YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?

Are you one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day?

Avoid these 5 traps, and you’ll be on your way to fulfilling love at any time of year…

Leave a comment below… what will you do today to benefit your future or current relationship? 

Okay so what are the five mistakes that people make around Valentine’s Day?

The first one is, this is for single people, #1 comparison – Comparing yourself with someone you know who’s already in a relationship. Let’s do a little reality check on this before we go any further. Firstly, half the people you know in relationships aren’t nearly as happy in those relationships as they portray on the outside. You wouldn’t trade for them if you really knew what it was like. A lot of them aren’t gonna be in those relationships by this time next year, so in a way, if you’re out there and open to meeting the right person right now and they’re stuck with the wrong person, you’re actually further ahead than those people.

Second mistake for singles, #2 thinking you can’t do something romantic because you don’t have anyone right now. I put a post on Instagram recently that really resonated with people. It said the most loving thing you can do for your future partner is to work on yourself until you meet them. I believe that the things we do right now to work on ourselves, to grow ourselves, build our skill sets to become more confident, are an act of romance for our future relationship. When we look at Valentine’s this year, this may sound a little strange, but what if you said I can do something romantic for the love of my life this Valentine’s even if I haven’t met them yet. And that romantic thing is gonna be what I do for myself so that when that relationship comes I feel stronger, I feel more passionate, I feel more fulfilled, I feel like I have a bigger more interesting life. I’m gonna give it to me as an act of love and romance for my future partner.

Mistake number three, and this is for those of you in relationships, #3 buying flowers on Valentine’s Day.  You can get your partner flowers pretty much any other day of the year and it will be a romantic gesture because it’s unexpected but on the one day of the year where they’re absolutely expect it,  they score you-know points. And by the way, you may be thinking I’m not going to buy my guy flowers, he wouldn’t want them anyway. It’s a metaphor for anything that’s generic, anything that’s expected on a holiday we have to go outside of that and say what gift is gonna show some kind of special significance and usually the ones that show special significance are the ones where we show we have a unique understanding and appreciation of who our partner is. All you have to do to get there is to ask yourself specific questions like ‘what’s my partner geeky about?’ ‘what movies do they love?’ ‘what books do they love?’ ‘what’s a memory we’ve had together recently?’ ‘what’s some quirk about my partner that not everyone else knows about?’ ‘what’s something they’re into learning right now or in the future?’ When we ask ourselves these questions about our partner we start to stumble upon ideas for gifts that actually connect to who they are and what we know about them. Buying a gift for someone on a day where it’s culturally expected of you, that’s not romantic, that’s fulfilling an obligation, but showing you understand your partner uniquely, that’s romantic.

Mistake #4 all money no message. This is the mistake of spending money to get something nice for somebody but not delivering the emotional impact of a handwritten message with it. Yes, I said handwritten because in this day and age handwriting comes at a premium especially in romance. If you’re not detailing the thought behind the gift why you did it, why this moment in your relationship is unique, or exciting, or magical, you’re missing such a valuable opportunity because you can spend all the money in the world but those words, that’s what really makes the difference. Sometimes spending money can be a symbol of investment in a relationship, but message creates meaning and its meaning that creates true magic in a gift.

Mistake #5 relying on a day like Valentine’s Day to show that you care about somebody. The quality of our relationships is not what we do on a special day, is what we do every day so every day of the year we should be paying attention. Every day of the year we should be looking at what our partner needs from us. Every day of the year we should be figuring out ‘how do I add value to this person’s life if you really want to give someone a special Valentine’s Day gift, make a commitment on Valentine’s Day. Make a commitment to a ritual going forward until next Valentine’s Day that you’re going to do every day. Whether it’s a date night once a week from now ‘til next Valentine’s Day, whether it’s the promise of every day, not even to them but a promise to yourself, of waking up every day and saying ‘what can I do to add value to this person today’. If you make a commitment like that that is the greatest gift you can give you a relationship. Forget what you do on one day and start worrying about what you do every day.

With this in mind, leave me a comment.

If you’re single- write down one thing you’re going to do that will benefit your future relationship.

If you’re in a relationship– what is something you’re gonna do that’s not a gift on Valentine’s but a gift going forward that will benefit your relationship.

Thanks so much I’ll see you next week.

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

145 Responses to YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?

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  1. Carol says:

    Thank you Matt,but I have no plans for Valentine my husband is not around.

  2. Lise says:

    That darn pseudo relationship…. gone for the winter
    Sending a poem I wrote, but the end is near, because I deserve more
    Sending all my love to my kids

  3. Dede says:

    Ok Matthew, what should I do for a 3 rd date with a man that wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day and my Birthday? Or do I need to do anything?

  4. Pam says:

    Work out twice and not eat the Valentines candy that the kids will bring home! One day my gift will be how great I look. I love the suggestion of doing something for ourselves that is a gift to our future significant other!

  5. Alexis says:

    I love how you always have more. More knowledge you have worked for to share with the world. Matt, I have recently gone through a lot of your videos in hope to understand my situation and what I should do right now to help myself. I know you get this every day and I am understand if you can not connect with me on an individual level but that doesn’t mean I still think what you teach and what you’re doing is amazing. How can I speak with you with an opportunity to explain my situation in hope of getting help?

  6. Ann says:

    I am just starting to date an amazing guy and I have no idea what to do for Valentine’s day! I love the idea of a hand written note! I hope to continue with this idea of showing value throughout the year not just on one day so I will continue writing hand written notes once a month until next Valentine’s day. Thank you for this video it was what I needed to hear!

  7. Suzanne says:

    Matthew I am going to put a mug out on the counter.. I’m going to have his coffee all ready, he does that himself now, and I’m going to write a wee note to him every day until next Valentines Day!❤️

  8. DM says:

    Be a good friend to another single friend!!

  9. Melody says:

    Matthew..

    I plan on working on me, becoming the best me, so my future partner will know without a doubt how loved he is. I have more love to give than anyone can imagine. In my past relationships, the men never wanted what I had to give. They never got to experience the real me. So, I’m working on me and I have you to thank for opening my eyes and making me realize my value and my worth.

  10. Rose says:

    What desire and what do i say to flip the switch to have him running bsck to me. What one message do i send him

  11. h f says:

    What is site that has the ” 5 Secrets To Making Impact ” video ?

  12. Carol says:

    Interesting topic thank you Matt Hussey..
    As from today tho I’m in a complicated love & still searching :). I will go out three times a month for dance class and yoga with him or myself as from next week.

  13. Kimberly Ann Feliciano says:

    As always Matthew, I love your video. After 7 years of listening to your videos, reading your book, and attending one of your New York appearances, I am actually starting to think like you. I could have guessed at least 3 of your 5 suggestions!!!
    I am already adorable so I will continue to work on becoming a stronger self confident me this Valentine’s Day. My gift to the world and one day to that very special someone.
    Thanks Matt.

  14. Amanda says:

    What if you’re just “seeing someone” I want to do something special for my guy but we don’t have a title. We do sweet things for each other all the time. Would it be ok to put together a sweet gift for him even though he’s not my boyfriend? Although we are exclusive to one another. I’m also not sure he will do anything for me but I still want to do this.

  15. ISABEL SILVA DE JESUS says:

    I’m married but I love read his comment about mistakes and acerts.
    All this is very important for us have a great relationship.
    I want thanks you for all the tips

  16. Mary says:

    That was really nice

  17. Melly says:

    Okay I get that you don’t like Valentine’s Day and I actually agree, but I think if someone wants to do a romantic date night with your partner and take the chance to do it on Valentine’s Day, then I see nothing wrong with it.
    And if someone has to proof his/her love to her/his partner on Valentine, then it’s not Valentin’e fault but the relationship is already wrong.

  18. Moryn says:

    Thanks Matt for all your advice.I really appreciate,
    About Valentine , I had planned to be spending my weekend with him which I haven’t been doing.

  19. Tanya Howe says:

    Thankyou… you have really helped me here , I will send a lovely punky message! Hehe

  20. Abeni says:

    Hey
    Ok so this is nowhere related to this topic but there is this guy who I like and he knows about it but yet tries to make eye contact stares, blushes and tries to make conversations does that means he likes me back??

  21. Mirte Cox says:

    For years I told everybody that I hated valentinesday and that I refused to do anything on that day. This year, I will buy a bucket of ice cream to share with my friends. Eventhough I am single (and not always happy about that), I want to be more aware of the fact that eventhough I am single, I am still surrounded by people I love. I want to remind myself this every day. Next year, I wont be focussed on all the couples around me, but myself and my friends. Show them the love they deserve instead on focussing on just one day a year, that happend to have a special meaning to it.

  22. Melody says:

    I’m going to write a love letter to myself!… after 20 miserable years in bad marriage and then 2 single/dating years I’ve learnt so much about what love isn’t… and about myself… I want to take this holiday opportunity,not to feel despair but take yr advice and work harder on self love and what I have to offer to the future love of my life… I also want to write a card to all my girlfriends either single or in a relationship telling them why they are loved and special

  23. harrietajema says:

    Thank you fr the beatiful message

  24. Donna Imbert says:

    I bought tickets to see Sleeping Beauty at Lincoln Center for myself for Valentine’s Day. sooooooo excited

  25. JOann says:

    can you leave me a message I have a question to ask about something?

  26. Aduodeh Elohor says:

    To improve on myself for my future husband,because am 32years of age

  27. Nara says:

    Matt, I love your advice, and tips.
    I would love to see you changing your haircut as well. :)

  28. Stacy says:

    I’m in a relationship but on the the verge of break up AGAIN. I’m not sure what commitment I can make this time. I keep trying and I keep breaking them. Every other day is another argument.

  29. Shellyn says:

    In a relationship. We are going to the book store as a love date. We are picking out books from a new area of interest we would both like to learn more about.
    Something new to learn together. :)

  30. Hafie k says:

    Hey am single and am going to take myself out for a dinner

  31. Dipuo says:

    I have attuide towards men’s short temper I can’t even have sex I just feel hurts and hatreds towards them is that normal??I came out abusive relationship is that normal???

  32. Heather says:

    I’m going through a divorce right now and I believe the best thing for my future relationship is to become a better communicator.

  33. Brenda says:

    For my boyfriend last year I wanted to give him a very unique gift he would never forget. ( by the way – he is a total tit man !) I used a 3D scanner to scan my breasts – which are pretty spectacular I might add. I sent the 3D file to Shapeways and had a “my boobs” keychain made in sterling silver. ( about 2″x 3″ final size and was under $100) then I had the back engraved “To Michael from your f___ slave”… :)
    My boyfriend was thrilled – it was one of a kind, did not cost a lot of money. and showed him I went to a lot of effort to have some fun as well as make him happy. He is very proud of his new keychain!

  34. Dori Williams says:

    My man and I are engaged! He wants to lose a little weight for our wedding, so I am doing daily meal prep of healthy, but still good tasting foods for him. We are doing his diet plan together because we are a team!

  35. Marsha says:

    I read many of the comments you are receiving, Matthew. A lot of lonely and hurting women out there. It made me realize that finding love can be extremely difficult. I am an older single woman and I thought maybe it was just because of my age that I was having difficulty finding a decent man. Now I know I’m certainly not alone on this quest. I want to try a single seniors cruise this year. I figure even if I don’t find “love” I’ll have a great vacation! Thanks for your wonderful advice.

  36. Nicole Benes says:

    I am single and I have been putting off pursuing additional education to start my own business. Today, I will apply for a scholarship in the hopes of obtaining some funds to pursue this goal.

  37. Katrina says:

    In a relationship; my gift going forward will be to check my expectations and focus on appreciating all the things he does for me as opposed to only seeing what he doesn’t do. I’m going to celebrate him more and check myself for perceived transgressions that are more about my bruised ego than anything else

  38. Victoria says:

    I am working on understanding that I have value and worth and how that would look in the right relationship with the right guy. More self confidence and allowing men to come toward me, not me making things happen, but attracting guys that want things to happen and not being afraid to ask me out, guys ready for a relationship.

  39. Cheryl Watson says:

    Thank you Matthew. You are so Awesome!!!

    And so true. I Love it. I love your approach to life and love and the non-BS approach. I was single for 4 1/2 years and felt very much like the single person you refer to.

    I am blessed to be in a committed and passionate, loving relationship. Although I never stop working on myself and call myself “a work in progress” My goal is to be a “Bohemian Beach Bum”

    Thank you for all you do and the wisdom you choose to share. It is much appreciated. I am grateful for you.

  40. Deborah says:

    Love this video Matthew. I am single. I think I will begin a Sunday evening ritual of slipping into a nice bubble bath with a facial mask on and a lovely glass of Prosecco with strawberries on the side. Then I will put on my favorite jammies and give my dog, Uli, a relaxing massage.

    XOXO
    Deborah

  41. louise says:

    Love you and love listening to your wise advise Matt! Single (widow) would love to find somebody but every one I meet I have the attitude you can look and enjoy chatting my friend but you cant afford me !!and it goes no further !! Have a bad superiority complex ?? Will treat myself to a session at the Spa !!

  42. Grace says:

    I’m by myself Matt no one with me the person l thought he’s the one can’t trust him. So l will be with my kids having fun.

  43. Yulian says:

    Thank you for sounding this advice to us…I love the part when you say “the romantic thing we can do as a single is we prepare ourself to improve ourself so in time we meet our man, we present the best of us for him and everyday we should figure out how to add value to this person”. It feels so right, but ladies don’T forget to promise the same thing for yourself too. And that’s what I’m working on with myself. A lot of thing happened in my previous life that made me loose my confident till the nadir state..but thank God, He make me meet a lot of people directly and indirectly who show me the world in different view. It makes me realize that God never fails, He made each of us just perfectly. All we have to do is just see it better, know ourself better and know what talent He gave us better so we can use to improve ourself, and the most important to love ourself and people around us. Stay away from toxic people, and try to build a new image, learn and see moment in our life like a kid who just learn how to walk. With that state of mind, we’ll run this life with excitement, hope, and optimism. Keep your good work Matt, God Bless

  44. Kathy says:

    I am speaking to a Life Coach today to consider working with her toward improving myself!

  45. Patience says:

    i have tried to think of what i could do but w cant go out or take a walk together etc because our relationship ended up being a long distance relationship after he was relocated due to work.would love to make it a special day for him too.what fo i do any suggestions

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