3 Secrets That Reveal Why Men Won’t Commit

Many women suffer from the problem of not knowing what gets a man to commit, and it usually stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of how guys think.

In this short piece, I’m going to give you some simple secrets of male psychology that explain why men can be so difficult in deciding whether they want a long-term relationship.

There is an important disclaimer to this article, and it’s a biggie, but it’s crucial to understand: not all men are the same.

Matthew Hussey - How to get the guy - why he won't commit - relationships - commitment - Love - dating

Women often think that there must be one secret formula that explains every single man’s behaviour. The real truth though is that there as many reasons a guy (or anyone) may shy away from commitment as there are reasons he might want to end a relationship. It depends on the nature of the problem.

So here are just a few reasons a guy may be hesitant to get into something more serious:

1. Because he can’t be “convinced” into a relationship

Many women make the mistake of thinking that men can logically decide on a relationship.

But the decision to commit doesn’t work like that.

A guy cannot be told of all the reasons why commitment would be a good idea before he feels like he wants to be in a relationship.

The trick is to use ATTRACTION first, and then escalate naturally to the more serious issue of a relationship.

This is where so many women go wrong. They attempt to use PERSUASION and LOGIC when they should be concentrating on being a desirable catch, adding value, and showing him how incredible she can be to have in his life.

In other words, they need to engage his DESIRE and EMOTIONS.

This isn’t just the case when you first meet a new guy either: it’s also a crucial part of the story of how to get your ex back if you’ve broken up and want him to re-commit to a relationship.

Once again here, logic isn’t the answer: only his feelings will make him want to be back together.

2. Because he doesn’t have his life together yet

Some guys you’ll hear say that they’re “just can’t handle a relationship” at this point, or they’ll always be talking about how a relationship will keep them “tied down” when they just need to be free.

This typically happens with young guys who, quite frankly, haven’t got their shit together yet.

Sadly, this one is really an issue of timing, and there’s no point trying to convince a guy who doesn’t want a relationship why he should fast forward and decide to want one.

In certain cases, if he’s attracted enough AND you show that you have boundaries and will simply walk away if he doesn’t want to take things further, a guy will decide to commit.

But he has to decide to commit on his own.

This is an old lesson but a crucial one: People value what they choose to invest in. If a guy feels like he has suddenly sleepwalked into a relationship without deciding himself, he’ll feel resentful and will want to break free and resume his single life again.

3. Because he’s scared you’ll be too needy/too much drama

Some women make the mistake of trying to jump the gun and switch straight to relationship mode so quickly that a guy freaks out, worrying that she’ll be needy and emotionally dependent on him for her fulfilment.

That’s is why it’s so important, no matter how attracted to you feel to a guy, to always tend to your own lifestyle, your friends, your work, and other parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfilment if you want him to commit. It’s the first secret of how to be a good girlfriend: don’t depend on your partner as your sole source of happiness.

A man always wants to win a woman who is living a killer life even without him. His hope is just that he can prove to you why he’ll make it even better!

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17 Replies to “3 Secrets That Reveal Why Men Won’t Commit”

  1. Yeah, guilty of #3. Jumped the gun tons of times and Overwhelmed. :/ Good thing there are 3.5 billion (minus a couple) of guys left to do it the better way with.

    (ended with a preposition. smashing.)

  2. This article is great. I’m in the middle of this right now.

    This guy is sweet and fun and promises me to be there for me for ever because he values me so much, seemingly, he invests in me.
    But only willing to do that as friends, even though he says I am perfect in all ways and he doesn’t know what’s missing, but he doesn’t think that he can fall in love with me, even though he wished be could…
    I’ve already tried staying away, and he is the one offering to cut contact if needed, “respect” he says.

    I could use some help, what should I say to him?
    Can I still meet him, as friends with very clear boundaries, or should I just cut him out of my life? I’m inclined for the second, I don’t have much free time, I don’t want to spend it on someone who’s not worth it, but how should I communicate it towards him?

  3. OR He is still hung up on his EX.

    Then again, you might not be the problem. It could also be that he is still swirling and swooning over his ex. Men are known to find great ways to escape reality and one way is to go out on dates in a bid to try and move on. However, when he gets home, he quickly realizes this did not work in his favor.

  4. People value what they choose to invest in. WOW! Yes. And just thinking about someone too much is investing. This is another reason why it is so important I keep my eyes on my own life! Thank you for all you do, both of you Hussey men!

  5. I so agree with “They attempt to use PERSUASION and LOGIC” because thats what i did on my frst and now 2nd “relationship” (the word RELATIONSHIP isnt complete without quotation mark for me) he talks to me like im his gf but i know i am just for fun. I want a REALationship… And i wish it will be with him. I like this guy so much we have been communicating online and he is sending me an indirect msg that he isnt sure about me. Im kinda pushy or desperate as other people say that i worth a try.. I guess my question is how to execute this guide Matt when the only interaction we have is online?

    1. It’s the same kind of thing – in the back of your head you need to be prepared to walk away if he doesn’t invest back.
      So you need to still enjoy the time you have, but step back a little and spend LESS time. Make the time you do spend a right blast, and do more things just for yourself on the side.
      Be understanding about him being uncertain, and take a step back.

      Really, start with just spending more time doing things you love and going out – you won’t be able to be online for these things, and you’ll also have more exciting stories to tell when you do go for a chat.

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