Don’t you wish you cared a little less about what other people think?
I often say in my events and seminars that ‘99% of people live their lives determined by the thoughts of strangers’, and for this week’s video I’ve done something a bit different…
I take you behind the curtain of mine and Jameson’s strategy for these weekly videos, I share a lesson on how to stand strong behind your opinions, and we give a practical takeaway to stop caring about what other people think immediately.
Don’t be afraid to innovate. Don’t be confined to one thing. Give yourself the space to manoeuvre, and try different things within your personality.
Challenge: Next time you go out, can you go the entire time without getting into the subject of your work? (or whatever it might be you usually latch onto in conversation)
Take a risk and challenge yourself by testing the limits of your own charisma and confidence.
***
If you like this kind of “irrelevant sh*t” – not explicit love life advice – let me know in the comments below! I’d love to hear what you made of this one, and how it helps you push the bounds of your personality.
Dear Matthew,
Completely agree with you, and love any “irrelevant” shit you post #notsoirrelevanttolife
Thank you for everything.
P.S. so proud of your success and the community you have built
Oh Matthew, you dangerous man, you. I adore that you are a whole person. I admire that you step out in utter freedom of this human experience and use your entire set of tools to communicate, teach, entertain and surprise the world. Don’t ever stop.
As a woman in her mid 40’s I feel fortunate to have grown up in a society that embraced the ‘non-critical’. You would have to be face to face with that person who wanted to squash your ‘new way of being’ instead of being anonymous on the internet. I am so grateful for that time.
I worry that our modern culture has forgotten the appeal and power of the Renaissance Man — celebrating the many facets and talents of one human being — being able to conquer and strive for any piece of knowledge that strikes your fancy — to shock and awe — to delight the world through surprise, wit and the unexpected. A well rounded, multi-faceted, fearless human being is among the most stunning creatures on earth.
Keep on keeping’ on, Mr. Hussey. I count myself honored to be privy to your new and excited ways. You are a beautiful man.
Tiffany xx
Hey Matt
The title of the video got my attention. It felt like a clarification of the earlier video on graffiti, loved the message nonetheless.
Thank You!
I think what you do and how you change gives you more creditability to your coaching. Thanks Matt!
Matt Hussey: You vandalized my ass. Yes the ellipsis… We enjoy your shit Matt…
Rock on!!
I enjoy you being a person and bringing many different perspectives to life. You’re not just a LOVE GURU.
Happy Sunday mate!!
I like your video, hate Kanye West’s music. Watching his video with Kim bouncing up and down, topless, on the dash of his motorcycle – was painful.
Great video! I’m up for the challenge you and Jameson set for yourselves. What have we got to lose to develop other aspects of ourselves?
Thanks for quoting my comment first in your video!
Um, really?
Think you quite missed the point of the entire
video. Stellar insite Paula ;)
Fellow Gemini (like Kanye and Matt)
Don’t attack her because her opinion differs from yours. This isn’t some cult wherein anyone who dares have an opinion other than “Oh, Matt…you’re the greatest!” has to be pounced on.
You – missed her point.
This video misunderstands personality change. We haven’t developed habits of personality because we want to fit people’s expectations. Kanye West is not immune to people-pleasing.
This takes some explaining.
We can’t trust our feelings. Feelings are how our brains summarize tons of incoming data to steer our actions. But our brains have an evolutionary bias to resist hardship and danger. An example of perceived hardship is getting out of bed rather than hitting the snooze button. An example of perceived danger is talking to group of strangers. Our brains produce negative thoughts and fear to project a false sense of our personal limits. Even on a scientific level, our muscles feel fatigued long before they actually run out of energy. We have overeager defense systems designed to protect us from stepping into risky situations.
The real work of personality change is noticing the thoughts and feelings that keep us from getting what we want, and defying them by taking action on creative impulses. Kanye West said, “Creative output, you know, is just pain. I’m going to be cliche for a minute and say that great art comes from pain.”
As Dr. Brene Brown said in her TED Talk, “If you’re not also in the arena and getting your ass kicked, I don’t want to hear what you have to say.” And she quoted Theodore Roosevelt as her inspiration in response to a lot of irrelevant criticism:
“It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly…who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
I admire you Matthew, for standing in the arena with the ability to deflect your critics with humor and a grain of salt. I value your advice and insight in other areas of my life besides romance. You can’t have a successful relationship without being a well-rounded person. I can say that if I hadn’t taken risks, I wouldn’t have endured all the criticism and embarrassment I have, but I wouldn’t have accomplished much in my life, either. Another word of advice, probably from somebody’s mother: “The birds always peck at the best fruit.”
Hear! Hear! Miss Vicki, Teddy & Dr. Brown. Beautifully said.
Remember the video “Get The Guy In 9 Foolproof Steps”?
I expected you to be serious! It’s like I wasn’t listening for the first half of that video.
But it was still funny, I enjoyed it.
And I like to see different parts of your personality.
Keep it up!
I think you received so much criticism about that video because there are women maybe men who hang on to your every word and look forward to you weekly videos expecting the next one to be the best tips you’ve ever given and to bag themselves a guy. Due to the content not being relevant they felt shafted in someway haha.
I love your personality Matthew and always enjoy your tips and your insight, I haven’t bagged myself a man yet but have learnt so much from you, from words i don’t normally use, more confidence within myself and what i have to offer. I’m actually putting myself out there and trying new things.
everyone is entitled to their opinions at the end of the day.
long winded i know, but wanted you to know that you are appreciated.
Isabella x
I love that you are now adding life advice! Keep the relationship ones too though! But I like how you “shake us” sometimes!
Graffiti is pointless and stupid for 99.9% of the population. It was a great video and I very much enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the risk in pointing out this sad and destructive pastime.
I had no problems w your “other” videos and your desire to expand yourself and us. What I hope you eventually expand to is: how to keep the guy. Also, as an “oldah” gal, I don’t always feel like your topics apply to me.
Still will watch, of course.
Great video this week Matt! I’m a big Kanye fan and felt the exact same way you did when he put out those albums, and like you have a tremendous respect for him. I’m in a similar position right now. I’m a DJ and people are used to hearing me play a certain style but I want to expand and play a completely different style. I was worried about people’s reaction but I’m ready to innovate and expand. I’m thankful to be in good company with you ;-)
You almost lost me at the beginning with the celebrities you talk about this week. I do not listen to their music BECAUSE I dislike their personalities THAT much (pompous asses in my opinion). I do appreciate your message though. When I was younger I was not really “allowed” to be mad or angry when it came to my family. They saw me as happy-go-lucky and good natured. It took me a long time feeling comfortable being mad in front of them, feeling like it was okay for me to be upset about anything. I try not to be that upset about life because anger doesn’t solve problems but now I know I have family that supports me!
Matthew, I like the variety of video concepts you put out each week. Keep up your remarkable work you’re doing. I totally get what you’re saying about being true to oneself and not conforming to what others think is acceptable. You sure are a fan of Kanye West but I don’t know much about his music. Some of the resistance maybe stemming from the fact that Kanye’s personality is not exactly relished.
I do appreciate the different expanded topics. I am all into self improvement. In a way, a stronger more diversified creation of oneself is very desirable to men. I was curious how others views this video. I share agreement with both sides of the coin. I think women who visit this sight are craving for relationship advise. This is why we visit every week to continue being a better dater or better person in a relationship. I think if you do expand to other topics then you need to make two different sites. I do really hope you continue to give dating advise and not lose interest in it. So many women including myself need it. I would visit both sites if you choose to make 2 different sites that include self help tips and dating tips.
Awesome metaphors! I feel like this sentiment is happening with me. Lately Ive been feeling like throwing caution to the wind! Away with others preconceived social mores!
Ultimately I’ve reflected on it to find that the judgement and negativity is others to bear. Its actually a thrill to challenge others and remain polite doing so. Making sure that I stand up for what I believe has validated everything I believe at an exponential rate.
I highly recommend doing this.
Control is problematic, I dont mind organization and precision, but please don’t even try to impose on someone else. This is why I relate to this video and feel super passionate about it, we have to learn to stand up for ourselves because control is am illusion amd the more we do this, the weaker the illusion is.
I think the major caveat Ive noticed is that in creating space for yourself, making this space an exclusive one is counterproductive and contradictory. Like people who express themselves in the form of rediculous slang and overuse inside jokes in a public setting. People feeling “free” to do this are not actually conducting themselves in a very “free” and open way at all.
Now I’m just going to highlight a recent example from my own life: I was at a party and said something that someone I didn’t really know well snickered at because apparently its a definition on urban dictionary, something lewd but also quite obscure for a dirty word. Anyways given the context I felt that such an undignified comment wasnt a good way to respond. Even though I can share in a laugh about basically anything, I felt compelled to say that urban dictionary really is contributing nothing spectacular to society and should not be taken with any real authority. My point being that using urban dictionary does not improve you as a person, so why bring this up as if you’re contriubting something meaningful to the conversation… –oooh did you notice the perfect triad ellipses?!?! I love the word ellipses. Anyways.
In conclusion for the sake of creating a space for myself so that people who I feel have been rude or obnoxious to me and don’t dominate with dirty jokes as well as to misalign my pure intentions I did and will continue to take a stand. At the same time, from their perspective, I could see how they might be a bit miffed, wanting to have some validation in the sharing of a joke, but I will not betray myself and my feelings when it is an effort of great contention to make sense of the thoughts and emotional reactions going on in my own head/heart in light of such interpersonal events. “You can’t hide your light under a bushel” is good advice I got from a friend once and also why Ifelt compelled to share my reaction to the video. Although I’m feeling loquacious at the moment I want to shortly and sweetly express my gratitude to Matthew and his crew for the great work they do! I like the out of the box thinking going on here. Keep it up and much love!!