If you’re going through a painful breakup right now, or if you’re still not over your ex (no matter how long it’s been), today’s video is for you…
I’m going to reveal the seemingly harmless – yet most destructive – mistake women make after a relationship ends and tell you how YOU can avoid it…
Check out my program “Get Him Running Back to You” here.
This really spoke to me today! I love your advice on vices. And it makes so much sense. And to restore your faith in the good in life with that kind of activity/people. instead of the whole staying out late debacle. Seems rather obvious AFTER your video, Matt. But I never remember looking at it from that perspective when I was in that place. :P Cheers!! Thanks. xo
Mattere there is a question I’ve been wondering about for some time, that I think others must be wondering about too:
How does someone who loses energy by interacting with people – an introvert – live as a charismatic person?
I’m thinking about how some people just seem to have some sort of extraness, x-factor, star quality, a presence and charisma that just makes them stand out. the natural celebrity.. i’m sure you know exactly what I mean..
I was wondering how an introvert manages to have enough energy to be like that. How do they manage to not feel/get drained in the space of an hour? Do you have to be an extrovert to be THAT guy/girl?
I really hope you will answer this question :) thank you :)
Matt there is a question I’ve been wondering about for some time, that I think others must be wondering about too:
How does someone who loses energy by interacting with people – an introvert – live as a charismatic person?
I’m thinking about how some people just seem to have some sort of extraness, x-factor, star quality, a presence and charisma that just makes them stand out. the natural celebrity.. i’m sure you know exactly what I mean..
I was wondering how an introvert manages to have enough energy to be like that. How do they manage to not feel/get drained in the space of an hour? Do you have to be an extrovert to be THAT guy/girl?
I really hope you will answer this question :) thank you :)
”How does someone who loses energy by interacting with people – an introvert – live as a charismatic person?”
The reason a person would lose energy by interacting with people, is not because they inherently lose energy just by simply being around other people, but rather they are disconnecting themselves from their own energy, so they experience the feeling of being drained.
So many people care more about the opinions other’s have of them than of the opinion they have of themselves. The challenge with that is, everyone wants something different, and when you try to accommodate all of what they want you to be, then you will attempt to stand on your head in a million different ways trying to please everyone. When you’re trying to please everyone, you stop caring about how you feel and pleasing yourself. When you have disconnected yourself from your own alignment with yourself and your good feelings, you will naturally feel drained.
In order for you to recharge your batteries, it is easier for you to pull yourself away from others, find your own space, and regain your energy. The reason you feel better is because you are no longer attempting to please the opinions of others. In the moments of being by yourself, you’re focused on you and your well-being.
When you are attempting to receive or even win over people’s positive opinions of you, it is exhausting because you can never do enough to make sure everyone is always happy and feeling good. Because you cannot control how others feel. But, you can control how you feel. And you can feel good, regardless of people’s opinions of you. When you focus on feeling good, regardless of other people’s opinions, that is when you have made your good feelings, your happiness, unconditional. That is when you practice unconditional happiness.
The people that care more about how they feel and what they think of themselves than what other people think about them, is when people observe them and think, “That person just seems to have some sort of extraness, x-factor, star quality, a presence and charisma that just makes them stand out.” It’s because they don’t care what you think. By that I mean, they do not allow other people’s opinions determine their self-worth. They decide and choose to feel worthy, regardless of the opinion’s of others.
Thank you for atempting to answer my question, I’ll consider what you’ve said… however my scepticism towards your answer is the exact concern I had about asking this question: the common misconception of introversion as insecurity and in lack f bbetter english on my part: the use of the word drained.
I think you may be thinking about shy people or social anxiety or something allong the lines of that… but certainly not introversion. Susan Cain on TED talk did a wonderful job explaining introverts. (4:17 in the video on youtube).
In terms of the word drained I didn’t have a better word so I’ll take the blame for that. Thank you for the respons though, I’ll consider your thoughts…
Brain- That was an excellent response! Worrying about people reactions is draining.
Vavavoom- I LUV your username! I get what you’re saying. I can get out there and be confident, but the excess stimulation makes me tired. The very loud folks, and those that blab too much drive me crazy! I think the trick to take breaks when needed, but also surrounding yourself with people you enjoy.
And you’re right- people associate introversion with being with lacking social skills which isn’t true. I think introverts have a “coolness” about them when they embrace themselves, that is very different from the extroverts. Take Johnny Depp for example, if you watch his interview you’ll notice right away he is an introvert but he owns it! He has that relaxed sexiness about him that draw you in! .)
So, when you think of “star quality” don’t think of it as being too out there or the life of the party. Think of the effortlessly cool introverts that are more subtle.
Thank you Matt for the additional thoughts around your Get Him Back program. I have the program and its the most unique program i’ve ever seen or completed on the topic. You and Stephen gave me practical help and more importantly encouragement for getting my Ex back. I didn’t get him back but he was responsive to the program. I feel it would have worked but many things got in the way. Plus, I came to the understanding that I no longer want him back- as you said you can’t loose either way. ;)
Great advice Matt! I love how you go against the grain and teach people to be more self loving.
It’s a really great video. No matter where you are, in or out of a relationship, being a good, positive you is always the right way. However, sometimes we are too concern about how we feel. My boyfriend said that he can’t feel the spiritual connection between us. He said I always say that how he didn’t care for me but I never ask him what he feels. I know that’s my fault. I know that he has his problem but sometimes, I would think that men are not like women who would rather say all their problems out unless they want to. So I thought if he wants to talk about it, he would talk to me. But instead, he said that he had mentioned about the problem but I never ask him about it. That’s because I thought that he meant that he was bothered by it and doesn’t want me to interfere or bother him more. And I don’t know how to help him either. Which then turn out to be fight between us. How can I get over this? I feel hurt to know that I hurt his feelings and make him thinks that I does not care for him which is absolutely the opposite. Matt, what can I do?????
First, take a deep breathe. It’s okay.
What you want to do, is focus on soothing your feelings of guilt, and self-judgment. You did nothing wrong, there was simply miscommunication. That’s all. Instead of focusing on the past of what you did not do, focus on the present, focus on now, of what you can do. And you can communicate to them what you communicated here. Just be open and honest with them on how you felt, and your perspective.
Now here’s the key: You want to communicate your perspective, without any expectation of needing them to understand your perspective. When you tell them how you feel, and you need them to hear you, then if they do not hear or understand your perspective, you would most likely get upset, angry, and create an argument in an attempt to get them to hear you. You can avoid getting upset and not have an argument when you are simply giving your perspective, with no expectation that they need to hear your perspective.
Before you have a conversation with them, the best thing you can do right now, is to focus on soothing yourself, loving yourself, and feeling better. And from that better feeling place, it will make it easier to have an uplifting conversation and you will be able to communicate your perspective in a much more clear and loving way.
I think i might disagree a bit with this. It seems like you’re representing clubs and partying as a bad thing, but from my past experience some of the greatest night I had was after a breakup when I just went to party with my party friends or by myself, yeah got wrecked a bit, but met great funny positive people and had crazy experiences which I would never have if I just stayed at home watching movies or crying to my girlfriends. I just focus on the music and the atmosphere and don’t think about just getting someone for this night. Going a little bit extreme during this time sometimes helps you to feel that you can party and enjoy life, and also have stories to tell later on. I mean I don’t think you could go party hard when you’re married with kids for example and it’s not such a bad way to amplify your single life.
Dammit- that was good!! Yes!! Agreed and I’ve actually been there. Yes and yes!! I think it’s easier and more comfortable to just relax. Especially after going through that trauma. Remember: it’s all about making us better for the next situation.
This was a great video. I only started watching your videos recently and honestly wish I had started sooner. Almost two weeks ago me and my fiance broke up, we had been together for 2 1/2 years. Even though it was a mutual decision at the time, since the relationship had not been working for a while, as soon as it was actually over I regretted it. We still talk from time to time, and today we had a really nice moment together.. like we used to. I want him back, because we do have a very good connection and fit well together. But I’m just not sure how I should go about it, cause this is the first time that I have actually REALLY wanted to get an ex back..
This is good. I recently purchased the fast track to mr right program and its very interesting. I was considering getting the break up one but I’m really confused. Part of me misses him so much and I had such a deep connection with him but the other part of me knows I deserve so much better. I dated him for 2 months, he adored me, within 2 weeks he wanted to make things official and exclusive and after a month he told me he loves me. then he got a second job and went from working 50 hours a week to 80 hours a week and became very cranky. sometimes he said things that made me think he is very insecure, he would question whether or not I still want to be in a relationship with him which I thought was weird. but i would reassure him that I really wanted to be with him. All of a sudden I get a random text saying that we need to end that he hates it here and has to move back home (interstate) and cant be with me, he refused to talk to me so I left it. A week later I get a message saying I miss you. We spoke on the phone and met twice and I was very hurt and angry and expressed how cowardly and heartless his actions were. he said that he had lied to me, his boss had told him he has to move back interstate (because his job was temporary to begin with) and he loves me so much he couldnt face me to break up so he had to text me and said he wanted me to hate him so the breakup would be easier. He told me he wants to stay and he wants to be with me and only me and told me to my face that he loves me. In the week I was very cold and distant because I was processing it all. I felt insecure that he wasnt genuine with his feelings even though deep down I know he loves me I just questioned his character and if it was the type of person i wanted to be with. I told him to give me space but we still spoke everyday but not much. one night on the phone he was very cranky with me and started to question my integrity in regards to speaking with other men. I had told him that I had stopped interaction with all other men since we decided to sort things out and deleted my online dating, yet he turned the situation around onto me and when I was distant he claimed that I must have met someone, which wasnt the case AT ALL. I was merely hurt and doubting the whole relationship. I called him to talk and explained that I love him but I felt the relationship was starting off very unhealthy with all the drama of him lying and him questioning my integrity and I didnt feel good about it all. I was partly hoping he would talk me out of it and make me feel like he would fight for me but also partly just wanted the pain to end by breaking it off. It was like talking to a brick wall. he just got angry and when i asked him how he felt he said he reckons its suss and I must have met someone else or have a “back up”. he said he wont bother me anymore and hung up. 5 days later I texted him explaining that I love him and I shouldn’t have told him to give me space because that made it worse. that if he cared he should contact me. I never heard back and this was 2 weeks ago. I’m so hurt and don’t understand how he can shut me out if he loves me? I would greatly appreciate any advice. I really miss him but this is not any way to treat and honest faithful woman.
This video is ONE of few videos that Mathew is not being sarcastic or funny, and guess what ! He is SO charming.. Xoxox
I’m Mrs. Talesha Lanc from the United States, I want to share a testimony of my life for each one. I was married to my husband Anderson, I love him so much that we have been married for seven years with two children. When he went on vacation to France, he referred to a woman named Peggy, he told me that he is no longer interested in our marriage. I was so confused and looking for help, I don’t know what to do until I met my friend Cassie, and I told her my problem. She told me not to worry about her having a similar problem before and introduce me to a man named Dr. IYAYA, who cast a spell on her ex boyfriend and brought it back to her after 3 days. Mary asks me to communicate with the Dr. IYAYA. I contacted him to help me bring my husband back and he asks me not to worry that the gods of his ancestors will fight for me. He told me that after three days he would join me and my husband together. After three days my husband called me and told me that he was looking for things with me again, he surprised me when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman in the world for what this great spell caster and a great doctor has done for me and my husband
if you are seeking for help to get your lover back? email Ro binsonbuc kler (@) yahoo com”!!!!,,,,,,,,,,,
Hi Matthew I’ve been watching your videos since I’ve been in my last relationship for 6 years . I’m no longer with him and we ended in the beginning of 2022 but we have recently seen each other after not seeing each other for a year. He’s now in a relationship but still loves me. I feel wrong because I still feel the same about him and I want to leave the situation