You Are Not Alone…

I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments. 

When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. 

No-one talks about loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…

But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.

Well, not today.

This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…

Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.

Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

565 Responses to You Are Not Alone…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. suzy Sampson says:

    Thanks for sharing Matthew , it brought to mind the movie Lost in Translation … That awful feeling after a day of being immersed in other people’s lives (I’m a theatre director) when you go home or back to your hotel And there’s no one to share your thoughts observations or experiences with – the loneliness is resounding and bounces off the walls and leaves me feeling somehow inadequate or incomplete….. And hotel rooms are the loneliest places on the planet!

  2. Maru O. says:

    One of your most honest videos I´ve seen so far (trust me I´ve seen them all) It shows a more realistic and true side of you and I think of all of us, we all feel lonely at times and as you say it´s just not something we like to talk about because we want to be acknowledge as fun people that have interesting lives all the time and it is what we show on our facebook IG or whatever… It is okay to be real with all that comes with it…

    Love,

    Maru.

  3. Dianne "Mini" Jacques says:

    Matthew,
    Heart achingingly beautiful, raw and authentic. Thank you for not editing and just emoting.
    i am humbled and in awe of your courage.

    And yes you are right this topic is hardly ever talked about. I do intuitive life and business coaching and it is one of the topics I talk about with my clients. I have found that we all get lonely and that yes there are different types of lonliness.

    I always tell my clients that in or out of a relationship – employed or unemployed – doing well financially or in a time of low funds – that we all feel like we are alone and no one can relate. But they are wrong…..Someone in their circle of influemce is or has been that kind of lonely.

    Bravo for taking the risk – being vulnerable – and being real!

    This video and your courage will help a lot of people. Bless you for this video and all you do. And on teh days you wonder why you are doing what you do and making a difference.

    This video and the responses you have received prove that you and your team do make adifference and your work – thoughts and guidance is needed by so many!

    Blessings to you and your team…..today and always!
    Cheers!
    Mini Jacques

  4. Janice says:

    Having someone simply be honest and say that they feel lonely too, has probably been one of the most liberating things I’ve heard in a while.

    We all feel lonely, but somehow it reduces the loneliness to know that we’re all in this together.

    Thanks Matt.

  5. Deb says:

    This has struck a cord more than you know and I believe will be very much appreciated by most if not all of your audience. It illustrates a vulnerability in you which helps me personally relate to your point. I love your humour (I am Scottish so I know you will understand this)..and always enjoys your posts but sometimes you just get it spot on and this in one of them.
    take care and thank you.

  6. susan modregon says:

    Great topic Matt, The suicide rate just went down. :) It really isn’t talked about enough, is it? And not everybody has the same ability to cope. I especially want to tell you Matt that you are not alone in the way you think. It’s what keeps me watching your videos more than anything else. I can tell you have a real drive to do your part in changing the world and helping people, and the faith it can be done. I work for the same thing in my song lyrics and stories. Loneliness and Self Esteem (two things your videos address to remedy often) have been two long time concerns of mine, too. I hadn’t intended to mention this initially, but it just occurred to me with everyone talking about loneliness, that this might be a good occasion to mention a website I created some time ago, http://outcastsunited.blogspot.com/ . It never got the traffic I hoped it would, but I made it for just this kind of thing. I made it to be a forum where people can see how many feel the same way and people who’ve been there and are stronger in their self image could mentor those hurting too deeply. There are still things I could add, but there hasn’t been any point if nobody comes. I hope some of the people commenting here will try it. And I hope you’ll check it out Matt, and if you think it can help people the way I do, maybe you’ll pass the word. –When it comes to me and loneliness, I’ve been the outcast alone a lot, but I’ve always found the few people who chase loneliness away. I still have longings, but I also need my alone time. In the past I believed that I was supposed to be connected at the hip in a relationship, so my goals in writing and friend and family relationships suffered from lack of attention. My new goals are to find someone I can be with and share everything important to us and still have my own life and he his, so we can both have the time we need for our separate interests. By the way Matt I don’t think you rant. But that may be cuz I tend to go on, too. :) Too many ideas to express. I’m not ashamed of it. ;) Okay, this is longer than I intended, but one last thing. I hope you’ll consider being my friend on Facebook. I’d love the chance to connect.

  7. Marilyn says:

    Hi Matt,
    Great video as always! Am really surprised to hear that you’re lonely too sometimes…I would think you’d know so many people through your work and can always be dating someone fabulous. Curoiusly comforting to know that even someone who is as smart, funny, insightful as you can feel lonely and that others do too. Thanks for helping me to keep it all in perspective. Have a great tomorrow. Love, Marilyn

  8. Hayley says:

    I read once that loneliness is part of the human experience. I find it helps to embrace it-to tell myself what I’m feeling is loneliness, and that it is ok, it’s normal, and it will pass. And then I try to do something for me like read, draw, watch movies,
    Go for a walk. I find that being in nature makes me feel so connected when you listen to all the birds, insects, and mammals all around you.

    I have actually found that since I got rid of Facebook, I am less lonely. I don’t have a constant reminder that everyone else is “happy” when in reality they’re really not. I distance myself with social media and only
    Use Instagram, and only once a day maybe instead of being on Facebook 7 times a day like I used too. I’m more connected with the world around me now. I talk to people more, I compare myself to people
    Less, and I don’t lose myself in social media.

    I think that social media actually makes people MORE lonely, ironic since its sole purpose is to connect. When you’re lost in another world, trying to connect with others but you’re really comparing your life to theirs, navigating a world of complete strangers, you’re going to feel less and less connected. What does make me feel connected is picking up the phone and calling family or a close friend, or having a real life conversation. You’ll be surprised on how much better you’ll feel when you actually “connect”. This is such an important topic and I’m so glad you brought it up Matthew! It helps to know that we are not alone in this. Even animals can experience loneliness!

  9. Ginny says:

    You do make me feel less alone. The most important thing to me is something you probably don’t even notice; which it’s that you call me by name in your emails. I realize that it’s probably a system generated thing but it really grabs my attention and warns my heart when I’m blindly reading through the email and your voice in my mind stops and says “GINNY; …….” It makes me feel like you’re talking just to me… and it feels really good, especially at the times when I AM feeling that loneliness. Thank you for doing what you do and please don’t stop. Take care and God bless.

  10. Mrs. Smith says:

    Love this…I was feeling this way this weekend. even though I have tons of support and friends. I just got out of a long marriage and I sometimes miss that connection with someone. But its good to know I am not the only one that feels this way. Thanks for sharing. !!

  11. stephanie says:

    thank you matt. this came at the perfect time. THANK YOU SO MUCH

  12. M says:

    I was sitting here in my room alone and I got this message. I just broke it off with my family a few months ago. My boyfriend and I ended it a month ago, because I’m not having sex before marriage. I also hold religious and political views that are loud and controversial, and it’s alienating, especially to the spheres I used to be around. I don’t mind being talked about and personally attacked as much as I hate the loneliness of it. My views and personal dignity are very important to me. However, even having strong views doesn’t make you friends with people with your views.

    The loneliness is the worst part of building yourself from the ground up. The stronger a person you are, the more you feel it. But loneliness doesn’t necessarily make you a stronger person. It’s a negative side-effect of being a strong person, or even of being your own person. Not only do people leave you, but the smallness of your importance, even to your friends, becomes illuminated.

    My hair has been falling out. The doctors say it’s from relationship stress. It happens sometimes when a family member dies, for instance, that it goes through telophase and falls out at once, instead of gradually. Apparently, it will regrow in a year. However, I’m scared. How much of it will fall out by that time? What if it’s something else and I need hair plugs and there’s no hair? It just keeps falling out, and I can only hope that it will grow back.

    I guess it’s just about taking one day at a time. That’s one of the good cliches. Now that I’m out of the worst of it, I can focus on the now and I’m not in an unhealthy relationship of clinging to and worrying about the future.

    I’m the type of person who stirs things up, whether I try to be or try not to be. I’ve decided that that’s who I am. I’m not the nice, considerate person. Some people do better with diplomacy, others with war. The more I push myself, the more seriously I’m taken. It was never a matter of me being right or wrong; it’s only been a matter of asserting myself and knowing how to assert myself. It’s not a path where you can rely on people to be there to help your loneliness.

    I ran into this and it sounded just like me at just the right time. Maybe it’s God looking out for me. You read my mind. I was thinking about my ex, totally in love and totally broken-hearted, getting on to talk about it to a friend. The friend couldn’t lend me money when I was worried, and that’s when my ex stepped in. The ex was mean, and so then I messaged the friend. I’m 100% confused by everyone in my life, who shows me kind of a mixed-bag: admiration and distain, love, hate, and indifference. I’m confused about every individual and every collection of individuals.

    It makes people exhausting and not worth getting out of bed over. At the same time, it makes you starved for love. It’s like being in a food-court without money. And some people have it even worse, and they’ll claw at you if they smell food on you. I can’t be around those people, even though I ache to.

  13. Julie Babin says:

    Great video! And an important one!

    I’ve recently discovered that when I create based on my purpose it gives me some emotional relief. Creating and being in alignment is what I’m here on this earth to do.

    So yes I get lonely. Yes I miss the ex BF I had to break up with all the time.

    But I now know that creative purpose driven work snaps me right out of this. And shows me the possibilities that I want to create in my business and in my life.

    Currently I’m writing daily blogs, my first book and creating an audio training.

    Fun stuff!

    So much possibility!

    Matt, you have helped me more then you will ever know. I’ve only just begun the journey of starting to meet new men and hopefully will get to start dating soon. Your ideas for text messages are genius.

    Keep on rockin’ it’s working

    xx Julie

  14. Lauren says:

    Just wanted to add one more thought. I think we need a balance of songs about ”hoes and money, ect.” (because it’s fun) and songs about real, relatable topics. We need our silly songs, movies and entertainment because it helps us break out of our seriousness and allows us to connect with our silly side. But too much of it can be numbing and cause to disconnect from ourselves, others and reality. But without it life would just be to hard and boring. I appreciate both the surface level fun and the deeper rooted topics. Both are vital.

    I look forward to seeing you speak on more serious topics like domestic violence (you’d be surprised how many women would relate) along with continuing to do more lighthearted (but meaningful) videos about dicks ;D

  15. shannon says:

    Thank you for this, I have been alone for weeks, with an idea I can’t get out, I can’t find anyone who shares it or even anyone I can share it with. It is about love, I am very lucky to have a lot of close people in my life who love me but I still feel alone with this idea. I want people to understand that love is not limited and the more they give the more they get and to never be afraid of showing or giving love, but for some reason I can’t get this across to others, they don’t get it, and I am so alone I feel drained. I listened to your video and it was good but at the end you say “I love you” and I knew someone else got it. Thank you, I love you too.

  16. Gigi says:

    Hello Matt. Tku again fr sharung yr feelungs of loneliness & u really have opened up a much needed dialogue with yr folliwefs as I am still reading comments. Even tho work hard all day and smetimes night too we can still feel lonely. I hope u feel a bit less lonely today and enjoyed yr radio segment too. Keep up the good work. Luv to u & yr family & staff. Luv Gigi XOXO :)

  17. Julie says:

    I enjoyed your thoughts on loneliness. Yes, you can even be lonely in a marriage, as I was. We are all alone at times and that can be good. When it gets to be the majority of time, that is much more difficult. Especially when you find yourself divorced, children raised and gone, and no man in your life. Weekends are difficult to be alone. I didn’t think I wanted to get married again (after an emotionally abusive marriage) until I found myself alone. I am a social person and realize I would love to have a man back in my life. It has been 8 years and I have done lots of work on myself, but have not been able to find a quality man…yet. I was used to a house filled with laughter and love and now find myself alone. I am still happy and have good friends and family, but you still feel alone. Until you have truly been alone, I don’t think you fully appreciate what others go through! Thanks for listening and thanks for your videos!! I found this one heartfelt and could relate what you shared!

  18. meda says:

    Love watching your videos, especially those not relating to flirting and dating since I am already married with 2 kids. I have a strange relationship with loneliness. I hate it and I love it at the same time. I feel lonely around people, yet I cannot wait to be just with myself at the end of an agitated day, even if that means sacrificing a couple hours of sleep. I guess that means I’m an introvert? Anyways, I am trying to learn how to be more social from you if that is at all possible.

  19. Summer Snow says:

    Sounds like you need more high value friends in your life so that when you come home after a tour, you have that circle of people that just get you. The ones you can laugh with, have deep intellectual conversations with, talk about the latest books you’re reading….

    I’m available!:) My name is Summer Snow, and I too need more high value friends in my life. Let’s connect!

    https://www.facebook.com/799134181

    “You won’t be lonely when you find your tribe”- Summer Snow

    “It can get lonely at the top. You have an image and people see only that. Seek those who really see you. In them you will find what’s been missing” – Summer Snow <3

  20. Julia says:

    Hi Mat, u re a really nice and intelligent person. thank u to being like this :)

    For me was interesting to hear about the different kinds of lonelyness. U re complitely right. I never thought about this before, but after your video I have a clearer view on my feelings. thank u and take good care of u!

  21. Bella says:

    Shear honesty I think this is what the world needs to see more of! Social media is is so prevelant in our culture these days, and the lonely and disconnectedness, that we all feel sometimes I’m sure, makes us feel the need to use it even more in order to feel we’re worth something in comparison to everyone else and what they’re posting. I think we forget what it is to just be human and connect to one another, without judgement or with a need to impress. And it’s blogs like this with honesty, that bring us all together! Don’t feel lonely Matthew either! We’re all in this together like you say :)
    Love and peace!

  22. Bella says:

    Shear honesty I think this is what the world needs to see more of! social media is is so prevelant in our culture these days, and the lonely and disconnectedness, that we all feel sometimes I’m sure, makes us feel the need to use it even more in order to feel we’re worth something in comparison to everyone else and what their posting. I think we forget what it is to just be human and connect to one another, without judgement or with a need to impress. And it’s blogs like this, with honest that bring us all together! Don’t feel lonely Matthew either! We’re all in this together like you say :)
    Love and peace!

  23. Melaina says:

    You Nailed it. Loneness can be insidious. I loved this. Keep up this kind of stuff.

  24. Angel says:

    God said.. We are never alone..he is always there..to heal our broken hearts..pick up the pieces..let the past go..learn from your

    solitude…Grow spirtually…closer to God..

    Angel

  25. Anna says:

    Thanks Matthew for the “Loneliness” video. I agree with you that we all have our moments of loneliness and you really put it into perspective. One thing I took from this was from your ending, and that was to try and make the people in my life feel loved and cared for, so that when they are going through a time of loneliness it won’t feel quite as isolating.
    As always I loved your video – great message!

  26. Angela Campbell says:

    Nicely put thankyou x yes i think we need to accept being alone is ok and to love ourself and please our selves .. i think the word lonely and loneliness sounds a bit yuk so better to say alone time . I have never spent alot of time alone before and yes you were so on the ball when you said its ok and we gain strength . Thankyou dear matt xx

  27. Faye says:

    This video is extraordinarily timely for me. I’ve felt so alone and bewildered today that I shut myself in the toilets on the 20th floor of the swanky investment banking offices that I’m lucky enough to work in, and cried. Why was I crying? I have plenty of loving friends, a supportive family, I’m in love with a wonderful guy, am financially stable, good job, hobbies I can’t get enough of, holidays to look forward to, big plans for the future… So what the f is wrong with me? Here’s what I reckon… Firstly, I’m just having a down day. Hormones, tiredness, Monday blues or whatever…We all have them, but no one posts them on Facebook or talks about those days they want to crawl under a rock, because it’s more socially acceptable to pretend we’re just fine. Secondly, I actually need some solitude. Ive sacrificed my once treasured alone time, my meditation, my ambling home the long route for a moment under my favourite tree, because I’m excited about my relationship and want to spend my time with him. But now I’m all off-centre, so tonight I’ll go home, do some yoga, and get back in touch with the part of me that recognises and takes care of my own needs, in a way that no one can do for me. I’ll check in with my heart and my gut feelings, I’ll stop and listen to what comes up in the silence. And in doing so I will think of you and your video, and feel so connected by our shared sense of humanness. And I will remind myself with gratitude, that it’s days like today that help me appreciate the highs, and I’ll smile and see the beauty in all of it, and in all of us. Thanks Matthew x

  28. Annie says:

    Very awesome video and appropropriate to this moment in time, Matthew. I’ll be frnak and hinest – I started watching your videos over two years ago after I found out, fir the thirf time in five years that my partner, my best friend and liver of almost 30 years, was still having an affair with an old girlfriens from high school. (She found hime on Facebook-no more of that right now). We had been dealing with the fact that after our third child was born I began having horrific daiky migrainea and came to find out through MRI’s that I have Multiple Slerosis…he waa feeling weak, alone anf afraid but of course there is no excuse…so was I! Well long story short-we clebrated our 30th anniversary last November and have learned (although it is lifelong) lessons of how to be there when the other needs solitude or understanding in their lolineas over an iasue heavy on their mind. Thanks for what you do Matthew!

  29. Grace says:

    I have felt the most alone I think I will ever feel already and I am only 15.. But I don’t feel too alone now but when I felt so alone was when I was seven.. I went out with this boy I liked as every old seven year old does and on Valentine’s Day his parents invited me to go over his house for a day. So I went and first we were out side playing football (soccer) when I started to get bored so he said ‘okay, how about we go to my room?’ And so we went upstairs and I followed him into his room.. Now previously to this visit this boy had forced me to kiss him and dragged me away from my friends, and basically he had been sexually assaulting me.. So back to the story. I followed him in the room and as I stepped inside he locked the door.. Which made me start to panic, like why would he need to physically lock the door? But anyway he then sat on his bed and he told me to sit next to him and so I sat down hesitantly as far away from him as possible and that’s when he said “I want to kiss you” and so I said No, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer. Now at first he just kept saying I needed to, then he said I had to and then grabbed his piggy bank and started laying money on the bed saying he would pay me.. At that point I was feeling so trapped and scared.. All I wanted was for someone to burst threw the door and save me, but no one came. I then went onto thinking what if I deserved this? And how no one knew what was happening.. And I just felt so alone and helpless and like I just didn’t want to live.. I don’t think I will ever forget how he then stuck his tongue down my throat.

    I don’t think I have ever felt that lonely or ever will as I did on that day..

    • Sydney says:

      The first thing you must remember is that many women are unfortunately victims of trauma in this works.

      1) it does not define them, it is just a life experience (albeit a very negative one)

      2) it’s an old story that lives in the past, and that is important to remember

      The old event/story is no longer alive , but you are.

  30. Jessica says:

    Hi Matty……
    I really don’t have much to say but thank you. The video helped alot. You made me realise that the problem i have now that iam not alone in it that someone somewhere may be going through the samething……

    And the video was perfect

  31. Daena D says:

    This is such an important message to share. Solitude can be a catalyst for amazing creations. Affluence, as we have in North America, can be isolating. Focusing on our loneliness as a differential, separates us from our sense of community. Recognizing that loneliness is a shared experience between all people dispels the myth that is loneliness.

  32. Samantha says:

    Matthew, this is a very thoughtful video. Loneliness occurs often in my life, as my love passed away only two years after we met, at the age of 28. It has been 5 years since, yet the pain of the loneliness is still there. He knew how to love me and vice versa, and we had a connection that appears to be difficult to find. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic, and know that you too are not alone.

  33. CC Williams says:

    Matt,
    This video was great, so happy to see you brining forth topics that others would shy away from. Loneliness I personally feel can happen to those that are the most social and out of he blue. I’m a social butterfly but there have been times where being lonely has hit me but I’ve been able to shake it off by connecting with hose I hold near and dear.

    Thanks again for not always keeping it light!

  34. Jen says:

    Aw Matt, this is my fave video of yours yet! I’m always saying you can’t be ‘on’ all the time. I often feel lonely, or fear loneliness I suppose (like being without a partner). It’s a hard thing to talk about. People don’t really want to listen, even the one’s that pretend to care. I think everyone has their own problems, and can only take on so much.

    It’s a bit of a shame, because aren’t we meant to be more civilised and open to sharing vulnerability with one another in a judgement free sort of way? I always try and give people that seem to need it this kind of freedom, but rarely get it back. It’s okay, it’s just the way it is, but i think this kind of lack of reciprocation that fosters this feeling. (for me anyway)

    When I was young…I never needed anyone…

  35. Sheryn says:

    Hello Matthew,

    I’ve been watching your videos and listening to your well given advice for some time now, your mom is so proud, trust me!! But your understanding of peoples feelings and the compassion you’ve shown on this loneliness video, really struck a very deep and emotional impact on me!! You called loneliness a “killer”, and you couldn’t have been more accurate!! It got me to thinking that, just maybe, you could help me too??

    I’ll try to explain the best I can why I felt I needed to write, and keep it as short as possible, while still giving as much information as I can.

    I’m a 64 yr. old woman. I did my best to love, care for and raise our 3 children in a marriage with a man who (by his own wishes), worked a 2nd shift job, so he didn’t have to be much of a physically present husband/father. However, I was there, 24-7, never to tired or busy to give the care and attention my family wanted or needed! My life revolved around their world, and I was thrilled to give that! But my now ex (and father to our children) wasn’t there for us, unless an emergency effected our bank account, I’m not trying to put him down, he just wasn’t interested in us or raising our kids, money was always the first concern, and the reason for most arguments, so I was the one there for the kids, all conversations went through me, (and yes, he was even gone on the weekends!) He often refused medical/dental, care/attention for me (and the kids) because he didn’t want to spend “his money on our health issues”, and became increasingly both verbally and physically violent during our 35 years of marriage just to back his stance. I did try to leave him a few times for these reasons, also because I could no longer love him, (and don’t now) but I returned, feeling that I couldn’t make it alone with small kids! AND, believing that I could protect them better by staying, God forbid he would have gotten unsupervised visitation rights!! Once he nearly caused the death of our oldest daughter! She had just turned 5 yrs. old when she got food poisoning from a local pizza parlor, but “his money” was more important than seeing to her health or well being. Needless to say I stepped in on these occasions but his reasoning (neglect and control) nearly caused her death, (according to her pediatrician) and my own death on more than several occasions! After our 3rd child (our only son) was born, I was allowed to die from an infection, and by the lack of the care that I needed because, it was too expensive…. we even had great insurance coverage!! I’m not going into details because I’d rather remember this as a loving memory (I was on cloud nine btw) I had a beautiful baby boy!

    This all started because of the loneliness I felt after my first marriage ended with a man that I was deeply in love with. And even though I was dating others after that divorce, I was still rebounding and vulnerable when I met (this man), my second husband. I take responsibility for my mistake because I could see that he was insecure, VERY jealous, and controlling during our courtship! But I chose to ignore these “RED FLAG” behaviors because I thought that my new love, our “LOVE” would overcome and eventually things would work out….if? I could just prove that I was loyal to him and loved him regardless of those actions! Had I not been in this state of loneliness, AND, thinking that he would change, (because he told me every day how much he “Loved Me”) I would have moved on from that relationship! I had never accepted this type of behavior in any of my prior relationships with the other men that I dated, but like I said….

    Anyway, I finally did leave him in Oct. of 2014, and have been living alone since then. I finally felt confident enough (kids grown) and telling my now ex, that I didn’t want to be married any more and that I was leaving him. He told me that he wanted me to stay, to give him a second chance. (???) For me?… ALL chances were given long ago and I just wanted to move on to find the loving relationship that I desperately needed and longed for. That’s when things really went horribly wrong for me! He told me that he would financially ruin me if I left, (I’m still puzzled as to why he asked me to stay with him!!!) Because then, he did exactly that….he cut me off financially. FIRST, by refusing to pay for my medical attention, but that’s not the reason I’m writing or feeling so alone, or even living with this unrelenting, over powering loneliness now, because I’m finally FREE from him, or so I thought…
    Not having the money I needed for legal help, I was forced to stay, our son (22, at the time) was also still living at home. Being denied the money for my doctors, prescriptions, suppliments, (even our food was no longer being provided for) I was having great difficulty with stress control!! So when my prescriptions ran out, (again, putting me at risk for a stroke, heart attack or death) that’s when the arguments with my son began. I asked him if he could share an apartment or stay with friends, so that he wasn’t a part of what was going on! Planning that I would be moving out-of-state, I also asked if he would consider going with me when I was able to leave, and respected his reasons for not wanting to go with. Still, bottom line, we started arguing more and more, and our relationship went down hill from there! I tried to repair the damage (the aftermath)…but no matter what I’d say or do, it only made matters worse until he was no longer speaking to me at all! Whenever I was in his presence, he acted like I wasn’t even there, INVISIBLE to him!! When I asked for his support (my decision to leave the relationship was a healthy one) he accused me of abandoning him. I needed to leave this stressful situation, but again financially, I couldn’t. I didn’t want my son to be involved in the first place but now, he was! I tried asking for his forgiveness, because now these arguments were out of control, and terribly hurtful things were said by both of us, we could see that we were hurting each other, but as hard as we tried, we just couldn’t seem to communicate properly and things always ended badly between us! Then I tried leaving the area when discussions would get heated between us, (going to my bedroom, thinking that he would cool down some??) but this actually made him more angry and he became more and more physical with me! He pushed me down into a chair once, other times breaking through my closed door, injuring me twice in the process. He also put his fist Through. A. Wall!! I was afraid for both of our safety at that point, and even offered to take him to the ER (We both thought he’d broken his wrist!!). His anger with me came on rapidly, and he became more violent as I refused to engage him when he was in this state of mind! Still having no where to go, I became terrified to be around him (he’s a BIG guy!!). I even tried explaining to him that I was, AFRAID Of Him, and didn’t want the police involved!! That he was my only son…That I loved him with all my heart and soul!! And that being off of my medications were some main reason for MY own inability to communicate with him. I was a type II diabetic with complications of thyroid problems, lupus, (still am dealing with those) And,stress related bi-polarism yet!! Finally when I was able to leave, I did hug him and asked if we could, Please….work to repair our relationship? He said that he would call me but I haven’t heard from him since! Having left nearly 2 years ago, I never would have left him nor thought this distance between us possible. I thought we had a great relationship before this, we went everywhere, did everything together. From weekly out-of-town zoo trips, and theme parks, to lazer and paint ball outings. Going to the movies (even the drive in), he taught me how to shoot, and I taught him how to drive! We were always going somewhere or doing something together, even if it was just a lunch or dinner out (boy, could he eat!!) Always laughing and joking, I thought we had so much fun. Until this, until he told me before I left that, “those were MY thoughts”, I gotta say, Confused?? couldn’t touch my feelings with him telling me that!!

    Matthew, I am Truly Devastated. Heart Broken with this loss! And my loneliness IS killing me!!

    Also, and since then, both of my daughters have followed suit, cutting off contact with me, one telling me that, “THEY, (???) couldn’t believe the things that people, have said about me”! Say What?? What “people” ?? I myself would never believe anyone who spoke against my mother, especially if she wasn’t even there to defend herself?? Still, I have tried to keep contact through emails, sending positive cards for holidays and birthdays, including emails asking their forgiveness for anything that I had contributed to, with regards to the break down of our relationships. I’ve also been screamed at by my oldest daughter, when I called several months ago, just to say “Hi”. With her telling me that I have taken away their childhood home, (their inheritance) and then hung up on me before I could even respond to that statement. This daughter has had no relationship with her father since the age of 18, when she left home at that time, and not much of one while growing up even though I had tried to encourage them, so this hit me out of the blue!

    Well, I’ve certainly put all of our disfunction out there! I do apologize, for the length of this! But here’s my dilemma….

    During this time, four doctors (and two different councilors, so far) have recommended (??) that I cut off ALL types of communication with my children because of my personal health issues (deep (“burn out”) depression, insomnia, and severe, daily anxiety attacks). But Matthew, this just feels wrong to me, I miss and love them very much and in spite of what’s happened. I want to work these issues out if still possible! I’m still in hopes that some day, they could have a change of heart. So, I’ve reduced my correspondences to sending only Christmas and Birthday cards with the simple signature of,”Love Mom”.
    I’m telling you this so you can better (and hopefully ??) advise me?? My responses have been as follows….

    My oldest daughter who now lives close (with my grandchildren) does send cards, but doesn’t want much more visits/contact or communication than that. I am still sending cards and gifts to my grandchildren though.

    My second daughter, did send a recent Birthday card and a Chrismas card, but only AFTER she received mine. She’s been married for over 10 years, her husband hasn’t been helpful with a, Unity Of Family Members mentality (for her best interests) but I haven’t said anything as to my feeling about that. He’s also angry with me, but I don’t understand why.

    From my son? ….NOTHING, not even on Mother’s Day. Two have passed since I’ve left and, (I’ve lost hope with the one coming up) I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t feel like a knife in my heart!

    I guess my questions are…. Am I doing the right thing by trying to stay in touch this way? Is there any other advice can you give me that might just help to get the communication going??
    The medication I was put on (for my depression/anxiety) made me sick and even more depressed so I’ve been taken off and don’t want to risk taking any others with possible same effects. I’ve also tried listening to motivational speakers, (your advise videos included) but I’m still not finding any joy with any part of my life…I just can’t seem to move on from this! Is there some way to reach them, or do I just need more help to get past this?

    Thank you for being there!
    Sheryn

    P.S.
    Please, keep up the great work your doing, it really does mean so much to the people you help!! :)

    • Sydney says:

      The gas tank has to be full in order for the car to be able to drive a long distance. Similarly, if you are hoping to make these big positive life changes in your relationship, you may first generate that positive energy in your relationship with yourself.

      Why not keep a journal and think about how you aspire to feel? Set some goals for your well being, and write them down.

  36. Meri says:

    I think this is one of the best videos you’ve ever done, Matthew. Really great. Thank you.

  37. Jennifer says:

    Great message, Matthew! Always good to have a reminder we are not alone, even when in loneliness.

  38. Lissia Martinez says:

    What a great video! I have the same feeling inside sometimes. I’ve been moving between country’s the last 8 year’s and I had to face this a few times. People around me think that it’s a super life because of the pictures I put on Facebook but it’s more hard inside than they think. We don’t speak enough of this. We need to take care of our good friends and our loves ones, they are more important than we think and we need to stop believe the nice images that people share on Facebook or else because most of the time they just share their best moment or the ideal life they have or wish. So we have to be careful and take care of the real things around us.

    You are not alone
    Lots of love!

    Lissia

  39. Maria says:

    That was a very good video, it just reminds us about what we should remember and tend to forget.

  40. Kaylene says:

    This was raw, emotional and very beautiful. Thank you for this message and for the poignancy with which it was shared.

    I struggle with loneliness in my life. I live alone in a small town two hours from my home city. There aren’t many people out here I can connect with. The weeknights are painful. Weekends are less so as I spend them in the city, but I depend on my friends and family being free.

    It’s worse now after my most recent relationship ended. It was a short relationship; I never lived with him, we were separated by those two hours, but we spent every moment of the weekends and holidays with each other. I had assumed, naively, that because I loved him we would be together forever. Discovering I was wrong tore open insecurities I never knew I had. That scar will take a long while to heal.

    Two months have passed and I’ve now found myself with a new person so intelligent and fascinating it’s difficult to even describe him. It’s VERY early days yet, still at the ‘dating’ stage, but I feel that same spark even more intensely than last time. However, it doesn’t stop the loneliness. I don’t think I want it to. As it’s so early, I fear the same thing happening again.

    I’m falling very quickly for this person but I will not let myself use him as a balm for my loneliness. I need to find love and happiness within myself. He can augment it, but I should not depend on him to provide it. I want to let myself feel lonely and accept that those feelings are okay so I don’t place undue demands on him to ‘fix’ something that I must learn to accept within myself.

    This video was exactly what I needed. I struggle with trying to take things slowly when I want to tell him everything I feel. I struggle with allowing him to commit to a relationship in his own time when I want that security as soon as possible. I struggle with knowing he is not ‘mine’, as people can never cage and own each other, when I wish I could hold onto him and never let go. The root of all that struggling is a fear of loneliness.

    If I work toward accepting that loneliness is a normal and acceptable part of life, a part of myself, I’ll find myself far more comfortable giving up control and walking at his pace as we navigate the territory from dating into a relationship.

  41. Jacky says:

    This is what we are looking for raw, authentic, real and vulnerable.Today for the first time we have connected Mathew.
    You have actually let down your walls …LOL be ready for a love hit.

  42. Freshta says:

    Hey Matty I thought you were amazing before this video but you seem to have exceeded your amazingness yet again xoxo

    I have been single for a few years but since I have found you.. I don’t feel so alone… You have been with me for past two years guiding me and helping me.. Not only dealing with dating and men but bettering myself in so many other ways…. I am still not there and sometimes feel like will it really ever happen forme!??! But try and stay positive and listen to your stuff everyday..listening to you is the favourite part of my day xoxo

    I love you very much and would really love to meet you… Will you by any chance be in London in May?

    I am in Australia… It would amazing if you come down under one day…

    Lots of love, hugs and kisses
    keep safe
    Amelia xoxo

  43. Amelie says:

    Hey Matty I thought you were amazing before this video but you seem to have exceeded your amazingness yet again I have been single for a few years but since I have found you.. I don’t feel so alone… You have been with me for past two years guiding me and helping me.. Not only dealing with dating and men but bettering myself in so many ways…. I am still not there and sometimes feel like will it really ever happen forme!??! But try and stay positive and listen to your stuff everyday..listening to you is the favourite part of my day

    I love you very much and would really love to meet you… Will you by any chance be in London in May?

    I am in Australia… It would amazing if you come down under one day…

    Lots of love, hugs and kisses
    keep safe
    Amelia xoxo

  44. Katherine says:

    Aww, this is a really sweet video Matt. I think lonelyness is perhaps another word for vulnerable. A time when you need your best friends and people you love. When you feel they’re not there for you it can be hard… I’ve been feeling like that today too, and I think perhaps this it’s a good time for me to call on myself as if I am my own best friend and knowing that I can look after myself almost as a separate person… I hope that makes sense.!! I’m going to give myself a break today and do something nice for me as my own best friend. X
    Katherine
    Ps. Have a virtual hug from me xx

  45. Victoria says:

    A great mantra for when i feel lonely is ‘Mine, o thou Lord of life, bring my roots rain’ Lord being any Lord or any entity….

  46. Harriet Morris says:

    Just beautiful. From your work I have realized that men are as vulnerable as women. A few weeks ago I was chatting with a guy from my Meetup group (just a friend) and I said “we are all lonely ” and relief flooded him. This weekend I was on a date with a man that I met (and btw there would have been no date had it not been for your techniques Matt !) and he talked about his loneliness.

    I see the point is not to rescue each other from loneliness but accept it as we must accept our own mortality . Once we do this we are free to connect with others without a “save me from myself” price tag attached

  47. Vaikhari says:

    Thank you so much for this video. It feels really nice to know that somebody is listening and that someone cares. Your timing was so impeccable. Thank you for talking to us about loneliness. Probably one of the best videos you could ever come up with. You have been very genuine in all your videos and you have really understood how to nail the feelings of people. I really appreciate your honesty and sincerity :)

  48. Deborah Clarke says:

    This sharing really struck a deep cord and I enjoyed shedding some tears listening to it. In an age of over-stimulation and addiction to busyness, pressing the pause and mute button can be just the right thing just to allow our feelings to bubble to the surface. I ended a long term relationship a year ago and felt like I had grieved it fully. I was looking for any ripple effect and it was not forthcoming. Yet when my 14 year old cat died a few months ago, I felt kind of lost and very lonely. I felt like I had lost my bearings. Feeling “the void”, while painful at times can bring beauty and connection on a deeper level spiritually. We are all alone essentially trying to do our best and I also know that love is our greatest undertaking in life. The media tells us “being in love” all the time is what is desirable. Yet living a truly passionate life may or may not include a partner. Perhaps we need solitude as well as union and the more we can comfortably honor the polarity and our need for both, well, maybe we can be more balanced (and honor our future partners need for both as well). You have struck a universal cord here. Thank you!

  49. Heidi Jackson says:

    I needed to hear this message. I was cleaning out email in preparation for the coming week & nearly deleted the email without reading it. I’m not sure what stayed my hand, but I clicked on the video instead.

    Recently I was in a motorcycle accident. The man I thought loved me & wanted to be with me forever, began cheating on me when I was still in the hospital. When I got home he was angry because I wasn’t interested in sex – I wasn’t even able to shower or feed myself, sex wasn’t high on the priority list.

    Then, the day after Christmas he abandoned me. Said I was “too demanding” and was doing nothing to help around the house – did I mention I was wheelchair-bound & incapable of doing anything for myself?!? In the moment he left he dumped me out of my chair & took the chair to the other end of the house; it took me 2 hours to get back in it.

    Within days my family moved me to a place where I know no one except my sister. She is very helpful as time allows, but she has a husband & an invalid son to take care of. So I’ve spent a ton of time alone. My kids come the two hours to see me as time allows, but it’s not often.

    So I’ve been very much alone and lonely. Sure I hear from my friends all the time, bun they are over a thousand miles away from here. I’ve been wishing I had done something different so that my ex didn’t walk away, but I don’t know what.

    This helped me to realize that being alone for a bit isn’t going to kill me. And it may even help me if I embrace it. So thank you so very much for this video just as you aired it. I think you may have saved me. xoxo

  50. Holly says:

    Matt is at his best when he is honest, transparent, and vulnerable. The timing on this video is perfect for me. I’ve been pitying myself for far too long. I’m not currently in a romantic relationship. I have three close friends in my life. One of them refuses to treat me the way I expect my friends to treat me, and I’ve finally decided it is time to cut him out of my life. Another of those three friends just informed me that he will be moving out of the country soon. Plus, my mother just became a grandmother for the first time, and all of the attention in the family is of course on the new baby. The most alone I ever felt was when my boss took a week off for vacation. I went for four days straight without talking to another human being – not a coworker, family member, or even a checker at the grocery store. I was seriously considering taking a page out of “To the Manor Born” by calling up people to give me free quotes for things just so I could have someone to talk to. It’s nice to be reminded I’m not alone in feeling alone.

    One of my new favorite movies is “The Holiday”. I love how Kate Winslet’s character breaks through her loneliness and heartache by befriending an elderly gentleman. What a beautiful reminder that happiness and deep connection come through serving others, and that a relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship to fill the hole in our hearts and to make us feel connected, valued, and alive. When she forgot herself and instead focused on serving others that is when she found herself.

    I agree that being alone isn’t always bad. And the truth is that I choose to be alone. Using Matt’s advice I have surprisingly found men who are willing to date me. I know places I can go and things I can do to find new friends. But right now I feel like I really need time to focus on me. It is only in true solitude that I can meet the real me, both the good and the bad. I have had a lot of growth in my alone time. Once I am sufficiently healed, I will go back into the world, and with my growth and experiences I will be a much stronger and wiser force for good. It is all my choice. Sometimes I lose sight of that. I have the skills necessary to change my situation when I want to. The reason I haven’t changed it yet is because I still have things to learn. If I choose to be alone, it is quite silly to then mourn my lonely state. And whether it’s meeting new people at a theater or chatting with other great people online at VJ in my PJs, I am never truly completely alone.

  51. Jae says:

    I have huge respect to people who remain calm and still find a courage way to deal with loneliness without feeling any self-pity. My own opinion on being lonely, is be careful on what you put in your mind when you are alone. Your life is shaped by your thoughts.

  52. Sandra says:

    Thanks Matthew, that’s so genuine and real. Social media is an illusion, i even started to believe it one point, but it’s just putting us further and further apart in establishing real, genuine connections. I feel lonely a lot, and i thought it was just me. Like had a problem, and everyone else was living a party life. So thanks for creating that human connection that we are all in this together.

  53. Chrystal Metcalfe says:

    Thank you Matthew, Love you to dear and I appreciate how raw you are and real, it really helps alot to see that! I am alone alot, with having pancreatic cancer, I don’t get to do a lot of things, I usually tire out so fast that I end up on the couch, the bed, or anywhere in our home comfy! It can be so frustrating to not be able to do what my daughters are doing or even what I used to do. I used to dance all of the time, work, play in the garden, or just be out and about all day! I hate that other people are going through what I am going through, this is pure hell at times, but I am not alone in that. So thank you again, your video has made my night better! Bless all of you✌️

    • Gigi says:

      Hello Chrystal. Tku fr sharing and sorry to that u r so ill wth cancer & feeling so alone. Must b very frightening at times & can’t imagine what you must b going thru. But very brave of you to share & reach out. Matt’s sincere heartfelt video is so very timely fr so many of us. You can feel proud of all you have done in your life and raising or raised two beautiful precious daughters.
      I sincerely hope u pull through this gigantic fight and become well again. Sharing your exhausting battle will encourage others. Take care luv Gigi XO

  54. Amanda Cherie says:

    Thanks, Matt. Your authenticity is extremely refreshing. Please know that I often pray for you in all of your personal effort and sacrifice that goes in to influencing your world.

  55. Karen Salas says:

    I absolutely LOVE this video. I have been watching your videos for a couple of months now and this is the best one yet! Leaving it raw and uncut/unedited… Perfect!
    Everyone you meet on a day to day basis is facing something in their own lives that leaves them feeling lonely inside. I usually don’t ever do New Years resolutions, but I challenged myself this year to BE KIND to everyone. While solitude is good for my creative side sometimes, loneliness is definitely a struggle for me. So I have tried to just start smiling more at strangers! Lol.. :)
    Thank you for posting this video!! I loved it!

  56. sara says:

    love love this message , Matt you are the best! I love the fact you are so authentic and real with this subject. I think is easier to feel lonely these days because social media portrays much people as the opposite when is not always the case

  57. Vanesia Barrow says:

    Hi Matt..your video on loneliness was very nourishing. ..years ago I would have tell myself. .no this can never be me…my husband died a while ago..but my marriage was made up of a lot of bitter lemons but in those days I had to take those very lemons n make juice….I survived.Four yrs ago I met this someone who meant the world to me…our relationship grew but most of our time was spent very distance we had lived in two different countries. .however I moved here and we both hook up..we still are not living together. .but things were great..recently it has changed. .and I’m very alone n hurting..I don’t hear from him like before I learned a few stuff from your other videos. ..I’m not stooping to no man…so I’m on the silence treatment presently…but I know my values so I’m watching at his show …thank you so much Mat For reaching out to all those women like me ..n it’so true that you feel good inside when u know u can relate stuff and know that you re not ALONE.continue your good work. God bless you. .

  58. Lynne says:

    I think that you are a beautiful person! Thank you for having such a kind, loving and generous heart! Wishing you so many blessings!

  59. karen says:

    Hey Matt, Thanks for the video in naming the pink elephant in the room. I’m glad that you did a video on this topic because it’s one of the things I’m struggling with being single. It’s especially hard on me right now because I’m working 60+ hours a week trying to start my own business. While I have the flexibility to focus all my effort in my business, I am also extremely lonely at times while working or winding down after a long day of work. I guess it’s about finding that right balance to not live like a cave man and also accomplishing my objectives. Could you share of the challenges you face in the initial stage of developing your business and how you balance that with love/social life?
    Can’t wait to see a video about it. Thank you
    PS. your british accent is extremely cute

  60. Dana says:

    Matthew and Jamison thank you so much for sharing. You guys are always bringing videos that are positive and empowering. However, it was nice to see a true vulnerable moment that appeared to be so raw for Matthew. Just makes you so much more relatable. Keep up the amazing work that helps so many.

  61. Mary Ann says:

    Great topic! I think so many of us are afraid to be ourselves and be vulnerable. Therefore, we find excuses not to connect with each other. We then end up alone and lonely! I was just a recipient of this! Thought the guy was great but always found an excuse not to make us right for each other. I am sad and lonely!

  62. dian says:

    Hai Matthew,
    Lonelyness feels like empty in your deepest heart. All material needs u have achieved in life, still have those feelings.. emptyness.
    Friends, family, girl friend,boy friends, they could not fullfield your feelings.

    Your soul need to be provides.. spiritual sides of human beings. We need to fill our soul to complete our lives..

    Hope soon you will found out ‘things’ to fullfilled your emptyness.

    As we all know, feeling lonely could make somepeople commit suicide. I’m sure you have positive ways no to do it.. :)

  63. Jen says:

    Nailed it. At the end of the day, regardless the number of people I am with or encounter, I’m quite lonely. For the past several months, I’ve been more proactive & focused. I have tried to implement the things I’ve learned from your videos/website etc. I am ready for a relationship, but obv not going to settle for the sake of companionship. However, between the typical busyness of life and the dead ends, I must admit the discouragement is slowly wearing me down… to a place where I sometimes feel as though it’s just not meant for me to have a real relationship. Which I also struggle with so it’s a vicious cycle of emotions… one that makes chilling in my bed with Netflix more appealing. Atleast in that scenario I can regroup after an exhausting day/week of work & kids.

  64. Laura says:

    What I appreciated most from you Matthew was your openness to being vulnerable for all of us. Thank you for not editing the video because I felt like I was getting the “real” Matthew Hussey. Like you, I find it interesting that we’re in a world where we can connect to another human being in seconds and we often choose not to or the connection is very surface level. There is still something to be said about hearing a person’s voice (which can also be a big turn on) or sitting with them face to face if you can that is missing from social media and causing more loneliness.

    I decided to learn how to ballroom and latin dance to try and meet a man. Five years later, I’ve become a competitive ballroom dancer and still single. Dancing allows me to express my feelings and learn about who I am in a partnership which has helped, but the dance world can be lonely because a lot of the guys just want to dance with the best dancers. I haven’t found too many that actually want a relationship. I really enjoy my pro partner who is also my instructor but the longing to have my partner for life is sometimes heart breaking. Thank you for doing what you do! I’ve learned a lot and will keep trying to find love and in the meantime, I’ll just keep loving my family, friends and dance partner until he comes.

  65. Robin says:

    Hi Matt – really beautiful message delivered with such authenticity. Understandable that you would feel lonely too, especially after a big event of connection, but also longing for a deeper connection too. You give so much and travel so much, that it must be hard to live a consistent life able to connect with loved ones regularly. Of course I do relate to the struggle with loneliness at times and continue to work on self love and acceptance, filling up my own heart and shifting my perspective that I’m not so different because that only increases the feeling of separation. I find doing the “loving kindness meditation” helps me in those darker moments. Anyway, you’re a beautiful spirit doing such great work in the world and I appreciate you showing up in my inbox. Sending much love also to you in easing your loneliness.

  66. Andrea says:

    Andrea

    It is one of the most beautiful videos. Thanks for sharing with us. We have to accept that feel loneliness is part of life. I love your videos.

  67. Liz says:

    Great video – honest – relatable & raw. Makes one feel so not alone. Sometimes us “normal” people need to hear this. And to know that Matt (expert) feels it too. Great job – glad you did not shorten it!

  68. J says:

    Most *real* I think you’ve seemed. Felt like we were getting more of the authentic depth you have to offer. Thank you.

  69. Nicky says:

    very heartfelt video! I have been facing be alone for many years in the relationship department. Going through a divorce and even in the time of marriage was a very lonely time in my life. Thinking you’re partner and yourself will be engaging in the same interests didn’t happen during 10 years of marriage. At that time I was doing many things myself. I really need a companion to share life with.

  70. Marilisa says:

    Thank you Matthew for sharing it with us , it is how I feel right now ….. I have a wonderful life surrounded by amezing friends, though but yet so much alone and loneliness has became my companion. Triste.

  71. Lisa says:

    Beautiful post Matt.I’m glad you chose to leave it unedited. It was so informative and most of all Relevant! I feel better now about something I never try to think about too often.. and certainly never talk about. Sending Love to you and everyone out there who needs it. xoxo

  72. Eve says:

    Hi Matt,
    Thank you SO much for the lonlinrss video! Growing up, I had a sad Mom and she would tell me that I was the only one who could take her from sad to laughter. As time passed, I realized she suffered from lonliness. You don’t have to be alone to be lonely.

    I’m now 59 and a retired social worker. Spending my career and much of my personal life helping others, I’ve realized the benefits of how helping others makes me feel less lonely..yes “less” lonely. Like you said, it strikes all of us.

    Like all people, I’ve experienced some rough patches, and at those times one realizes not only who your true friends are, but also how rare they are.

    Truth!! There are givers, takers and inbetweeners. It’s easier to focus on our own pain. I hope your video moves a few at least to move forward. It touched my heart.

    Thank you

  73. Ida says:

    I’m struggling with loneliness right now. I feel so so so very alone at this very moment that watching your video helped me a little bit to understand that I’m not the only one. I’ve no one to love and when someone is attracted to me it turnes into a real giantess with me being the only one hurt. I’ve set some goals and sometimes I feel like they are too far away from me and are unattainable to someone like me. I feel like my only purpose is to be lonely and miserable. Lol I laugh but it’s how I truly feel. Watching your video comforted me, knowing that im not the only one. And it’s true what you say: loneliness is a killer.

  74. LAURA CROSBY says:

    Spot on…. and it does always feel like you are the “only one”…. and isn’t it interesting how we can feel so alone even in a crowd of people whom we know. I just experienced this last night and took action to remove myself as it was too intense. I actually had better company in the company of just myself. And it’s not always a bad thing!

  75. Sasha says:

    Hey it’s Sasha,

    I thought that was a really thought provoking message. I could definitely relate to having the loneliness of an idea that no one shares. There are lots of times where I think a certain way that no one else in my family does. But if anyone can do it, we can. I really apreciate your honesty in quoting high school musical. We’re all in this together. Hope everyone has a lovely week!

    S

  76. Sue says:

    Indeed – quite possibly your best video ever. Most certainly a message that desperately needs to be heard – and repeated often! Thank you Matthew

  77. Mike Mathieson says:

    Dear Matt,

    Funny I should receive this video via email right at this moment…..for the last year I have been struggling terribly with loneliness and I guess a form of grief over the loss of my former life and social connection..

    Briefly after 17 years of living in my community the house I was living in was sold unexpectedly and I suddenly found myself thrust back into the rental market and finding it extremely difficult to find a place to live not only from the expense point of view but also because I found that there was now a blanket ban on having a pet which I have.

    Thankfully I had great references but they were of no use in securing a home once I mention I had a pet/companion so after searching near and far and looking at 87 properties in all and basically looking at being homeless as the due date where i had to vacate where I was living was quickly approaching I finally managed to find a place approximately 100 k further out of the city where i worked so suddenly I was faced with a daily commute of 200 k and the prospect of living in a small community where i didn’t know anyone and dealing with small town mentality and homophobia toward gay people (I should have mention that I’m gay)so this really increased my sense of isolation as it became extremely hard to find anyone who would associate with me and to add to it all my friends and social connections stopped contacting me as to them I might as well have moved to Siberia.

    During the period of looking and trying to survive my pet also snapped his crutiate ligament and developed a cancerous tumor on his belly) so at 16 years of age he faced 3 major surgeries ( 2 on the tumor to make sure they got it all) so this added to the stress plus the financial pressure.

    Thankfully he survived and is doing great but the aftermath of all this turmoil was that I found myself really struggling with isolation and loneliness and depression.

    I have done a ton of research and discovered that many of the symptom I have been experiencing are the normal reaction to loneliness and isolation and knowing this and being able to actually understand this has been extremely helpful as I thought that perhaps i was losing my mind.

    Your video really made me think that as you said loneliness is indeed a killer and epidemic these days and I thank you for posting this as it helps to know that I’m not a nutso and that regardless of how wonderful a life we might think someone else is having compared to ours, behind the smiles there may very well be a person struggling with depression loneliness and feelings of isolation.

    Trust me your video helped big time.

    Thanks Matt

  78. Sally Badillo says:

    I really needed to hear your message about loneliness. I have been so discouraged by scammers on these on line dating sites, I feel so deeply hurt because I do not understand any of it. How they can say such meaningful things, but not mean any of it!! I am scared, so scared that I will spend the rest of my life alone, it terrifies me. I lay awake at night and wonder if or when I will find someone to love me. I am 63 and I wasted most of my life with the wrong men, hoping they would change. Now here I am alone, I cryed as I sat here listening to Matthew. Its like he knows. I will heed his words and try to comfort others who might feel the same. Thank you Matthew. God bless you.

    • Christina says:

      Sally, when I read your post, it was as though I had written it! I have been doing my best to believe that life can change in an instant, that there are good men out there, and they are wondering where we are. Sending you a virtual hug and wishes for good things to happen – and soon!

    • Gigi says:

      Hello Sally. I am 58 and have had yr experiencevtoo amongst other things so put my lovelife on hold until certsin circumstances change but just seems never ending.. Hard to really trust too as do many men our age married and just want to play around. A guy actualky told me that most guys onn those dating chat sites are married. I feel like u do too but hard to get out docially due to my circumstances but am going to mke more of an effort to turn every opportunity when out djopping etc to take initiative with men I normally wud djy awsy frm and CHOOSE THE MEN MYSELF NOT THEM CHOOSE ME FR ONCE. I Have heard of online relationdhips working out but I ptefer to see the real thing then u can check.out their body language etc. Our age men dont want to wadye time dating I noticed and just want to get straight to it but I say that I wud lke to tke bit slow to mke sure but ALWAYS A GAMBLE RISK NO MSYTER WHST WHETHER GET MARRIED OR JUST LIVE TOGETHER BUT WE CAN B MORE EDUCATED ON TED GLSGS TO LOOK FOR AND I DO FOLLOWY INSTINCTS AS SO FAR MY INSTINCTS CORRECT SFTER CERTAIN NEGATIVE EXPETIENCES. THERE IS HOPE FR US, LOOK ON TV HOW PEOPLE AGED EVEN 80 YRS FIND ANOTHER MATE. THKU FR SHARING AND I will watch that movie. I hope you can find some solace in reading other comments. I’m new to his channel but am going to try some of suggestions thst I am able to do & see what happens. Dont give up and remember u r a special unique woman & deserve better. Yes it is rewarding helping others but sometimes WE also need pampering and looked after too. Being grateful fr what we do hve helps but still hard I know. Hope life will improve fr you. Take care luv Gigi XO

      • Sydney says:

        The point of life – is that if you want something, you will be happier if you are taking action steps towards achieving that vision.

        Whether or not you reach the goal is a question of time and effort and a future that you or I or Matt or anyone cannot see right now. But you must use your logical mind to try to get to the things that you desire.

        Don’t stop trying if it’s something that you want. Set expectations with yourself as to what your efforts are. And go forward in your process, whatever that is.

        As a society, we are so focused on end goals that often times we miss out on fully experiencing the journey as it unfolds. Life itself is a journey. Every day is a miracle in that the world turns without fail and we are able to greet the Sun every morning.

        Find out what are your action steps and take them. That is all you can do. That is all there is to do. Everything else is just peanuts.

        If you think that a boyfriend or a husband would automagically fix everything, then well – that’s no guarantee. There is no crystal ball. We are not psychic. No one can predict the future. We all hope to attain a relationship, because we think we will be happier with the attainment of it. I am saying let’s be that much happy now. Pretend that the future holds the relationship if you must. But be happy in the now and see all of the delightful things that presently exist in the world.

        Only you can live your life. Relationships are like two people walking their own paths, which sometimes intersect and sometimes will meander their own routes. You always have to run your own trail, anyway. Just be happy now.

        It’s late. And I needed to write for a bit. Sorry for my very long message.

    • Gigi says:

      Sorry Dalky fr typo errors. Meant to say I LEARNED RED FLAGS TO LOOK FOR AND NOT TO IGNORE THEM. IT LOOKS LIKE MATT’S VIDEO WAS VERY MUCH NEEDED GRM ALL THE COMMENTS. I’m in Australia & was up to 5:30am on his website crying reading all the comment, many identify with. Tried to reply to dome to try to help. I’d been holding myself strong keepingy emotions at bay fr so long that this video and comments just made me let go and ball my eyes out. Let us all be kind to each other and learn frm each other. Matt does seem genuine to me even tho he hsd to run a business and think he reslising judt how much mire complicated life really is out in the big world & comfort thst he willing to ask fr our comments & he too gets lonely. Thinking of u and all women like us or even the men, all ages. But our age I feel smetimes is time running out fr me? But I hve plenty to do here. Take care Sally. Luv Gigi lots big hugs even tho u dont know me we do share something. :) XO

  79. Cassie Garbe says:

    Thank you for this, Matthew. I have been terribly lonely off and on for years. It is so hard to be motivated to achieve anything alone. In your book you say, before you get the guy, you have to get a life. I don’t know where to find energy to do this, however. There’s just this emptiness that seems to grow bigger all the time. I have reached out to a friend and may start talking to a counselor. But I have had many counselors in the past, it’s hard to have faith that this will be different but I am trying. When I am at my best, I am normally an enthusiastic, positive person who soaks up every bit of life. I wonder what any of your followers would think about starting a support group or something. I would love to be able to attend a retreat. I know I’ve spent more than that on counselors and medications that are only temporary fixes. What I wouldn’t give to have the one I love to come home to. Now I am rambling too…thank you for caring.

  80. Avid Reader says:

    I think it is a great video and the length is ok.
    I really feel that we spend too much time hurting one another rather than connecting and finding good ways to relate.
    Especially as a woman the cat fights are unbearable, which has helped me decide to stay home rather than venture and waste my time.
    On the other hand, i have always had jobs that lead to extensive contact with people. And i enjoy being alone–since i carry on many activities.
    But yeah, it is good to feel that we are not alone.
    Thanks for sharing and thanks for the passion you and your brother put in your videos/writings!!

  81. Fabian says:

    You are always great in video and live because you appear real down to earth, video was great. One thing you teach to women in get the guy is the most important is love ourselves. I’ve found that loving myself, having alone time is good for my growth, if I feel lonely I get in the car and go somewhere. ..I am by myself when I’m at home however I don’t dwell on the fact that no one lives with me, I believe and know I’m doing what I need to be ready when the time comes that special person enters. When I’m out I make people laugh and feel good about themselves I go home alone but I feel good about others I’ve touched.

  82. Victoria Lauzun says:

    Matthew, Thank you for this raw message. I am an actress who has recently gone through a devastating breakup over the holidays. I completely related to the statement you made about being in front of a large group of people, who are essentially cheering for you – that energy from complete strangers, as well as my cast mates, makes me feel briefly that I am a part of someone’s life. But going home to my new apartment without him there to greet me, has left me feeling extremely lonely, and a little lost as I settle into my new routine. I try to be as honest as possible about what I’m going through, but I am still terrified of being judged by those who are happy in love, as I try desperately to fight back tears while telling my story. But in the end, I’m always glad that I shared, because it’s not just the loneliness that will kill you, but more so, the feeling that you have to push it down and pretend that everything is ok. I’m so glad that you shared with us your feelings. – Victoria

  83. maggi says:

    amazing…exactly what i needed t hear. its like he was speaking right to me

  84. maggi says:

    were never alone with God

  85. cassie says:

    Hi,
    As I am writing this I am hidden away in my home in a dark room crying as I am not only lonely but alone.I have no one in my life and many of times thought about killing myself as this weight on my shoulders is too much to bare.
    I have never been in a relationship not even a date , I have family well they just keep putting me down , friends no one as when as they use me and than throw me away like rubbish.
    I have put on a mask when speaking to anyone and have put so much more energy into my work so I have given you a fake name to post.

    • Gigi says:

      Hello Casssie. Really glad u shared how sad and alone you are feeling. Such overwhelming sadness and you seem as though you could be sufferring from depression. I like many others have felt do low thinking no way out BUT THERE IS HELP FOR YOU, ARE YOU ABLE TO CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR OR CALL HOSPITAL ASK FOR HELP AND PHONE NUMBERS OF ORGANISATIONS WHO CAN HELP YOU? LIKE LIFELINE OR BEYOND BLUE, OR GET SOMEONE TO TAKE YOU TO HOSPITAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AS SOMETIMES WE MAY NEED PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WHO WILL CARE AND LISTEN TO YOU AND KEEP YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY! AND WILL HELP YOU SEE THAT YOUR LIFE IS VERY PREVIOUS AND YOU ARE A VALUED SPECIAL PERSON AND LIFE CAN BE BETTER FOR YOU. I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS WORLD SO CANNOT GIVE YOU ACTUAL.PHONE NUMBERS BUT ARE YOU ABLE TO TALK TO ANYONE AT ALL? You welcome to email me.
      Thinking of you lots of hugs and kisses Gigi XOXO

  86. Mary says:

    Beautiful, just Beautiful!

  87. A. says:

    Ah, my dear Matt. Thanks for this rawness uncut. I am feeling lonely and trying not to resort to leaning on my ex too much. It’s working. I let him call me or let him go to voicemail. It’s a good thing, but still lonely.

    Fortunately, I’ve been going out and meeting my needs with new people. New coffee dates! I don’t even drink coffee but it’s fun. :-)

    Thanks again for VJ in our PJs. It was so fun and you gave great dating advice too. I really loved that few hours.

    • Sasha says:

      I loved how we were all in our PJs for the live stream…kind of ;)

      • A. says:

        V-Day was great! (The ex did call me in the middle of it, but I was really listening to Jameson and Matt and wondering what they would say next. And fortunately for me the call dropped out, but laptop was fine. ;-))

        It was totally like a slumber party. Thanks for replying to my post.

    • Sydney says:

      Good for you! Shake off the ex! If you have concrete reasons why that relationship was a no go, then do not look back. Keep moving forward.

      • A. says:

        Thanks for writing me, Sydney! Dunno about the ex. I am actually developing a crush on someone else. But I think this second guy is equally as unavailable. I’m thinking about something Matt said on V-Day. That maybe even one’s bad patterns feel comfortable. I need to examine why I’m attracted to cute, but unavailable men. But then why do *they* call me more when *I’m* unavailable? What in the world are we all doing, you know?

        I can break this pattern. I recognize it, at least. Baby steps. :-) Thanks again for the support!

  88. Eva says:

    Thank you for this very honest betrayal of what it is be lonely. Unfortunately, I am lonely all the time. For most of my life, I can remember loneliness being a part of my daily life. At this point, I’m not really sure how much more I can take feeling like this all the time. I go to a therapist and psychiatrist, but I still feel awful. I reach out to people and do my best to be a good friend so that I have positive, loving people around me, but it doesn’t matter. I’m losing hope.

  89. Misha Templar says:

    Ahhh forgot to sharea moment.
    Well… I’ve been divorced for some time now but sting of it all still lingers. It took me approximately 2 1/2 years to get over it (If you wanna call it that) One day I woke up and my heart wasn’t hurting anymore.
    I’ve dated since then but nothing I would call… serious.
    I think deep down inside I’m jaded but still my heart hopes it finds that special someone who causes the butterflies in my stomach and the oh so painful yet wonderful yearning you get when they aren’t around you and you miss them.
    I can’t pinpoint exactly when I feel lonely. Perhaps, it’s when that holiday comes around.. you know the one… Cupids favorite. I have celebrated that in quite some time. Acknowledging that kind’a hurt. I don’t think any human being was meant to be alone. After God created Man and all living things on the earth… He saw that Adam was alone and said, ” It is not good for man to be alone” so he created Eve out of his rib and here we are, trying to find that other part of us so we can be whole. I don’t know if I will ever find my ‘Adam’ and I am sure I will feel lonely from time to time. What I try to do in those moments is love more… Love those who are around me… my family… my friends… and funny enough… I forget the loneliness and I focus on the now…this moment… where I am no longer lonely and perhaps neither is the person who I have chosen to spend my time with.

    • Sydney says:

      Coming from me – this is kind of a big deal – but I think we are all capable of attracting exactly the type of love we deserve.

      It helps to know what type of man that you are looking for. Now, this is the part I struggle with – because Tony Robbins for example said he came up with such a specific list for his life partner. I struggle with even the basic things because I probably don’t believe that it is possible.

      But let’s pretend you can create a man. Any man. With any qualities you want. Any characteristics. Physical, emotional, spiritual. Like a Build-a-Bear only it would be Build-a-Man.

      Write down some characteristics if you can. And believe that it is possible.

      Then, put away the list for some time. Go on dates. Reflect on them. Revisit your list now and then. Don’t ever give up.

      Give it time, and he will show up.

  90. Langer says:

    Hello!

    Your video has inspired me a lot, thank you so much!
    ARE WE ALL ALONE?

    I will listen to it again, it will be a remedy against my sadness.

    And my loneliness.

    Sinverely Yours

    Debora

  91. Denise says:

    I loved this video…..vulnerable, genuine, and oh so real. It seems today that if we admit to being lonely it is assumed we are doing something wrong, but that just isn’t true. I try to keep telling myself the truth. Thanks for that in your video.

  92. Marlene says:

    Thank you Matthew Hussey for your honest, kind rant. It helped….Am a single successful New York City professional woman, always surround by people but also enjoy my solitude. Nevertheless it can be lonely sometimes, when you get behind closed doors at the end of the day… So thank you,much love to you.

  93. Belinda Phillipson says:

    Matt, I’ve never posted before but this was by far your most heartfelt video that I’ve seen. I agreed with pretty much everything you said. It is one of the hardest things to admit that you are lonely but being able to say that out loud is already a step forward. I think you are right about embracing the solitude and I’m inspired by your suggestion that we should reach out to those who surround us who are also doing battle with loneliness.
    Belinda

  94. Misha Templar says:

    Thank you for sharing a vulnerability which we all have at some point in our lives.

    Huggems to Mr. Hussey or Big Up as they say in Jamaica!

    Love you!

  95. Tamar says:

    You know matt, I will share this with you
    When I feel alone, I think about you, Very vividly encouraging me
    I picture your character next to me saying intelligent things that helps and give me perspective (from things you actually said/wrote) sometimes I improvise how you would have react, and each time I say to you in my imagination:
    “Thanks Matt, for being such a good friend to me
    Because of your wisdom I really feel so fortunate and less alone.” At one imaginary sessions we had, I told you that in tears. You smiled at me, said something weaty with your empathetic expression and made it all better.
    You’ll probably won’t even get this
    And still, thank you for being my friend :)
    With love
    Tamar

  96. JMP says:

    It’s the loneliness that’s the killer…. Seal’s song ‘Killer’ kept playing in my head as you said this Matt….
    “Jaded hearts heal with time” is another line from the song…. It’s true. Unfortunately some hearts take longer to heal and they’d rather cope with the loneliness than risk being hurt again.
    I have been single for 6 years, through choice.
    I have a child who doesn’t always stay at home so I make use of the time to get out, go to gym, join classes to learn new skills go to cinema(on my own).
    I have used my single time to really get to know myself and have been very lonely at times…luckily I have good friends and family around me. My friends I have gained through the loneliness phase.
    Loneliness does teach you things about yourself if you pay attention and willing to listen to your own needs. I miss having someone to love romantically and miss being loved, however I have learned from being alone what makes me happy and what makes other people happy. I know what I want from the next relationship and what I don’t want. Loneliness makes you talk to people and listen to them. You gather nuggets of wisdom during the loneliness phase. What keeps me focused is having faith that I will meet someone when the time/timing is right for both of us. Because of the loneliness phase the next guy I meet will appreciate me more as I will him. In the meantime I enjoy the following: having the to remote to myself, being able to read in bed at night, Watching TV in bed at night and being able to turn music up loud and dance about like an idiot. So many more I can list. Bottom line, appreciate loneliness, treat it positively instead of negatively. So many advantages to being lonely…..love n hugs xxx

  97. Charlotte says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this video! I’m so glad you did not edit from what you thought we may need to hear, my friend you nailed it! I myself am finding myself lonely more than I would like. But the struggles of life and lessons have brought me to this point of needing to stop and take a look at myself, be alone to know myself really know myself. It has been tough but I found something missing and that was loving myself.

  98. Sona says:

    Hi Matt,

    it is a funny coincidence, but for the past 2 years you have always brought the perfect topic in the perfect time for me. Thank you for all the energy you decided to put into this, because it helped me through my hardest life period and yes, just listening to your videos or programs makes me feel less lonely and more empowered. The way you talk makes me feel like everything is going to be ok.

    I do feel lonely. I am loved by my boyfriend, have family, friends, work that I love, hobbies that I enjoy, I travel… But I am sitting at night at my computer playing your video for the second time. I realised that loneliness is what drives me forward. I am trying to find out what it is that makes me lonely and fix another part of my life. So yeah, loneliness feels terrible and that makes it so damn useful.

    Have a great day!

  99. IRINA says:

    Dear Matthew,
    Thank you for this message…

    I am lonely. I really am.
    Loneliness is painful and if you also feel this way, let’s love this Life together.

    I understand it’s a bold proposal, but what is there to lose?
    Blessings and love,
    Irina

  100. Rachel says:

    I have been single now for 3 years, and the biggest problem I think I have sometimes is that I feel I have no one to talk to when I get home. That I’m not building the environment that I want in my space with someone. At my age (30) I want to build a family and a home, but doing it alone is just excruciating. It’s only in these moments that I miss my ex, in which I had thought I was building that with. I’m following my dreams and working hard, but without anyone to share it with, it feels pointless some days…

Read previous post:
How Not To Be Jealous Of His Past
How Not To Be Jealous Of His Past

It’s easy to feel jealous of our partner’s past, or even just sad that we weren’t a part of it....

Close