Why You’re NOT Having That Important Conversation…

I want to know: Are you really brave enough to have the difficult conversations in your relationships?

Most people aren’t.

In this video, you’ll see exactly why it’s so damaging to hide from difficult conversations, and learn how to finally have the talk you desperately need…

“Tale of 3 Speeches” By Matthew Hussey

Matthew on stage: And she’s here tonight, and she’s sort of a legend. I would like to present to you the wonderful, the adorable, the intelligent, Dr. Ruth.

(Crowing cheering and applauding as Dr. Ruth walks on stage).

Jameson to Matthew in car: What’s the main difference between a speech for a corporation versus a speech for, I don’t know, public?

Matthew: Well, the public, when they come to a speech, generally they want to be there, because they bought a ticket, whereas for a corporation, there’s no guarantee that the people coming want to be there. But you’ve got to deliver. Like, people are going to switch off if you don’t.

Matthew speaking at a leadership event: I think that we all have to get better at having more honest conversations with each other. I deal with this in dating all the time. One of the biggest problems that I experienced with my customers is that they will start dating someone and six months in, complain to me about issues that they’re having with someone, boundary issues, problems with the way they’re acting, whether it’s jealousy, whether this person doesn’t respect them enough, whether this person is super flaky and not trying, whatever it is. They’re experiencing problems that are problems because they didn’t have conversations earlier, because they didn’t talk. And why didn’t they have conversations earlier? Because none of us like awkward conversations, we don’t like difficult conversations, and we certainly don’t like asking questions where we’re afraid of the answers. Big or small, who do I need to have a conversation with, this week? Not next week, not a month from now. Who do I need to have a conversation with this week, about something that I want to improve? And you don’t even have to make it about them. You can make it about your standard. You can make it about the company’s standard. “You know, listen, I think you’re going to do better if … This is the way we do things here. I think things are going to go better if you can do it like this. Nothing personal. What you do yourself or what you do with your own stuff is fine, but while you’re here, here’s something I think is really going to help you. Can we try it?”  What can I do to give someone a better chance of succeeding? Because here’s what I want to make sure. At the point where a relationship really breaks down, I don’t want it to be because of my lack of honesty, I want it to be because of their lack of ability to respond.

Leadership Guest: I just want to say I heard you from Z100, so this is great.

Matthew: Oh Amazing!

Leadership Guest: It was really good. It was like oh my god.

Matthew Thank you so much.

Leadership Guest:  It was really, really good.

Matthew: Thanks for coming and spending the time.

Leadership Guest:  Yeah, of course.

Leadership Guest #2: I also wanted to thank you. I actually read a lot of your advice when I was single, and I followed your advice, and now I’m married.

Matthew: Hey, congratulations!

Leadership Guest #2: Thank you so much. I think you’re really great.

Mathew: Thank you.

Leadership Guest #2: I loved your personal experiences, and thank you so much for sharing.

Matthew: Thank you.

That afternoon..Jameson and Matthew driving in car…

Jameson: Are you nervous about the speech for teenagers?

Matthew: No, I wouldn’t say nervous. Just, I’m aware of being unprepared, and I don’t mean unprepared in my own content. I just mean this is the first of its kind, so …

Matthew backstage at event: So the idea behind this is that we have like 30 people here before the big event tonight, and these are teenagers who want help, not just in their love lives, because it’s not about promoting dating as a teenager. It’s about confidence, and empowerment, and making them young, strong women who know how to take on the challenges that they’re facing. So I think it’s going to be amazing. I think I’m going to learn a ton.

Matthew Hussey on stage at Youth Event:

Teen: So, I’m kind of like a quiet person, but at the same time, I like doing stuff. Like, I’m a quiet extrovert, I guess you could say.

Matthew: Yeah, that’s interesting. Yeah.

Teen: Yeah. So, I guess people, like they take me for someone who would keep to themselves, but I’m the opposite. I like being around big groups, but I’m just the quiet one in the group.

Matthew: Oh, super interesting.

Teen: Yeah. So it’s hard for me to meet new people or get to know new people, because I’m just quiet, so do you have any advice for that, I guess?

Matthew: Yeah, what a great question. Firstly, that’s a really great level of self-awareness. I think that in a way, sometimes just explaining more about yourself to people helps. What you just did with me, right, was this really cool, like vulnerable moment, and people really enjoy vulnerability in other people. When we’re more honest about ourselves, firstly we rid them of any power, because it’s kind of like if I come to you guys today, and I’m like, “I really hope you guys feel like there’s some value you’re going to take from this today, because secretly, I find you guys more scary than I find the 800 grown women that are coming to see me tonight,” it’s a vulnerable moment, and you feel like you’re a little closer to me as a result, and you might be a bit more open with me in return, because I’ve been open with you, and so that builds relationships. And very often, we don’t say those things that actually would make us more human to other people. So I think one of the first things I’d say to you is don’t be afraid to say that. Like, don’t be afraid to … Because what a confident thing to say. Like, “Oh, I actually really like being around people, but the truth is, I’m kind of quiet.” Great. Like, that’s confident. It takes boldness to say something like that.

Mom of a teen: When you were talking, she hit me a couple of times and I laughed, because she actually brought me here today, and she even signed me up for your 7:00, with her summer money, because she works Summer Youth Employment. She said, “Ma, you haven’t dated for six years.” She said, “You have to go.” She does social media, so she follows you, so she saw the thing for the teen thing, and she said, “I have a couple questions for him,” and then she said, “And I want you to go, so that we’ll both be more social and not be such introverts,” so I just had to share that. I had to give her a hug.

Matthew: That just gave me goosebumps. How old are you?

Teen: 15.

Matthew: 15. Wow. You better give her a big hug tonight. Oh my god. That’s incredible. What an amazing daughter.

That evening…

Matthew brining Dr. Ruth on stage as audience is clapping and cheering.

Matthew: It’s on. You just have to hold it really close.

Dr. Ruth: All right. I’d rather stay close to you, some come hither. Oh, they really love you.

Matthew: Yeah.

Dr. Ruth: They really do. You’re wonderful, and you are going to talk about relationships. He was fabulous. Everybody applaud him. And, I’m going to talk about, guess what? About sex, of course.

Audience laughing and cheering.

Women in audience: So, this past winter, I met a very handsome, successful British man.

Matthew: It wasn’t me.

Audience laughter.

Women in audience: So, we spent about three days together, and he got called away back to London. His mother had an accident, and he also had some business there. Seven months pass by. There was very little communication, and we actually bumped into each other about a week ago, and we had a great conversation, and he introduced me to his mother. Yeah.

Dr. Ruth: But wait. During the seven months, he didn’t write? He didn’t call?

Women in audience:There was a bit of texting in the beginning, and then it kind of fell off.

Matthew: So what is your question?

Women in audience:He is apparently back, but I have not heard anything from him. Do I reach out?

All audience: No.

Dr. Ruth: Wait. Take a deep breath. Right after Matthew’s session, you will go someplace and you will meet somebody else. Ignore him. You like that?

Matthew : I love that.

Dr. Ruth: You can remember the good part of it, but without regret. I mean, you can remember that you were very interested, that this was somebody that you thought would be Mr. Right, would have a relationship, but it didn’t work out.

Matthew: Yes, well I think that’s actually a very important point, is that it’s okay to be disappointed that someone didn’t turn out to be the person that you needed, but what you mustn’t do is grieve as though they were the one.

Dr. Ruth: Right. Very good point.

Matthew: It’s a big distinction.

Dr. Ruth: You’re a good psychologist. I’ll give you a diploma of a psychologist.

Matthew: I say good things sometimes.

Audience laughter.

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21 Replies to “Why You’re NOT Having That Important Conversation…”

  • What a touching video, well done!! I found myself curious about the content in the beginning, then captured during the teenage session, which by the way, brought tears to my eyes when the mother shared her story, and of course the finale with Dr Ruth, which brought with laughter and tears again.
    Such a great piece.
    Leadership and confidence. What a powerful topic.

  • What an amazing video and your speech and Ruth’s speech so wise! Thanks so much, you have no idea how you’re contributing to deeply changing the world.

  • That sentence you said at the end was something I really needed to hear. I’ve been grieving as if he was the one.

  • Of all of the great info and messages I’ve listened to, this one is the most most important!! We as women, put these timelines and expectations on ourselves and when it doesn’t go the way we expected, we feel like we have run out of options and time. That’s an unrealistic and horrible way to look at dating. It breaks down your self confidence and can eventually lead you to lower your standards (ew!). I’ll hold this message close to my heart! It is every bit of truth I needed to hear today. Thank you, Matthew

  • I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months and I find it very difficult to have important conversations with him. I have had some important conversations now but it was extremely difficult. Now he has disappointed me and let me down a few times by either not being as thoughtful of my wants and feelings as I am of his or by not putting the same effort into the relationship as I am. I was hoping this video was about how to have a difficult conversation, maybe you’ll make a video about that soon, Matthew. Love you Matthew!! I’ve been a follower and a fan of you for years, your advice has greatly impacted my dating life. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

  • Yes the love and respect is the most important in a strong relationship I believe that purpose for someone loving.

  • This is an amazing video. I’ve been following you for years, Matthew. But this really touched me. The care and maturity that a 15-year-old young woman showed with her attitude and question, your comment about not grieving about someone who disappointed you as if he were the one… I was incredibly moved. Thank you!

  • A lovely video indeed. In every relationship honesty and self respect is very important. I do agree it’s better to have an important conversation but there are very few guys who actually come up with honest conversation. I feel 80% guys they have there typical mind set. It doesn’t work how much you try from our side. I don’t understand why most of the guys only want to have sex or dirty talks. Well once in a while its ok but not all the time. It’s really irritating.

  • How wonderful to have heard all that,towards the end as Dr.Ruth commented,it’s so empowering.
    Really needed to hear this,
    Matthew you are 1 in a million to change lives of many.

  • Love your work, Matthew!
    However, the content of this video does not seem to be about the subject in the title…

  • This for me can pass as a short film, not just a video :D

    We first get the theme, then we see a beautiful result after what must have been a successfully conducted hard conversation and then we see how it’s done in real time (sort of:)).

    This video is exceptional! It also makes me think how life sort of poses reoccurring topics in front of us during our daily experience that somehow weave into each other and support or disrupt a belief we have or a habit we’ve acquired.

    Thank you, team Mat, for showing all that so masterfully!

  • Thank you so much.
    I’m currently battling with this.
    I met a really cute guy, we’ve gone out a couple of times. He gives me the impression that he likes me but he won’t say anything.

    I’m not insecure about myself or anything but the guy is wat too cool for me. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be his type of girl.

    What do I do. I tried to play along but I found myself falling for him.
    Do I talk to him about my feelings ?

  • Haven’t heard from Dr. Ruth in so many years….. naturally you two are on the exact same page. Thank you, Matt!

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