Frequently Asked Questions
The Get The Guy support inbox receives hundreds (sometimes thousands) of questions every single day with specific dating and relationship questions.
Despite huge media exposure, we’re still a small, tight-knit team, and aren’t always able to get back to each individual query.
We want to help in every way we can, and so we have distilled the most common questions to the below list for you to read through.
We hope that with this you’re able to get your question answered, or at the very least, that we’re able to point you in the right direction.
- ‘How can I get my ex back?’
- ‘How to get out of the friend-zone’
- ‘Long distance relationship’
- ‘How to tell if a guy likes you or when he’s just being nice’
- ‘I just got out of a relationship, how do I pursue a guy?’
- ‘How to overcome rejection’
- ‘I’m over 60, does your advice still apply to me?’
- ‘I’m not in the UK or US. Men are different here. Should I still use your approach?’
- ‘How to overcome jealousy’
- ‘How do you know if a guy is right for you?’
We have a comprehensive video series that will walk you through the EXACT steps you need to take to get your ex back. It’s *free* to sign up, and you can do so here.
This is required viewing if you are hoping to mend a broken relationship, that will show you how to understand what your ex is thinking and how you can use “emotional judo” to make him believe getting back together is all his idea.
To get out of the friend-zone, you either have to MEET SOMEONE DIFFERENT, or DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Here are some basic principles to follow for not getting stuck in this zone in the first place:
• Don’t come running whenever he calls
• Don’t coach him on his relationship problems and give him dating advice
• Show that you are meeting and dating other guys and a desirable woman
• Show him you are sexual (so that he doesn’t just see you as his asexual ‘buddy’) – e.g. tell him something he’s wearing is hot, or that a jacket he’s wearing makes him look sexy.
To learn more about the Friend Zone, check out my video program Attract Any Man. As a bonus to the program you’ll have immediate access to a 15 minute module titled “Avoiding The Friend Zone By Creating True Chemistry” where you’ll get your hands on everything you need to know.
Long-distance relationships are not inherently good or bad. But they are always challenging.
What makes it really difficult is that being away from your partner means missing some of the most important parts of intimacy – i.e. physical touch, being close, spending time in each other’s company having experiences together.
Technology has made life easier for long-distance relationships, but they can still drag you down and make you despair at how much you miss your partner (what’s more, you can’t even cuddle and make-up after arguments!).
To give long-distance a good shot, you have to:
1. Have a plan for when you will next see each other – You need a date when you know for sure you’ll be together again, and it needs to be at least once every couple of months (possibly give or take one or two months longer but certainly anymore than six months apart can be fatal).
2. Both of you have to make the effort – If one person is doing all the work, they’ll become resentful and bemoan the fact that they are the only one holding the romance together. If you both aren’t committed to making it work, it WILL FAIL. Period.
3. Be EMOTIONALLY close even if you’re not physically close – It’s important not to act distant just because there is distance between you. Share your concerns and day-to-day issues with your partner, express your feelings, introduce them to friends you have when you talk on Skype. Stay a part of each other’s world and be open and honest about everything.
4. Don’t make every conversation about how much you miss each other – You can’t spend all of your relationship being miserable just because you’re apart. Stay positive and focus on things you CAN or WILL do together in the near future, and don’t spend every minute being sad about missing each other.
Hopefully, long-distance isn’t something you have to do forever. It’s often a temporary period couples have to go through until one of them can move over, or until one of them has a career change. But many modern relationships have to go through periods of distance and being apart, and it’s important not to immediately give up on something amazing if you can find a way to hold it together until you’re close again.
To learn more about long-distance relationships and lasting commitment in general, check out my video program Keep The Guy. I interviewed 850 married man and asked them about their partner, and share the best of what I learned from the experience.
A guy who has romantic intentions can be spotted by any (or all) of the following:
• Proximity – He’ll find excuses to be close or alone with you.
• Attention – In a group he spends a lot of time either teasing you or trying to find out more about you.
• Touch – He’ll try and make physical contact: hugs, playing with your hands, leaning in a lot, putting his arm around you.
• A guy who likes you will also tend to avoid showing an interest in other women in your company. He’ll tell you he’s single and will be keen to find out if you are taken or not early on.
To get deep inside the male mind, check out my Attract Any Man program. You’ll get enrolled in an interview series where I ask a group of guys about the signals they give off and how women can better understand them.
Here’s our general formula for being single: Be very unselective about who you meet, but be highly selective about who you invest emotion in.
Single people (in general) don’t try enough before they fall into despair. There are so many avenues through which to meet guys now. When getting back out there, it’s just important to put yourself in positions where you’ll meet a ton of guys. Get awareness around what you like and don’t like, and enjoy dating and getting to know new people. The people who are best at being single have an intense curiosity and a spirit of fun about the whole thing.
When you find a guy you like, don’t get emotionally involved before you know who he is. Watch his actions. Be good-natured and open-minded, but don’t charge into things. When relationships are rushed, that’s usually when you’re apt to choose the wrong kind of guy. If you sense something is off early on, always be willing to walk away. In the early stages, keep your confidence high by keeping your options open.
Also, check out my video program Attract Any Man. After watching this you’ll meet more men in a week than most women do in a year, and you’ll know exactly how to transition things into a relationship when you meet the guy you like.
Every rejection should be welcomed with relief. It means you weren’t right for that person. Confident people don’t take rejection personally, because they don’t invest their self-worth in everyone liking them. Even Brad Pitt isn’t every woman’s cup of tea, and that’s ok. Remember, even the people we think of as the most desirable aren’t immune to knock-backs (George Clooney’s girlfriend said ‘no’ when he first asked her out).
Remind yourself of times in the past in which you succeeded, or when someone found you attractive or sexy or just gave you a compliment. The tiniest moments can bring your confidence back when feeling rejected. Focus on the times you felt accepted and loved, and don’t allow rejection to make you bitter or angry with the people who turn you down. People can make decisions for many different reasons, most of which have nothing to do with you.
I dedicate 5 whole days to taking people through a process of acquiring Core Confidence on my Retreats. To find out more about the program, click here.
Absolutely. The advice we give about the need to meet lots of men and the techniques to do it are completely independent of age. People think that the rules suddenly change after a certain point, but they don’t. Men still want the same things at sixty that they did when they were thirty. This is encouraging – it means that these are skills you can learn and reap the benefits of for a lifetime. Even people in happy relationships have told us how going to a seminar helped them have a much more fulfilling romantic life with their partner.
Men and women are fundamentally the same creatures no matter their background. All men admire and are attracted to similar traits in women. For example, no culture enjoys ‘needy’ or ‘jealous’ women, and equally no women are attracted to weak or beta-men with no confidence. There are certain character traits that are universally attractive, and transcend ethnic or cultural differences. We try to focus on those with our philosophy.
To get the quickest overview of our Get The Guy techniques, check out my video program Attract Any Man.
Jealousy comes from a low feeling of self-worth and deep insecurity that your partner could fall for someone else at any moment.
It’s important to distinguish between ‘rational’ and ‘irrational’ jealousy. Irrational jealousy is:
• Being uncomfortable whenever your partner talks to another woman
• Asking him not to be friends or spend time with any other women when you’re not there
• Constantly accusing him of cheating or wanting to cheat
• Trying to check his texts or emails when he’s away from his phone
The way to get over these is to realise their inherent destructiveness. These actions are all ways of trying to cling onto a guy, but ironically they will push him further away and make him resent and even dislike you. Another way to combat jealousy is to shift your focus and remind yourself that your boyfriend/partner is someone you love and trust implicitly – when you act jealous, what you are really doing is insulting your man by telling him you think he will be dishonest or betray you. This is VERY insulting and will make a guy feel offended.
Most crucially, focus on building your own life and giving people an equal chance instead of obsessing on the many ways they could betray you and your life will be much happier.
This is a big one I tackle in-depth in my email newsletter. If you’re not signed up already, click here to do so and get regular updates from me.
Here are four basic questions to ask:
• Do you both feel a unique attraction to each other (both sexually and emotionally)?
• Are your future plans and current lifestyle compatible? – e.g. the amount of time you spend together on a weekly basis, where you want to live, how often you both work.
• Do you have the same standards for behaviour? – e.g. Do you have a healthy way to resolve conflicts and arguments? Is one of you significantly grumpier or generally in a more negative mood than the other? Do you both have similar rules about flirting and friendships with members of the opposite sex?
• Can you spend at least a whole three days together and stay interested in each other’s company and not get into a fight?
If the answer to all four is yes, you might just have a shot.