What Pushes Your Ex Away
(and How to Pull Him Back)
Today I’m going to give you 3 Power Moves that are going to instantly stop your ex from pulling away and get him running back to you.
But before I share them, we have to talk about the elephant in the room: Your behavior…
In the throes of your breakup, in your darkest moments, you are acting in ways that are accidentally pushing him further away, and I want to help you overcome this.
Here’s the problem, and before we dig in, I want you to know two things:
- You are not alone in the behaviors we’re about to talk about – EVERY woman goes through these after a breakup
- These behaviors are in no way your fault. They are critical human reactions to highly emotional situations that it just so happens will push your ex further and further away from you
So with that said, let’s talk about this big problem…
You see, during and after a breakup, your natural tendency is to go into what I call “Reflex Response Mode,” where you are rapidly cycling through a range of emotions. You go from shock and disbelief, to anger, denial, rebellion, bargaining, sadness, acceptance…
…to relapse where you beg and cry “I can’t do this,” “the dark phase” where you can’t stand to hear a love song on the radio or watch a romantic movie and you wear dark nail polish…
…to cynicism, where you swear off men entirely, to depression.
In Reflex Response Mode, every emotion is a trigger for an impulsive or even reckless action.
Actions such as these:
You call him non-stop and plead with him to get back together – trying desperately to convince him why he’s making a huge mistake.
You text him at every opportunity because you want the validation that he will still text you back.
When you know he’s going out, you call and text him relentlessly because you want to make sure he’s on his best behavior.
You beg for him to come back and try to convince him how right you are for each other.
In a desperate attempt to make him jealous, you post pictures of random guys on your Instagram or Facebook, which only ends up turning him off.
You try to distract yourself from the pain by drinking, smoking, partying, overeating, or having sex with other men – all things that end up hurting you more and causing an even bigger rift between you and your ex.
At the same time, in your depression, you stop doing the things that make your life better, like working out, eating right, spending time with friends, and meeting new people.
When you’re in Reflex Response Mode, you are so overtaken by emotion that you lose your reasoning power. And when you lose your reasoning power, you resort to emotional manipulation – crying, getting angry, begging and pleading – all things that ignite a reaction in him to shut down and pull away from you.
So what can you do to stop this?
You need to switch from Reflex Response Mode into what I call High Value Response Mode.
In High Value Response mode, you still go through the same emotions like shock, anger, disbelief and sadness, but you are in your strongest frame so you respond from the most rational, empowered place.
Whether he admits it or not, your ex is full of doubts, so when he sees you being strong and amazing, it will make him reconsider ever wanting to break up with you.
I developed 6 Power Moves that are specifically designed to get yourself into High Value Response Mode so you can stop him from pulling away and start getting him running back to you, and I’m going to share 3 of them with you today…
Power Move #1: Live An Amazing Life
A woman in High Value Response Mode lives a life that her man will desperately want to be a part of…and that makes her ridiculously happy too. I’m talking about getting back to the types of things that make you the amazing, unique woman you are. Those things that made him so attracted to you in the first place.
I always say, “you don’t go to a relationship to get a life, you go to a relationship to share one.”
Think about the things you want from a man: someone who is constantly expanding his horizons, growing, and exposing you to interesting new things. Well he wants those same things from you too.
When you start living an amazing life, three things will quickly happen:
- You’ll feel happiness and joy return to your life which will help you avoid those dangerous Reflex Responses we talked about before
- He will notice that you are getting stronger which will make him more attracted to you
- He’ll want to become a part of this awesome new life you have
Now this doesn’t mean you have to pretend like everything is great and not grieve the breakup. It doesn’t even matter if he sees that you’re grieving. When he notices you growing and changing, making the best out of the breakup, he will become insanely attracted to your strength.
And when you two do get back together, having your own amazing life will give you so much to bring to the relationship, which will ensure you two stay together forever.
Power Move #2: Kill Him With Kindness…And LOVE
In everything she says and does, a woman in High Value Response Mode acts out of love.
When you choose love over anger, jealousy, or manipulation during this difficult time, you regain your position in his mind as the perfect woman.
The interesting thing is, the more he is up to behind the scenes like going out with his friends or seeing other women, the deeper your love will hit him. He’ll end up thinking you are the most incredible human being in the world and that he can’t lose you.
And there is an important distinction here…
You are not INVESTING love, you are giving it freely in the moments you speak with him. Investing love implies wanting something back, so the moment you don’t get the reaction you want you will get angry or upset.
Giving love freely has nothing to do with what you get back. You are simply acknowledging that you love and care about him and though he has hurt you, your love for him rises above anything else.
Again, this doesn’t mean you keep contacting him with loving messages, it just means that when you are in touch and you CHOOSE to respond, every message you send either by phone call, text or in person should be from a place of love and kindness.
Love and kindness are two of your most powerful assets because they are the two that he’s least likely to find in his single life. It’s a way of playing to the strengths of your position.
One thing I just want to be clear on: Don’t confuse love and kindness with becoming his personal assistant. You are not to look after him when he’s sick and make him homemade chicken soup, or pick up his dry cleaning for him. You need to maintain your standard – don’t do things for him you would have done in the relationship. Let him miss these things because he doesn’t have you anymore.
By the way, you may think that if you’re not at his beck and call, he’ll start seeing other people. Not to worry. From a male psychology perspective, any comparison he will make when dating other women in the early stages is likely to work in your favor. These new women can’t compete with the deeper connection he has with you, and any time he spends with them he’ll be feeling “it’s not the same.”
But, you may ask, “What if he left me for someone else and isn’t single anymore? Isn’t he getting his needs met in his new relationship?”
If this is the case, doing all of the things I’m telling you will still have the same effect. Do you think the person he is with now is showing him this kind of love and kindness? Or is the drama she’s giving him compared with the soothing and beautiful connection he has with you making him realize even more intensely that what he had with you was so special?
By the way, you may be nervous that you can’t compete with all the women he could be meeting now that he’s single. What if they are better looking, thinner, younger?
Always remember that you still hold the keys to the greatest assets that he can’t get elsewhere: Love, Kindness, and a connection with you, the one person who knows him and can understand who he truly is.
Worried you’re getting this wrong?
Power Move #3: Follow a Plan, Not Your Emotions
This is the most important one of all.
Reflex Response Mode is all about letting your emotions lead wherever they may take you, which is almost always to a bad place.
On the other hand, High Value Response Mode is all about having a plan to get you exactly where you want to end up: back together with the man you love.
You’ll still feel all the emotions that we all go through during a breakup. You just won’t let those emotions destroy your chances of getting him back.
When you have a clear plan to follow, nothing can take you off that path. You always have a compass to guide you, so you don’t even have to think about what to do next. You just follow your plan right back into his arms.
I’m going to hand you that 5 Step Plan today. It’s called “Get Him Running Back to You,” and it outlines the exact techniques that will flip a switch deep inside him and trigger the unstoppable desire that will have him begging to be back with you forever.
So get off the emotional roller coaster of Reflex Response Mode and get on the High Value path to a relationship that is happier, more passionate, more committed, and more secure than ever before…