This is article #56 to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.
(Photo: Marco Abis)
Enter Stephen
In last week’s post I talked about keeping a guy ‘off-balance’ and how you can do it.
One thought from that article was that people are more magnetically drawn to us when we aren’t 100% predictable in our behaviour and thoughts.
I’ve been thinking this week about other traits that make us ‘magnetic’.
I believe magnetism is an essential quality that makes anyone fall in love with us (or at least want to be around us), and therefore a quality we should all aspire to have.
So what is magnetism?
Magnetism is not the same as physical attraction.
Physical attraction is when we create an animalistic tug in someone that drags their eyes in our direction. It’s a flat stomach, cute dimples, puppy-dog eyes, a great smile, a suggestive tattoo, curves in the right places…whatever happens to wake up your blood.
And that physical stuff matters. I won’t lie. There’s no way of having lasting attraction without visual chemistry first.
Diet and exercise, having nice hair and attractive make-up, straight teeth, good posture, wearing fashionable clothes that accentuate your femininity: all of these things do essential work towards turning a guy’s head.
But magnetism is not the same thing.
Magnetism is an unseen but powerful quality we create through our actions. It’s what keeps someone’s gaze in our direction once it’s already there.
When you are magnetic, people are sad to miss out on your company. Friends want you in their life more and more. People want to work with you. A woman who is magnetic is usually the kind of woman a man tells his friends is ‘wife material’.
It’s in things like:
- Your ability to bring up the mood of those around you (i.e. be a positive influence).
- Having people look forward to a conversation with you, because you know how to get them to open up about what matters to them.
- Being someone who can be counted on to make life an adventure.
- Always having new books, films, theories and ideas you’ve discovered recently. (People committed to having new input are always interesting company).
- Being known as someone who follows through on your plans, rather than being another talker.
- Showing the ability to think and act independently and not follow the most popular, conventional or safe opinions of those around you. Be a leader in your own life.
- Being kind and acting with class to everyone you meet (Do you really want to introduce a snobby jerk to your parents/siblings/cousins?)
- Not looking down on others who are less successful, good-looking, or happy than you.
- Being able to handle problems in your life without breaking down or complaining, or looking to someone else to ‘save’ you.
- Being able to understand your own shortcomings and not hide from them constantly. Maybe even having a sense of humour about them. And never letting your insecurities control you.
- Not being filled with envy and being able to praise good qualities in others.
- Being a person who would rather try and fail than not try at all (and who can laugh off the failure afterwards).
These are just a few that spring to my mind.
But as this is a recent thought I’ve had I’d love to keep the ideas flowing on this topic.
So with that in mind, here’s today’s question: What are two qualities you think make someone that ‘magnetic’ person you just want to have in your world? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
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I had the experience recently that I was attracted to a person I’m not usually attracted to… you could say that it wasn’t “my usual type”. I started thinking what it was that attracted me so much….
This person was just so full of life and everything was so exciting… they dragged you into this whirlpool of energy that you really wanted to be a part of. That alone was probably the biggest part of my attraction.
But also we made each other laugh… it wasn’t just about one person making the other laugh… but we had so much fun TOGETHER! When you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts and also when you know that you could just sit there and feel comfortable talking to this person forever. That’s very magnetic to me!
I totally get this feeling!!! You Articulated it perfectly, there’s something cool about just laughing and having a Blast Together Naturally instead of TRYING to be funny to impress the other person. I hope you hold onto this Person, it’s what the best Life Companions are all about!
Someone who’s magnetic has something to offer to your life and they bring a lot to the table.
Knowledge of what’s going on in the world and the ability to validate my feelings are what draw me in.
Loved both of your Points!! You worded them Perfectly, I agree that what seperates a Magnetic/Extraordinary Person from just an Overall Attractive one is their ability to bring something Truly Special and Unforgettable to the Table. And the ability to validate your Feelings one is Super Rare, at least if you have Complicated/Frustrating Knots that nobody else can seem to Understand/Support.
Awesome Answer, thank you so much for sharing!!
Magnetic people in my life really listen without judgment and try to understand me. Magnetic people love to have fun also. Always looking for an adventure.
Passion is magnetic for me! I love sharing conversation with people who speak enthusiastically about the little things. Not just what they’re passionate about in general but trivial things that others take for granted; a project they’re working on, the best cheeseburger they just ate (haha, “almost sexual” in Matthew’s words), something that happened to make their day better. You can feel the vibrational energy raise when you speak to these kinds of people, it’s like a verbal/energetic high.
Also, people who are eager to be alive and thankful for the gifts each day has to offer. They make the most out of the moments they have, seize the day and find blessings in the most unexpected places.
(cliff notes version: passion and gratitude!) :)
passionate people can make anything seem sexy ! .)
Amber your Response was so Beautiful!! I loved it and totally get where you’re coming from. Guys that are Overexcited/Passionate about Random Everyday Little Things make me laugh, and Overexpressing Gratitude is rare in Males so when I spot one it’s like seeing one of those Lisa Frank Unicorns hahah. I agree that both of these Qualities definitely make a Man extremely Magnetic!
Magnetism for me is someone who you can just tell has a passion for life. What he does, where he lives, and how he handles himself shows a love for life. If course not everything is perfect, but he doesn’t let the hard times get him down.
What a great article, Stephen! I loved all the points you highlighted, but especially being kind and acting with class. I think being respectful, warm and gentle could be added to that! I often think children are able to sense this right off, and will be drawn towards a person who possesses these qualities, despite their outward appearance! These individuals have the ability to make one feel listened to or cared for!!
Another trait would be a great sense of humour and quick wit – but not mean spirited or belittling. To find the humour or charm in a situation and be able to appreciate that! Such an amazing quality and can put people at ease! That can go a long way, especially in this day and age where people are stressed.
Another is a person who does not have the focus of attention, inward and on his/her self. This person can be able to help when needed, hang back if that is what’s required, but is aware of how others are doing, not on how others are making him/her feel!
Thanks again for the interesting blog!
Warmest regards,
Shev
Hi Stephen!
Good read once again. Thanks for keeping up the blogging!
Two traits I find magnatic are:
– Someone who can teach me something. I find it really interesting to learn new things. However it should not be schoolmasterly. Both sides should have a good time and not feel frustrated afterwards.
– Someone with whose sense of humor is not built on making fun of others. Uplifting and kind personalities are much more enjoyable to be with.
OMG I’m so glad you pointed out your second one. GUYS NEED TO GET THAT!!!
It’s so cool that you really value Class like Stephen
Hi
Two traits that I find magical are:
1. Realizing how much we do think alike.
2. Someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know me.
Thank you for a moving post!
.)Gentlemanness (not a word but should be one), it is oldfashioned and does not go along with my feminist mindset but it gets me to fall in love every time.
.)Conscentiousness (punctuality, letting someone know when you run late, calling back when you said you would, being reliable, keeping your word).
.)Honesty/Authenticity
I know this is three, but those three make the perfect combination for me.
You are so cute!! The first one touched me the most, I don’t think most Feminists would ever say that. You have a very Authentic Swing to you too, I hope you find your Mate that hits all those Spots for you :0)
1) someone who is comfortable in his own skin
2) someone that has the right balance of maturity and fun/youthfulness!
.)
People who make me laugh, who can I make lough and we can lough together without any reticences…
1. Intelligence, combined with attentive listening to others.
2. Sense of humor, frequently self-deprecating and not immediately obvious.
The first trait shows that a man is comfortable with his intellect and does not need to prove it with incessant talking. He also knows the value of listening.
The second trait demonstrates a combination of mental sharpness with occasional vulnerability. In my experience, Englishmen excel in this. (I am not English.)
Victoria
This is Awesome. I totally agree!!
I love when a person is Smiling a lot :) not always, but most of the times.
Someone Who is not afraid of touch. Like, gives you hugs and kisses.
And when you out these two into one it equals I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE !!!
Wow! Stephen, this is great content. I am blown away by your thougts and the inspiring comments that everyone is sharing. Thank you for the inspiration. Lots of love from Holland :)
A man is magnetic to me if has qualities that make me want to be more and do more than I already am. Being involved in charity work or being adventurous are things that I want to do more of, but are outside my comfort zone. When I see a guy who has a love of those things, I am immediately drawn to him.
A witty, dry sense of humor is also very appealing to me.
I love what you said with ¨A Man who inspires me to Be More and Do More¨ I was just thinking about that today! And I get what you mean with the last part too, although from my Experience I would call it, ¨Someone who is miserably in Tune with the Ugly Truths of Life¨ hahah. I like someone who I can laugh with about the dark stuff instead of someone who is overly/unempathetically Optimistic you know?
I love an open, smiley face and someone who is up for doing different things – chilled or adventurous.
Steve this Article was Awesome!! You are such an Amazing Writer, always able to effectively clean out the hard to reach Areas in my Inner House. Yes having True Class around People you don’t know is SUPER Attractive, nobody wants to date a Prick who will suck at the Social Chemistry Department. I like how you pinpointed someone who will follow through with their Plans too, this is a good Positive Expectation I want to work on living up to. Thank you so much for Communicating this List to me, I really value it <3
Two Qualities that make a Man Magnetic to me? I would say someone who has a real Authentic Zest to their Natural Rhythm, and someone who is highly In Tune with their Spiritual Worth. Someone who donates their Skills and Talents generously to strengthen the Community you know? (Like you and Matt :0)
Love your points, especially donating skills. I had a recent encounter where I was explaining to someone my business and his response took him from someone whowas attractive to someone I wouldn’t look at twice. I explained to him I own a lawn service, I’m trying to raise funds to switch equipment over to battery and solar powered and get a trailer that can charge them while working. Once I get that I’ll still keepmy prices on ppar with gas powered lawn services so we can expand and save for the long range electric truck and offer more than just the hardship clause I offer my customers now. He asked me why I would want to do such a thing and told me I should raise my prices ecause people will pay for it and pocket the extra profits. “You don’t get into business to help people or change the world. You get into business to make money.” Complete turn off. Lol
OMG I totally get where you’re coming from, I can’t stand that ¨Money over Long Term Principle¨ type either. That must’ve sucked for you though, I don’t think anything shatters Trust more than someone disrespecting your Values in that way. I think you Leading by Example is really cool, I became a Tree Hugger Myself by just feeding off the Passion of those who went out of their way to Recycle and love Mother Earth back the way she deserves to respected. The Story with this Guy will be an amazing one to share with your Grandkids or Community one day, I think you should turn it into a Kidlit Book about a True Princess’s Values :0)
Thank you that’s very sweet. It wasn’t really that bad. It just meant the date was over fifteen minutes before the meal was. He’s a good guy just a little to money for me, but it’s something I’m going to need to get used to if I’m really going tomove to LA next year and take my business national. :)
Yeah absolutely Pixie, it’s good to have somebody Business/Profit Oriented to look out for you since Financial Security is something we all value, as long as they communicate their Suggestions in a High Caring/Respectful Way, not a Trashy Disrespectful Way. I get the latter a lot so I’m probably still speaking from Sore Wounds, but it’s good that you don’t let it get to you that way
This is a great read!! Feel like the get the guy book has changed my outlook on finding lie hugely but still struggling in areas like.. I’ve been interested in a guy who I know professionally for a few weeks
We get on really well flirt laugh compliment and know a lot of people in common and even more interests!
I’ve invited him along to group nights and he even said he would come to a night event I was going to but I’m worried he looks at me in a professional friend but I want more! Any advice?
I totally know that feeling. It sucks, my Heart goes out to ya. The best way to find out if he likes you as more than a Professional Friend I think is to talk to other Guys while you’re hanging out with him. If you sense the Jealousy flare, that’s usually a sign that he digs you beyond the Platonic Level
a person who just portrays happiness and makes you want to be a part of that good vibe !! Someone who can make you smile just by being in their presence !!! I am a waitress and I always vow to put on a smile and create a sense of happiness for others !!! I have been told wothout even doing anything really that I have changed someone’s day just by being sweet and giving them a simple smile !!!
You sound like you have one of those Magnetic Unforgettable Smiles hahah. My Best Buddy Edwin described a Waitress like that not to long ago to me, that it had nothing huge to do with her Accomplishments or Grand Success but just a beautiful Blue Collar Princess that was watering everybody happily and helping them live blissfully in the Moment :0)
I’ve always thought this came from being authentic. Just being who you are! Putting your best qualities first, and even someone who is humble enough to admit their faults. Easy going. Humorous people, they make you feel relaxed and happy, because if they are funny, you’ll be laughing. They disarm you, make you feel comfortable and at ease to be who they are!!
I totally agree!! I liked that you kept it Simple, it really does boil down to somebody who can make you feel so comfortable and Alive just by being so comfortable and Alive themselves :0)