Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
Notify me of follow-up comments via e-mail
You couldn’t be more on point. This is deep psychology, I would become a certified therapist or start a men’s group if I were you, a lot of men would benefit from your wisdom! I encourage my boyfriend to go to men’s groups because it’s a sign of health and growth. Unfortunately, there aren’t many out there. He did join a men’s yoga group this week and I am very proud of him.
I have had similar responses in those moments that you mention and I constantly give positive reinforcement. The acceptance I have when my boyfriend is vulnerable has opened him up more than he has ever been. Just being present without saying anything (or holding space) and allowing him to be vulnerable can be enough. I just hug him after, I don’t say much and allow him to express himself. A lot of it is mostly in the energy you bring in those moments.
Men need to at least be a little open to do this with the right person (it is very important that you choose the right person for the right reasons…). Being open is one of the qualities I really like about my boyfriend and why I chose him. We still have some challenges in communication that we are working on but there is potential for that reason.
I learned a lot of this because I listened to this psychology show for many years called, “The Positive Mind” with Armand DiMele, the men’s series is so useful and helpful to learn. If you are interested http://digital-magic.tv/digitalplanet/thepositivemind/archive2.php?col=28
Cheers Matthew, thank you for all the work that you have done on yourself so that you can share it with the world
Thank you Matthew. This is helpful in making me more conscious of how I can be partner and supporter for a man. It is good to hear this perspective in understanding where a man is coming from and why it can be so hard for them to open up. And in the tiny baby steps they might put out there I can be attentive to that and be encouraging as well.
Thank you. This advice has been of tremendous help towards the connection in my relationship.Bless you .
I find it very sexy when a man opens up and also very freeing for me as it makes me feel more comfortable showing him my vulnerable points.
This is so ice braking Matt. Actually facing the issue with my little son, and some men in past. I tried to be as much receptive as I could holding space for them and showed my vulnerability as well, but it did not seem to help. Now I know why + know how to fix.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR POURING LIGHT ON THIS.
God bless you
Amazing. Such a fabulous topic. Men need men to heal. Please keep walking this walk.
Ps have you read “wild at heart.” Fabulous book about men.
This is soooo amazing. I Always knew that there is so much more beneath al of that “manly” behavior, but i never knew how to reach below that. So thank you so much for this!!! I really appriciate it for the bottom of my heart.
You are absolutly amazing!!
I would just hug this guys. We need more men like Mathew. Thank you so much for bringing this on a table for us women so we know how to hold a space for you ❤️. Every woman and man should watch this so we can let ourselfs heal masculine and feminin parts of us to become whole and ready to share and create love.
That was really helpful to build a healthy connection. I can realize what to say and what not in these situations when he’s opening up.
I listened to this video thinking about how I can be an ally, but found out I might have just as much trouble opening up. Sometimes as a feminist I wish to look strong, compete with men, and I find that pattern repeating itself in my life too to the point I hardly open up.
I found that absolutely helpful and inspiring.I also felt I can relate to many situations now..however still don’t know how would I react when his reaction is indifferent to us ..to our relationship..being distant suddenly? And should I ask him in the early stages hey what’s going on?
Why I can’t see the video?
As a woman.. I think this thoughts that has been going around in men’s head,I want to know them more. I want to be an ally, a friend, a partner, that will best support my men in whatever situation that he’s going through
This is vital information and there is nuance here that we as women need to be aware of and incorporate in our interactions with the men we love.
I would like my comment to be deleted please.
The one time that my husband showed vulnerability was when he said- I don’t know how to say this to you but I don’t want to look at you because I don’t find you attractive. You paint such beautiful paintings , I don’t know why you won’t make yourself look beautiful. I wish you would exercise more so you could lose a bit of weight. I was 56 kings then. The words felt like someone had stabbed me. Two years from then- we are now on the verge of separating and he doesn’t want to talk about why he wants to seperate.
Thank you Matthew, i needed to hear that. I have never had someone that I’ve been able to
Open up and talk to. I have buried my emotions and feelings so deep I don’t even know why or what my emotions are. My wife and I have been married for 28 years and I’m looking at retirement, kids are off at college and my wife tells me she doesn’t even know me. I love my wife and express that by the things I do for her, but that’s not her language and she’s left feeling abandoned and lonely. This may actually help me to realize some of my insecurities and improve our communication.
Thanks so much for giving me the heads up. Im all for bringing out the best in one another. Keep up the fantastic work xx
Thank you for the valuable insight. Can’t wait to say “You’re a beast!”
Thank you for the great insight into this subject. Having brought up my children on my own and one of them being a now 20 year old male, It’s made me see his anger and frustration at trying to be the man of the house but never having any positive male role models in his life everything is somehow twisted! This has given me some good ideas on how to talk to him in a non mummy way. He has had a really difficult life and would really benefit from a male type group. I can see you starting an all male course which I think your right in saying there just isn’t anything out there for them. Thank you Tania xxx
This is great it probably highlights things I’m doing wrong and things I’m doing right! But what it’s highlighted is things that I can do better!
I’m in a fairly new ‘relationship’ but we’re in different countries! I will say what I’m feeling but he doesn’t! Im going to work on giving him the space in which he feels comfortable to open up! He’s feeling pretty vulnerable as he having to rebuild his life again so that’s his main focus! I want to be something nice in his life!
But if he doesn’t want to open up just yet that’s also good I’m not going to force the issue!
Listening to this has made me feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel give him that space but don’t worry if he’s not ready!
Be that nice person that I am and hope he realises I’m too good to loose!
I just want to say a massive thank you to you and the support you are giving to us all. You really are one truly amazing man that has such a beautiful heart. I’m currently going through a complicated break up and it’s just reassuring to know that someone gets you and is helping you and other people. So thank you!
I just wanted to say thank you for what you are doing. I recently went though a divorce and in my sorrow I found your channel. You have really opened my eyes and helped me start to heal.
The last part about telling him its being to be insecure or worried really struck a chord because i realised this is something i would say to a man, but never to myself. I would beat myself up about it, if i think its ok for him to feel like that i should cut myself some slack and feel its ok for me to feel like that
Can we clone matthew?
Fantastic as always! So insightful
Thank you for doing this, you have answered so many questions I didn’t even realize that I had with these situations. This framework is massively high value, truly life-changing, and has empowered me because I now have the tools to be an even better partner for my man and a better me for myself. Love you, love your work, thank you times a million for channeling your own deep inner strength to share this with the world. You are the perfect example of brave!
Thank you for sharing this! It’s so encouraging to know that there are men like you in the world who are able to be so open and honest about their feelings and want to go deeper in relationships. It truly is such a sign of strength and emotional maturity! The woman God has for you is truly blessed to have found such a treasure!
Very nice… The part “women, it’s not your job to have a man to open up” brought me some tears as I have been trying to have my man opening up for many years now, and I can’t do it anymore… We separated a few weeks ago for one of this reasons. I just can’t anymore. I deeply care for him but his walls are just pulling me down. It made me doubt also and I wondered in the end if he really loved me… Eleven years and I have seen him cry only once, when his dad passed away. And I am such the opposite. Often the opposite attract, but sometimes the gap is just too much.
so beautiful. Men are really having a hard time during there upbringing being socialised to not share what goes on in their hearts. Men need to be released from that and generally allowed to share their full being without being socially stigmatized. This helps us all as human beings !!
I love how your material is evolving. This was incredibly powerful and helpful. I will definitely try to incorporate more of points 3, 4 and 5. Wishing you the best!
BIG VIRTUAL HUG TO YOU Matthew! We love you too, LOADS ❤️
Before I give my comments, I just want to say that I sense some sadness or pain in your tone in these recent videos, and I sincerely hope that you are ok :)
Kindness is the most sexy attribute ANY human can have, especially men. I can adopt to them all, but the first one is the easiest: creating a safe environment where my man can feel that he can share anything with me and I wouldn’t judge him.
Ensuring that safe zone of trust and lack of judgement comes from all the 5 techniques.
Thank you for making our lives better xxx
I’m testing these out tonight!
I was very touched by your honest sharing and vulnerability, Matthew. I do believe that men need safe spaces to open up and to be seen and loved for who they are. Thank you, for sharing this.
So true. I give men space to talk. They do feel they can talk about jalousy when I am in my feminine state. I have to pause and let them do the talking. Do not fill the blanks. It is okay to sit in sirene. Thanks Matthew. Keep up the good work
what a wonderful music… I fell in love with the father of my elder son because he composed this kind of music… what a sign..
Hello ooo Matthew,
do you know what? I found myself, my own thinking in your story about the plane… I had to be strong.. even in my childhood, raising my siblings because my parents put all responsibility on my small shoulders. In the end I am proud of myself and my sister still adores me… but what I want to say is: I feel guilty when I am good to myself… always I feel that I got to work so hard so hurtful to have the right to rest… thank you thank you thank you to open up my eyes…
you are a rock in our world
Love Claudia Maria
During the long years of insomnia, depression, self-esteme issues and mental preparation for a difficult divorce Matthew’s videos came again ang again across my way.
They also have helped me to be a better daughter and a better mother for both, son and daughter.
Now, near to my 5th x, I am reinventig myself, educating the woman I am to be that woman who can be an equal partner and “an alliance” to her real mate.
Currently I am clearing issues from the past with my father and searching answers to the question how not to castrate men around me (sorry, I do not know a better expression for that).
And than I have found this training.
THANK YOU, MATTHEW!
I am lucky enough to live a partnership when we are able to solve things toghether through communication, even the conplicated, nasty feelings we have. But I totally agree with you in terms of being just a silent observer – I witnessed so many friends who forced their significant others to open up and it did not turn out well for them. I just hope that more men realize they do not have to keep with this facade and that it does not crumble with vulnerability.
I watched the video of the retreat with my boyfriend and he kind od agreed with everything you sais.
Needless to say, I am forever grateful of having that kind of connection with him.
Love from Czech Republic, hope you did enjoy Snezka ;)
Whenever I think of women’s rights and how we could be more progressive, I guess it all boils down to this: we need to help men be vulnerable safely. Thank you for growing such a large community in which we can learn to this in small steps, but which will very likely generate a profound and much-needed change in society.
I’ll definitely be more mindful of the pitying reaction that turns him into a baby role. I tend to go into that because I want to show love and caring. But it makes a lot of sense that it can be disempowering and not at all a good response!
Thank you for all your beautiful work!
I think that this training is imperative in our society and how we teach men and women to interact on a personal level. The point you make about meeting their vulnerability with strength and kindness really resonated with me. When I am dealing with someone I love exhibiting behavior that I don’t like, I try to remember to separate the behavior from the person. For example, I love you, I recognize that something that has happened caused a reaction in you, but that reaction made me feel… You are incredibly sexy. Your behavior in that moment wasn’t.
I experienced this today. I felt jealous, shut down and didn’t express just got quiet. She noticed and brought it up.
I completely felt “Well if I say something, now I am insecure jealous pussy”. I felt that her opinion of me will change. That it would shake the image she has of me and now be my identity. It’s a pattern for sure.
As men we have such bullshit ideals of what it means to be a man and so many mixed messages. I hate when they effect the ones I love and hurt those.
Your candor and caring tone leads me to accept that there are men who are willing to be brave enough to be more open.
Love your coaching videos and insights. Your straight forward way is perfect.
Apologies for the types…
Here we go:
Really good video, helpful. Things I can apply in my friendships as well as my relationship. Currently my boyfriend has been overwhelmed and kept to himself a negative health scare. He has started talk finally as all the secrecy about something bothering him actively was not a helpful situation in a relationship. This video has helped me to understand more why it is so difficult for him to share about this when he has shared things in the past. Totally this is way more vulnerable for him and it being connected to his health does not make him feel good at all. I just want to say thank you for this clarity,definitely food for thought. One of my takeaway thoughts from this (or two), the ‘dont label’ and the response I give to a vulnerable share moment. Something like this is definitely alot to digest- what he has been telling me, however its definitely more helpful to be able to receive it than to not handle it and him feel it better not to have shared. Rather this would reinforce his idea that its overwhelming. Thank you for making this treasure. Skills we can take to a number of areas!
Really good video, helpful. Things I can apply in my friendships as well as my relationship. Currently my boyfriend has been overwhelmed and kept to himself a negative health scare. He has started talk finally as all the secrecy about something jothering him actively was not a helpful situation in a relationship. This video has helped me to understand more why it is do difficult for him to share about this when he shared things in the past. Totally this is way more vulnerable for him and it being connected to his health does not make him feel good at all. I just want to say thank you for this clarity,definitely food for thought. One of my takeaway thoughts from this or two, the ‘dont label’ and the response I give to a vulnerable share moment, because something like this is definitely alot to digest what he has been telling me, however its definitely more helpful to be able to receive it not handle it and him feel it better not to share. Rather this would reinforce his idea that its overwhelming. Thank you for making this treasure. Skills we can take to a number of areas!
Love your thoughts and teachings. About this specific superimportant issue, I thought that I was quite far. Like, in general, man open up to me. So I must do something good, I guess. But now I realise that men do open up to me, but mostly man that are distant to me. When they are clise and my own needs get a bigger part, I guess I live to cherish him a bit baby-like, as you explain in your number 3 example. Ande the first 2 things, I could really do them more consciencly.
Thanks for opening this up to me!
We are looking for a strong silent type, all due to tv and films. We want a nice, kind and trustworthy
Well said – respond with kindness is always great advise. I loved the framing suggestion too. Thank you!
I am thankful to have discovered your teaching/coaching
I do many of the approches you teach here but I also learned some new ones, so thank you deeply. I also understand the psychology of the pity reaction when you open up. I were in a few vulnerable moments where I was sharing to someone and they pitied me and I felt extreamly bad. Now I understand why. Thank you!(I am a girl btw)
I love this video and subject. I confidently and supportively allow space of vulnerability for men (friends or romantically) and learned approaches in how to allow this more freely and to elicit an opening to allow space for them to feel more confident in doing so more in the future for themselves.
There are other subjects I would love to hear about from you. What would be the best avenue to possibly interact with you for further discussion in areas where I would could use support in my own current circumstance?
Thank you for sharing your knowledge Matthew. I am in the early stages of getting to know a new man in my life. Even though I am a very loving person who listens and makes it safe for others to share, I know I have made mistakes in the past in my previous relationships. It’s never too late to learn and these techniques will really help me.
I would love to understand this more
I honestly already do many of these things that you have mentioned. I have always been that person that people go to especially my male friends and now I understand why. This gives me more confidence in myself that what I am doing is correct. I have always thought that when I provide this safe space for my guys in my life that I was doing something wrong. I will definitely be doing these more often when these moments come up.
I am so touched by this message and your level of sharing and opening up. I just started watching you again after several years and this is so refreshing and delightful. What you are sharing is so important and real! i cannot wait to try these out and to deepen my connections so the men in my life, and my son, truly feel safe. Big Love and Gratitude <3 <3 <3
I feel so excited to show what I have just learned from this video! I have been talking to a guy and he told me a secret of his and I just said “oh… I have a friend that once told me about an experience like that”… And I don’t feel that that was a good answer… We are still talking, and I am just hoping to have another chance to react in a better way… I didn’t know how, but now I do. Thank you!
Hi Mathew,your techniques are so valuable,we all need to feel seen and respected. As a woman I value very much this feedback because it gives me the real tools to make my man feel more at ease with himself. Also it allows me to show him my respect and admiration. I live this feedback. Thank you so much
I think this techniques Using psychology would be effective . I find this very helpful because half of the time I don’t know how to say Things. Being the kind of person says how it is. Thank you Matthew. I think you’re brilliant at what you do.
I love this! It is really great. Thank you for sharing more about this topic and talking more about it.