Are you one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day?
Avoid these 5 traps, and you’ll be on your way to fulfilling love at any time of year…
Leave a comment below… what will you do today to benefit your future or current relationship?
Okay so what are the five mistakes that people make around Valentine’s Day?
The first one is, this is for single people, #1 comparison – Comparing yourself with someone you know who’s already in a relationship. Let’s do a little reality check on this before we go any further. Firstly, half the people you know in relationships aren’t nearly as happy in those relationships as they portray on the outside. You wouldn’t trade for them if you really knew what it was like. A lot of them aren’t gonna be in those relationships by this time next year, so in a way, if you’re out there and open to meeting the right person right now and they’re stuck with the wrong person, you’re actually further ahead than those people.
Second mistake for singles, #2 thinking you can’t do something romantic because you don’t have anyone right now. I put a post on Instagram recently that really resonated with people. It said the most loving thing you can do for your future partner is to work on yourself until you meet them. I believe that the things we do right now to work on ourselves, to grow ourselves, build our skill sets to become more confident, are an act of romance for our future relationship. When we look at Valentine’s this year, this may sound a little strange, but what if you said I can do something romantic for the love of my life this Valentine’s even if I haven’t met them yet. And that romantic thing is gonna be what I do for myself so that when that relationship comes I feel stronger, I feel more passionate, I feel more fulfilled, I feel like I have a bigger more interesting life. I’m gonna give it to me as an act of love and romance for my future partner.
Mistake number three, and this is for those of you in relationships, #3 buying flowers on Valentine’s Day. You can get your partner flowers pretty much any other day of the year and it will be a romantic gesture because it’s unexpected but on the one day of the year where they’re absolutely expect it, they score you-know points. And by the way, you may be thinking I’m not going to buy my guy flowers, he wouldn’t want them anyway. It’s a metaphor for anything that’s generic, anything that’s expected on a holiday we have to go outside of that and say what gift is gonna show some kind of special significance and usually the ones that show special significance are the ones where we show we have a unique understanding and appreciation of who our partner is. All you have to do to get there is to ask yourself specific questions like ‘what’s my partner geeky about?’ ‘what movies do they love?’ ‘what books do they love?’ ‘what’s a memory we’ve had together recently?’ ‘what’s some quirk about my partner that not everyone else knows about?’ ‘what’s something they’re into learning right now or in the future?’ When we ask ourselves these questions about our partner we start to stumble upon ideas for gifts that actually connect to who they are and what we know about them. Buying a gift for someone on a day where it’s culturally expected of you, that’s not romantic, that’s fulfilling an obligation, but showing you understand your partner uniquely, that’s romantic.
Mistake #4 all money no message. This is the mistake of spending money to get something nice for somebody but not delivering the emotional impact of a handwritten message with it. Yes, I said handwritten because in this day and age handwriting comes at a premium especially in romance. If you’re not detailing the thought behind the gift why you did it, why this moment in your relationship is unique, or exciting, or magical, you’re missing such a valuable opportunity because you can spend all the money in the world but those words, that’s what really makes the difference. Sometimes spending money can be a symbol of investment in a relationship, but message creates meaning and its meaning that creates true magic in a gift.
Mistake #5 relying on a day like Valentine’s Day to show that you care about somebody. The quality of our relationships is not what we do on a special day, is what we do every day so every day of the year we should be paying attention. Every day of the year we should be looking at what our partner needs from us. Every day of the year we should be figuring out ‘how do I add value to this person’s life if you really want to give someone a special Valentine’s Day gift, make a commitment on Valentine’s Day. Make a commitment to a ritual going forward until next Valentine’s Day that you’re going to do every day. Whether it’s a date night once a week from now ‘til next Valentine’s Day, whether it’s the promise of every day, not even to them but a promise to yourself, of waking up every day and saying ‘what can I do to add value to this person today’. If you make a commitment like that that is the greatest gift you can give you a relationship. Forget what you do on one day and start worrying about what you do every day.
With this in mind, leave me a comment.
If you’re single- write down one thing you’re going to do that will benefit your future relationship.
If you’re in a relationship– what is something you’re gonna do that’s not a gift on Valentine’s but a gift going forward that will benefit your relationship.
Thanks so much I’ll see you next week.
149 Replies to “YOU Won’t Make These 5 Valentine’s Day Mistakes, Right?”
I agree with you Matt, on ,#3 which we need to show love most of the time or do something not only on Valentine’s day.
Im divorved ,and not in a relationship, actually its because i did not find an honest guy so far…so what I can do is to prepare myself to continuously learn about guys which i know n hope you will guide me without leaving any important tips…. ;)
I will take concentrated effort & action to stop bad things from happening to me. I want to stop being an attraction for bad men, bad people. I want to be strong, take back control of my life, to do something to protect myself from crisis that happen to me on a regular basis. Other than to die I must find a way to feel safe in this world day to day. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Love this so much Matthew!!!!! I am going to do all my favorite things on the 14th like everyday! I need to surround myself with the energy of being loved not “I am single on Valentine’s Day”…
I’m technically single so I’m thinking about starting yoga so I can be healthier and more centred as a person. But in saying that I going to be baking some homemade cookies for this guy ;) We used to date and there’s this quote from a video game that says “Real badasses eat chocolate chip cookies” and I think if I write that with the cookies he’ll really like them :)
Beautiful message :) Thank you, Matt!!!
Mr Mathew Hussein . Love the video. Thank so much for the help on this subject. YOU HAVE NO IDEA how hard it is for A V I P visually impaired person trying to find someone whether it be online or even in person let me tell you very difficult . Especially on Valentines Day. The one thingI’m going to comment myself is to stay true to my goles when it comes to finding the perfect Guy till next year . And if that doesn’t happen I Break anyway even if it on my own .
You know, it is funny. I just got off the phone with my bestie when I opened your email. I had just told her that what I am going to do while I am looking for Mister Right For Me, is to learn about how to be a good date, how to talk to guys, how to feel in love (as much as one can after being single for 10 years)
And not feel sad about not having Mr. Right For Me on the 14th.
So that one hit a home run with me! That is exactly what I have been doing these past few days, and I am loving that your message today confirmed that what I am doing is the right thing! :)
How about praying for the mate daily or writing romantic letters every day. Wooing the woman.
Men do not today know what this even means!!
Teach a course of how to woo and how to woo back!
You…are…amazing! Thank you :)
I’ll ask my partner what to do to make him more happier in our relationship.
Thank you so much for this video and the blessings of your life to help others, being present in all the possible ways that´s what I will do, share everything that you love and cares for, that´s the way that you can say I love you every single day…thank you…God bless you always
You are the BEST!!! I’m recently single – my heart was just broken and yes! I will do something fabulous for me as I now start the journey on working on becoming my best self.
Hi Matt, thank you for your videos.
I commit to be my best friend. Accepting that I feel whatever I feel, give me time and space to express it, give myself love and understanding, be loving, clear, consequent and true to myself and others, remind me of the many things I Iove about myself and my life and chose to live the life I want to live.
I am going to put 50.00 away for a movie night and when just the right night come around I’m going to the movies. I’m single
As the always single I will though work travelling take time out to pamper myself with training and healthy good food and hence take good care off myself until I meet someone who will make me want to get into a relationship. As by now I would rather be single and happy than miserable in a relationship.
I am single at the moment. I will take myself out on Valentine’s day, because this will be part of taking care of myself, getting ME ready to meet my “Mr Right”
Ok Matt I hear ya!
I think my head is so fecked now with watching your videos . (Which are great by the way). I do appreciate them and learning all the time.
I am up on my moral high ground all the fecking time when It comes to men and relationships.
As for Valentine’s day it’s a day I don’t really care about anymore.
I never ever got a card or flowers and I always felt really sorry for myself. Not anymore.
Now I go out and enjoy my night.
Matt here is a suggestion for next Sunday Subject cynicism and why we are,well I am like it. Seriously
please talk about it.
Thanks from the Cynical Irish Woman. Who still loves your stuff!!
Will try to be romantic always but not waiting for valentine to be romantic. Thanks Hussey for this piece
Quit cursing all the time. So unsophisticated and, well, low.
Last year i bought myself 4 Valentin cards and wrote empowering Words to myself. If i feel down, i sometimes get them to remind myself eg that i don t need permission to happy. Also a bouqet (?) of rosés and gift from a kamasutra website haha. I liked the idee of giving me what would want from a partner. Execept from the intimacy i can give myself just that and that feels great!
Last years gifts still function perfectly ;-) so this year i arranged a “break through session” with a colour coach. What do my favorite coulours of my past tell me and which colour will help me to follow through regarding my World tour (for now solo but if the right Guy comes along he s very welcome).
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