Will You Ever Find ‘The One’?

This might get me in trouble… But there’s something today I have to tell you.

To learn more about ‘The Man Myth’, click here.

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79 Responses to Will You Ever Find ‘The One’?

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  1. Sara says:

    I truly believe in what you have just said. I’ve changed my perspective from “the checklist” to what I don’t want in a man. This has opened me up to many more opportunities and in the process have met a wonderful guy. I don’t think the but “one” exists a real relationship takes work and arguments. We have core values in common and he’s definitely worth it every minute of every day.

  2. Tracey says:

    This may be my favorite post from you! You hit so many reasons why “the one” is not the way to limit my options. Yes, I want to find ONE person to share my life with – but that’s not the same thing.

    I feel better equipped to do what’s need to find my ONE…though I know it won’t be easy.

  3. Rhonda Caszatt says:

    Spot on, Matthew! The better we know ourselves, the better we are at finding “the one” who complements us as individuals. Relationships require work to build something lasting after that initial spark. I think people get hooked on the initial feelings in a new relationship that make them feel special because someone is interested in them. We don’t think about the work and time required to build something deeper and lasting.Maybe some people intentionally serial date to get that special feeling without realizing they are hooked on it like a drug.

  4. Isabel says:

    I found this video completely different from the others you use to make. It was very intense and I was moved by your seriousness. And also it was sad at the same time because you didn’t smile until the end when you say good bye. This makes me think this subject seems to concern you, or it could be just my imagination. Well, I hope people finally understand the concept because it looks hard trying to work with such a rooted belief without hurting anyone’s feelings or just get tired and give up in the middle of the process

    Thank you for this bite of reality.

    PS: It’s good when you get serious, but it’s better when you give a good range of smiles

  5. Leah says:

    AMEN, Matt.

  6. Irene says:

    Hi Matt,

    lol – in your face!

    let us look at it in another perspective:

    “the One” = qualities i’m looking for in a man vs mistakes i don’t want to repeat, qualities i want in a relationship, manners I don’t want to deal with vs. manners i prefere, deal breakers i’m fed off of, etc. –> the close to perfect man we would be happy with.

    After a hand full of failers women and MEN tend do have a picture on how the opposite sex should look like and be like. I don’t think that’s wrong. It’s human.

    I refuse to accept that women are so naiv to think that the perfect relationship is ready-made. They just have to wait and he will come to them. Ok, there are some women out there who sadly think that way but i don’t see anything wrong there, so long as they give every man a fair shot. If they didn’t that would be wrong because they may have fallen for other qualities than the ones listed in their heart.

    as you said: there is no ready-made relationship but there could be this one person (with qualities) we could get old with and that person is in my opinion “the one”. And “the one” could live next door or be the person we great every day but haven’t spoken a word with, who knows.

    Relationship is investment but it’s worth it for “the one” if we give every man a fair chance to become or be “the one”.

    Take care! :)

  7. Kamilla says:

    What about the concept “Mr Right Now”. Its sort of taking “the one” concept and putting it in this sex and the city, single lady world. We are all looking for the right person. You, me everyone, that is ; the right person for us. “The one”. Not like there is nobody else. But more that its the person we decided on. The one we want to hang around with for a longer period of time. And these things you dont know at first sight. Or atleast , one should be careful not to let the mind wander off into a fantasy of what could be, when in reality one has no god damn clue about the future, let alone the shiny new person standing infront of you, looking dreamy.

    I agree with you. Its best to have a sound foundation and build something up from scrath. Built to last, built to hold through the storms of life. “The one” isnt presented, its created as a concept of trust and devotion between two dedicated people in love with eachother.

    Great video, Matt.

  8. Grassswishing says:

    Hey Matt,

    I love your energy, advice and work, but this was the first video which I did not quite agree with.

    In my short analysis of your message I came to the conclusion that the ONE does exist, but the 100% perfect relationship does not exist.

    What do you think guys?

  9. lakshmi says:

    hey matthew,
    I completely agree with you on that. but here we are talking so much about love but i feel like i don’t really know what that means. I was in a relationship for 5 years n i thought i was in love at the time , but it faded away n i felt nothing so i broke up . now im currently dating another guy but i have become cynical towards love. can u please make a video regarding this matter. it would mean a lot to me and you would answer a question that many people might have wondered about.
    i hope you see this!
    big fan xoxo

  10. Stephanie says:

    I love this! I have always thought this and everyone would think I was crazy and cynical when I would say things like that. The idea of “The One” makes people put up with so much that they shouldn’t in relationships.

  11. Petra says:

    Hello Matthew,
    Give yourself a little bit more credit…You are right!
    Nobody is perfect, men or women, and as a girl I want to find a man, who is perfect in my eyes with his flaws and imperfections, which I have those imperfections or quirks as well..: ) And that makes us so unique to another person…
    The question is though, how do we know, when a man is worth ‘fighting’ for…? When all our criteria on our imaginary list of characteristics and desires in a man is met? Or when we can see that both want the same things in life and from each other, which is the foundation to build on…?!

  12. sapphire says:

    another amazing insight, seems so obvious but never looked at it this way before, thanks matt x

  13. Bailey Crowder says:

    Hi Matthew, I have been following you for about 2 years now. I even attended your seminar in Dallas last year. And this is one of the things that struck a huge cord for me. NO ONE IS THE ONE, SOMEONE BECOMES THE ONE! Blew my mind. So many women AND men need to hear this. Relationships take work, but I like how you also mention here in the video that someone isn’t the ONE if they aren’t meeting your standards too. Because that’s important. This is such a great and important message. Thank you for sharing it! Looking forward to seeing you again in Dallas!
    Love and Thank you!

  14. Stella says:

    You go boy!!! Phew, lol

  15. Ilona says:

    Dear Matthew, I heartily admire your realistic view on love, life and world on the whole. This is such a pity that people blindly follow what other people say whether it is right or wrong. Instead of saying ‘hang on a minute, it’s my life’ people stuck in the routine designed not by their own effort, wishes, dreams… You are a great motivator, Matthew, and your input in people’s minds is priceless. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re the beacon in the darkness of mindless and messy humanity.

    lots of love and respect,


  16. Kooky says:

    thank you soooooo much hero for this amazing video . I really LOVE it .
    I don’t believe in the ” the one ” concept too . my reasons are
    1- Romeo and Juliet
    2- valentine’s day
    3- I read a true story of an Arabian guy who suicide because the girl that he loved was engaged to another guy .
    because of “the one” concept many people live in pain , and some of them lose their lives . why in the most romantic stories (e.g. Romeo and Juliet story) both or one of them must die. what if Romeo and Juliet knew that there are more opportunities to meet another people who could meet their standers . again why they suicide . if I were Juliet I would let Romeo walk away . because I’m sure that there are many women who are like me or even better than me, so he could be happy without me . and in my opinion THE TRUE LOVE GIVES LIFE IT DOESN’T TAKE IT .
    I know that I’m just a nick name who appears from time to time , but I’m honest when I’m telling you this

  17. Danielle says:

    I saw a YouTube video of awhile back and it was along the same line as this one. So paraphrasing from Dan Savage: The “one” you lost was wasn’t the “One” because it didn’t work out. He was just a .8 that you didn’t have to much trouble rounding up to “The One”. But your heart will heal and you’ll find someone else and he might be a .5 or .6 that need a little more effort rounding up to “The ONE”

    I hope this doesn’t sound cynical because I wanted to pass this along, it really helped me from thinking I lost out. And I hope it does you as well:)

  18. rowena says:

    wow you should be teaching this stupid high school and college age girls I really
    wish I was a pass this information along time ago but thanks for teaching it now :
    -) this is one of your best videos

  19. nabila says:

    you’re simply right :)

  20. Lavinia says:

    Hi Matt,
    when are you coming to Paris? thanks :)

  21. Anna says:

    I enjoyed watching this video so much. I was nodding the whole time . <3

  22. Simona says:

    This, on the other hand, means not only that you won’t find “the one”, but also that you won’t be “the one”. So we shouldn’t take the other person for granted and think that they won’t meet other people after they break up with us.

  23. Tara says:

    Hey Matt,

    WOW! Thank you so much for this really great video. And thank you for being honest about this whole “S/he is the One” myth. I couldn’t have found this video at a more appropriate time and from being in a place that could be best described as a fairly miserable one-I am now in a place of hope and peace and even a little bit of anticipation.

    I woke up this morning feeling quite bleak about the high probability of breaking up with this guy I am seeing. I am in love with him but things aren’t working out so well. I don’t know if we are going to break up (there is his feelings, needs and opinion at stake here too), but after listening in to your video, I’ve gained some perspective. You see, I was on my way to thinking “He’s the one, he’s perfect, so on and so forth” and while listening to you, I remembered that this is not something I actually believe.

    Coz, I agree with you. Love at first sight is insulting to years of working through a relationship and actually committing to making it work, not because that person is some cookie-cutter ideal prescribed with the qualities and perfections that are at conflict with reality, but actually making an effort to understand, to communicate and listen to another human being and knowing when you are in the relationship you deserve.

    And I am not in the relationship I deserve, yet. I know that and I want more and want to be more. And if that is not what he wants then…I’m going to have to be brave enough to walk away. And your reminder that we have this redeeming ability to do this again, to love again, well that was the injection of courage I needed. It won’t be easy, and man oh man am I gonna be a miserable lass for the next few. But I will get through this, because, I know that I can do this again, hopefully with someone who deserves me and is willing to work at it.

    So thank you.

    Love Tara x

  24. Rachel says:

    I appreciate what you said, Matt, about the redeeming quality of making opportunities with people in order to make potential romantic connections. I do, however, disagree with the concept that there isn’t one completely “right for you” person out there. I believe that there are people you can get on with, make a life with, work at a marriage with but ultimately they were a “settle”. Those are the people who check enough of the boxes, you can work on a few things you really can’t stand/want to help them change, etc. Those people/relationships are not the ultimate best life partner though. Of course the “one” best life partner you’d still have to work on a marriage/relationship with – a garden needs effort and work put in to keep the weeds out (my mom’s wisdom). The difference between “the one” and relationship opportunities/”settling” is that “the one” fits with you perfectly/seemlessly despite flaws, whereas “settling” is hoping you can look at the positives of the other person more often than the aggravating qualities you hope one day will change after you have been with that partner long enough.
    I am over-simplifying my point for the sake of being more concise, but I hope my point is clear about my stance on why pursuing “the one” is worth more than “settling” for a partner who ticks enough boxes. I long for a great romance, and I abhor the word “settle”!

  25. Andrea Barclay says:

    Hey Matt,

    Another cool video, no doubt.

    I like the end of the video in which you decry the idea of “the one” as counterproductive to our need to be resilient in life. To some degree, you and I are on the same page about that.

    However, I think it’s more than just humans wanting things to be simple, as you say. Part of this romantic notion that each person has one and only one soulmate stems from evolution. It’s survivalist. The argument was that we’d better find “the one” fast so we could mate and then procreate. If we spent too much time (especially women) searching for “the one,” our clocks would run out and there’d be no more people.

    The issue now is that we’re at this crossroads in modern times. I believe we’re still dealing with many of these evolutionary hangovers (i.e. searching for this “perfect person” who will instantly get us and complete us, etc.). However, on the other side, we’re still very much figuring out how to be peaceful about the fact that new information, new ideas, and new socially acceptable forms of living (i.e. being single forever out of choice) pervade our culture simultaneously. Women are constantly being told we don’t need a man and yet the media saturates us with arguments that we’re “running out of time,” “bitchy,” or “abnormal” (or some combo of the three) if we do subscribe to that belief.

    The result is a sense of pervasive confusion and anxiety. There’s no rest for the weary on this one.

    In the end, my thought on a “soul mate” is similar to yours but not because if something happened to our soul mate, we’d might be unable to function. Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates because we just don’t need them any longer. Soul mates are no longer necessities; they’re luxuries. So the idea of one having many soul mates throughout life extends beyond a romantic category. A soul mate is a best friend, or even a teacher we connect with. A soul mate is about timing as well because we’re different people at different parts of our journeys. Limiting ourselves to one person defeats the essence of evolution itself – the idea that we are always in the process of becoming something greater. I very much believe in this notion.

    However, if a woman is lucky enough to find a man she can grow with throughout her life (and vice versa for a man), somewhere in her mind, she’s opening herself up to the most profound, selfless, and timeless truth: we’re better in pairs. Matt, this is still a scary fact, but it’s indisputable, and trying to demystify the notion of a “soul mate” doesn’t change evolutionary biology. Until individuals can create and make their own babies, we will always be captivated by the romance of a soul mate. And, let’s be real, without this notion, you’d be out of business! But your wisdom provides a consolatory buffer against the growing amount of time it takes women to find compatible and worthy partners.

    Thanks for letting me ramble on. I was at your Palm Springs retreat this past December, and I absolutely loved it. You’re an excellent speaker and your playful, encouraging personality resonated with so many of us. I made so many great friends and had an unforgettable time (except during that crazy morning fitness – I’m still sore from that!)

    Andrea Barclay

    • m says:

      ” Women are constantly being told we don’t need a man and yet the media saturates us with arguments that we’re “running out of time,” “bitchy,” or “abnormal” (or some combo of the three) if we do subscribe to that belief.”

      I’d like to emphatically second this — especially since

      a) for several reasons, some of us have realized that we’re not in the “ideal woman” dating demographic that the media (which has a tremendous effect on our perceptions, men and women, and I don’t think a group as intelligent as the GTG group would deny this, as much time as you spend charming people on the Today show and elsewhere :-) ) has described as “optimal” – that is to say, blonde, thin, Caucasian white, and late-teen to mid-20-something, and that’s been affirmed, however gently and tactfully, in more than one article even here — and so we’d better get even busier than we’ve already been trying to create that “amazing life” that is the other principal portion of the “Get the Guy” mantra, because

      b) despite having invested heavily (say to the tune of three and four figures, and countless hours, both “listening/reading/learning” hours and “field” hours) in the GTG series and materials, they still / sure aren’t having that much of a positive effect on our dating and relationship lives, no matter how enormous the amount of effort we invest or how hard or long we try.

      Because of those cultural factors and influences we can’t control.

      So since you say, Matt, that you’re picking out comments from discussions that look like they could be developed to some depth …

      I sure do hope this is one of the ones you choose.

  26. Kalee says:

    I seriously love you more with each video.

    Cannot wait to see in New York on the 15th of Feb. I have so many questions for you, about not attracting the right guys or really not even getting asked out since I moved to the city.

    I really wish we could go to lunch next time you are here The Today Show. I work on 34th st, so it is not too far away. I know you are super busy though.

    Love, Kalee

  27. HussManFan says:

    I love it when you are totally honest in your videos about kind of controversial topics because, so long as you remain open to discussion and other’s opinions, it’s a great way to spark conversation among your viewers. I want to know what else you’re having a hard time telling the truth about what you actually believe!

    Someone should figure out how to find the approximate percentage of guys who have similar values to you out of all the guys within your approximate location and who speak the same language within your age group. I think that statistic would be encouraging, a lot of potential “the ones”.

  28. Kristina says:

    Matt I have a question, that I would love for you to answer.

    I’m in a relationship with this great guy, we both love each other very much; however, when we had a discussion about whether or not we could see us being with each other in the long term he said he was very happy in our relationship and that he loves me, but he wasn’t sure if we would still be together because the future is always uncertain.

    I’m not going to lie I was a bit crushed and hurt when he said this. What should I do. Do I make him less of a priority because he is not interested in what I want in a relationship? Or do I change his mind somehow? I have no idea what to do. Please help.


  29. Nina says:

    You r right! About The notion of ‘the one ‘ . It takes efforts , work, in building ‘ the one’ . It takes from both sides to build ‘ the one’. But not all have the ability , the knowledge of ‘the one’

  30. Faizah says:

    Thank you Matt.
    But this brings out the question; When should we decide that this relationship is worth working on, or leaving?

  31. Manon says:

    It is ludicrous, indeed, for people to approach the theory of “the one” as the ONE exclusion/exception out of the one billion men out there. With numbers like you did or [space] like I would put it, it IS geographically speaking foolish to believe that there is one and only one out there, somewhere, for each one of us. Lucky Jane for meeting him!

    I think that the concept of “the one” holds a severe misinterpretation and I have never believed in the restrictive interpretation of it. In many aspects of life, I have always tried to think outside the box, until someone I hold in high regard once said to me: ‘Manon don’t be fooled, there is no box!’

    … Eureka!

    Thus, does this mean “the one” does not exist per se? I believe so, yes.

    But of course, this is not to say that I haven’t learned to respect peoples’ differing opinions without the joy of a few debates. ;) Since the “box” is non-existent to me I am quite flexible and sobered up when this topic comes up.

    What I believe to commonly lead people to this misinterpretation are the traitorous terms “find” and “meet”. They should never be followed by “the one” in the first place.

    Quite frankly, “the one” is more of a theory than a reality.
    For the mere pleasure of playing with words:
    T.h.e. .o.n.e = 4 letters of t.h.e.o.r.y and only 2 letters of r.e.a.l.i.t.y (r and y). Make the equation.

    “The one” is not a ready meal shipped to your front door that you only have to shove into the microwave and then when it tastes disgusting, well it wasn’t the one after all, so throw it away. No.

    However, the art of the actual “one” lies within how the both of you craft your relationship; the reflection of that master piece will be “the one”. In other words, it is not the person it is the perception of that person. Remember “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”?

    Also, it is not about how “many people could be the one” but rather how “many people could beCOME the one”. This puts a rather more reassuring tone to the whole concept. It is not about guaranty (which is restrictive in terms of [space]) but a higher potential for any partner to have the opportunity of becoming “the one” ([time]). Also, it throws away that caging feature of “finding” and “meeting” that person. Perceiving it this way, lifts up the emotion of hope as there are more potential candidates out there than women actually imagine possible. And in that emotion of wanting to build up a relationship to create “the one” comes in your precious support Matt.

    I’d say, meet as many people as you can enjoy, invest as much as you should in the right persons. If you do not exalt in a relationship, and all efforts are in vein, move on and repeat the process.

    P.S.: Referring to Jameson TED in the background
    “A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!”

  32. Cristina says:

    You just convinced me, great video :)

  33. Aycan says:

    Hi Matt!
    It’s the movies,songs,stories that makes us waiting,waiting,waiting in order to find our soulmate. The famous “the one” was pulled us back from searching and building something real. Thank you for the honest video and showing the reality. Thank you that you remind me the most important thing is building,investing which is not just passively waiting. I love your simplicity and methodic conversation style!!

    Thanks again,
    Love from Turkey

  34. CelesteK says:

    The idea of “the One” and other forms of magical thinking are the most paralyzing, damaging forces at work in the world. “It will all work out. Just wait and see” leads not only to horrible personal and life choices, but also wide-reaching policy decisions. Thanks for calling it out as B.S.
    “Do not let the [nonexistent] ‘perfect’ be the enemy of the good.”

  35. Agostinha Jacinto says:

    :) u are not a cinic…you are really clever and pratical…but….. i have met the one….so when are we meeting? LOL! ^_^ Joking…love this video because u are so passionate…and it makes senses, people cant just sit and wait…we have to search and then make it work with someone who have the same goals and standarts …in life, nothing is easy…! :)

  36. angela davis says:

    Well said, Matthew – we have opportunities to find a wonderful person that we could see ourselves with through thick and thin

  37. Artemisa N. says:

    Matt, I’ve very recently and by accident discovered these videos of yours in a period when I had this feeling that I’m such a rare proactive bird in relations… But after I found your videos I feel I am such an idiot.

    You touched my heart, my mind and changed my vision! I felt like sharing these all over the world but an immediate fear arose: guys should not know that I know!!! This knowledge I get from you needs to be my sleeve ace. :) And I also saw you have a ridiculously small number of Facebook shares and likes, compared to the mass exposure you have. So we all fear our secret – which is you – not to be revealed….

    I applied a few little pieces of advice I saw in some videos of yours, adapted them to my environment, and I have 4 guys calling! My luck that all 4 are being delicious and having qualities I really like!

    You are just so simply extraordinary, great, persuasive, your advice so exciting, powerful and practical. I teach my employees to teach other employees to be proactive, but you have a top proactive attitude!

    If I am at this chapter of praising you to the skies, and because I believe I will probably never meet you in person in this life – I’m Transylvanian (a corner of my mind says that if I ever do, I will hug you tight for a whole day) – let me do it right, although you already know you are all of these: most of all courageous, original, getting more knowledgeable in this field of knowing women’s heart and minds through hard work – nobody can get this kind of info unless they study like crazy and is highly attentive to both women and men behavior.

    Active, positive and highly consistent. If you were to leave on a long journey tomorrow, you are sure to have left a consistent legacy behind.

    I loved this video above and adored died for this another video http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/blog/games-in-relationships/ where, besides the info, you said you are a lovely house animal when eating pizza. It just made my day. So you are honest too.

    Insightful and seem to be a good mediator too. Has a couple ever fought in front of you? Although one would not directly perceive this, you are modest too. Not that modesty we sometimes see and rarely appreciate, but that one that comes from another type of inner wisdom.

    Sense of humor? A bit, too.

    Sporty? Damn it, I’ll give a picture of yours to my the next guy I will finally settle for a while, to set him some standards.

    You have so many qualities that I feel like going and taking some psychotherapy. And you are telling me there is nobody who is called THE ONE. You should have found out until now that a good person IS THE ONE and the right match for everybody! So spare me please, your power of understanding gives you a big potential of being the one for a huge number of pieces of women!

    I would love to continue but I need to leave the rest for some other time.

    Now you know what your qualities are :)
    So the next journey at your disposal, as Eckhart Tolle and Gangaji says, is to practice and find who you are beyond these qualities :)

    So, in the name of our Mother Feminine Principle , we, European Women who watch you, praise God for your existence!

  38. Line says:

    “If you want to go fast go alone.
    if you want to go far go together”
    – i just read this some were, maby you said it.. ore.. i dont know..
    But you are right, the fact is that there is no ONE special fore me.. There are many special guys fore me.. because, every time i meet some one new, i think i hit the jackpot..!
    And the thought of only ONE special guy is depressing.. Because that quest already seams impossible ..:)

    – im still hoping to find some one special. Its hard work, and im trying…

    / Line – Denmark

  39. Alexandra says:

    Hi Matt!

    I love seeing how passionate you are about this subject. Although I don’t agree completely with the entire argument, I do find parts that resonate with me in this particular moment of my life. It is not that’s right or wrong to believe in the idea of “the one”, but it is about understanding that people are in different journeys finding their own truth and what works for them. I like the fact that you bring an “opposing” argument to many of our romantic beliefs so we can expand them and construct our own truth.

    Thank you for your awesome videos and for helping me in my own journey.


  40. Marisa says:

    Mattew, as always, thank you for this… I am glad I found somebody talking about this in a very sincere way… that help a lot to break up a wrong concept that is ruining love lives… I am so glad I had found your advice.
    Love to you,

  41. Dayse Soares says:

    Congrats, Matt! This is your best video message ever, in my opinion.
    Yes, when we love we work to have things right.
    Regards from Brazil!

  42. Nikki says:

    Love Matt!

  43. Nikki says:

    Matt, i agree with everything you said on this video!
    i believe some one becomes the one by how much they they invest in us!Just love you Matt!!!

  44. Rumors says:

    Matt, I think you are beeing simplistic. I don´t believe in “the one person” but I am not close to the idea that it may be for real.

    I think in this world, as you say, there are a huge amount of persons. What if for some of them there is just one person in this world? What if some people have more soul mates? What if some people work just as you say? Or what if some people, just don´t have none? In the life, sometimes, it happens in all this ways so…Why deny them? I think that you are too sure on this topic when it is not something to know for sure. To have a soul mate doesn´t have to mean that there is not work to do. I don´t know why for you is incompatible. And I have had a first-sigth love and it didn´t mean that it was my true and only love. It know that for the people that haven´t experience it, it sounds crazy (I, myself, didn´t believe in that before it happened to me) but it happens.

    In this particular topic I think the wiser attitude is to be like Socrates and to admit that we only know that we know nothing. And that´s good. We don´t have to know everything to be happy.

  45. Susan Davey says:

    Or… what happens when “The One” dies or has a serious head injury and becomes a different person as a result of the injury. The hard part is learning to walk away from a significant investment when “The One” simply no longer lives up to the standards they once met.

    Thanks for being honest!

  46. Della says:

    Hi Matt and GTG Team,

    Matt , you are on FIRE! Love the passion. I have watched your growth and confidence ( and muscles ) grow since you started and am continually impressed by your progress. BTW you look more handsome every video…he he…

    Your biggest Hussey fan,
    Della Chow
    Vancouver, BC Canada

  47. Randa says:

    For the sake of change in my comments: is that a ring you’re wearing on your right hand??
    great video as usual, and great to know that you’re part of that small percentage of people who actually make good use of their brain and reasoning!

  48. Lydia says:

    Yes thats very true you have to build a relationship you can’t just find it

  49. Michelle Stewart says:

    Hey Matt!! this is going to seem crazy at first, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway. I totally agree in your statistics and everything you just said. However, I don’t necessarily believe that, in speaking for myself and my friends, that we believe there is only one person out there in the world perfect for us. When I say, ‘the one’, I am just always referencing that one guy who’s going to make us want to be a better person, and someone who we can trust and who is respectful and kind and Hui, hopefully, have great chemistry with. Sure, that in itself is rare, that I have found that personally with one out of every 20 guys. I know those odds aren’t great even, but there a lot better than one in 1,000,000,000. So, I’m only speaking for myself, but I’ve never put too much pressure on meeting at that one person only on meeting someone that meets my value systems and has the crap that I can put up with. Lol! Thank you for all you do I know that you have brought so many great inspiration to my life, and I’m grateful for you.

  50. orian bazov says:

    matt i have to say that you are truly amazing . and today you realy touched my heart and mind , and awakening me from my fulse thoughts and behavior. thank you for being honest true , real and more affective for my life and my love life as well. i thank god for you

  51. charise says:

    Dear Matt,
    Thank you for your honesty. This video is most helpful. I feel like It is so hard to get out of this mindset of ‘the one’. I guess its also good to look at myself and remember I’m not perfect. Thank you, I needed this.

  52. Melanie says:

    (Spoilers alert) There’s a French film called Delicacy that I love in which she meets her ‘Soul Mate’ but he tragically dies and she’s grief stricken for years as she’s lost ‘the one’ but eventually she meets a very unlikely companion (Slightly clichéd completely different people, he’s a bit odd, etc) anyway she falls in love again. The thing I love is on the DVD box it basically says (along the lines of) if you open your heart, there’s always room for one more.

    • Susan Davey says:

      “If you open your heart, there’s always room for one more.” That’s perfect. Thank you for sharing that thought.

  53. Paula says:

    Love at first sight is real. I’ve experienced it when I first met my cat (she passed away a month ago). Haven’t experienced it with a human yet

  54. Viola says:

    great subject and advice again, thank you!

  55. Janice says:

    Thank you Matt once again for being able to speak the truth…Determine what my values and standards are and if a man doesn’t have the same or very similar values and standards or doesn’t honor me and my v+s (as I will honor him and his), then it’s time to move on…
    I think it’s important to note that “great relationships are work” doesn’t mean hard work all the time…learned this one the hard way…
    Life throws us curveballs and if we can support each other through the tough times and enjoy each other all along the way then we have a winner!

    Thank you so much for having the courage to “rock the boat” and speak the truth. Our culture is so heavily embedded with “untruths” and I think it has made a mess of things all around.

    Keep up the great work! Your an inspiration and I appreciate you!

    • Michelle Stewart says:

      Janice, you yourself have brought to the table a lot of great things, is well! I totally agree with everything you said and especially how our culture seems to have so many more untruths than anywhere else in the world. I have always felt this way, & I personally believe it is because our society is one of unlimited possibilities, due to our freedoms, & I feel like that has boil down to people believing that there’s always something better out there.I myself grew up a reading romance novels, and when I began reading them at 8 years old, yes, I had an aunt who wanted to be more fun than sponsible, and I never realized how it would skew my perception of romance itself. & relationships. But it has, & I think that they are great and I am NOT knocking them at all, but I always did expect my white knight to Russian and rescue me and be kind and considerate and totally emotionally available. Lol! Thank you for what you said, that was actually a great extra for this video.

  56. Theresa Hurst says:

    Great video message, Matt. I completely agree. Realising that there are lots and lots of potential life partners out there is so much more exciting than the prospect of one person in the whole world that, on the balance of probabilities, you won’t meet. Here’s to investing time and effort in a man with potential who sees potential in us too! x x

  57. Suzie says:

    Spot on Matt! The one is the one you choose….. to be with, grow with, play with, travel life’s journey with. Thank you for speaking your truth…..it’s mine as well.

  58. Leecis says:

    Geez, thanks, now you’ve given me ANOTHER reason I have to take responsibility for finding a partner. Do you not realize I have been brainwashed by the media, especially romantic comedy movies?!
    I imagine if I do find love, all this work you have me doing will be worth it.
    But in the mean time; UKGH! LOL!

  59. Alice says:

    So Matt, when to move on and when to stick to the relationship and put more effort and work into it?

  60. Dina says:

    That was a great video, but Matt, calm down, you seem to be really frustrated by this idea;)
    And I love it when you appear back at the end of the video and smile:))) or say sth funny and laugh!
    Please don’t miss it:)))
    I think I realize this fact that any one can be the one in the man myth seminar! But knowing this fact, made it more difficult for me to choose the guy, because I realize that there are many guys like me, but I have a hard time to find the person that I LIKE, what do you say about that? And I don’t stick to one place! If your answer is that??

  61. Clara66 says:

    Love your ‘to the point’ talks! I truly believe that there could be many ones! Love Flight of the Conchords, your talk reminded me of a scene they did. Not sure it comes across, but it’s a comedy ;)

  62. Cat says:


    Matt I love this video. In some circles, “The One” is also referred to as a soul mate or a twin flame… and you should hear some horror stories these people have about staying in relationships that are abusive, unbalanced or just plain not right for either of them. What’s even worse, is that the theory of a twin flame is that they exist but you may or may not ever find them and your soul will never be complete until you do!!! What hogwash!

    I’m glad there are people like you keeping it real and being really passionate about this topic because for a long time I’ve battled this conversation out with all my girl friends and they love the idea that there is a one… I don’t.

    I also agree on the whole love at first site deal. Some people may have spotted someone who they are attracted to, however I think it’s really cheap and I would feel uncomfortable if someone professed their undying love for me after the first, second or even third date!!

    Thanks so much for doing what you do Matt, you’re doing a fantastic job. I hope you get to make it to Australia one day, or alternatively I can make it to the states to one of your workshops.

  63. carla says:


    I thoroughly agree that both American and British societies are immersed in the attitude of ‘entitlement’ that you spoke of. In my humble opinion it causes many problems with regard to relationships above the one you highlighted in the video, but you’ve made me pause to think about my attitude to relationships and ‘entitlement’. Thank you.

  64. Mary says:

    You’re so much right Matthew, thank you for pointing out this fake dream about “the one”. It’s so much easier to blame fate for not having a strong relationship and change partners every now and then with the excuse “he/she was not the one”.

    PS: get rid of the bracelet my love… :P

  65. Synthia says:

    Such real and genuine advice, thanks for the honesty and not fluffing it up, Matt!

  66. Adailre says:

    Yes, it is better to find the TWO or THREE… :) and love the best parts of them…(not at the same time though.) You work with numbers, but as humans we work perhaps more with proximity and repetition. So I dare to say the statistic will go up and the decimal will move to the right…
    Matt, I kept looking at your manly make up. Shave it off and become the ONE for one day (till it grows back).
    Just kidding, you can delete this post. Actually, I would prefer that.

  67. kelly duffy says:

    This is the greatest video , you’ve ever made MATT. ..JUST KEEPS GETTIN MORE ELITE…MEANIN. ..YOU!!!

  68. chantelle says:

    Wow Matt, that was powerful and def a true lesson that we all needed to hear. Relationships do require work from both sides, its not just a ready made take away meal.

  69. Rivka says:

    Matthew, this is one of my favorites of your videos.
    There is no such thing as “the one.” But there is such a thing as another person whom you love and respect, and who loves and respects you.
    If the two of you decide to spend the rest of your lives together, and marry,and have kids, and productively work through disagreements…guess what? You made yourselves into “ones” for each other.
    There was no magic hand of fate that did it. No, it was your love, your mutual respect, and your decisions.

    • Rivka says:

      I always had this funny feeling when I met my now-best friend, that we were not “the ones” for each other, even as friends. That we were not meant for each other (even as friends). But he was such an awesome guy, I made the decision to be his friend. The result? The best friendship of my life.
      Because I took that initiative.

      I made that decision…as a result our relationship was not determined by some fuzzy feeling about “Fate” or “ones” but by my decision to be around this great person.

  70. Emily says:

    Thank you so much for again sharing your insight with us. Matt, you rock.

  71. A. says:

    I don’t think every culture is entitled. Not every culture on the globe. Had to say to just say that.

    I believe there are many ‘Ones’. Sometimes someone who was The One gradually falls out of that role. People fall out of love. It happens. Not everyone stays The One.

    Love at first sight? I believe in attraction at first sight. Maybe that’s what people mean. I still believe that attraction at first is very important. It’s not ‘love’ and it’s not all that matters, but I think it has to be present. And a person really does know if they’re not attracted pretty much at first sight. It could change, but there is a first impression.

    I think people are asking, how do you know when someone is right for you? What benchmarks are there? How do you know when someone is truly investing in you? Some people seem like they are investing, but nope, they’re not.

    I think the problem is impatience. We all know when some is invested in us, it just takes a long, long time to know it. And generally, if a person is asking this question, the person their asking about isn’t investing and the person wants to be sure.

    It can be hard to know whether to stay and work on it, and when to move on.

  72. Diana says:

    Yes! Finally. I can’t stand that idea of ‘love at first sight ‘. I mean, really, what does that even mean? Before, I had that perception about love, thanks to Hollywood movies. This video was good and glad to hear your insights about that idea many women carry in ‘the one’. People need to be a little realistic

  73. Paige says:

    Years ago I asked my mother how she knew if my dad was the one, and what if she chose someone else (she dated many men with my father concurrently until he proposed). She told me that it didn’t matter if someone was “better” or even “the one”. She built a life with my father and they invested heavily in each other. She might flirt with other men all the time, but she never would consider an affair, even if a guy seeming to be the one came along. As she explains it, what matters is all the past moments together and the ones to come. They have been married and in love for almost 30 years. She chose the guy that invested and has never regretted it.

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