(Photo: Education Dynamics)
You know you’re in The Maybe Zone when friends repeatedly see you with a guy and ask inquiringly: “Are you guys a couple?”
And your response is to shrug your shoulders and say: “I’m not sure really”, or secretly to yourself, “I’d like to be!”
Within The Maybe Zone there are typically two big traps.
There is the Friend Trap (also dubbed ‘The Friend Zone’, though the term has become controversial), and there is the Friends-With-Benefits Trap (sometimes called the ‘F-buddy’ Zone).
Someone only counts as being in The Maybe Zone if they secretly, or explicitly, desire a relationship with the person in question, but remain frustrated in their efforts.
Let’s explain both of these traps individually and why different kinds of people fall into them.
The Friend Trap
The Friend Trap is an old familiar favourite. It’s commonly seen as something that afflicts men, but 10 years of coaching has taught me that it happens to plenty of women as well.
The Friend Trap is when you like someone, you both get along like best buddies, except…that’s it. Nothing sexual EVER happens. It’s like one endless promise of hope over the horizon, where you think something could possibly-maybe-just happen one day, but every time you feel like you’re getting close they bat off any romantic advances and leave you pining for them when they’re not around.
It’s like being on a perpetual first date that’s going really well but the guy never goes in for the kiss, (even though he would totally score if he did).
It gets frustrating. You can tell he loves being around you and hanging out, hell, he may even hug you now and then like a boyfriend, but he never initiates anything more physical. Is he just incompetent? Shy? That’s possible, but even incompetent shy guys take the hint eventually and can manage to guide their lips toward yours.
What’s more likely is that he does truly enjoy being around you, and possibly does even love your personality to some degree, but he doesn’t have enough deep attraction.
Imagine the following simple formula for attraction:
Deep Attraction = Sexual Chemistry + Connection + Respect
A guy you’re friends with can have all the Connection and Respect in the world for you, but without Sexual Chemistry, he’s not going to be able to feel real attraction for you.
Annoying right? It’s probably a bit annoying for them too. A lot of men and women wish they felt sexual attraction for someone they are great buddies with. It would be an ideal scenario. But neither he, nor you, nor anyone else can force sexual chemistry if someone else just doesn’t feel it.
The onus is on you here to put distance between you so you can finally move on. Especially if you’re waiting around for a guy who actually enjoys the validation of the Friend Trap and stay there on purpose, enjoying your attention but never really making a move.
Screw that. Save your time. Save your emotional energy. Set yourself free and look for someone who reciprocates the love you have to give.
The Friends-With-Benefits Trap
The Friends-With-Benefits Trap happens when you are having sex (or some sexual activity) with a guy, and although you want him to be your boyfriend he never wants to commit.
At first you think he has issues with commitment, but then maybe you realise you’ve seen him with a girlfriend before.
He calls and texts you like you’re his girlfriend sometimes, but he only wants to meet when it’s convenient for him. He never wants a proper date and every time you bring up any relationship conversation he reminds you he’s “just having fun”.
Let’s go back to our formula we just used: Deep Attraction = Sexual Chemistry + Connection + Respect
Now in this case, unlike the Friend Trap, the guy clearly has Sexual Chemistry with you. But somewhere your relationship is lacking in either Connection or Respect.
Some women will be tempted to think that Respect is linked to them having a sexual relationship with him too soon, but that’s not true. Respect isn’t inherently linked to sex, and unless he has a very antiquated and out-dated mentality, he’s not going to judge you for having sex with him outside a relationship. Respect in this scenario is linked to other things. In the Get The Guy book Matt and I used the term ‘Perceived Value’ which might be a better way to think of Connection and Respect in this context.
Perceived Value can be linked to many things.
It can be:
- Whether he feels like you care about the same things he does (i.e. family, career, health)
- Whether he feels he could picture himself in a relationship with you (i.e. do you have habits that bother him? Or a lifestyle/friends that he wants to be a part of?)
- Whether you connect on an intellectual level (yes, men care about this. Everyone with a brain does).
- Whether he likes your character
- Whether you have the same vision for the future
These are just a few things that will cross someone’s mind (men AND women) when they think about a relationship, and if they doesn’t imagine them happening then he’ll place you in the Friends-With-Benefits Zone. It’s the place where he likes you, he’s attracted to you, but he doesn’t feel enough pull to see something more serious happening in the long-term.
How To Deal With Guys Who Put You In The Maybe Zone
The first thing to remember is that it doesn’t make someone a bad person just because they don’t want a relationship. Much of the issue simply comes down to compatibility.
Likewise, with the Friends Trap, just because he’s not into you physically doesn’t make him a jerk. What does make him a jerk in either circumstance is if he strings you along without ever making his true intentions (or non-intentions) clear.
The trick in handling this situation is twofold:
(1) Don’t be too judgmental in either situation (unless he willingly deceives you and pretends he wants something else). Just recognise it for what it is and spot the signs of a guy not moving anything forward either emotionally or physically.
(2) Begin to create immediate physical and emotional distance.
Is there a way to get out of these traps and still get into a relationship with the same guy? SOMETIMES.
But here’s the problem. Once someone has a fixed opinion of you, it can be difficult to change it.
In the case of the Friend Trap: The preferred option should always be to put distance between you. You can still be nice to him, but you can also be totally honest and say “I have feelings for you, and need to put some distance between us in order to stay friends”. If he’s really a friend, at this point, he’ll understand.
Or if that seems way too dramatic, just stop putting yourself in any one-on-one scenarios with him altogether. E.g. no sitting at home together watching movies, no more ‘buddy-dates’ where you both go for dinner together and hang out all night. Make it a rule to only see him in the company of others, or not at all.
It will feel hard when you like the guy, but believe me, it’s much easier than wasting a year or longer pining over him when he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you.
Remember, just because one guy isn’t attracted to you, does NOT mean you are unattractive. He’s one guy, there are others. And the longer you pine after one person who isn’t interested, the longer you’re missing out on an amazing guy who would be a model boyfriend if you were only available for him to find you.
Moreover, it’s always your own responsibility to remove yourself from the Friend Trap. Even if he’s clearly loving the attention and enjoys being ‘buddies’ with you: if you’re the one getting hurt emotionally, it’s up to you to notice this and remove yourself from the situation without being bitter. It’s up to you after that to decide if the friendship is really worth keeping.
In the case of the Friends-With-Benefits Trap: You have slightly more chance of winning him over here since at least here you’re beginning with sexual attraction, which is obviously crucial before any kind of romantic relationship can occur.
But here’s the thing.
Once a guy has made up his mind, or told you he doesn’t want to commit at all, it’s always, ALWAYS best to take him totally on his word. Otherwise, even if you end up getting a guy to sleepwalk into a semi-relationship for six months, he can easily turn around and break it off all of a sudden when he freaks out and realizes things have gotten too serious for him.
Your priority and ultimate mindset should always be: “I don’t want to waste time with guys who aren’t already sure they’re crazy about me”.
You don’t want to convince a guy to want a relationship with you. If he gives you ‘the talk’ where he says how he just wants to be single and have fun, just smile and say “that’s cool”. Then withdraw. Not coldly, not spitefully, but just in a relaxed way. Show him your standards in that moment. You want to withdraw affection in a way that says: “that’s cool. But that’s not what I want. I need someone who wants more commitment right now.”
A guy’s respect and attraction will go up intensely in that moment just for seeing you stick to your standard.
Now go meet other guys and forget about this one. And maybe, just MAYBE, at some point down the line you might both re-connect in another place and time and he’ll wonder why you didn’t ever get together (but again, don’t bank on this happening, it only may happen, but the point is, you do NOT need it to).
If he never calls again, no harm done. You’ve spared your time and your affection for guys who are worth both.
Remember, both the Friend Trap and the Friends-With-Benefits Trap aren’t like your regular trap. You can open your eyes, see the writing on the wall, and walk away at any time.
The Maybe trap can be seductive, but it only exists so long as you choose to remain within it.
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I have a relationship with a player for a long time & we have a daughter. Do all your techniques of getting a man to commit apply to a player?
I told him that I have started to include him in my present & future plans. I asked him if that is acceptable to him to which he replied yes! Is this a good sign? Telltale indication of a commitment?
Thank you!
My situation is not a typical one. So I was married 12 yrs have 4 beautiful kids.then Divorced . Single few yrs.
Then I met this man. I was drawn to him two yrs 6 months ago. Wow!!! So finaly after 4 months we met and hung out. Connect right then. Dated 3 months before we slept together. It was amazing. He then came to me next day freaking out. I can’t do a relationship. I said well I enjoyed the time I’m ok w just hanging out for now. Then after a yr I said this whole friend w benefits thing isn’t working for me. I care for u. Every few months he would pull away. he always came back after a day or 3. It’s now 2 yrs 4 months we’ve been dating/Benifiting. When he drinks a little he’s affectionate. And I’m his lady. Everyone one around and friends know we’re tofether. But he hasn’t ever had a serious relationship. No kids no marriage obviously. And no kids he’s 35 and I’m 38 1/2. I know he loves me and I love him. But I don’t want to wasthe my time. He still keeps me distant in some ways . His mom don’t like me cause she’s Hispanic and I’m white . No reason no to like me but . So I don’t know if I should just slowly pull away. I want only him and he’s a very faithful man. But he says he doesn’t want to ever marry and I feel like i keep trying to b more then what he may ever want. I have been married 2 times and I took a break for 2 yrs then met this wonderful man. But when is enough enough. If I give him an altermatume he would walk away. I claim him as my boyfriend and I have told ppl and he has introduced me as his girlfriend but I don’t want him to just do it. I want more someone to shout I love this woman and she’s w me.
I went throught this with a guy named Chandler on and off two years. He hurt me every chance he got. Plus I allowed him to be that way which is pitiful for me. After awhile I got tired and left him behind when I moved. It was the best thing for me. If he wanted to be with me today, he wouldn’t have a chance. Same thing with my high school friend. I’m just so over him altogether. Idk we’ve never seen eye to eye. They treated other women better than me. I’m the one they did however they wanted. I was too nice to them. I pay my bills by myself, so no I won’t be entertaining not one man who can’t be there for me as a friend and reliable support. The last four guys I’ve dealt with have been a bust…no I didn’t deal with them at the same time I don’t do that. One ex was actually kind enough to learn about me. He was a good guy for the most part, but you know people change when they begin to lose weight. I was a tad older than him and people were in his ear. All I did was love him, but love never wins. We just stared at each other like we knew we wanted to be together, but it’s whatever. One ex did something so despicable I hope he pays for it someday. I just feel it’s not worth it…just focusing on work and school staying out the way don’t want to get used again. I have all of these wonderful attributes, but I must pick guys on a bad day…
I have been friend zoned by a guy who was very intimate emotionally with me. He told me he saw me as a friend when I told him I had feelings for him. I have become distant but now he keeps chasing me. He says things like “I will
Not alow u to walk out of my life” , “you are forbidden to be angry or upset with me” , he keeps sending me his pics (as he is on a vacation, selfies etc.”
I reply politely but my reaponses are short one liners.
But I don’t get this what does he want.
That, I must say, is a very good and peaceful mind-set to have. Thank you for highlighting the fact that sometimes, we have done all the right things but the person is just not in tune to respond as we would like them to. Relief… ;)
Here’s a question for you! When my fiancé and I first met we were friends for 5 years then it became friends with benefits then a head over heals relationship was absolutely amazing!! He was diagnosed with a brain tumour and passed away… Threw the difficult time one of my neighbours and a girl he “was” seeing helped me through the heartache, he went above and beyond!! Threw out the months we had become very close made dinners together, spent all night together watching movies, we went everywhere together people actually thought we were a couple but we both would giggle and say we are best friends! Him and his girlfriend broke up (not because of our relationship) but for other reasons. Our relationship got even deeper we talked about everything and I mean everything! We tell each other all the time how much we love each other! Well one day I was sitting with a friend and they had said they can see the hurt in my eyes. So I thought about it long and hard and I decided to talk to my best friend about it. I said yes I was very hurt but not because my mother passed away and then 4 months later my fiancé passed, I mean don’t get me wrong I’ll always have that pain, but I was hurt because I had fallen head over heals for a man who has shown me how to smile and love again, but we were only best friends! He then told me he didn’t want to complicate things with sex! I told him it wasn’t about sex at all it was about love! Well after this we kinda got a bit distance he dated I dated we still talked about everything good and bad going on in our life and time to time still hung out all night watching movies! Well recently we have become closer again, he takes me out for dinner or breakfast all the time when he goes anywhere he stops in and asks if I want to go surprised me on my bday with a gift and a cake we have drinks and movie nights often and just the other day he bought me a jersey from the mall just because he knew I liked it! He calls every day to makes sure I’m doing ok! I love him to the moon and back and he says the same to me, but I feel I’m still in the friend zone only because I have someone very interested in dating me and when he comes over to visit my bestie leaves me alone not even a call till he leaves then I’m asked how things are? I’ve never been in this situation before! Do I go forward and date this other person in hopes I don’t crush my best friend cause secretly he wants to be together or do I stay where things are in hopes for something more! So confused!
I feel like I have fallen into the friends with benefit trap but rather than him telling me that he isn’t ready for a relationship blah blah hes been clear that he does want a relationship and he ‘is in it for the long haul’ etc but he just broke up with his girldfriend so says it needs to be a secret for the first little while but will get better with time. In the meantime it was just at a point where once a week when he was free he would message me and I would go round to his and we would chat and watch a film and then have sex. I told him this didn’t seem like a relationship and not really what I was looking for but he insisted that this was just for now and it would get better in a little while when it didnt have to be secret. we have been friends for a long time before this and I have really liked him for a long time but it wasn’t what I wanted and I broke it off but now I worry that I will regret this because what if he now never wants anything again and I was just impatient? should I have trusted what he said above the way he was acting? we have gone back to being normalish friends like before anything happened but I really miss the small amount of extra intimacy that I was feeling. I miss being physically close with him and knowing what he is doing and feeling. Have I made a mistake? Will he be interested in re exploring the idea of us as a relationship with time?
So I have had this best friend for 8 years. First he liked me in the beginning and I didnt like him. After a few years I started to like him back and we talked but never dated. After that we both dated other people. Then in year 7 of the friendship, we were both single again and we made out. While we were still just friends he told me he was staying away from relationships for a while, he has been hurt before. We didn’t see each other for a while and when we did see each other, I found out he had dated two girls. What have I gotten myself into?
I am in a slightly weird friendzone type situation that I am doing my head in over.
I live in a share house with some great friends of mine. I have developed some sort of feelings for a very good friend of mine in the house. We spend a lot of time together, both one on one and with our other mates. I can feel an enormous attraction and chemistry between us and I am fairly certain it isn’t one sided. We have kissed on 3 separate occasions but every time he stops it and says ‘ he loves me and values you my friendship like no other and doesn’t want to risk wrecking it by taking it any further’. We shop together, cook together, watching movies in bed together, he is quiet affectionate with me and we laugh at and with eachother a lot and there is always so much eye contact at home and when we are out in public that is drives me insane. He knows that I am extremely attracted to him and want to shag the hell out of him however he isn’t willing to risk the friendship. Obviously I am so thankful that I have a friend that cares this much about our friendship but it is slowly killing me as I am overthinking a lot of things with him. I don’t know if I am in a place to want to date him but feeling like I need to take a step back or forward to feel sane again.
Does he just genuinely love my company and friendship or is do you think he has some weird feelings for me that he can’t figure out. I don’t know whether to take a step back or just keep letting things unfold and friednship grow strong in hope that is blossoms into more.
There’s nothing you can do to “handle” him. Has it ever occurred to you ladies that not every guy is going to like you? Just like you don’t like every guy. Men are people too, with their own wants and desires. If he’s so weak you can manipulate him any way you want, you deserve each other.
They didn’t say handle “him”, but, the “situation”. I think this blog offered great strategies how to alter a situation for one’s favor. Some guys may simply not be interested, but, I think they are coming from the perspective that he is a good guy. And hopefully, when it comes down to reality about that he will be admit that.
Hi, I am a first time reader. I’m not even sure if what happened would be defined as a break up. Everything was fine between us until he suddenly blocked me on Twitter last Christmas (on Christmas Day). We never dated. It was more like that situation with that friend who you knew she has feelings for you but you didn’t like her that way.
I only just recently (last week), found out why he blocked me. A friend of mine sent me a text showing me that my ex posted on Instagram saying why he blocked me and a couple other people, and it was because of some inappropriate pictures he was receiving and he wanted to protect his pre-teen daughters from seeing the pictures, so he blocked me and some other girls. Well, the truth is that I never sent him any inappropriate pictures, in fact it was all from one girl who sent the pictures but she kept trying to include me and another girl in on the tweets with the inappropriate pictures. I felt bad that it happened and that I didn’t defend him and his kids, but I had my own thing going I just got a full time job and keeping busy with that so I had no time to get involved with that drama. Then he broke up with his fiancée at the beginning of the year. I wanted to be there for him, but I kept my distance knowing that he was still sensitive about what happened (I didn’t know the reason back then) and that no contact would be best. He was being very obvious about his heartbreak on Twitter during the summer, but I kept my distance. Next thing I know, while waiting for him to contact me, I found out in August he has a new girlfriend who is 10 years younger than me (20 years younger than him). So I’m assuming this girl is a rebound considering he wasn’t over his ex fiancée yet and I still don’t think he is over her since he is makes comments on Twitter and Instagram that should be left to private text messages (if you get my drift).
Anyways, I really love him, and I think he remembers this, but he just feels that he has to date and be with “Hollywood girls” because he is an actor. The last time we talked in person (which was 3 years ago last week) he quietly told me that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about my feelings and that he would give me a chance if things didn’t work out with his fiancée, and he thanked me for being a great friend, and being so supportive of his family and career.
Then I found out that he has been keeping in touch with me using a role playing account on Twitter and I didn’t know it was him until January.
As of a month ago, I found out why he blocked me. A friend of mine sent me a text showing me that my ex posted on Instagram saying why he blocked me and a couple other people, and it was because of some inappropriate pictures he was receiving and he wanted to protect his pre-teen daughters from seeing the pictures, so he blocked me and some other girls. Well, the truth is that I never sent him any inappropriate pictures, in fact it was all from one girl who sent the pictures but she kept trying to include me and another girl in on the tweets with the inappropriate pictures. I felt bad that it happened and that I didn’t defend him and his kids, but I had my own thing going I just got a full time job and keeping busy with that so I had no time to get involved with that drama. Then he broke up with his fiancée at the beginning of the year. I wanted to be there for him, but I kept my distance knowing that he was still sensitive about what happened (I didn’t know the reason back then) and that no contact would be best. He was being very obvious about his heartbreak on Twitter during the summer, but I kept my distance. Next thing I know, while waiting for him to contact me, I found out in August he has a new girlfriend who is 10 years younger than me (20 years younger than him). So I’m assuming this girl is a rebound considering he wasn’t over his ex fiancée yet and I still don’t think he is over her since he is makes comments on Twitter and Instagram that should be left to private text messages (if you get my drift).
Anyways, I really love him, and I think he remembers this, but he just feels that he has to date and be with “Hollywood girls” because he is an actor. The last time we talked in person (which was 3 years ago this week) he quietly told me that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about my feelings and that he would give me a chance if things didn’t work out with his fiancée, and he thanked me for being a great friend, and being so supportive of his family and career.
Then I found out that he has been keeping in touch with me using a role playing account on Twitter and I didn’t know it was him until January. I really don’t know what to do. I feel lost.
I would do what Matt always says. Show interest then set your standards and be willing to walk away.
I would take it further, if I were you though, I would push a little more. The reason I say this is because you said it’s been three years since you talked face to face. Maybe, you are being too passive, just waiting. Maybe he does just feel like he should date “Hollywood girls”. Maybe you know him better than he knows himself. Tell him what you think and move on if he doesn’t respond. Good luck.
So I need some real help. I have been working with this guy for several years. Everything has always been a flirtatious tug of war at work. Recently we spoke on the phone and have both admitted we like each other. There is always eye contact and touching. I tried to tell him I thought he wasn’t attracted to me but he insisted he was. He just didn’t want a relationship because we work so close together. I found that so hard to believe because if you really like someone anything can be possible. So we have this contant flirtation that goes on and on. He is forever single as I am too. I am truly in love with this man and I think he is wanting to move forward but never does. I am watching his body language and he is always in close proximity of me etc. should I put distance between us and if I do will I lose him? Should I show him that I have a life outside of this relationship? He seems to “call me to the carpet”for even hanging out with guys. He seems jealous! He tries to read my cell phone to see if guys text me. I’m very confused!!! Please help!!
Hi, I just thought I’d give my perspective on this post from me to you. It sounds like he’s interested… if not much more. But, from my interactions with most males is that they are logical. And logically a relationship with someone from work can be a bad idea. That said, if you really like this guy, you go be extreme and say you would quit if that would allow the two of you to date. I am not saying this ideal, but, if you said that you would at least be using logic with logic.
I really liked this blog. I thought it gave great tools to use to attempt to adjust an unwanted relationship status favorably. But, what I liked more and what I can appreciate about virtually all the blogs on here is that it appears to come from a perspective that men, usually, will have inherently good intentions towards women. I think that is a very powerful notion in itself. And, I find that perspective even more encouraging, because, it appears to come from someone that knows a lot about men and their internal workings.
This awesome.letting no one to treat u like an option or replaceable because its your choice whether to continue being treated that way or moving on
Your right I have a old friend got outta a divorce and he’s very beaten down by it ! He’s famous ok and that dosnt matter to me I always knew he was special he is kinda full of himself but there’s this sexy thing about him I know we could have a lot of fun together but he I noticed maybe isn’t as nice as I thought he never likes any of my pictures never really treats me very respectful only things get his attention if I send a nasty picture to him we dated years ago but we have slot in common he wants sex I wanta have sex with him but I’m scared I’ll get hurt?
So I’ve known this guy for about two months. It was a week until we had sex and he was affectionate and all. Well we moved to another town and now he doesn’t cuddle and no sex. Just found out yesterday that he decided a relationship isn’t in his cards because of how hectic his life is. This hurts because I like the guy and we sleep on the same bed but there is no affection. Why do I always seem to have bad luck with men?
He’s a jerk. You’re not a toy and don’t let him treat you like one. It hurts but you might be better off without him.
I know it hurts especially because us women well, We seem to put more into “SEX” than men. Like we have sex and include our “FEELINGS”. Men aren’t wired that way. But, That doesn’t make them less responsible for sending wrong signals. If it’s just sex that the person wants, WHY NOT JUST BE A TRUE PERSON AND SAY JUST THAT. Cut the BS & TELL THE TRUTH. ID RATHER YOU LET ME HAVE AN OPTION INSTEAD OF HANGING MYSELF OUT TO DRY.
It’s not bad luck, ITS CALLED UR PICKER IS F’D UP!!!!
GOOD LUCK HONEY! I wish u the very best☺️
I believe the MAYBE ZONE should be called “THE PLAYER’S ZONE”!!!!!!
I’ve never been in a situation that I “DID NOT” know what I wanted. Whether it was yes I want to be with him or No I don’t want to be with him or yes I want my cake and eat it too, I STILL KNEW WHAT I WANTED. So the Bullshit line about A man NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WANTS, IS A BUNCH OF CRAP. IF HE SAYS THAT, HE IS LYING!!!! IM ALMOST 40 years old and I’ve been married three times. 4, 6 and 10 year long marriages. They all failed Bc of cheating. Not on my part but theirs. Save yourself a broken heart and years of wasted time by moving on. YOU CANT & WONT CHANGE A MAN. THIS GOES FOR ANY SEX, THE OTHER PARTNER IS EITHER IN OR THEYRE OUT….. YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW, BUT THEY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trust me;)
Do you have tips to get over someone whom you like, but you know don’t have the feelings for you? As you said, you can’t force the chemistry. If he doesn’t feel it, he simply doesn’t.
Problem is, I still like him and seems to be creating hoops of challenges to get him to see me. While I know that’s bad, I just can’t let go. What should I do?
I really like him. I talk to him very often, when we are alone I feel that he is not really interested and he is always very tired it can be because he calls at 10:00 PM. He does not want a relationship because he does not like to need approval or permission from another person, he does not like boring conversations that begin with a “hello.” It was fun and interesting to know each other’s point of view about this, I want you to know that I am open to a relationship with him. ¿How do I know if he is interested in me, but I do not want to risk our friendship or I must give up, should I give him space and time to get to know me more? … We never went out together, we have not seen each other in a long time, I invited him to a movie, he did not arrive. We both tried to go out together, but it seems that one of us is not available. He is interested or curious at least? I always start the conversations and he’s the one who calls almost every time, he said he hates text messages that he prefer to call or meet in person (I got that one, I’m going to call sometime). I’m going crazy because he doesn’t want a relationship. I want him to do something special this Sunday (because it’s my birthday) but I’m scared he is not going remember … On April 1st, my brother and all his friends, including him, are going to a party so I’ll be alone on my birthday, they are returning home late. Help me!
I’ve never been in the friend zone because just when he’s trying to friend zone me I shut him down I cut all ties with the guy because a girl like me won’t tolerate being just friends
I’m a girl reading this, I fall into the category of the one who does the friend zoning. This is more of a female trait than a male. Men usually don’t friend zone women it’s mostly with women who do this regarding men who have the same interests as the women and that’s virtually it.
Reading this, reminded me A LOT of myself, I just swapped “he” for “she” and “girlfriend” into “boyfriend.”
I genderswapped this article. It just makes SO much more sense. I’ve NEVER run into men who friend zone women. Not saying it doesn’t happen, it’s just on average, a female trait.
I move one. I’ve met guys I’ve been attracted to sexually and they are either not interested in me or are already in a relationship. So, I move on. There’s someone better out there for me.
Sexual attraction is what I struggle with and at one point, had forced to make a relationship that should of never happened happen. It ended in tears for both him and me. Great guy, but other than that, I had no sexual attraction to him and that could not be helped.
I’ve met so many great guys, intelligent, and funny, but had no sexual attraction to any of them. I’m glad this article exists. It taught me a lot about myself and how I’m perceived.
It’s not good. It’s not a good feeling. No physical chemistry. That’s how older folks say “sexual attraction” in a more formal way.
I meet guys, they come and go, they want more from more usually a friend with benefits. That’s the woe of being a cute tomboy. Being like one of the guys except this dude has a vagina.
I try to never take advantage of male friends especially if they have feelings for me. I make it quite clear to them that I want them only as friends. And I tell them that I don’t want to hurt them and if they feel strongly enough that it “hurts to be around” me, I tell them that at any point as kind and as respectfully as possible, that they should end the friendship with me and that it’s all right.
Emotions can’t be forced. I learned this the hard way. It’s frustrating. I want to love the guy as he loves me, I got into a relationship with him hoping a sexual attraction to him would form since he felt so sexually attracted to me but no, it never happened. It ended in heartbreak and loss of friendship over time.
The thing both men and women need to learn is to move on from that person. There’s someone always better than the last who is waiting for you.
I feel this strongly for myself. :)