Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

Hey guys,

Check out this video first as it’s an example of what I’m going to be talking about in today’s video:

Now some of you may have found this guy shocking and you’re wondering what this has to do with understanding men in general. Paul is certainly an extreme example of a player, but in order for us to have a greater understanding of the typical guy, we have to look at such examples from the outermost points on the spectrum and find out what is really driving these types of guys.

As I mentioned in the video, Paul is now in a serious, long-term, and committed relationship, and after hearing this I decided to track him down and find out exactly what had happened that made the shift for him to want to be in a relationship.

This interview is going to be included as just one of the many bonuses in my brand new, online programme, and so Thursday is going to be your chance to get your hands on it in full.

Click Here To Change Your Love Life Forever

226 Responses to Why Is He A Player And Will He Ever Change?

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  1. Zubaidah Shariff says:


    Cant wait for your video to be released on here…


  2. Zubaidah Shariff says:

    Hi Matt,

    I cant wait for whats in store on Thursday. I am so very thankful that you are coming up with this special programme for us too far away to reach out to your and attend your sessions “live” . As I have commented in your previous blogs. Thank you for most generous and kind thoughts.

    I have never missed watching your videos since it came around in my mailbox and for you to go through all this length is simply awesome. I can express it in words enough to tell you how each and every video/blog of yours has impacted my insights towards MEN and RELATIONSHIPS.

    Hearing Paul being interviewed earlier, makes me think that most of us women do make mistakes that we do not realise that men are looking for more than just good looks, physique and brand or class of clothings and apparels. The part where he says “She may look fit sexy and sophisticated and after she is naked wth mascara running down her face etc etc.. He realizes that she is just another person trying to get by” …. And where man and women are equal in many ways…

    Oh well … lets just wait for Thursday then …and I will definitely “be here” with you Matthew … really dont want to miss out on that… !!



  3. Casey says:

    Thank you so much for the online programme and also thanks for trying get closer to your fans and audience.
    I am also really excited about the online programme tomorrow
    You the best, Matthew!!

  4. Rumy says:

    With every new video you post, I feel like I understand guys a tad better! =D Still haven’t figured it all out but I’m getting there (hopefully) I’m really excited about Thursday..finally something for us folks who live far away from you! Keep on doing the wonderful job you’re doing, helping tons of women feel better about themselves and improve their lives! xx can I give you a [virtual] hug? =]

  5. celeste says:

    hey Matt!
    So how can we get acces? for tomorrow?? please let me know, abrazos! desde lejos!!

  6. Jennie says:

    Are you ever coming to the Chicago area?!

  7. Gaby says:

    Hey Matthew!

    Well, i consider myself someone who can add value to anyone´s life. I do not dress trashy or give wrong innuendos so i think this may not be my problem. Maybe, there´s closer to other subjects you´ve talk about, like “playing hard to get” or the earlier video about seconds. Anyhow, it did happened to me recently, this guy and me, we kissed, but he was a player and didn´t commit. But i did it because I told myself that he was right for me, i never kiss guys simple as that. Im saying that what this PLAYER on new york is saying is not applied to all women.

    i love you thank you for so much


  8. Nadine says:

    And as well, please you girls offer high value to the right guy. I mean, I have so different values to other people, that I must be very clear, whom I gonna offer this fun in life. Not every guy might appreciate it that much.
    High quality, wasted on the wrong guy. could happen. we would be the player then?!
    I love the inspiration you give, thank you.

  9. Dorthea says:

    How much will it cost on thursday? I am so excited but I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it, because I’m a student. My friend owe me money and I just wanted to know if I needed to get them back ;)

    Keep up the great, I love all the videos so much, they’ve helped me so much, maybe not to find a guy (for now), but to get a higher self esteem. I owe you my happiness at the moment.


  10. Kimberly says:


    They say the things that you need will come into your life… Especially if you are ready, keep your awareness keen and are willing.

    Your ebook, newsletters and videos have somehow found me and I am learning so much from each post. So keep up the great work and I look forward to learning more. THANK YOU :)

    My question is this.. Don’t men understand that women are just as sexually driven as them? Or does this fall into the, awful but true, Double Standard category.


  11. Megan says:

    Thanks Matthew, I guess i’m a dabbler haha, but whenever I watch one of your videos I understand them and guys a little bit more each time.
    I have a problem with a player at the moment, he’s got a girlfriend, who’s older than him and I – I’m seventeen, so’s he – but he flirts with me alot, people that know him say it’s something more, that he’s different around me than he is with other girls. And I like it, and him, but I feel stupid for falling for it because I know he’s a player and I don’t want to be that girl. But i just don’t know if he’s serious about it.
    How can I tell, because he tells me I’m attractive, uses every excuse to touch me, stand close to me, sit next to me, and doesn’t exactly hide it. He also says that he want to be my friend, but is constantly asking if there’s a possibility I would go out with him if he were single.
    I just don’t understand him or his behaviour. I thought you might be able to help, because to tell the truth I’m frazzled trying to figure him out.

  12. Red Apple* says:

    Ok.Wow! :D
    I don’t know if my little story fits, but just a few days ago, I received an e-mail from a guy I had a let’s say “superficial crush” on- I wanted to get to know him better, but it turned out I couldn’t even enjoy a good conversation with him. So, I didn’t continue my “approaching plan” ^^…not much later he left the city because, in his opinion, the parties were lame and he wasn’t that much into nature either (It’s a very nice city, btw! :) )
    …All of a sudden (1 year later), however, he claims that he regrets not having showed me his real feelings and that he is now looking for a lasting realationship, that he finds it remarkable that he has been thinking of me the whole year through and that he even moves back to my/this “calm” and idyllic city, in order to make a new start…together with me.

    Matt, please note that I am the superlative of an optimist (the guy knows that,too, btw^^) and that I also aaam kinda naive ^^ I always try to focus on the good heart or even the golden heart in a human being. Help me, I don’t – really don’t want to be pranked… :(

    Have a nice day and respect for all these comments and your kind answers- so motivating! :)

    Keep it up!

  13. Sofia Miryam says:

    Hi Matthew!
    You have two types of readers/followers + me :D
    I´m a young women with a conviction that she´s worth nothing but the very best. Therefor I don´t date (maybe you´re wondering why I read your blog and watch your videos, I´ll tell you later), I dress (as I like to call it) in dress that is “fashionably modest” because I want what I wear to reflect who I am on the inside. I´m a firm believer that the less I show of skin, legs and *ss, the more guys will look me in the eyes and see who I truly am, dressing modestly while not looking frumpy, letting my eyes be the focal point of what I wear. I have never been a party person, and I take responsibility for my actions. This said, I don´t think I´m boring, I´m an upbeat, happy go-getter.
    After living a life of not taking care of my body the way I ought to have, after being rejected by all the guys I´ve ever approached, I decided that enough is enough, I lost over 55 lbs, I started resetting my mind to “health mode”, started pushing myself over what I used to think where the limits, I also shut out the people in my life who only brought me down and broke me over and over (and over) again.
    Why I don´t date?
    Because I believe that it´s a waste of my time. To put on a sexy little dress, put much more make-up on than normally to seem “perfect”, to sit down in an unnatural setting and talk, talk about the good things in my life, hiding the bad and the ugly. Analyzing every little word before I say it, and every word that he says, twisting, turning and trying to interpret it to my favor… Then hopefully base a relationship on that foundation? No – I have seen far to many relationships crash because of the nice act they play while dating. When my friends say “well, if you don´t date you won´t know what type of guy you like”, I answer, I observe, I see, and if it´s gonna be all about the guy and his faults, I´m being proud and ignorant because I refuse to realize that I might need to change something! Instead of dating around as if I was looking to see what kind of dress fits me best, maybe the dress doesn´t fit because I´ve neglected myself! I believe it all starts with me, my character, my attitude and my values.
    I believe a lasting relationship starts with friendship, true genuine friendship. Where we both respect each other, we know the good, the amazing, the sweet but also the bad, the ugly and the sad stuff. We have developed a patient and forgiving friendship. With that as a foundation I believe a relationship can last.
    I´m a bit “old-fashioned” in the way that I do believe it is up to the guy to take the first step, I have taken the first step enough times to know that it usually scares guys off, in my case, they´ve always “hit the ground running”… I´ve also learned that most guys WANT to take the first step, I guess it has something to do with being masculine, or am I wrong?
    The reason I love reading your stuff and watching your videos is not because I want to get just any guy, I want to get THE GUY, I want to become such a “high value” woman that it takes for a life-long relationship. Because I want The Guy to see that I don´t flirt with just anyone, that I have self respect and that I try to put others before my self, that the guy who “gets” me, will not have to fret over whether or not some other guy could come and sweep me off my feet, because a relationship that lasts takes two “high value” friends.
    The guy who “gets” me, will be my very best friend, and nothing less!

    Thank you Matthew for inspiring me to be high value, to respect myself, others, and for giving me an insight as to what goes on in the minds of guys. It has really helped me in understanding more of the jungle that is male/female relationships! Even though I guess I´m a bit weird compared to most women in the way I do things…

    Best wishes!
    Sofia Miryam

  14. Ali says:

    Getting a woman drunk in order to have sex with her has a name. It’s called rape.

  15. Tong says:

    This is amazing, I’m really interested in this stuff..I can’t wait until Thursday ^^


  16. rhea says:

    Dear Matt,

    I was dumped 5 times. It really sucks to went on this process again and again.

    It came to the point I considered commiting suicide as I cant take the pain anymore. So I tried all the possible help I can get. Then yeahhh I came across your channel in youtube. And started following you. And buy your program.

    I have no problem in getting the guy as everybody said I am good looking,and gorgeous. But being beautiful cant make a man stay for long term. And all these guys I love dont see themselves with me.

    All my self confidence was gone. I feel terrible about myself. But because of you Im starting to build it again.

    A big thanks to you and all the staff. You have no idea how you save and change a life of person like me.

    Please continue helping women like me.


  17. Renee says:

    great video – excited for thursday – hope it will be around 1pmish because i do work from 9-12 and then again from 3-12 sometimes, as a few other people said – i am sort of the dabbler type – i don’t mean to be though – money is tight, i work with my mom and right now i rarely get paid (i just help out now) hopefully it won’t be overly expensive so i can convince my mom to help pay for it lol – i am really excited about it though! hopefully i will make it to London someday for a live event :D where i live right now = no men i am attracted to – but when i move i would like to put your advice into action lol – Thanks again – i enjoy every video

  18. Fernanda B says:

    Hi Matt, one of my friends forwarded this to me and I had to comment because this is a topic close to my heart. You know I am a fan of your work. This vid is about self-love isnt it..?
    I have a friend who sleeps with a lot of women because he is depressed. Also Jeff Leach slept with over 300 women, made a programme about it called ‘confessions of a sex addict’ but if you watch it you can see it how he is just masking pain. (i know you are probably thinking i am over-analysing here lol..) Paul (i’d love to get inside his head there is a lot of pain there I think) maybe he met a woman who reminds him of his mother and decided to avoid operating to fill a sense of self-lack and finally decided to committ and settle down.
    People have two primary ways of living: Fear based (thinking we live in scarcity and must compete to gain access to resources and partners) and love-based. It is such an exciting and overcomplicated area.
    As opposed to thinking ‘how can I tame the a-hole’ some women must reflect and think ‘why am i attracting so many a-holes into my life’ like ‘what part of me is addicted to feeling rejected and undervalued’.. and ‘how can i learn instead to love myself more’. Some people like Paul (only speculating) may use having sex with loads of different people as a way of self-harming. I just wanted to shout self-love to this discussion. Coming from a place where i dated a lot of divine a-holes (i learned a lot from them) in the past there is contrast now through experience I know the difference between a nice guy and a player! Also, I learned why i would put myself into an experience where i was constantly getting rejected to stop and think: this really hurts, how can I stop myself from rejecting myself.Like i deserve much more than dating an a-hole and trying to fix them, which is demented. YOu can only change yourself, you cannot change other people. This is your message maybe- NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS> love yourselves. Keep it up!!:-) Peace out F xx :))

  19. raveena says:

    wow that was awesome!!!! Thanks Matthew!You put so much effort in helping us women.So exited for thursday!!!Just in case we miss it, we can still watch it the day after right???

  20. Carol Locke says:

    Great about your online program! I have wanted to attend but can not make any of the events so perfect way to not have to wait. !!!!!! Also have a teenage daughter who listens to you …I want her to learn the HEALTHY way to have relationships early on! She even wants to do something similar for a living you have inspired her so! She is checking into relationship therapy for a school major. yahhh!

  21. Francine says:


    I just wanted to tell you that my best friend and I are trying all your advices, and we are having a lot of fun doing it so! We don’t take things really seriously right now, but, guy, everything you say works! So thank you for making our lives more interesting! Hope everything goes fine, and I can’t wait for the 7th!

    Lot of love from Spain!

  22. Gabriëlle says:

    Hi Matt!

    Is this online programme available for a 17 year old?
    Or am I too young?

    x Gabriëlle

  23. Elle J says:

    You know whats funny :), just the other day I was talking with my friend about the player tipe,why does he do some things that hurt, and what makes him tick :) (that insight would be life changing),and so do I think that you are psychic :),because I to have some ,,trouble,, with a player, and I realy dont know how to handle him :).
    I cant wait for the event on Thursday .
    OH,and what you said about adding value to his life,about that i want to know more :).

  24. Helen says:

    Thank you very much for everything!
    Thank for working so hard to keep in touch! I (we) really appreciate that! I follow your videos and your blog since one month and I learned sooo much, unbelieveable!
    Thanks again!looking forward to thursday!:)

  25. Misha says:

    Hi Matt

    I agree with Paul about not putting women on a pedestal.Not just in relationships but in any area of our lives the surest way to diminish our chance at something is to generously overestimate it and make it larger than life.Our own credibility has no value before its all consuming magnificence.
    With that tendency all is impossible.
    Very important is the conviction that it is meant to be had and you might as well be its owner.

    Super exited about Thursday. I am just curious how much more awesome you can get!


  26. Courtney says:


    I’m really trying to take in all of what you’ve said. I’m definitely not the type of woman who presents herself as sexual or flirtatious, but how is Paul to say that that is the biggest factor in why women are single when it seems that those types of women are always the ones guys are attracted to. I know he goes back to say that men don’t actually want that for a long term relationship, but what’s a girl to do when she has to wait for a man she’s interested in to see that. Obviously Paul had to take all those years of having sex with random women (pretty much) to see exactly what he wanted, but if I know what I want, how long am I supposed to wait for my male counterpart to mature and see this too?? I just feel that it’s a losing battle.

    I thank you for all of the tips and advice you’ve given us over the past couple of years. I’m surprised that you don’t have your own TV show yet. I’m sure everyone would appreciate your advice right at their fingertips. Not to mention how much of a hit you’d be. ;)

  27. Ari says:

    Matthew be hiding his sense of humor which we can see in his bloopers. He’s so funny! “Ma!” That’s the way I call my mom.
    I am nothing like those girls the player described, yet I guess that’s why I always feel ignored at parties-because I’m not dressing in stilettos and slutty outfits. It is very hard for me to find decent guys that like a woman that doesn’t dress like Kim Kardashian. But when I do find one, there is usually no incident of cheating in our relationship on his part. I guess you can’t have everything. It would be nice if I could attract them easily without looking like a clown and just being myself.

  28. Irena says:

    Hi Matthew, awesome stuff as usual! Do you explain anyware what EXACTLY is the VALUE that a woman can put into a man’s life – this must be something that vary greatly from man to man? Regards!

  29. Geneviene says:

    Thank you, Matthew! All your videos really make me reflect on my life, and why I’m still single. I can’t wait till Thursday!

  30. Lucy Smith says:

    I can safely say I for whatever crazy reason am obsessed with one player we’ve been friends then ‘sort of’ together and Im really not the kind of girl to wait around for a guy i’m only eighteen! men are so annoying!

  31. leah says:

    Hi :)
    guilty as charged for being a dabbler. Can’t wait for the seventh though! I am 22 and, even though i don’t feel like i am ready for a relationship at the moment i enjoy being informed. I find your topics quiet interesting.

    See you on Thursday :).

  32. ely says:

    hi Matthew
    maybe i am from the first group u said…
    cuz i cant come to ur seminar and far away from u
    i am really happy to receive ur Emails and videos..
    u speak clearly for foreign languages and i wanna thank you..
    i am checking my mailbox everyday to find u..
    i am attractive but i think ur advices can help me to be more successful…thx a lot and keep in touch..
    bye now

  33. Kelly D says:

    The guy in the video didn’t shock me in the least. I work for a VERY large airline and in my department (at the airport I work at), I have 400 coworkers. 380, of which, are male. Because we don’t have any contact with customers, we often don’t censor ourselves for eachother. So, 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, I’m surrounded by men who constantly talk about all the women they want to sleep with (in courser terms, of course), how much of a “player” they are, and they also compare (and congratulate eachother) how awful they treat their wives, girlfriends, or women in general.

    So, the guy in the video was pretty disney compared to what I experience every single day at work. It has actually made me numb to the possibility that there are men that aren’t that way. I wish I didn’t feel that way, but when I’m constantly around that kind of mentality, it sort of sinks in and makes me not want to pursue any sort of relationship with anyone.

    I do think your videos are extremely helpful for someone like me, but the hard part is actually figuring out who is worth pursuing.

  34. Alejandra says:

    Hi Matt….Love your blogs i have learned so much from them…I check my emails every day to see if you have posted any more, you can not believe the huge smile i have on my face every time there is one….
    I wasnt shock about Paul and if any one was…well i guess the truth hurts, i cant wait till thursday…
    I live in Australia and am wondering if you ever consider coming over here to do one of your weekends seminars??? Am so sure you will be booked for every weekend…with me attending the very first one….We need you downunder….

  35. Maddy says:

    Dear Matthew;

    I see how many responses you have been able to make and, for that alone, you are wonderful. I will be a “dabbler” for a few more months (unfortunately) as I am currently severely low on cash. In the mean time, I will ask you the same question I posed to you in an earlier Forum. Do you believe in “true love” or even fate? I know this is purely philosophical, but I would like to know your take on it. Thanks again for the great tips!

  36. debbie says:

    Thank you, Matthew. You’re so dead-on accurate about the psychology of men in a way no one else is. I hope you send out another email on Thursday to everyone just in case something pops up causing us to forget to check your site. I am looking forward to finally being able to take an online course since I’m in the Washington DC area and can’t afford the expense of traveling, even though I know it would benefit me greatly.

  37. michelle rv says:

    Well to be honnest my best friends did the same thing they kept a journal and siad they had slept with about 94 guys and they were aspiring for higher one was 57 the other 22. I on the other had have tormented my self with celebacy to prove an ex boyfriend wrong Well more like the love of my life but thats another story. So this did not surprise me, all humans seek gratification and sometimes sex is the way to get it or the way some people get it. and if you ask me some of the most lovely people in the world. I have nothing to really say just that women do it tooo and it doesn’t make them bad people as long as two adults consent but I dont consent. morally this video is confusing. Yet its funny just today I was thinking that Im going to go on a date once a week to find my mate and I thought, how do I catch a man? sex or the fake promise of it. but Im stuck if Im not the wanton women form proverbs 7:13 So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudentface said unto him, I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come , let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. Read the rest yourself kjb then how do I Get a date?

  38. Ana (Mexico) says:

    Hi Matthew! Interesting video, and I didn’t get upset bc of the guy’s comments in the interview either.I was kind of surprised that he finds it that often in us woman that kind of behavior though: prioritizing competition instead of something valuable in life. And speaking of which, can you give me an example of how is it adding value to a significant other’s life? Might sound obvious but I’m not sure it is.
    Great posts, thank you!
    Ana (Mexico City)

  39. Sarah Ra says:

    Hi Matthew!

    I’m new to your site and definitely a dabbler. I love you’re videos and positive advice you share with the world.

    Now regarding this particular blog, what would you say to a woman who was a little like that guy in the video? I’m a woman in my 30’s and by this point in my life, I feel many women act exactly the same way. We choose to “hook up” with men with also the same standards like if a man sleeps with you too soon, they are not to be taken too seriously.

    If you are dealing with 2 parties that have similar viewpoints on hooking up,, what kind of advice can you give them..

    I feel like I’ve been guilty of this double standard and then get mad at myself for starting to like someone but maybe slept with them too fast.

    Just to end, thank you for all your videos and advice. Whether I agree with them or not, I respect and admire any person spreading love and positive energy into the world and you are awesome!

    Much love,

    Sarah from NYC :)

  40. Liz says:

    Mathew, I have to say that you are great. Even thou, I haven’t bought your program yet, you are still able to deliver a genuine advice on this weird aspect of human being…dating.

    Any advice for single moms? Would that be a chapter on your book? Is it wrong to say I would never like to get married…but have an eternal boyfriend. Just ’cause I think there will be more things to be exited about, other than laundry…or supermarket trips.

    By the way, I appreciate the fact that you take the time to interact in your blog, and answered every single comment. I think all the ladies here can appreciate that.

    Thank you sooo much, It has been incredibly helpful to watch your blogs, I will continue to follow you for more advice.


  41. jaylin says:

    hi MATHEW the guy paul kinda upseted me how he did the things he did but its intresting how men react to diffrent perspectives of life i have been single forever and but theres this guy i like and i think he likes me he comes to hang with me sometimes and we cuddle and kiss but i think we are just freinds hmm and hes confusing.

  42. mandy says:

    Hi Matthew

    That was a interesting Blog, even though I thought the guy was an asshole to begin with, but if girls cannot see that when he approaches them, and they also could be just looking for sex, then I could not blame him for getting away with it, I’m glad to say that I don’t fall for the Mr smoothies lol…I started a date with a meal then sex and i instigated it because I was very attracted to him, and it suited me at the time being friends with benefits as he said on the second date that he dosn’t do relationships…but after sometime I got attached and needy and it ended, but, he contacted me again then long gaps and still contacted me six months after saying to me “best we move on” but this time I asked him what was going on with him and he said that he had a lot of baggage and that his Ex had moved back in with him (they were together for about 17 years, when i first met him he told me he had been split with her for 3 years) I was socked that he had come back to me “in a relationship) I asked him what he was doing here with me and he said “well it’s obviously not cut out to what it should be” I said so why are you with her, he said “it’s comfortable” I told him that I cannot see him anymore…..This has really hurt me as after 6 months I was getting on with my life, now feel I’m back t square one, but this blog has really helped me understand my feelings.


  43. Nawreen says:

    HaHa! wow!! You in Ottawa!! Wow I wish if I could meet you!! :).


  44. Jacqueline says:

    I think sometimes woman don’t understand the difference between ADDING VALUE and trying to GIVE TOO much. I don’t know to communicate what I’m saying, but maybe you understand??? :)

    Love your content and looking forward to seeing the program.

  45. Michele says:

    This is definitely a wake up call for me. I feel like I’ve been single forever and now I see why. Thank you Matthew!! Can’t wait until Thursday! :D

  46. angie says:

    Hi Matt!
    I think this guy is quite clever, in fact!
    well, definitely arrogant, maybe the type who would make me nervous if I met him in person speaking proudly about all his conquests, but I think what he says is true!
    Apparently, this man who’s super-handsome, needed more than a pretty face and body to decide to settle down, so he’s not that shallow.

  47. HF says:

    I’m impressed of how frequently you’re posting videos lately ;)
    just wanted to let you know, thank you

  48. GARIMA GUPTA says:


  49. L says:

    It wasn’t that shocking to me when I watch the interview and made me wonder why and how the person do that to us women nowadays. It made me think of what will help to be value the person’s life.

    Since I have been experienced dating a player in my past. I have asked the current guy that I have a thing with him if he is player or not. He said no. During our relationship, he has spoken to me he dated someone for one day but they broke up because she cared about people think of her. I find out he has secretly dating someone in beginning of the year who is 6-7 years younger than him. They didn’t go work so well. Somehow he comes back to me and see I am doing..There are times he shows how he had feelings for me.
    This guy who couldn’t make his mind yet he comes back telling me he is willing to change for himself to attend some classes but he fail to drop out.

    He has said that he hasn’t been physical with other women that he met recently. It’s only me has been physical with me. He has been mention him and are not doing it as friends with benefits. He does admit he has been selfish towards me since he had struggles with paying the bills and such.

    I have invite him to go my house parties and go on some place relaxation from all the madness to work. Due to his busy schedule, he just did not have get some good night rest or not really able to arrange hang out / dates with everyone including me. I did give him a gift to have something that was valuable to me to remind him to keep himself inspired.

    I have recently met his friends at house party after our date. He didn’t introduce me to his friends once we got in there. I just try my own thing to introduce myself after I put my purse somewhere safe. He was busy doing laundry and cleaning his room. It’s weird how he stayed in his room for awhile. Few of his friends just check on him and have side conversation while I was watching TV and hanging out with his friends. He just randomly walks around the house and sees me talking to them more than him. Once everyone is in different area of the house, we had our one-on-one time together.

    *Sorry, my grammar structure / English is not that great.

  50. Waheeda says:

    Hi M

    Thursday sounds exciting!
    You should consider flying out more to Canada!

    cheers from someone who appreciates what you do in Toronto!


  51. An says:

    I can’t wait for Thursday! I ordered the Secrets of Attraction digital programme, and I’m really eager to keep moving forward with the new content. Geographically, and financially, I’m one of those dabblers who can’t make it to live events, or weekend seminars. So, the digital programmes are incredibly important to me. You’ve made such a difference, and I’ve never been this motivated to change. Thank you so much.

    Now, about the video. I’ve gotta say, watching it dredged up some old wounds of a very hurtful experience I had a few months ago. As did the last post, Expectations vs. Reality. But I think it’s important to understand the reasoning behind someone’s actions, and not get caught up in the negative, theatrical there-are-no-good-men-left kind of thinking that comes easily when you’re single, and insecure about the dating world. Frankly, I’m tired of being insecure! We ladies rarely get to hear the Player’s side of the story, so we don’t understand why we keep falling for their tricks. I’ve always appreciated the honesty that goes into your videos.

  52. Yvette says:

    Hi Matt,

    I wanted to sign up for the online weekend video but looked like I ended up getting the secret of attraction instead. How can I get the online weekend one?

  53. Lisa says:

    Here’s the truth everyone. ALL men are biologically programmed to want a variety of women just as women use flirtation or looking good (it’s a mating thing). Read The Female Brain and The Male Brain by Dr. Luann Brizendine (she also has a website and blog) and you’ll see why. There is no quote on quote player in male or female..I think men have more testerone then they know what to do with at times and it’s ingrained for sex and that is why they always look at other women, fantasize about them or cheat. It’s in the DNA. Even when guys commit or want to they still will want sex with other women they find attractive (and this can be your friend, a family member,etc.) and it’s purely animal/physical thing It’s a natural response and isn’t their fault. But women also will find other men attractive and will want to be with them too. So for me personally I don’t think monogamy or commitment as it is will work for me but everyone has to follow as they do and what feels best for them.

  54. Adrienne says:

    Hey Matthew,

    I have been in a couple long term relationships, but now that I’m single again, all I’ve been finding are guys that start to get to know me, seem interested, we talk about day-to-day things, and all of the sudden sex becomes involved in the conversation. I don’t try to be overly sexual or flirtatious like Paul said, I just try to be friendly and introduce myself. Every time though our conversations seem to directed to sex.. For example if I’m texting a guy about work, he will bring up how maybe I need to go over to his house and watch a movie and relax, maybe “cuddle” or something. It seems like I try to genuinely get to know someone and they try to make it more about sex then anything. What confuses me though, is then they end up in a long term relationship with someone else soon after..
    I even had a guy who was working out of town for 3 months, keep in touch with me through the entire time, and very clearly say he wants a relationship and has feelings for me, and then got back and it turned out that he just wanted sex too.
    I know it may be the type of guys I’m attracted to, guys like Paul.. However Paul said the mistakes that were being made by the girls were being overly flirtatious and sexual and thinking they should offer sex. I think I have made that mistake, however even when I make sure not to.. It still doesn’t work out. How do I give him something valuable in his life so that he thinks of me as less of a short term fling? It just seems like this endless problem I’ve been having, so I feel like I’m making the same mistake over and over! I just don’t know how to solve it haha
    (Sorry for the long question by the way!) I hope you can help! :-)

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Adrienne, thanks for your question. I’ll start by saying that the programme I’m releasing on thursday is going to answer this for you. In fact your question will even be answered in the interview I did with Paul which you get as a bonus. But in all of this there’s something you need to realise…guys want sex. And that’s ok. It’s better than him not wanting sex with you! You just have to make sure you pace him. The answer is not to go cold on him as soon as you find out he wants sex. Decide what pace you want to move at, then apply that principle with each guy and you’ll be fine. Stay tuned on thursday for a response for how to add value in ways other than sex!

      M x

  55. Crystal Woods says:

    I believe that some people make mistakes with others due 2 the fact that they themselves haven’t quite found there trigger.

    U just have 2 look @ things from a distance in order 2 evaluate what’s going on with an individual & what really made them act the way they did as a human being.

    We all just have 2 not judge them & just really take the time 2 understand it instead.

    g2g rite now but I appreciate the insight~

    Crystal L.W.

  56. katrina valente says:

    hey Gorgeous

    You are the messenger of change for women all over the globe!!!! This stuff is all so easy isnt it!!! Its right there in our faces and we cant even see it! I was the sexy flirtatious girl…and I have used my sexuality at a very early age to get what I want! Its so profound what hes saying…but finally I get it!!! Especially after your amazing Womens Weekend in London Im on a roll baby! Your da best!!!! I believe he is speaking for all men when he says all of this…when you think about it…its so logical! time for us all to wake up I say!
    thanks Matthew…Keeps those videos coming!!!! Luv ya!

    Katrina :)

    • Matthew says:

      THANKYOU Katrina! I love your positivity and how eager you are to grow. It makes me smile to know you were on the Women’s Weekend with me rocking the building! x

  57. adora says:

    I think I agree with Paul. I’m single because I have not yet met a guy that adds value to my life!
    Now, the question is, how can I find a man that would add value to my life?

    • Matthew says:

      Keep following our blogs, or come and take one of our programmes lol! That’s what we do!

      In the meantime:
      Step 1: Work out what value you want him to add to your life
      Step 2: Figure out where a guy like that would be
      Step 3: Learn as many strategies as possible for meeting and attracting that type of guy!

      Thanks for your comment! x

      • adora says:

        Thank you so much for your advice!
        I’ve joined the Fast Track programme the morning it went online! Haven’t look at it yet because I was on vacation, in London actually. I’m sure it is going to be great! Hopeful. :)

  58. anouck says:

    Hi Matthew
    Just emailed you at your info email address, to thank you because all your advice work. Thank you for doing what you do, it means a lot to me and I am sure to a lot of women out there. Best, it enhances the romantic streak in all of us, just by being spontaneous, our natural self, rather than flirtatious, and for sure that’s a good thing. Anouck

    • Matthew says:

      Thankyou so much Anouck! It’s my pleasure to help, I love doing this and these kinds of responses make it all the more worthwhile x

  59. natasha says:

    Hey Matt,
    This sounds like such a great opportunity. I live in the states, though I was in Spain for the last 5 months, but couldn’t find the time out of my internship to come to one of your seminars. I stumbled upon your one of your videos on youtube because I wanted to be more confident, and your advise was to accomplish a goal that I had put off for a while. This for me was applying to graduate school. Im writing this 2 days before an interview for a Doctoral program. I feel so proud of myself (a very rare feeling). Just wanted to say thanks for your genuine advise, really helped my career! and hopefully it will help me in my hopeless romantic life as well. haha. looking forward to Thursday!

    • Matthew says:

      That’s so great Natasha! Congratulations on everything you’ve done so far! And your love life is far from hopeless, it’s just an area where there’s a lot of room for you to grow. Remember, when you have an area of your life that you feel hasn’t gone anywhere it’s easy to grow fast there! It’s when you’re already great at something that change happens far slower. So for you victory is near : ) x

  60. Gilliant says:

    Hi Matt, thanks for your video, its brilliant, love the shoots at the end of video, you look so sweet!!! xx

    I am quite young and pretty girl, well-educated at master level, but I always meet the type of players in my life. To be honest, I am still virgin so I can’t go further in relationship with any men as they always initially want sex in the relationship, no one can wait to do that after the marriage. As a result, I am still single for long time, it seems very hard for me to find the right person, I sometimes feel frustrated. I don’t know how to do to be honest Matt, can you give me some meaningful advices, please?

    Thanks so much! xx

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Gilliant, there are many people out there who believe in only having sex after marriage, so you are not alone. You just need to find these people, and amongst them someone you are truly attracted to. Don’t compromise if that’s what you believe in, just develop better strategies for meeting those types of people. i’ll be here to help along the way however I can! x

      • Gilliant says:

        Thanks Matt x, its so meaningful to me, so I can continously keep my perspective beacause of your support. To be honest, I sometimes want to give up that but now following your advices I feel like that I need to wait to find the right person until I meet. However, I perceive that maybe it takes long time to reach that or even I’m always single forever in the worse case.

        I truly appreciate your help, Matt. x

      • michelle rv says:


  61. hagar says:

    hey there

    me and my soulmate dont talk now but not because we dont want to its because in islam we can have this feelings till we get married you know!! so its kinda hard for me to not know whats he’s doing ..anyway i know he loves me.. and the last time we met we decided we cant meet again till he do something ..and when we were sittting he wanted so bad to hold my hands and its not i didnt want to i really wanted to but god in my heart and i felt he’s testing what i have for him so i didnt give him my hand and i saw tears in his eyes and after this he became realy strange the last time we spoke i was so upset and he said we agreed that we’ll not meet or talk so whats wrong. and i dont know but i felt he’s abit strange.. does he love me or he’s a player

    we have been together for like 3 years and he dumped me and 8 month later he called and cried and i took him back but we decided not to see each other ..help me

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Hagar, this sounds like a confusing situation for both of you. I think you need to communicate how you actually feel to him, and find out what his feelings are. If you are really right for each other then it’s going to start by being open about what you both want. If he opens up then you’ll find out whether he really wants to go forward with you. If he doesn’t then at least you tried to communicate properly with him instead of guessing at what he is feeling. At that point if he can’t open up then it is not your fault, but you’ll have to be ready to make the tough decision to move on if he won’t give you that you need.

      You’ll either make each other happy, or you’ll make each other miserable. If it’s constantly the latter then it’s time to move on because the whole point is to enjoy each other. And even if right now you can’t be together for any reason, you should still be able to enjoy visions of being together in the future. If it’s all pain it defeats the purpose.

      M x

      • hagar says:

        i found alittle bit of relief by ur reply.. let me say that when we used to talk the last couple month specially before his father passed away. he was like i will never leave you again because i alwayes have to remind him that i cannot handle another cut from him he’ve hurt me once and i can not take it again !!he knows that i love him and i old him that i will alwayes be by his side because he was facing alot of bad things at that time .i was assuring to him that i love him and i will alwayes be there and all i want from him is to be HONEST !! and he said ok i will be honest he never say something bad like am not sure or anything like disappointing he used to say that but then he started to talk like i will not leave you and he said more than one time that he want to get married to me once everything is ok and when he’s more stable .. i know he love me and i love him too but i feel like being honest with him and being so easy and forgiving him all the time is giving him the chance to take my love and time for granted like he’s sure i will wait for him for the rest of my life and i will not marry anyone ..and he changed his number without telling me but he called me after from another number and said i am just checking on you .. i am freaking out mathew am just afraid that he will do the same thing again like being afraid to tell me what he’s thinking and then he just disappears like last time .. am i going crazy? or should i just relax and not think but for some reason i want to change my number so i can let him see that he will not find me whenever he feelis like calling i want to follow my dream and have fun and take him out of my head because i cannot controll my self sometimes i deleted his number and e-mail so i can stop my self from thinking of contacting him i dont want to wait for him to contact me anymore its so hard to let go when i know that he love me .. and let me tell you something else his mother is not accepting that he wants to marry me and wheni told him what are you going to do about ur mother because i cant marry you without her approval he said that he will talk to her and he will convince her !!

  62. TT says:

    You know his point where he’s like the sexiest most confident of the flock ‘wins’ the bloke…that must be a really hard pattern to break from a mans perspective. I’ve just gone through this…was dating a player, he would only agree to meet me if I went to his flat. I never went.I stuck to my guns which was really hard…he agreed reluctantly on the odd occassion to go for a coffee but it was a massive tug of war.
    He’s now with a polish bird who I would assume was physical from the get go. I did think about giving it up so often but glad something inside me held me back. Great article mat x

  63. Ines says:

    This really was the man every girl in NYC had to avoid…!
    But even he was looking for something else than just sex at the end.. ;-)

    However I wonder how we girls can make those players realize that we have so much more to offer than just a physical connection?
    Yes we have to test them, wait long enough and show them our nice & interesting life…but even then most of them don’t go any further approaching us? What is wrong with them? Do independent women really scare them off?

    Sometimes I meet goodlooking, well educated men and all they seem to look for is just a physical connection and no relationship? They pretend to be interested in you but if you wait a while without giving them “a physical reward;-)”, they just go off… Still they remain acquaintances and keep saying that you’re great but no actions are taken..?

    By the way a male friend told me that men surely prefer women who aren’t “too pretty” but “just pretty enough”…so they are sure the girl will stay and they don’t have to pay too much attention to other guys trying to get their girl…is that true??

  64. Luisa says:

    really like the vid and your point of view, I don’t hate this guy, I actually like that his being honest and open about it, even thought I don’t believe it’s satisfying as a person to have so many flings or whatever you want to call it. But I do think it’s grate that he found someone, everyone deserves a chance to be happy.

    the’re this guy with who I occasionally sleep with, we did date for like 3 years, have been broken up for 2 and neither of us is in a relationship at the moment or looking, he is always nice, it’s like being in a relationship, except we don’t say “I love you”. I would want to be in a relationship with him, but he doesn’t want to (I’ve asked). do you think his a playing? or what is he doing? what am I doing (I feel stupid)?

    really looking forward to see the rest of the interview video on Thursday, hopefully I will get answer or something.

    PS: off the charts CUTE relationship with your mum <3 my brother and I do the same with our mum.

  65. s. says:

    Thank you for your kind words! :)
    And I forgot to tell you – so many people (male and female) judge me for not judging him. That’s just so funny! :)

    I’ll definitely keep coming back, I really love to watch your vlogs – you are such a positive and happy person, you have that spark in your eyes, and I always feel great after watching your vlogs! You always cheer me up! :)

  66. s. says:

    I think that Paul just searched for someone to accept him, and he didn’t see anything wrong in the way he was trying to find that. I think that he doesn’t deserve to be judged – he didn’t force any woman to be with him. If any woman had high expectations from him (even she didn’t know him very well), she can’t blame him that he didn’t fulfill her high expectations.
    I’m the type of a woman that like to scan a guy before connecting with him on physical level. So if I don’t see in a few weeks that he’s the type of a guy who’s happy to be with ME, and that he wants to be in a relationship with ME, (and vice versa), I’m not gonna sleep with him, nor date him anymore.
    Last year I dated a player – I knew from the start that he was that type, but just like Paul – he was like huge magnet to me! There was something about him!! I didn’t judge him at any point for being like that, but I wanted to know him as a person! So we dated a few weeks, and I saw that he just don’t get from me that high level of excitement that he wants (and I don’t mean just on sex here). And I really didn’t know how to give that to him, although I really wanted to know. Well, after few weeks it was obvious that he and I were not on the same level, so we stopped dating. But here’s my point – I didn’t judge him at any point for being a player, because all the time I kept my standards high, and didn’t lower them, although he was very attractive. We both tried to get what we want – I was trying to get a boyfriend, and he tried to get excitement. :)And we both stayed empty hands, because we both knew what we are looking for, and didn’t accept anything less.

    And although he wanted so hard to get me in the bed with some really good phrases :D , I can’t blame him for that, because so many women fall on that, and he thought that I was the same. The point is – without me sleeping with him, he didn’t get from me the level of excitement that he wanted, so definitely he wouldn’t get it in other way around.

    I think that he’s a very good person, he’s such a fun to be around and we are always happy to bump into each other in town and chit chat a little bit.

    So women – use your head and intuition, and don’t rush in anything with guys with high expectations.

    Matthew, sorry if I have any grammar mistakes – English is not my native language, so sometimes it’s hard for me to express what I wanted to tell you.

    Can’t wait for the thursday!! :)

    • Matthew says:

      I think I should do a ‘COMMENT OF THE BLOG’ award for each blog that I do, then release that one in a newsletter or something. What do you think? If I did, this one might just win todays so far, because it is SOOO on the money.

      What I love is that you are advanced enough to see that you don’t need to be angry at him or make him into a bad person, you know that you just need to be astute enough to recognise that you’re not compatible right now.

      Wonderful comment, keep coming back! x

  67. Antonia says:

    THANK YOU so much for all your videos, I always get so excited when your newsletter comes out! Always great, great stuff :)

    I haven’t watched this yet, but it seems to be exactly what I need. I am interested in a guy who is the player type and I don’t know what to do… Hopefully this will give me some guidance!

    Much love,
    Antonia, 19 x

  68. Hannah says:

    Oh my gosh, your so cute!! Aha, love that your replying to everything, you really are a great guy!! I’m thinking that a lot of girls are wandering what makes YOU tick, because you are clearly THE perfect guy! The world needs more Matthew Husseys, and girls who know how to land you!! haha, Have a great time in Ottawa, your totally missing out on the Jubilee Celebrations here thou babe

    Keep these gems coming!! x

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Hannah! I know i’m missing out on the the English celebrations. I feel like the people who fly me to these places don’t want me to celebrate anything in England this year, because they seem to be making sure i’m out of the country for everything!

      I’m far from the perfect guy trust me, but I work hard on being better every day.

      Thanks for your support x

  69. Charlotte says:

    Hi Matthew,

    I have just been dabbler for a while, but yesterday I actually went ahead and purchased access to the seminar videos and I really enjoyed watching them and feel like I have learned a lot, especially from the one about the male mind.

    I am currently in a situation with a ‘player’, but it’s not all that simple. We actually went out for two months then he broke up with me in December. The reason why he ended is was because we were both in our first year of uni and he wanted to ‘live freely and play around’ for a while. So we stayed friends, but it didn’t take long until we went back to having sex. At this current stage we’re secretly friends with benefits, but we’re not exclusive. It kills me because I still have feelings for him and I know that we would work as a couple if I could just make him commit.

    Is there any advice you can give me or should I just be a big girl and get back into the ocean and look for a new boat?

    And please keep up the good work, these videos have made me able to get attention and feel a lot better about myself on nights out! x

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Charlotte. Please take this from the loving place it comes from: YOU HAVE TO STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM.

      Right now he will never make a decision about anything whilst he still has that with you. You need him to see that either he is in or he is out, but right now having sex with him might feel like you’re staying close to him, but it will be doing the opposite.

      Let him see how much you respect yourself and how high your standards are. You are a far more powerful woman than to give to a man who is not prepared to give back what you need. I’ll say it one more time so that you feel strong enough to actually take this advice (which i know won’t be easy)


      WAY MORE.

      I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but you don’t really want a guy who can’t make his mind up about whether he wants you do you?

      Be the amazing woman you are, and expect the best. Nothing less.

      Matthew x

      • Charlotte says:

        Thank you so much for the reply Matthew. I did have a talk with my guy and it turns out he hasn’t actually had sex with anyone else the last two months even though he could have. 1, because why would he when it’s so much better with me and 2, because he has too much respect for me.

        But in a week I’m going back home for the summer, so I won’t see him in two months, and when I come back we are going to live very close to each other with common friends everywhere, so there is not way we can continue in secret. He will have to make a choice then; relationship or nothing.

  70. Bella says:

    Thanks SOOO much for your comment Matthew. I enjoy your videos and all of your information you share with us. Yes, you are right… although I have flirted with him and been pretty suggestive in our emails. I think we need time to get to know one another. The rest can come later. If sex is all he wants then he isn’t the man for me!
    Appreciate your response. Have a Marvelous day! :)

  71. Maribel says:

    hey Mathew in my opinion this blog post has been a hook line and sinker! For many reasons but the top two are as follows: 1) you chose a very common problem most women have today in age with the player type and so the chance to get insight into ‘the players’ mind and to have an opportunity to really know why he does the things he does is AMAZING!!!
    2) you kind of challenged the viewers at the end by asserting that there are two types of viewers the dabbler and the viewers who truly want to make the decision to commit to this program! so you made them kind of reflect and say to themselves am i a dabbler? haha
    kudos to you sir and i shall see you on thursday! Thank you so much for your hard work and dedication!

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Maribel! In response to your two points:
      1) I don’t like when women get hurt because they don’t see what type of guy he is. If you’re going to sleep with a player, at least know that’s what you’re getting : )
      2) I like action takers. They are immensely more interesting than talkers. : )

      See you thursday! x

  72. Karen says:

    Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for your blog, I really enjoy it. The one on heartbreak was very helpful for me, seen I’ve gotten mine broken recently. Don’t really understand what went wrong there, but it puts things in perspective :)

    Bye !

  73. Brittney says:

    I thought the interview was really interesting, and I am looking forward to hearing the rest of it! I did not think anything he said was really, ” shocking” because as women we are active in what he discribes as female behavior. I got a lot out of what you said, despite not really being into the, ” player” type. For any realtionship I think added value is an important issue to ask yourself. I also must admit that at first I thought the video was going to be about learning to change a man which made me hesitant to watch. I was glad it was not nessesarily about that because going into a realtionship with the intent of changing the person seems unhealthy. I would not want someone to think, ” she is great, but I cannot wait to change her!”lol

    • Matthew says:

      Absolutely Britney. i think anyone going in with the intention to change someone is going to face problems from day 1. I think we can INFLUENCE others, and that it’s fine to do, but the key is being the woman that makes him want to be the right type of man. Men often become who they really want to be around the woman who brings that out in them.

      Thanks for commenting! x

  74. Beatriz says:

    I agree with all that it is said above, there is nothing new about how some women carry themselves in social environments trying to attract men. I get myself out of that game so I am eagerly waiting for Thursday to see what exactly it is that needs to be done moving forward.

    Funnily enough, I went to a party in central London last Saturday and a very attractive man came up to me and introduced himself. I could quickly see he is the type you describe above, confident, handsome and looking like he has everything going for him. I could sense many women’s eyes were on him all the time, it was so obvious how some of them were eager to get their hands on him that it even put me off. He appeared to be quite accustomed and pleased with that situation.

    We spoke for a while and after he bought me a drink I moved on to meet other people :) Next day I had an email in my inbox from him wanting to connect (it’s a social network, not a dating network) and telling me ‘how much fun it was to meet me’ the night before. Reading his email I could see the sheer number of women he has in his network. It may not mean anything at all however, it may also mean that he just doesn’t know what he wants or that he is happy to play around with women in the same way as Paul did.

    Looking forward to see what’s on Thursday


    • Matthew says:

      Thanks Beatriz. he may be a player, he may not…all that matters is you go at a pace that works for you x

      • Beatriz says:

        Thanks Matthew ! By the way, an online program is a great idea, I have been wanting to join the women’s weekend for a while but I haven’t got around to it yet.
        An online program sounds like it may be the solution. I am in !

        Thanks a lot

  75. Jessi says:

    Loved the video! Can’t wait for your big announcement! I got your Secrets of Attraction program as well, and even though it didn’t really help me with my case, I still enjoyed it nonetheless.
    I have a question, Matt… It’s probably the wrong place to ask but it’s driving me crazy!
    Why guys take you for granted when you tell them that you love them? As soon as they figure it out they stop trying and become a selfish, nonsensitive creature.

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Jessi! In the programme I’m releasing on thursday the second part contains an answer to your question. Here’s a clue: It’s not all guys who take you for granted once you say you love them, it’s normally the type that just get their validation from making you fall in love with them. In the second interview I do in the programme I (and a very special male guest) show you how to avoid that guy.

      By the way, the secrets of attraction is included in the programme on thursday, but don’t worry that you already have it, because what you get with it is FAR bigger than that alone. You’re going to love it.

      M x

  76. celeste says:

    Hola Matt! como vas? well my english is that the best, but just wanted to leave a coment anyways, I enjoy your videos,they are interesting,have lots of truth to it, and teh way you delivered them are great, i would love to be able to watch the program on Thursday, I am vert far far far away,so from me and probably 100 of other people, GRACIAS! THANKS! MERCI! for doing this!

  77. donna says:

    there are much worse examples that this ass clown in this video, and women marry them and try to love them, until he finds a better more interesting place to base his activities, . the only thing that drives them is control because they have no self esteeem. the real danger that you Matt, dont touch on, are real life sociapaths, which this guy I suspect is. they scary part is they do eventually marry, its not his need, his needs is a cover, because he craves being the good guy.. a pllayer is always motivated by the same thing, power, just like a rapist is, because he is a dic wisssle. Men like this spread aids and Hiv and other stds, and huge pain.women to them,are just meat, they are always charming. there are women who never recover from the years spent living with a sociopath. its crap that he changed, he just needs cover. im sorry Matt I like what youre doing. but hundreds of women are destroyed, and murdered every year, what did they do wrong,?they added too much value to the lives. a player like this doesnt change, I will put my house and all my future salaries on that. women dont need anymore guilt about adding value. Most women give too much, now you want them to feel bad cos they need to add value to this piece of crud who you call a man. I know whats real with men . How many men have you slept with Matt? how many mens underpants have you washed and ironed. on this im happy to discuss with you how you can player-proof women..

    • Matthew says:

      Here is my answer to everything you just said Donna: You add value to someone who deserves it, and when they stop deserving it you move on to someone who does. The real mistake women make is not in giving ‘too much’ value (i don’t believe that’s possible in a committed relationship), but staying in a situation where the man doesn’t give back because they are afraid to leave.

      Thanks for your thoughts x

      • donna says:

        perhaps Matt, the REAL mistake that many women make is giving a loser a chance in the first place, Matt, we are socially conditioned from the moment we draw our first breath to swoon as soon as a man gives us attention,
        So a good looking man who is charming ooiii yo yooooiii.!!
        Im willng to bet that 90% of the work you do with women stems from exactly this social conditioning we have received that landing a man is the answer to all their needs. How can we turn down such a good looking man,,, answer?? we cant! and If we did, an avalanche of whys? would come. I think the answer to this man is very simple, why does he behave this way? Because he can.

        as to Danielle who lamented I was criticising what you do, I centainly wasnt, in fact if you read it again I actually say, you work is needed,

        what you say is once a woman sees shes not getting back enough she should simply leave. Sound reasonable, but she cant for all the readons I gave before, and she may have children, and her self esteem is in shreads because shes been emtied out by his control and comand behaviour, and she doesnt walk away he gets madder and madder that he cant simply discard her like yesterdays trash….. boom!
        We are not dealing with a level playing feild Matt, surely you reslise that. So helping women find the right guy as you do, great work Matt and needed.

        but blurring the lines of what constitutes a human vampire, not so great.

        read some stats on how unequal the male-female inequality curve actually is, I wonder how you would deal with a women behaving this way.
        Im sure your workshops will boom and I wish you every success.

    • Danielle says:

      Comments like this one bug me. Not only does it completely miss the entire point of today’s blog, but it’s so responsibility-ducking. I don’t think we should criticize people (like Matthew) for the good they’re doing and all the time they’re taking to help others because there’s a chance (there’s always a chance) that a man that one of us ends up with could “destroy” and/or “murder” us. This comment reminds me strongly of the people who try to sue dating websites when they find out the guy they met on the site is a registered sex offender. Seriously? What if you met him at a bar…would you sue the bar? This isn’t license to stop using our brains.

  78. Lyla says:

    Dearest Matthew,

    I’ve been reaching for your messages as a sort of survival guide and tool when inspiration and hope of finding love runs a bit low, but you always seem to know how to rejuvenate that hopefulness inside of me.

    This video in particular touched me in a special way. I live in NYC and sometimes it is impossible to compete with the many unique beautiful women that the city has to offer. Yet, this video reminded me that though sexy and provocative might be the “hare” in the race, Integrity is the “tortoise” close behind, the one that sneaks up behind everyone and wins the heart. There is a mantra that I live by when it comes to love – without Integrity, there is no love. I lost sight of that for a while, but wanted to thank you for reminding me how powerful it is in finding the right person.

    “It’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.” Thich Nhat Hanh

    peace & love,

    • Matthew says:

      “Yet, this video reminded me that though sexy and provocative might be the “hare” in the race, Integrity is the “tortoise” close behind, the one that sneaks up behind everyone and wins the heart” I’m good with words and you still put it better than I could. Great job Lyla x

  79. Bella says:

    I am interested in a man who is a medical professional, good looking and a confirmed bachelor. We have met ONLY online.. We live at a distance from each other and we want to meet up. He seems like the player type. I’m not sure what to do. I want to meet him but I want more than a “WILD WEEKEND” What are your thoughts? Could you give me some advice? Thanks so much Matthew! :)

    • Matthew says:

      My thoughts: Meet him for a FUN weekend, and save the wild for later when he shows you he’s interested in taking it further than just sex and you have a bond with him. Doesn’t mean you can’t be intimate, but just don’t give him the whole package ; ) x (quick tip: When a guy knows the best is yet to come, he aint going anywhere)

  80. Lorella says:

    Hi Matt,

    I didn’t find paul offensive at all. In fact I thought he was quite logical and well, male! If I was a male I’d probably be like him too! He was interesting and seems like a guy I could have a conversation with. (Not many guys like that either!)

    You mention in your video that women need to attend to the needs of guys. Fair enough and thank you for the insights you give into the male psyche, they are very interesting. But you see, I often believe that is is the MAN who has to attend to the needs of the woman first. In fact, I think this is how I tend to face a potential love partner (for want of a better word!) If he enjoys attending to my needs and I enjoy attending to his needs – then bingo, the relationship might work out.

    Do you see?

    Keep up the good work and take it easy.

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Lorella, I couldn’t agree more. I think both men and women have to show their potential to meet each others needs simultaneously. I think the problem is in most case neither party is doing that!

      Thanks for a great comment! x

      • Lorella says:

        Indeed. And i agree with you in that sometimes neither is attending to the needs of either. So, I just walk on through life with high value in myself and feeling great. Hopefully this will rub off on Mr Right one day :) And vice versa.

    • lesley seager says:

      Hi ladies/Mathew,

      I look forward to seeing some of you there on Thursday.

      The only thing that shocked me about the above interview was the deceit about the drinking. It was so cold and calculating. It wasn’t just that he went out of his way to make a woman vulnerable and less capable of making clear decisions, it was the fact that he seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable.

      Other than that, I remind myself regularly that men have twenty times more testosterone flowing through their body than we do, so everything else was no surprise. They’re bound to have a completely different agenda.

      However, as I’ve got older and socialised with older women, I have seen the effect that a sudden erg to have a baby has on some women. The stories I’ve heard and the lengths some of them go to make me shudder. Both men and women are influenced by hormones in different ways and even though I completely disagree with the actions some women take, I can’t help hoping that the recipients are some unfortunate players.

      I believe that if a relationship were meant to be, then it would be. Every relationship I’ve ever had has taught me something about myself. And ladies, we have more than one soul mate. Finding them is my problem.

      many thanks Lesley : )

  81. lichee says:

    I am heart broken by this player type of man who is however so gorgeous, brilliant, humorous, fun, and loving (well, too much to give for only one woman).
    I consider myself a attractive, kind, intelligent, and fun person too. His way of behavior hurt me traumatically; but because of some misunderstanding, he messaged me to inform me that I shall never contact him because I were dead to him.
    I gave him so much and all I have done was to love him. I need help! This hurt soooo much that I feel like I am actually dead; or I sometimes wish I were…

    Love your video and your awesome mother.

    • Matthew says:

      Lichee, I don’t know what happened with you and the guy, but it doesn’t sound like a positive place to be. I think you should give yourself the space to get strong again and then see if you still really believe he meets the standards you expect. And by the way, that doesn’t just mean how gorgeous, funny, brilliant, fun, loving he is – what really matters is whether he uses these traits to make your life better. If he doesn’t then he can be a model of perfection but it doesn’t make him good for you.


  82. laila says:

    that is a really good point, I’m in a relationship right now and what I have learned in a few years is that men are no different from girls, we all want deep connection and add value to our lives, once we past beyond the conditioning we are told we have, there is nothing but filling out our needs and is up to us (girls) to decide what we really want from a guy and from a relationship and what we really want to give too. hi from Mexico excuse my poor writing :)

    • Matthew says:

      Your writing is perfect! I love your line about deciding what you really want from a guy and what you really want to give. Doesn’t get any more important than that. If you’re already applying this to your relationship then it deserves to be a great one. Thanks Laila x

  83. lisa says:

    I found this video rather interesting. My twenty year old daughter and I had this talk today about women whom dress less. (provocatively) will not be taken seriously. More clothes more serious. There will be others whom will disagree and that’s fine but recently I read an article that women that do this (dress in this manner, jump into bed) it lessens their self esteem once it is over. But this proves true with what this guy says. I am married (over 20 years) and have single guys coming after me and I don’t even WANT this attention…. even my husband says I bring something to the relationship… all relationships of whom I befriend….even today he says he is proud of me. I love making people successful!! It is such high light for me!

    Three things I have found men love:

    1. smiles
    2. listening attentively
    3. dressing femininely

    • Matthew says:

      WOW, you’re a pro! This line is especially important: ” I love making people successful!! It is such high light for me!” What an amazing attitude. Your husband is very fortunate to have you x

  84. Kami says:

    Hi Matt!

    Even tho this guy was expressing himself in cynical and offensive ways I get his point. That women are after all human beings. Equally as men. And its men’s owns insecurities that stop them from approaching or even considering themselves dating a woman. As it is the other way around too. The point being that we are all human.

    I think that If we all would think that everyone is worth equally as much as the next person, not more or less but equally, no-one would have trouble talking to or romancing anyone.

    And it sounds very interesting what you said about bringing value to his life. I wish you to explain more about that. Which I’m sure you will in the announcement tho. You’ve been teasing us along time now Matthew! hehe

    Looking forward to it and also the hour long interview. I believe there is something to learn from that guy. I found him intriguing and a bit scary. But mostly I was scared of was his attitude. He seamed too calculating.
    Anyway! Have a great week! :) I will!

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Kami,
      That’s why I was so keen to interview him. I knew that it would offend some people, but I also knew it would bring extreme value. His interview was so great I can’t tell you. I’m so excited for people to hear it, because so far not one woman has been able to listen to it apart from the women on my team. I used a couple of women on the GTG team as test dummies for it and they LOVED it, they said they couldn’t wait to see how women are going to react to it. One of my team said they’d listened to it 3 times already!
      Stay tuned for thursday, and thanks for coming back to my blog! x

      • Kami says:

        Yes It sounds very interesting! Even tho truth can come harshly, there are things to take notice upon and harnish… (excuse my english, its not my native toung)
        And my pleasure! How could I not with all the great material you put out and the knowledge you share! :)

  85. Christine says:

    an online program sounds great! I’ve been watching your videos and definitely have been very helpful. :)

  86. stephanie says:

    hey matthew! im so exited about thursday! i live in mexico so you most know how impossible it has been for me to go to the live shows… so thursday any time of the day i tune in here right? thanks for this effort you are making for us, and by the way loved the video! your mom bloopers were so cute :) anyway have an amazing week

    • Matthew says:

      Yes Stephanie, just tune in thursday!!! My mum doesn’t know those made it into the video, but she’ll just be happy she wasn’t on camera, she runs out of the room every time the camera is on haha x

  87. Vanessa says:

    I loved the clip you used and your blog post today. Is what Paul said that shocking to me? Well, No actually it isn’t, the guy is good looking and plays his hand well….it seems obvious to me that women will fall for him and also some women who would be validated by him talking to and sleeping with them….I am interested in hearing what the rest of the interview sounds like as when I have really tried to understand him I think I know what will be coming next and I really need to know if I am right…(haha Typical woman!) thanks Matthew

    • Matthew says:

      Great attitude to have Vanessa! It’s all on it’s way… x

      • Vanessa says:

        Why Thank you Sir!!!

        Also “I’ve had sex in the back of a new york city cab and the guy reached back and touched her….so they get their jolly’s too..” Ummmmm…..I laughed initally, I do want to know if the female in question removed this random hand, I am more concerned by the cab driver than Paul!

        • Matthew says:

          hahaha when i first heard that I thought the same thing

          • Vanessa says:

            Well you know what they say about great minds……..they should date…..haha :-) x

          • Matthew says:

            hahaha love that! I might start building a collection of great things that women on my blog say! x

          • Vanessa says:

            I guess the question is, are you intrigued? Do you fancy a date despite the fact you have never met me? I bet all who are reading this are wondering if my jokey but direct approach works at all? Vx

          • Vanessa says:

            Urmmm….Clearly Not! haha

  88. Abhi CA says:

    Dr Phil loves to create drama, so obviously he will portray the guy as ‘devil’…I am really tiered of seeing men being bashed for simply being who they are, we live in culture which is emasculating to men and degrading to women. Women are looking for attention and using sex to get the attention, and when the guy moves to on, girls are going into the ‘victim after the fact’ mode. I am glad you interviewed him, this would be interesting piece to listen to, and thank you for all the awesome work you do Matthew!

  89. Kamila says:

    Hey Matthew,

    I watched all 3 of the videos and am not offended at all by anything Paul said. I completely agree with the guy, a girl can’t expect to get a serious relationship from a guy she met at Starbucks, then slept with 10 minutes later.

    Also, when talking about going from being a player to being in a committed relationship, what you said is true. BOTH people in the relationship need to keep it exciting and fresh, when things begin to be too predicable and turn too much into a routine, that’s when people get bored and start looking for new things that will being them excitement (and usually cheat).

    Good videos Matthew, when are you coming to Toronto?
    Thanks xox

    P.S. The background music in the interview video, wasn’t very background-ish, it was a little distracting and taking away from what he was saying

    • Matthew says:

      hey Kamila! Not sure if i’ll be in Toronto any time soon, in Ottawa today though (although not running an event)! x

  90. Tania says:

    Great blog post, also the fragment of interview didn’t shock me but really confirmed my own behavior sometimes… This is the easiest way of course but as this guy said – the victory is short-term. I find myself confused sometimes – how to keep that fragile line between this sexual flirtation and sexy elegance… Sometimes very difficult…
    I would like to see more posts like this.
    If I will be able to subscribe to whatever comes on 7th June, I’ll do it. Depends on how much it will be. Will be waiting impatiently…

    • Matthew says:

      “Will be waiting impatiently…” haha, you’re going to love it. Will do my best to keep these posts coming, I love how much people are enjoying them! Thanks Tania x

  91. Carol says:

    It seems to me you are an expert regarding the psychology of how the male and female minds work, in relationship to each other.
    But I don’t think I have ever heard you address the role which one’s core values, or religious beliefs, or basic ethics about how a life should be lived, will impact the long term fidelity of a relationship.
    I was in a very disappointing and painful marriage for years. I was never once unfaithful, and don’t think my ex was either, because of our religuous beliefs.
    I would love to hear your ideas about this. I don’t think fidelity is entirely psychological.
    And now, I have my freedom and I really do enjoy and benefit from all your advice. I hope to find a husband, and your ideas are spot on in so many ways.
    For the record I would never give a “player” a second chance. I would never go into a relationship with a man who has slept with so many women that his memories of them are just their anatomy.
    That, as you say in your e-book, is a REAL TURN OFF. A permanent one!
    Take care.

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Carol. I think you make a really valid point about background, religion, culture etc. It’s something I address in my life programmes when it is brought up but haven’t really had the scope to in my blogs. But since you raised it I’ll do my best to cover it in coming weeks.

      The truth is we all have different standards for what we will and won’t accept. There is no right and wrong objectively speaking, just what is right and wrong for us. I.e. I don’t think it’s wrong for someone to sleep with 100 people, but it may be wrong for US if that goes against certain believes we have. Ultimately it’s about finding someone who’s standards for how they live their life match your own in the most important areas, and in the other areas they are as close as they can be. The important step is having a good strategy for finding that person so that we don’t waste time on tons of people whose standards/beliefs don’t match our own.

      Thanks for your very thoughtful comment x

  92. Natalie says:

    Thank you so much Matthew, This was a great video, really insightful!

    I’m just wondering, the stuff that’s coming out on Thursday, will it have information suitable for 16 year olds or so? x

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Natalie! In content it will absolutely be useful, just don’t steal your parents card to pay for it, I don’t need an angry dad on my case! thanks for following, and keep coming back even if you can’t make it happen on thursday x

  93. Aurora says:

    Amazing! I can’t wait to hear the whole interview and I think is gonna help lots hearing his point of view and go deep on the topic and yo should do a little advice video of Long DIstance RElationships :-)


  94. Anna says:

    Hi Matthew,

    As the first video was going I couldn’t help but smile the whole time.
    Here’s why: As I was a teenager I had my moments when I would talk to my big brother and I would explain him that there were no boys interested in me as a girl, that they all saw me as a nice friend, because I was the girl who wore jeans and t-shirts instead of short skirts and tons of make up. I also thought it was because I never got drunk and I wouldn’t smoke even if the “hot guy” offered my a cigarrete.
    And my brother kept telling me that boys may like the other girls at that age (as teenagers or in their twenties, I guess) but that they would never see those girls as a long term girlfriend, the one you get serious with and maybe even marry.
    I did pay attencion to my brother and I did not change who I was back then.
    My point is that there are all these girls out there without a big brother like mine to tell them these things, to give them the advise you do give. Like some of my girlfriends, to whom I send all your videos (and they are all so thankful for the point of view you give them !!)
    I wanted to thak you for that.
    And also for an AMAZING blog and GREAT videos.

    Sooooo excieted about June 7th, can’t wait !!!

    Lots and Lots of Love

    • Matthew says:

      Ahhh thanks Anna that’s so sweet. Give your brother my regards for being a pro at an early age ; ), he sounds like a great brother. x

  95. Lin says:

    What’s sad is that any woman would even want a guy like that. He’s my idea of a low value guy… not worth even a minute of my time or effort.

    • Matthew says:

      I know what you are saying Lin, but we should also acknowledge the reality that the need for variety, excitement etc are present in every man, not just the extreme player. Sometimes looking at extreme cases helps us deal with everyday situations with the people we do want. Thanks for your comment! x

  96. Kathryn Gray says:

    Wow, as others have said, I think you must be psychic! The day I got asked out on a date by a guy I’d been thinking was out of my league you sent out the ‘Are You Pretty Enough’ video. Spooky because thats exactly how I was feeling. Now, having found out today he is a total player you post this video. Right now I’m a dabbler because I’m unemployed and can’t afford to be any more than that, but my word when I’m back in employment things will change! In the meantime, I’m takign small steps and kinda just enjoying watching my friends’ reactions to the changes I make. Thank you!

    • Matthew says:

      Hey Kathryn, I guess so far i’ve just been good at predicting what you want! Thanks for coming back to the site on a regular basis. It doesn’t matter that you can’t afford to do something right now, it just matters that you are taking action. Thanks for all your support x

      • Kathryn Gray says:

        I said ‘no’ to my player, he was most unhappy about it but I stuck to my guns. haven’t heard from him since, which, in my new world is a good thing because I’m worth more than he can give, so his loss!

        • Matthew says:

          Yehhhh girl! lol love it x

          • Kathryn Gray says:

            Matthew, before I found your website I wouldn’t even have dared look at a man like that, let alone approach him! So major result (even if he did turn out to be a player), you should have seen his face when I left him in the middle of town stood like a prat because he refused to take ‘no’ for an answer! Small steps, but the right ones :-)

          • Matthew says:

            Great stuff : )x

        • Nadine says:

          choice mate!

  97. Nawreen says:

    Hey Matt
    I love how you added the blooper about your mom, I waited to see a glimpse of your mom but didn’t happen :(. I like your videos, blogs and I have read your e book etc. Although it is a bit difficult to get a hold of things from here Canada, ( wi bit expensive sometimes :D you know dollars value is a bit less,) I wish if you had something for us students :D. But never the less I will check your advice and inputs as much I can afford to :).


    • Matthew says:

      Hey Nawreen! Thanks so much : ). I’m in Canada write now as I write this (Ottawa), then on to LA this week. Check back in on Thursday because I have a solution to your long distance problem! x

      • Sarah says:

        Oh my goodness, you’re coming to LA? Let’s meet up for coffee!! Haha. Actually it would be nice to get a conversation with you about some of these issues. I think our society has now become one of instant gratification with egocentric attitudes running rampant. I think its becoming increasingly difficult to navigate through this world holding ourselves upright and valuing our worth and this has permeated on to every aspect of our lives even our love lives. Leave it to me to turn a simple thing into some philosophical!! Haha!! The guy presented here shows a classic example of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”

      • Tiffany says:

        You’re in Ottawa? Boo! You should be visiting Toronto and doing a seminar here! Either way I’m looking forward to Thursday, I can’t wait!

        By the way, thank you for all that you do.
        I must say, I’m pretty content with my single life (heck, I am only 22), but watching your videos preps me for the day that I’ll be able to walk out in confidence and say “Hello relationship world! I’m ready for you!”

  98. Davina says:

    Are you reading my mind?

    I was just thinking if this was possible. Thanks. Very informative. xo

  99. Lourdes Valencia says:

    Please, put this video before the day ends…because I have an event who the guy I want is going too, and I’m right now sad about how “change” with me these days lately, so I just want to make sure how to react right at that moment.

    Thank you again, I’m exciting about this topic.


    • Matthew says:

      Hey Lourdes, you’ll be able to access all of it on thursday, can’t release before then unfortunately due to the way we’ve scheduled everything. You’ll be fine at the event, just focus on enjoying yourself, nothing drastic is going to happen in one night if you don’t want it to! x

  100. Laurie says:

    Hey Matthew

    I honestly wasn’t too upset by the things Paul said – it seemed kind of logical to me, I think I got what he was trying to say at the end as the camera was showing the most shocked faces! The only thing that was kind of skeezy to me was the counting.

    But wow! I’ve never thought of it that way before about adding value to his life. Thank you so much, it has instantly explained and cleared a lot of hurt and confusion about a previous situation, and I’ll keep it in mind for the guy that I am currently secretly harboring for.

    Watching this, I’m sorry to say I think I’m a dabbler! I prefer to drop in, take what I need and then get out there without putting everything else on hold. But know that the things I take away have helped me so much.

    Good luck for Thursday! Mental high five – I can’t understand why you’re not a huge deal yet! :)


    • Matthew says:

      Love how in tune you are with things Laurie! Some people I know are going to have an immediate emotional reaction to it, but it’s really cool how you saw the message and not the tone.

      Big hive five back!! x

      • Stella says:

        Hi Matt, this is Stella from Italy. I do really like what you say in your videos and was very relieved when reading your last email from the newsletter where you wrote about the fact that a player always remains a player, not worth to spend time in trying and change him. But now that I have seen this video I am a bit confused. Can you explain better if it’s worth to deal with such a type of man?
        Thanks for everything,


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