Years ago I asked my mother how she knew if my dad was the one, and what if she chose someone else (she dated many men with my father concurrently until he proposed). She told me that it didn’t matter if someone was “better” or even “the one”. She built a life with my father and they invested heavily in each other. She might flirt with other men all the time, but she never would consider an affair, even if a guy seeming to be the one came along. As she explains it, what matters is all the past moments together and the ones to come. They have been married and in love for almost 30 years. She chose the guy that invested and has never regretted it. Reply
80 Replies to “Will You Ever Find ‘The One’?”
Years ago I asked my mother how she knew if my dad was the one, and what if she chose someone else (she dated many men with my father concurrently until he proposed). She told me that it didn’t matter if someone was “better” or even “the one”. She built a life with my father and they invested heavily in each other. She might flirt with other men all the time, but she never would consider an affair, even if a guy seeming to be the one came along. As she explains it, what matters is all the past moments together and the ones to come. They have been married and in love for almost 30 years. She chose the guy that invested and has never regretted it.
Yes! Finally. I can’t stand that idea of ‘love at first sight ‘. I mean, really, what does that even mean? Before, I had that perception about love, thanks to Hollywood movies. This video was good and glad to hear your insights about that idea many women carry in ‘the one’. People need to be a little realistic
I don’t think every culture is entitled. Not every culture on the globe. Had to say to just say that.
I believe there are many ‘Ones’. Sometimes someone who was The One gradually falls out of that role. People fall out of love. It happens. Not everyone stays The One.
Love at first sight? I believe in attraction at first sight. Maybe that’s what people mean. I still believe that attraction at first is very important. It’s not ‘love’ and it’s not all that matters, but I think it has to be present. And a person really does know if they’re not attracted pretty much at first sight. It could change, but there is a first impression.
I think people are asking, how do you know when someone is right for you? What benchmarks are there? How do you know when someone is truly investing in you? Some people seem like they are investing, but nope, they’re not.
I think the problem is impatience. We all know when some is invested in us, it just takes a long, long time to know it. And generally, if a person is asking this question, the person their asking about isn’t investing and the person wants to be sure.
It can be hard to know whether to stay and work on it, and when to move on.
Thank you so much for again sharing your insight with us. Matt, you rock.
Matthew, this is one of my favorites of your videos.
There is no such thing as “the one.” But there is such a thing as another person whom you love and respect, and who loves and respects you.
If the two of you decide to spend the rest of your lives together, and marry,and have kids, and productively work through disagreements…guess what? You made yourselves into “ones” for each other.
There was no magic hand of fate that did it. No, it was your love, your mutual respect, and your decisions.
I always had this funny feeling when I met my now-best friend, that we were not “the ones” for each other, even as friends. That we were not meant for each other (even as friends). But he was such an awesome guy, I made the decision to be his friend. The result? The best friendship of my life.
Because I took that initiative.
I made that decision…as a result our relationship was not determined by some fuzzy feeling about “Fate” or “ones” but by my decision to be around this great person.
Wow Matt, that was powerful and def a true lesson that we all needed to hear. Relationships do require work from both sides, its not just a ready made take away meal.
This is the greatest video , you’ve ever made MATT. ..JUST KEEPS GETTIN MORE ELITE…MEANIN. ..YOU!!!
Yes, it is better to find the TWO or THREE… :) and love the best parts of them…(not at the same time though.) You work with numbers, but as humans we work perhaps more with proximity and repetition. So I dare to say the statistic will go up and the decimal will move to the right…
Matt, I kept looking at your manly make up. Shave it off and become the ONE for one day (till it grows back).
Just kidding, you can delete this post. Actually, I would prefer that.
Such real and genuine advice, thanks for the honesty and not fluffing it up, Matt!
You’re so much right Matthew, thank you for pointing out this fake dream about “the one”. It’s so much easier to blame fate for not having a strong relationship and change partners every now and then with the excuse “he/she was not the one”.
PS: get rid of the bracelet my love… :P
I thoroughly agree that both American and British societies are immersed in the attitude of ‘entitlement’ that you spoke of. In my humble opinion it causes many problems with regard to relationships above the one you highlighted in the video, but you’ve made me pause to think about my attitude to relationships and ‘entitlement’. Thank you.
Matt I love this video. In some circles, “The One” is also referred to as a soul mate or a twin flame… and you should hear some horror stories these people have about staying in relationships that are abusive, unbalanced or just plain not right for either of them. What’s even worse, is that the theory of a twin flame is that they exist but you may or may not ever find them and your soul will never be complete until you do!!! What hogwash!
I’m glad there are people like you keeping it real and being really passionate about this topic because for a long time I’ve battled this conversation out with all my girl friends and they love the idea that there is a one… I don’t.
I also agree on the whole love at first site deal. Some people may have spotted someone who they are attracted to, however I think it’s really cheap and I would feel uncomfortable if someone professed their undying love for me after the first, second or even third date!!
Thanks so much for doing what you do Matt, you’re doing a fantastic job. I hope you get to make it to Australia one day, or alternatively I can make it to the states to one of your workshops.
Love your ‘to the point’ talks! I truly believe that there could be many ones! Love Flight of the Conchords, your talk reminded me of a scene they did. Not sure it comes across, but it’s a comedy ;)
That was a great video, but Matt, calm down, you seem to be really frustrated by this idea;)
And I love it when you appear back at the end of the video and smile:))) or say sth funny and laugh!
Please don’t miss it:)))
I think I realize this fact that any one can be the one in the man myth seminar! But knowing this fact, made it more difficult for me to choose the guy, because I realize that there are many guys like me, but I have a hard time to find the person that I LIKE, what do you say about that? And I don’t stick to one place! If your answer is that??
So Matt, when to move on and when to stick to the relationship and put more effort and work into it?
Geez, thanks, now you’ve given me ANOTHER reason I have to take responsibility for finding a partner. Do you not realize I have been brainwashed by the media, especially romantic comedy movies?!
I imagine if I do find love, all this work you have me doing will be worth it.
But in the mean time; UKGH! LOL!
Spot on Matt! The one is the one you choose….. to be with, grow with, play with, travel life’s journey with. Thank you for speaking your truth…..it’s mine as well.
Great video message, Matt. I completely agree. Realising that there are lots and lots of potential life partners out there is so much more exciting than the prospect of one person in the whole world that, on the balance of probabilities, you won’t meet. Here’s to investing time and effort in a man with potential who sees potential in us too! x x
Thank you Matt once again for being able to speak the truth…Determine what my values and standards are and if a man doesn’t have the same or very similar values and standards or doesn’t honor me and my v+s (as I will honor him and his), then it’s time to move on…
I think it’s important to note that “great relationships are work” doesn’t mean hard work all the time…learned this one the hard way…
Life throws us curveballs and if we can support each other through the tough times and enjoy each other all along the way then we have a winner!
Thank you so much for having the courage to “rock the boat” and speak the truth. Our culture is so heavily embedded with “untruths” and I think it has made a mess of things all around.
Keep up the great work! Your an inspiration and I appreciate you!
Janice, you yourself have brought to the table a lot of great things, is well! I totally agree with everything you said and especially how our culture seems to have so many more untruths than anywhere else in the world. I have always felt this way, & I personally believe it is because our society is one of unlimited possibilities, due to our freedoms, & I feel like that has boil down to people believing that there’s always something better out there.I myself grew up a reading romance novels, and when I began reading them at 8 years old, yes, I had an aunt who wanted to be more fun than sponsible, and I never realized how it would skew my perception of romance itself. & relationships. But it has, & I think that they are great and I am NOT knocking them at all, but I always did expect my white knight to Russian and rescue me and be kind and considerate and totally emotionally available. Lol! Thank you for what you said, that was actually a great extra for this video.
great subject and advice again, thank you!
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