This is article #56 to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.
(Photo: Marco Abis)
Enter Stephen
In last week’s post I talked about keeping a guy ‘off-balance’ and how you can do it.
One thought from that article was that people are more magnetically drawn to us when we aren’t 100% predictable in our behaviour and thoughts.
I’ve been thinking this week about other traits that make us ‘magnetic’.
I believe magnetism is an essential quality that makes anyone fall in love with us (or at least want to be around us), and therefore a quality we should all aspire to have.
So what is magnetism?
Magnetism is not the same as physical attraction.
Physical attraction is when we create an animalistic tug in someone that drags their eyes in our direction. It’s a flat stomach, cute dimples, puppy-dog eyes, a great smile, a suggestive tattoo, curves in the right places…whatever happens to wake up your blood.
And that physical stuff matters. I won’t lie. There’s no way of having lasting attraction without visual chemistry first.
Diet and exercise, having nice hair and attractive make-up, straight teeth, good posture, wearing fashionable clothes that accentuate your femininity: all of these things do essential work towards turning a guy’s head.
But magnetism is not the same thing.
Magnetism is an unseen but powerful quality we create through our actions. It’s what keeps someone’s gaze in our direction once it’s already there.
When you are magnetic, people are sad to miss out on your company. Friends want you in their life more and more. People want to work with you. A woman who is magnetic is usually the kind of woman a man tells his friends is ‘wife material’.
It’s in things like:
- Your ability to bring up the mood of those around you (i.e. be a positive influence).
- Having people look forward to a conversation with you, because you know how to get them to open up about what matters to them.
- Being someone who can be counted on to make life an adventure.
- Always having new books, films, theories and ideas you’ve discovered recently. (People committed to having new input are always interesting company).
- Being known as someone who follows through on your plans, rather than being another talker.
- Showing the ability to think and act independently and not follow the most popular, conventional or safe opinions of those around you. Be a leader in your own life.
- Being kind and acting with class to everyone you meet (Do you really want to introduce a snobby jerk to your parents/siblings/cousins?)
- Not looking down on others who are less successful, good-looking, or happy than you.
- Being able to handle problems in your life without breaking down or complaining, or looking to someone else to ‘save’ you.
- Being able to understand your own shortcomings and not hide from them constantly. Maybe even having a sense of humour about them. And never letting your insecurities control you.
- Not being filled with envy and being able to praise good qualities in others.
- Being a person who would rather try and fail than not try at all (and who can laugh off the failure afterwards).
These are just a few that spring to my mind.
But as this is a recent thought I’ve had I’d love to keep the ideas flowing on this topic.
So with that in mind, here’s today’s question: What are two qualities you think make someone that ‘magnetic’ person you just want to have in your world? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
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I love how you and Matt are teaching people how to “get the guy” by reminding them of the basic fundamentals of healthy relating/ relationships. …like being kind, thoughtful and respectful to others, not excluding to oneself :) Wonderful article!
Thanks so much Kimberley! x
I am drawn to people who are resilient and have an unwavering optimistic attitude. This goes hand in hand with seeing the good in others – unconditional positive regard and understansing. Also, those who can hold a conversation and/or participate equally with interesting ideas and perspectives. There is nothing sexier than a man who can banter in a playful/witty way. ;) I am also drawn to people who are passionate. Whether it be about their life, people, or their career. I believe that when a person feels like they have a solid purpose, they exude confidence.
There are many more, but you only asked for two… and I already exceeded that limit. :)
Love this article, Steve!
Warmly
Arianna
Someone who is great at something while being humble, Who is logical and intelligent but doesn’t always need to hear the sound of his own voice. Gets right to the point but not in a mean way.
what if you are living in a place that you cant have any experiance to meet someone i really need your help Mathew..
Humour is an unmistakable quality that makes people drawn to you and want to be around with you more. Being a little mysterious can also be something that draws people as they become curious about who you are, it’s like trying to figure out the magician’s secret.
I find an infectious laugh and a sense of humor, not making others the butt of jokes, but being funny. I am the queen of “smartassery” lol (yeah I made that word up) and believe it or not I am drawn to a bit of a smart ass.
An excellent article! Reminding us to be decent people.
CS Lewis wrote: often the way to get a quality in real life is to act as of you already have it.
If you pretend to be well-disposed to those around you, you will presently see yourself becoming so.
(this works also in the opposite direction, if you snub someone you dislike you will dislike them even more)
After letting him gain confidence and let him fix something for me and he want to participate in a active afternoon date i want him to let me do 10percent and see how much effort i put in it. I dont want hime to take the relationship and make it what he wants.
Very well cheeky. Great artilce
Allowing oneself or another patience for thought and a thoughtful reply in conversation is magnetic. People are often rushed to respond or respond appropriately in discourse, but a thoughtful response is a signal of: actively listening (hawt), giving the speaker the gift of time/importance (invaluable), and value in understanding (endearing). These are effectively gifts of authenticity and creativity in what would’ve been average exchanges (hot toddyliscious).
Kind and Growth Mindset are the most 2 Magnetic qualities but the Magnatics person in my dictionary has lots and lots more. A dream come true:)
Honesty, presumed innocence, bedroom eyes.Those draw people to another person.