Have you ever been so frustrated by a guy’s mixed signals that you just decided to finally confront him and ask where you stand?
If you’ve ever had a confusing answer from a guy in this situation, in today’s video I’ll tell you exactly what this “guy language” means so that you know how to confidently respond to this message…
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The following is based off of a real text exchange.
Many of you know we have an entire membership program where people every month on webinars with me get to ask questions.
Well, I had one member who said that she had been seeing a guy for a few months who wouldn’t make plans with her in advance. She finally got around to sending him this message:
Hey, I like you and I feel we have a great chemistry, but I don’t really have a clear understanding of your intentions. I’m not really sure where we stand in our relationship and I don’t get the impression that you’re open to something more meaningful in the way that I am.
Not bad, right? Here was his response:
Hey, totally hear what you’re saying. I’m sorry if I’ve been creating confusion in any way. Things are a little crazy at the moment. I’m figuring things out right now and I’m taking to heart what you said. Hope you had a great week and you’re enjoying your evening.
Fair enough, eh? Seems reasonable. A well-lettered response. Except, he didn’t answer sh*t…
He did the politician thing. He said, “I hear you. You know, you… you’re really giving me something to think about. What you’re saying, I’m hearing.”
This is a wonderful exercise in maintaining confusion.
Now, why would a guy create more confusion?
Because if he gave her enough of an answer for her to say, “You know what? Screw this. I appreciate your honesty, but I can’t do this anymore.”
Then he would lose the option altogether. That door wouldn’t be open for him three weeks from now on Friday night when he wants to fire off a little message after his second beer.
Beer number three, I love you.
So instead, he gives her just enough ambiguity that he can leave the door open for himself. Now she can go and obsess over what his answer means.
The guy for you, the guy you want to be with, is not going to give you an answer that you have to obsess over and analyze and play detective with to get closure. He’s not gonna do that. Anyone who is certain about you is not going to want to leave you in any doubt about that.
Why? Because he doesn’t want to risk you going out on a date with Chad on Friday. He wants you to know he wants to take it somewhere. That ambiguity is all the certainty you need about what you should do next.
So look, here’s what I want you to remember from this video:
Trying is trying, is trying, is trying, is trying, is trying, is trying.
You know trying when you see it. It takes the form of someone saying, “Hey, I want to see you again. Hey, I really like you. Hey, I’d like to go out with you. I don’t want us to see other people.” Trying is trying. And when you get something that feels a little bit too confusing, it’s probably because someone is avoiding telling you the thing that would shut the door on you completely, but doesn’t want to invite you into their life in the way that you actually want.
So remember… trying is trying, is trying, is trying.
I literally had this conversation face to face today but I got “I really like you, I like seeing you and talking to you, but I don’t get that, “the one feeling” and I don’t want to waste your time, so I don’t know, if that will change” he’s a bit down and not himself right now so I don’t know if it will change once he gets himself a better job, probably not, so looks like it’s back to Tinder or give up if he really likes me just not the one… seems to be what I hear.
I absolutely love this video, Matthew! What’s a succinct way to make this issue so cut and dry! Thanks for what you do. I always feel I’ve learned something very powerful that I can put into practice when engaging in your material.
I just want to thank you Matthew, for the very good insights and advice. I found myself looking for dates at the age of 63. Although the goals of a 63 year old lady may differ somewhat from the majority of your followers, I have found your advice extremely applicable and useful, and I am grateful.
I’ve been seeing a guy for almost 3 years. He plans things in advance for going away together like mini vacations and we see each other every weekend. I’ve even met his family. It’s the day to day life I have an issue with. He doesn’t talk to me like a boyfriend should as in frequency and the type of conversation. There’s no flirting unless I’m the one initiating and then it’s met like a brick wall. I don’t know what to do. Does he want companionship just when he’s bored? I feel like a fuck buddy. He also has an issue with not wanting hugs or kisses.
Great video…Truth! No effort…really means no effort! Keep the videos coming Matthew….;)
Two observations:
1) if you have to ask that question to a guy BY TEXT, you already have your answer. Certain things get said/asked/clarified IN PERSON, period.
2) there is no such thing as “trying” unless we’re talking about climbing Mt. Everest or something like that: either you DO something or you DON’T. When a guy tells you he’ll “try”, its a sure sign of a feeble will and/or half-@$$ involvement, in any case an excuse for NOT doing something!
Ladies: when it comes to deal-breaker issues, we need to close the computer, put down the smart phone, and GO AND TALK TO THE GUY FACE TO FACE!!!
What does it mean if the answer was: I want to do the right thing but I also need to protect myself in a way. This situation is super complicated and not easy for me. ( I am a single mother accidentally pregnant from someone else :( and that decided to keep the baby)
A conversation like that should occur in person.
Hi Jameson! So nice to see you in front of the camera more.
after 7 month’s he text me and ask if he could come to my house next week.i said to him (will see)he said ok hun. LOLwhat is this telling me?he wants a quick fix.
Fun! :)
And true.
And clear.
Thanks, Matthew
xo
Yes got what he wanted out of me then threw my on the trash heap for no reason and i didn’t do anything wrong
It’s because he’s a narcissist! Duh. So obvious.
Great video, great actors! Great thought. Can’t agree more with you Matthew (love your necklace also). The guy is just stringing her along. What the girl should do in response is just leave him stringed also and go ahead with her life. Why is she even asking what is going on between the 2 of them after a few months of going out! I hope this was not a exclusive scenario with this guy. The next time the guy texts her after 2 beers, she must just say – HEY!!! how you been! I’m totally chilled with a bowl of soup noodles watching Kungfu Panda. I think u suffer from memory loss and atm your cure is beer/alcohol. Better visit a doctor before it gets worse. Get well soon, lemme know how your treatment goes. Take Care dear. #bethepolitician
There is no missed signals, it is clear as day; it is a yes or no and it were a maybe then that also goes into the ‘no’ box.
that video was briliant
thank you very very much
oh dear…Im just in this situation with the guy…I see now what he is doing – so clearly again. Thanks for reminding me…