind of hard and the wrong kind of hard. Because something can be hard for the wrong reasons. Because someone is toxic, because someone’s bringing you bad energy, because someone’s holding you down, being controlling, being this. It can be hard for the wrong reasons, and sometimes that means walking away. But it can also be hard for the right reasons, like you’re being challenged to grow, or you have your demons that this relationship is calling to the forefront.
Steve Hussey: Yeah, and relationships expose you, right? They expose you to a past that you’ve ignored of yourself.
Matt Hussey: They hold up a mirror. So we might find someone great who is more confident than someone we’ve been with before, and now all of a sudden our insecurities are exposed, and we need to grow in order to be with a person this confident. That doesn’t mean run away, that means this is gonna be a challenge, but it’s gonna make me better. So relationships shouldn’t just be easy. Sometimes the right relationships are uniquely challenging, but it needs to be challenging for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
Steve Hussey: Damn, you’re a smart guy, bro.
Matt Hussey: Thank you. Thank you, you too.
Steve Hussey: Thanks, man.
Matt Hussey: So that’s it.
Steve Hussey: Myths busted, right bro?
Matt Hussey: I bet you in the comments we’ll find out they’re not quite busted. I think you’ll find in the comments that a lot of people disagree with things we’ve said.
Steve Hussey: Tell us in the comments where you disagree. I’m interested.
Matt Hussey: Let’s have a conversation.
Steve Hussey: Thanks for having me, guys. It’s been a real pleasure.
Matt Hussey: Thanks for being here.
Steve Hussey: I love you, YouTube.
Matt Hussey: YouTube?
Steve Hussey: I really love YouTube..
61 Replies to “Top 5 Dating Myths Holding You Back in Love”
Dear Matthew,I agree with what you & your brother say,all 5.The one where person believes they won’t find same love again,that was me for a very long time bt I was grieving then.A good ten years.Now I believe anything possible,& have started getting bubbles again.That feeling in my tum, bubbles, something good is on its way.Which is really optimistic as I have agoraphobia issues.Dont really get to meet anyone but I keep working on myself,feeling better than I have in a long time.The one about showing worst,IV experienced opposite were only good side has bn shown & it’s not until Iv bn well in2 relationship the dark stuff has been revealed much to my shock BT I was younger then,don’t feel I’d be as easy to hoodwink now.I have often thought the thing with relationships,it’s about finding one with abberations you can put up with.eg I remember reading this woman writing about the shock of coming home to find her husband in women’s clothes,ahhhaha,I remember thinking at time,I wldnt mind that aslongs he didn’t take my clothes & was strictly hetero.Infact my favouritesong or1 of them song is loosen up by Quilter singing about that very thing
I have run across a few guys over the past couple years who have given little care about their smiles/oral hygiene. These men have established careers/great jobs, but haven’t placed importance on getting their teeth fixed, whitened, etc. Why don’t they find this important? Have they considered this might be important for attracting a mate? I hope I am not being too shallow, but who wants to kiss that????
I think the myth about being easy means more about that things in general are just easier and there is no need to worry about if you are calling too much or who should text first etc. things go naturally and everything feels easy and there are no mind games involved – you can just be you, and that is enough. That is what I think people mean with the thing that it just feels easy with the right person.
Thank you both leaning everyday,you guys are the best
Your brother is fit!
Is Steve single? I’d love to meet for a coffee and chat if so ;)
Brilliant! I completely agree with these myths. I love the myth that the right person should accept me at my worst. Too many people use this to justify not taking care of themselves. They justify not exercising, eating well, and generally not being responsible for being their best self. This doesn’t mean creating an expectation for perfection either. I think that great relationships happen when two people come together who own their own greatness while having room for their own and the other person’s humanity.
Guys, Thanks for putting it out there. I totally agree. All 5 myths busted.
Tammy (Melbourne, Australia)
100% agree thanks guys!
Hi Matt how are you? This is Grace kiriway from Tanzania! How is there?
Hi… I agree regarding these 5 myth. Thank you for sharing.
i like number 3…….that myth is misinterpreted a lot……thanks for the pointers, much appreciated
I like the last myth after a breakups with my ex i thought when I meet mr right everything will be easier , I support that relationships are hard, in most cases if your ex was good in that the men you will meet will not be good in such a thing.
I’m a little late to this party, but I feel compelled to comment. M#1 Completely agree with Stephen on this. It is human’s tendency to achieve greatness. The more we work on ourselves the more we value ourselves as individuals. That being said as we become more fulfilled, we (perhaps subconsciously) elevate our expectations towards others. On a different note, we also tend to downplay our awesomeness to be more relatable giving the impression that we are not making an effort vs. we are trying too hard. So there are great people out there we just haven’t given them the chance. M#2 The word commitment gets such a bad rep. It’s not that people don’t want a commitment – I think we are just more cautious of making the wrong commitment. M#3 Those who accepts you at your worst must have witnessed you at your best. That’s what makes the worst part tolerable. M#4 Completely busted – I am looking forward to the next time I fall madly in love (like that) again. As painful as it was for me when things didn’t work out – that love was epic and I’ll gladly take the risk of feeling that again. M#5 “Relationships should be easy” I think is an oversimplified statement. Yes, relationships of any kind is and will always be challenging. But, its challenge/hard work/struggle that you don’t mind doing/going through because you know its worth it.
whew! a bit long but thanks for letting me comment!
I really loved this video. However, I think the issue is entitlement. As a 25 year old, about to be 26 tomorrow, I grew up in a society that was very pro-female. In this society, women are taught that they can deserve and are entitled to everything they want. I am not saying that men can’t feel this way too, but if I said that a woman should get the best man, the opposite is also true. A man should get the best woman.
Now of course we could debate what “best” means, but the point is I think a good number of women truly do not want to work on deep relationships. Why? I feel like relationships, for a man, are either a one-strike and your out deal or a “well you have to change to my (meaning the woman’s) wants and desires. You can’t have your own.” Basically, everything is about them.
The relationships that I see work the best are the ones in which the woman finally learns how to put a man before herself, which is hard because of what women are being shown on tv, told by celebrities, and society in general. The man puts the woman before himself as well, but, based on my experience, women have a harder time because society is set-up to prefer their preferences, not men’s.
I know people will disagree, and that is great! I welcome the conversation. These are just my experiences and observations.
I have to say that I take issue with “Myths” 2 and 4; with re: to the second one; simple stats will reveal the truth that, in the USA at least, the divorce rate since the early 80’s is no longer 50%. Its 67% and of the 33% that remain married, only half report being happy with their relationships.
Re: Myth 4
I can only speak from my personal experience but I never again loved anyone the way I loved the boyfriend of my adolescents. He turned out not to be the guy I thought he was but I was never so sure of anyone or any relationship since. Having grown up in a family of abusive men, I would not have believed myself capable of being so confident that I would ever achieve the level of trust and belief in a future with someone. I still consider that relationship the most incredible, personal victory of my life because I did not believe myself capable of such certainty before that. Maybe I never achieved that again because of the failure of that relationship and maybe, had it not been for him, I would never have even known that I was ever capable of it. I’m sure I’ll go to my grave not knowing the answer to that question as I am nearly 58 yrs old now and can’t imagine ever considering marriage again at this point in my life.
I agree, I love you… YouTube. Stephen, are you single?
I never heard about the rest of the myths but the first myth spoke to me: Because at this point of my life, the great guys are already taken or they turn out to be gays. What was left for us in our 30’s are men who are either too old or too young for us.
I agree everything is hardwork..and so we should be able to treasure every relationship.. and every relationship gives unique lessons.
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