Are you one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day?

Avoid these 5 traps, and you’ll be on your way to fulfilling love at any time of year…

Leave a comment below… what will you do today to benefit your future or current relationship? 

Okay so what are the five mistakes that people make around Valentine’s Day?

The first one is, this is for single people, #1 comparison – Comparing yourself with someone you know who’s already in a relationship. Let’s do a little reality check on this before we go any further. Firstly, half the people you know in relationships aren’t nearly as happy in those relationships as they portray on the outside. You wouldn’t trade for them if you really knew what it was like. A lot of them aren’t gonna be in those relationships by this time next year, so in a way, if you’re out there and open to meeting the right person right now and they’re stuck with the wrong person, you’re actually further ahead than those people.

Second mistake for singles, #2 thinking you can’t do something romantic because you don’t have anyone right now. I put a post on Instagram recently that really resonated with people. It said the most loving thing you can do for your future partner is to work on yourself until you meet them. I believe that the things we do right now to work on ourselves, to grow ourselves, build our skill sets to become more confident, are an act of romance for our future relationship. When we look at Valentine’s this year, this may sound a little strange, but what if you said I can do something romantic for the love of my life this Valentine’s even if I haven’t met them yet. And that romantic thing is gonna be what I do for myself so that when that relationship comes I feel stronger, I feel more passionate, I feel more fulfilled, I feel like I have a bigger more interesting life. I’m gonna give it to me as an act of love and romance for my future partner.

Mistake number three, and this is for those of you in relationships, #3 buying flowers on Valentine’s Day.  You can get your partner flowers pretty much any other day of the year and it will be a romantic gesture because it’s unexpected but on the one day of the year where they’re absolutely expect it,  they score you-know points. And by the way, you may be thinking I’m not going to buy my guy flowers, he wouldn’t want them anyway. It’s a metaphor for anything that’s generic, anything that’s expected on a holiday we have to go outside of that and say what gift is gonna show some kind of special significance and usually the ones that show special significance are the ones where we show we have a unique understanding and appreciation of who our partner is. All you have to do to get there is to ask yourself specific questions like ‘what’s my partner geeky about?’ ‘what movies do they love?’ ‘what books do they love?’ ‘what’s a memory we’ve had together recently?’ ‘what’s some quirk about my partner that not everyone else knows about?’ ‘what’s something they’re into learning right now or in the future?’ When we ask ourselves these questions about our partner we start to stumble upon ideas for gifts that actually connect to who they are and what we know about them. Buying a gift for someone on a day where it’s culturally expected of you, that’s not romantic, that’s fulfilling an obligation, but showing you understand your partner uniquely, that’s romantic.

Mistake #4 all money no message. This is the mistake of spending money to get something nice for somebody but not delivering the emotional impact of a handwritten message with it. Yes, I said handwritten because in this day and age handwriting comes at a premium especially in romance. If you’re not detailing the thought behind the gift why you did it, why this moment in your relationship is unique, or exciting, or magical, you’re missing such a valuable opportunity because you can spend all the money in the world but those words, that’s what really makes the difference. Sometimes spending money can be a symbol of investment in a relationship, but message creates meaning and its meaning that creates true magic in a gift.

Mistake #5 relying on a day like Valentine’s Day to show that you care about somebody. The quality of our relationships is not what we do on a special day, is what we do every day so every day of the year we should be paying attention. Every day of the year we should be looking at what our partner needs from us. Every day of the year we should be figuring out ‘how do I add value to this person’s life if you really want to give someone a special Valentine’s Day gift, make a commitment on Valentine’s Day. Make a commitment to a ritual going forward until next Valentine’s Day that you’re going to do every day. Whether it’s a date night once a week from now ‘til next Valentine’s Day, whether it’s the promise of every day, not even to them but a promise to yourself, of waking up every day and saying ‘what can I do to add value to this person today’. If you make a commitment like that that is the greatest gift you can give you a relationship. Forget what you do on one day and start worrying about what you do every day.

With this in mind, leave me a comment.

If you’re single- write down one thing you’re going to do that will benefit your future relationship.

If you’re in a relationship– what is something you’re gonna do that’s not a gift on Valentine’s but a gift going forward that will benefit your relationship.

Thanks so much I’ll see you next week.