Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

Hey guys,

Check out this video first as it’s an example of what I’m going to be talking about in today’s video:

Now some of you may have found this guy shocking and you’re wondering what this has to do with understanding men in general. Paul is certainly an extreme example of a player, but in order for us to have a greater understanding of the typical guy, we have to look at such examples from the outermost points on the spectrum and find out what is really driving these types of guys.

As I mentioned in the video, Paul is now in a serious, long-term, and committed relationship, and after hearing this I decided to track him down and find out exactly what had happened that made the shift for him to want to be in a relationship.

This interview is going to be included as just one of the many bonuses in my brand new, online programme, and so Thursday is going to be your chance to get your hands on it in full.

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228 Replies to “Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?”

  1. Hey Matthew

    I honestly wasn’t too upset by the things Paul said – it seemed kind of logical to me, I think I got what he was trying to say at the end as the camera was showing the most shocked faces! The only thing that was kind of skeezy to me was the counting.

    But wow! I’ve never thought of it that way before about adding value to his life. Thank you so much, it has instantly explained and cleared a lot of hurt and confusion about a previous situation, and I’ll keep it in mind for the guy that I am currently secretly harboring for.

    Watching this, I’m sorry to say I think I’m a dabbler! I prefer to drop in, take what I need and then get out there without putting everything else on hold. But know that the things I take away have helped me so much.

    Good luck for Thursday! Mental high five – I can’t understand why you’re not a huge deal yet! :)

    xx

    1. Love how in tune you are with things Laurie! Some people I know are going to have an immediate emotional reaction to it, but it’s really cool how you saw the message and not the tone.

      Big hive five back!! x

      1. Hi Matt, this is Stella from Italy. I do really like what you say in your videos and was very relieved when reading your last email from the newsletter where you wrote about the fact that a player always remains a player, not worth to spend time in trying and change him. But now that I have seen this video I am a bit confused. Can you explain better if it’s worth to deal with such a type of man?
        Thanks for everything,

        Stella

  2. Please, put this video before the day ends…because I have an event who the guy I want is going too, and I’m right now sad about how “change” with me these days lately, so I just want to make sure how to react right at that moment.

    Thank you again, I’m exciting about this topic.

    :)

    1. Hey Lourdes, you’ll be able to access all of it on thursday, can’t release before then unfortunately due to the way we’ve scheduled everything. You’ll be fine at the event, just focus on enjoying yourself, nothing drastic is going to happen in one night if you don’t want it to! x

  3. Are you reading my mind?

    I was just thinking if this was possible. Thanks. Very informative. xo

  4. Hey Matt
    I love how you added the blooper about your mom, I waited to see a glimpse of your mom but didn’t happen :(. I like your videos, blogs and I have read your e book etc. Although it is a bit difficult to get a hold of things from here Canada, ( wi bit expensive sometimes :D you know dollars value is a bit less,) I wish if you had something for us students :D. But never the less I will check your advice and inputs as much I can afford to :).

    Nawreen.

    1. Hey Nawreen! Thanks so much : ). I’m in Canada write now as I write this (Ottawa), then on to LA this week. Check back in on Thursday because I have a solution to your long distance problem! x

      1. Oh my goodness, you’re coming to LA? Let’s meet up for coffee!! Haha. Actually it would be nice to get a conversation with you about some of these issues. I think our society has now become one of instant gratification with egocentric attitudes running rampant. I think its becoming increasingly difficult to navigate through this world holding ourselves upright and valuing our worth and this has permeated on to every aspect of our lives even our love lives. Leave it to me to turn a simple thing into some philosophical!! Haha!! The guy presented here shows a classic example of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”

      2. You’re in Ottawa? Boo! You should be visiting Toronto and doing a seminar here! Either way I’m looking forward to Thursday, I can’t wait!

        By the way, thank you for all that you do.
        I must say, I’m pretty content with my single life (heck, I am only 22), but watching your videos preps me for the day that I’ll be able to walk out in confidence and say “Hello relationship world! I’m ready for you!”

  5. Wow, as others have said, I think you must be psychic! The day I got asked out on a date by a guy I’d been thinking was out of my league you sent out the ‘Are You Pretty Enough’ video. Spooky because thats exactly how I was feeling. Now, having found out today he is a total player you post this video. Right now I’m a dabbler because I’m unemployed and can’t afford to be any more than that, but my word when I’m back in employment things will change! In the meantime, I’m takign small steps and kinda just enjoying watching my friends’ reactions to the changes I make. Thank you!

    1. Hey Kathryn, I guess so far i’ve just been good at predicting what you want! Thanks for coming back to the site on a regular basis. It doesn’t matter that you can’t afford to do something right now, it just matters that you are taking action. Thanks for all your support x

      1. I said ‘no’ to my player, he was most unhappy about it but I stuck to my guns. haven’t heard from him since, which, in my new world is a good thing because I’m worth more than he can give, so his loss!

          1. Matthew, before I found your website I wouldn’t even have dared look at a man like that, let alone approach him! So major result (even if he did turn out to be a player), you should have seen his face when I left him in the middle of town stood like a prat because he refused to take ‘no’ for an answer! Small steps, but the right ones :-)

  6. What’s sad is that any woman would even want a guy like that. He’s my idea of a low value guy… not worth even a minute of my time or effort.

    1. I know what you are saying Lin, but we should also acknowledge the reality that the need for variety, excitement etc are present in every man, not just the extreme player. Sometimes looking at extreme cases helps us deal with everyday situations with the people we do want. Thanks for your comment! x

  7. Hi Matthew,

    As the first video was going I couldn’t help but smile the whole time.
    Here’s why: As I was a teenager I had my moments when I would talk to my big brother and I would explain him that there were no boys interested in me as a girl, that they all saw me as a nice friend, because I was the girl who wore jeans and t-shirts instead of short skirts and tons of make up. I also thought it was because I never got drunk and I wouldn’t smoke even if the “hot guy” offered my a cigarrete.
    And my brother kept telling me that boys may like the other girls at that age (as teenagers or in their twenties, I guess) but that they would never see those girls as a long term girlfriend, the one you get serious with and maybe even marry.
    I did pay attencion to my brother and I did not change who I was back then.
    My point is that there are all these girls out there without a big brother like mine to tell them these things, to give them the advise you do give. Like some of my girlfriends, to whom I send all your videos (and they are all so thankful for the point of view you give them !!)
    I wanted to thak you for that.
    And also for an AMAZING blog and GREAT videos.

    Sooooo excieted about June 7th, can’t wait !!!

    Lots and Lots of Love

    1. Ahhh thanks Anna that’s so sweet. Give your brother my regards for being a pro at an early age ; ), he sounds like a great brother. x

  8. Amazing! I can’t wait to hear the whole interview and I think is gonna help lots hearing his point of view and go deep on the topic and yo should do a little advice video of Long DIstance RElationships :-)

    Cheers.

    1. Hey Aurora! You are going to LOVE the full interview. I will try to cover long distance relationships at some point! Have a great day. M x

      1. Matt, I would really love and need that one too! (please please please!!! )
        Much Love to both you Matt and you Aurora :)

  9. Thank you so much Matthew, This was a great video, really insightful!

    I’m just wondering, the stuff that’s coming out on Thursday, will it have information suitable for 16 year olds or so? x

    1. Hey Natalie! In content it will absolutely be useful, just don’t steal your parents card to pay for it, I don’t need an angry dad on my case! thanks for following, and keep coming back even if you can’t make it happen on thursday x

  10. It seems to me you are an expert regarding the psychology of how the male and female minds work, in relationship to each other.
    But I don’t think I have ever heard you address the role which one’s core values, or religious beliefs, or basic ethics about how a life should be lived, will impact the long term fidelity of a relationship.
    I was in a very disappointing and painful marriage for years. I was never once unfaithful, and don’t think my ex was either, because of our religuous beliefs.
    I would love to hear your ideas about this. I don’t think fidelity is entirely psychological.
    And now, I have my freedom and I really do enjoy and benefit from all your advice. I hope to find a husband, and your ideas are spot on in so many ways.
    For the record I would never give a “player” a second chance. I would never go into a relationship with a man who has slept with so many women that his memories of them are just their anatomy.
    That, as you say in your e-book, is a REAL TURN OFF. A permanent one!
    Take care.

    1. Hey Carol. I think you make a really valid point about background, religion, culture etc. It’s something I address in my life programmes when it is brought up but haven’t really had the scope to in my blogs. But since you raised it I’ll do my best to cover it in coming weeks.

      The truth is we all have different standards for what we will and won’t accept. There is no right and wrong objectively speaking, just what is right and wrong for us. I.e. I don’t think it’s wrong for someone to sleep with 100 people, but it may be wrong for US if that goes against certain believes we have. Ultimately it’s about finding someone who’s standards for how they live their life match your own in the most important areas, and in the other areas they are as close as they can be. The important step is having a good strategy for finding that person so that we don’t waste time on tons of people whose standards/beliefs don’t match our own.

      Thanks for your very thoughtful comment x

  11. Great blog post, also the fragment of interview didn’t shock me but really confirmed my own behavior sometimes… This is the easiest way of course but as this guy said – the victory is short-term. I find myself confused sometimes – how to keep that fragile line between this sexual flirtation and sexy elegance… Sometimes very difficult…
    I would like to see more posts like this.
    If I will be able to subscribe to whatever comes on 7th June, I’ll do it. Depends on how much it will be. Will be waiting impatiently…

    1. “Will be waiting impatiently…” haha, you’re going to love it. Will do my best to keep these posts coming, I love how much people are enjoying them! Thanks Tania x

  12. Hey Matthew,

    I watched all 3 of the videos and am not offended at all by anything Paul said. I completely agree with the guy, a girl can’t expect to get a serious relationship from a guy she met at Starbucks, then slept with 10 minutes later.

    Also, when talking about going from being a player to being in a committed relationship, what you said is true. BOTH people in the relationship need to keep it exciting and fresh, when things begin to be too predicable and turn too much into a routine, that’s when people get bored and start looking for new things that will being them excitement (and usually cheat).

    Good videos Matthew, when are you coming to Toronto?
    Thanks xox

    P.S. The background music in the interview video, wasn’t very background-ish, it was a little distracting and taking away from what he was saying

  13. Dr Phil loves to create drama, so obviously he will portray the guy as ‘devil’…I am really tiered of seeing men being bashed for simply being who they are, we live in culture which is emasculating to men and degrading to women. Women are looking for attention and using sex to get the attention, and when the guy moves to on, girls are going into the ‘victim after the fact’ mode. I am glad you interviewed him, this would be interesting piece to listen to, and thank you for all the awesome work you do Matthew!

  14. I loved the clip you used and your blog post today. Is what Paul said that shocking to me? Well, No actually it isn’t, the guy is good looking and plays his hand well….it seems obvious to me that women will fall for him and also some women who would be validated by him talking to and sleeping with them….I am interested in hearing what the rest of the interview sounds like as when I have really tried to understand him I think I know what will be coming next and I really need to know if I am right…(haha Typical woman!) thanks Matthew

      1. Why Thank you Sir!!!

        Also “I’ve had sex in the back of a new york city cab and the guy reached back and touched her….so they get their jolly’s too..” Ummmmm…..I laughed initally, I do want to know if the female in question removed this random hand, I am more concerned by the cab driver than Paul!

          1. I guess the question is, are you intrigued? Do you fancy a date despite the fact you have never met me? I bet all who are reading this are wondering if my jokey but direct approach works at all? Vx

  15. hey matthew! im so exited about thursday! i live in mexico so you most know how impossible it has been for me to go to the live shows… so thursday any time of the day i tune in here right? thanks for this effort you are making for us, and by the way loved the video! your mom bloopers were so cute :) anyway have an amazing week

    1. Yes Stephanie, just tune in thursday!!! My mum doesn’t know those made it into the video, but she’ll just be happy she wasn’t on camera, she runs out of the room every time the camera is on haha x

  16. an online program sounds great! I’ve been watching your videos and definitely have been very helpful. :)

  17. Hi Matt!

    Even tho this guy was expressing himself in cynical and offensive ways I get his point. That women are after all human beings. Equally as men. And its men’s owns insecurities that stop them from approaching or even considering themselves dating a woman. As it is the other way around too. The point being that we are all human.

    I think that If we all would think that everyone is worth equally as much as the next person, not more or less but equally, no-one would have trouble talking to or romancing anyone.

    And it sounds very interesting what you said about bringing value to his life. I wish you to explain more about that. Which I’m sure you will in the announcement tho. You’ve been teasing us along time now Matthew! hehe

    Looking forward to it and also the hour long interview. I believe there is something to learn from that guy. I found him intriguing and a bit scary. But mostly I was scared of was his attitude. He seamed too calculating.
    Anyway! Have a great week! :) I will!

    1. Hey Kami,
      That’s why I was so keen to interview him. I knew that it would offend some people, but I also knew it would bring extreme value. His interview was so great I can’t tell you. I’m so excited for people to hear it, because so far not one woman has been able to listen to it apart from the women on my team. I used a couple of women on the GTG team as test dummies for it and they LOVED it, they said they couldn’t wait to see how women are going to react to it. One of my team said they’d listened to it 3 times already!
      Stay tuned for thursday, and thanks for coming back to my blog! x

      1. Yes It sounds very interesting! Even tho truth can come harshly, there are things to take notice upon and harnish… (excuse my english, its not my native toung)
        And my pleasure! How could I not with all the great material you put out and the knowledge you share! :)

  18. I found this video rather interesting. My twenty year old daughter and I had this talk today about women whom dress less. (provocatively) will not be taken seriously. More clothes more serious. There will be others whom will disagree and that’s fine but recently I read an article that women that do this (dress in this manner, jump into bed) it lessens their self esteem once it is over. But this proves true with what this guy says. I am married (over 20 years) and have single guys coming after me and I don’t even WANT this attention…. even my husband says I bring something to the relationship… all relationships of whom I befriend….even today he says he is proud of me. I love making people successful!! It is such high light for me!

    Three things I have found men love:

    1. smiles
    2. listening attentively
    3. dressing femininely

    1. WOW, you’re a pro! This line is especially important: ” I love making people successful!! It is such high light for me!” What an amazing attitude. Your husband is very fortunate to have you x

  19. that is a really good point, I’m in a relationship right now and what I have learned in a few years is that men are no different from girls, we all want deep connection and add value to our lives, once we past beyond the conditioning we are told we have, there is nothing but filling out our needs and is up to us (girls) to decide what we really want from a guy and from a relationship and what we really want to give too. hi from Mexico excuse my poor writing :)

    1. Your writing is perfect! I love your line about deciding what you really want from a guy and what you really want to give. Doesn’t get any more important than that. If you’re already applying this to your relationship then it deserves to be a great one. Thanks Laila x

  20. I am heart broken by this player type of man who is however so gorgeous, brilliant, humorous, fun, and loving (well, too much to give for only one woman).
    I consider myself a attractive, kind, intelligent, and fun person too. His way of behavior hurt me traumatically; but because of some misunderstanding, he messaged me to inform me that I shall never contact him because I were dead to him.
    I gave him so much and all I have done was to love him. I need help! This hurt soooo much that I feel like I am actually dead; or I sometimes wish I were…

    Love your video and your awesome mother.

    1. Lichee, I don’t know what happened with you and the guy, but it doesn’t sound like a positive place to be. I think you should give yourself the space to get strong again and then see if you still really believe he meets the standards you expect. And by the way, that doesn’t just mean how gorgeous, funny, brilliant, fun, loving he is – what really matters is whether he uses these traits to make your life better. If he doesn’t then he can be a model of perfection but it doesn’t make him good for you.

      x

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