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This video helped me a lot, to understand that I am glad, I am who I am and how I was dealing in my ex relationship. There is a lag of behavior with some men, where we can’t help them. They put too much pressure on themselves and are not able to open up. It is hard for us, to see them running against this wall again and again. We realize, that something is not right and because they do not open up, they make it worse. BECAUSE NOW, we want to help and this is exactly what you were saying. It is not OUR job to do that, it is not OUR job to solve that issue. Thanks Matthew, for your kind, honest and true words. They also helped me now, to realize, I do have compassion and I can give men the time to open up without mentioning anything afterwards. The last “step”of trust they must take by themself.
You are a very smart and a intelligent man, I so understand everything you said. I have mention your name to my boyfriend a few times but he is not there yet. At this point, we are separated. I hope this will give him time to think on what went wrong and try to overcome his insecurities.
Much of this can apply to men making space for women.
I can’t get enough of your videos…you’re an angel on earth haha this video made me realize how some of the things that he said that caused me to feel insecure were actually things HE was feeling insecure about and how much more gentle I need to be so thank you Mathew
Thank you for this video. It reassured me that I did the right thing when my ex opened up to me and showed emotion. It helps me to understand how I wasn’t able to handle his emotions (and I showed it unfortunately) when our relationship was coming to an end. It helps me to understand how I should approach things differently with a new relationship I’m in.
Thank you Matthew for this insightful video. It allows me to contemplate a new and better approach on how to talk to men.
I enjoyed this video and your suggestions. It makes me realized why the men I’ve dated or been in a relationships would react a certain way after they open up to me. Your five suggestions make sense, and I will use them from in my next relationship.
It’s been awhile since I’ve dated and now it’s even harder because of all the dating apps, playing games, constantly thinking what to say to him. I also prefer phone convo rather then texting constantly. Why is it so hard just to be honest and have a phone conversation rather than sending multiple texts?
A guy that I started talking to recently wanted to stop texting and talk to me on the phone right away, but that’s 1 out of xxx.
The question I have is how to know if a guy is interested in me but he travels for work a lot.
Honoring someone’s vulnerability and fear is such a rare gift to give someone.. although I have been told that when a man has opened up to me, it was sometimes hard to show up to me again because it was TOO raw for him. Even when I made it safe to do so.
Great advice, particularly the part about not treating men like children and feeling bad for them. The same can be said about some women.
I know if I were to open up and say something vulnerable, it’d absolutely hate it if someone was to treat me like a child and say “oh poor baby”.
When it comes to responding to someone being vulnerable, we should all show dignity and respect. Afterall, it really is a very courageous thing to do for most of us.
matthew, thank you, God bless you
Matthew I was sitting here and literally writing out a taxi as you were speaking. I wanted to say a huge thank you to you.
I’m a woman that is 52 and single again. After three years of working on myself with therapist I met a guy online that had been treated appallingly by the women in his life. As you say there is no where for men to go. I know the mistakes I’m making with this guy and before I pull the plug I just had to let him know that when he opened up to me about some of what he’s been through I did find that immensely attractive and sexy. If only all men would do this including my son and this guy more to me! Thank you. Xx
I found these advices very helpful, I will use them and I will leave a comment. This is my problem now – he doesn’t open up, but I also am not making everything right, as kind and supportive I am, sometimes I get frustrated…which is normal, but doesn’t help at all.
Excellent explanation. I’ve dated a few male therapists over the years, and am always surprised when even they have a hard time expressing their vulnerabilities. I just started dating a man who is lovely, and definitely has a hard time being vulnerable. The timing of this video is perfect for me to get him to slowly reveal himself.
Beautifully explained Matthew, its definitely helpful for people who are in relationship and wants their partners to open up. Just one thing I wanted to highlight as you also said this while explaining in video that it is also very important to observe the person in front of whom we are expressing or opening up our vulnerabilities. Because we sometimes open in front of a very unkind and abusive people who actually labels us, teases us, make fun of our thoughts and insecurities which itself is very toxic. So before expressing too much we can try opening up with very basic thing and we can observe their reaction/response and then we can decide whether to continue expressing ahead or not. Concluding point of me sharing this is.. It matters a lot what other person is considering you.. where you exactly stand in their life.. how respectfully you are treated and how valued you are felt! Otherwise it make no sense in expressing or opening up because it will eventually destroy your feelings, sanity and will create all the toxic feelings within you/oneself. These vibes and observations are very important in any relationship!!
Thank you for reading!!
I love this, I hope more men and women share this in their relationships. I personally feel that it is an honor to have a guy share their feelings. I loved that you point out how not to react when a guy is opening up. Thank you for putting this out here, I really appreciate this very important subject.
Hi Matthew H, you just verbalized a very structured guide to make men put down their guards and come out with their real feelings without feeling shame or inappropriate. I understand that pretty much because i had experienced that space & moment, to which my mate & myself call it as our “HR” or Honesty Room – it is a wonderful & amazing feeling to have that special connection, and the that door swings both ways. Thanks for your “real & raw” talks, i find them all relevant & helpful in my life. I wish i can see & listen to you more …. you talk sensibly real. God bless you & stay safe.
Such valuable information for women and men. I’m gonna watch this again and again. What struck me most was not treating someone as being pitied, but truly brave. Because that is really it, isn’t it… True bravery. And true human connection! I salute you, Matt, in being brave enough to open up this forum for other strong men that desperately need a place to be themselves…and be honoured for it.
I truly believe that my greatest contribution as a mother is to teach my children the emotional intelligence they need to navigate the world in which we live. As a woman who was too naive and unable to recognize unhealthy relationships until recently, I have come full circle in understanding that my painful 20-year journey was absolutely necessary for me to gain the insight I needed to reclaim my life and to pass on this awareness to my kids…to always be kind, tell the truth especially when the opposite is easier, and have the courage to be yourself even if that means being alone for parts of your journey. My message is the same whether to my son or daughter. That’s how we initiate change – through consistent standards, expectations, permissions and boundaries regardless of gender. We share our feelings and ask questions about any topic every chance we get. My 14-year old son speaks about his anxieties, his fears, his likes and dislikes, and asks for hugs and kisses just because. And my 20-year old daughter is now confident enough to say no despite the fear of scrutiny or rejection. This topic and these conversations are so important as they shape the emotional health of the people around us. And the sooner we start, the better.
I hope, someday, I will have the opportunity to be a supportive woman to a man who has the courage to be honest and vulnerable. Until then, I wish for nothing more than for my children to become part of the generation that is free from the shackles of society’s stereotypes and live simply as themselves.
Loved this so very much. I will definitely reference this in my next relationship. I tried to let my ex know when I discovered something from his past that it only made me love him more to know what he’d overcome but our connection wasn’t built to last. This is so very helpful – as a woman who was raised by a distant father, I want to love differently and creatively because I need to. Thank you for modeling that there are sensitive and vulnerable very sexy men out there. Keep on keeping on Matt.
Matthew you are a hero. Maybe it’s sounds cheesy but I love the feeling you are spreading – a true passion about people and relationsships!
Hey, you’re amazing. That’s all amazing and worth following.Thanks Matt for being there and helping. Keep up the good work. You’re so worthy. You’re truly a BLESSING. Stay blessed.
Matt, not only do I think your incredibly interesting, but I think your incredibly intellectual. I love the way you can intricately search out examples on how to implement the realities of our humanity in such a real and heart felt way. You make your points so relatable and pliable to a vast spectrum of sensitive situations that we all experience in relationships. Not to mention your most attractive attribute is your not annoying to watch and listen to. Just want to send kudos your way, and say I’m proud to be a part of your new audience. I’m single after several long term relationships, and although I’m opened to an amazing relationship in my life, I’m in a hard place of not knowing what I want. Which makes it hard on the men who want to Pursue me as well. I’m working on busting down the walls so he won’t need to, I’m just not quite there yet. I really enjoy learning about men, because I receive in sight as to where I can help to free a man up to be who he needs to be. That’s absolutely amazing to me. Thank you for your time and all the energy you expel to get the message out there to us woman in such a genuine and passionate way.
I appreciated your video on Facebook. I struggle as apparently most men do with opening up. It is costing me my marriage. Thank you for opening this free training series to everyone.
While I agree with most of what’s said in the video, I do not agree with men telling me they are afraid of losing me. Maybe it depends on the way they say it, but I’ve had a tough relationship, where instances of him saying he is afraid of losing me, he is not worth it, why am I wasting my time were way too often and have actually led me to break up. Although during our time together I did my best to show him my love and support, no reasons for jealousy whatsoever, it felt like he never actually heard me, but chose to insist on not being enough. It ended up with him indeed not being enough. When a man almost begs for your attention and constant confirmation, that’s not normal either. Although he is indeed vocalizing his insecurities. So where’s the silver lining?
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this video Matt.
This video has been helpful to me as I and a very wonderful guy are embarking on a love journey. Based on respect and friendship, my new beau and I found love , right in front of us. We have reached a pointed of deeper connection, and I noticed how much he has bravely kept in , for perhaps 15 years or more.
I now have the knowledge on how to be there for him as we tackle our fears and step forward towards marriage. I have never wanted to be married before with all my heart and soul.
This man is so special to me. He’s my friend , I trust and respect him, and he is brave.
Thank- you Matthew for helping me understand men better. Applying your work in this way may very well help 2 kind loving souls stay the course of true love
I have been watching your channel for many years.
I’ve been in a fulfilling relationship for 7.5 years, and your insights have helped me immensely. I’m starting to steer my career teaching art to ages 5-adult, into an art therapy/art journaling course. You continue to provide
Nuggets of gold, that we can take, and apply to other areas
Of our lives. We’re all in this together, it’s all relevant, and I just wanted to say thank you, for adding enrichment for me,
an emotionally intelligent, very strong, 45 year old woman.
Go pat yourself on the back now.
I fucken loved this video!!!
It is the truth and there is no bigger turn on. It leaves a woman feeling empowered… like she can take charge as well. Give a man what they want. You are right … it’s it makes us feel less weak!!! It’s not our monkey nor our circus but empowering a women with that vulnerability is shit hot sexy.
Thank you for the tips. We don’t know this stuff about men. That’s why we pathetically question everything!
Thanks for the confidence boost. Namaste
Thank you for this video, the sence in it makes me smile . I would like to draw out a situation that seems to be common in my age group (>40), followed by a question.
Men my age are coming out of long term relationships where they have often been „thrown out“ of a status which they thought were „theirs“ and „forever safe“ (often marriages with kids, home, loans, etc.). This leaves them with an intrinsic fear of being not enough and losing again.
Women our age expect a man to be strong, safe, secure in himself and mature enough to lean on… AND capable of communicating.
The man perfectly knows this and the last thing he will do is to open up and reveal his fears… he will keep up a strong facade to maintain the impression that he is all that (and more) and avoid showing this side of him at any cost… communication is obviously not an option.
It‘s the perfect recipe for desaster – above all for a new relationship where communication is the quintessence of getting to know each other on a deeper level… at one point she realizes that there is „a locked room in the house“ and the facade begins to crumble as she tries to open it.
I am in this situation right now… HOW on earth do I make it clear to him (or at least trigger him to consider) that it is safe and that we both will profit from him opening up and that having the fear of not being enough or losing does not make him less of a man to me… and now the tricky part: without giving him the impression that he is already not enough (which would make him run)?
The most brilliant example of this topic is the prophet Mohamed peace be upon him when he felt insecure and fearfull when the Quran start he directly went to his wife khadidja and tell her all what happened and she has the right reaction ever ( the same you said ) thanks
Thankyou for that advice Matthew…..
It’s in my nature to ask lots of questions in all areas of my life and even though I’m not with my man of 19 yrs anymore i have learnt I was too much of a crowbar (from that good book,can’t remember right now!)
So I think this made him clam up more, he left suddenly last Christmas and I still don’t feel I know all the reasons he left…..but I don’t ask anymore…..and I’m trying to do what you say in my head and that’s telling myself…..”isn’t it enough closure that he left?”
Thankyou for all your friendly advice it’s been very comforting for me to hear these last few months…I’ve found a very BRAVE part of myself. To hear “relationship advice” from a gentleman has been a “go to ” place in dark times, I am learning to shut my mouth sometimes……♀️
Your video was spot on regarding men needing to be vulnerable more. Its a terrible thing that society places that stigma upon men that they have to be tough (all the time).
I just ended my year long relationship (he cldnt do it) bcs of this very thing. But, I keep hearing your voice saying…if they don’t invest in your what you are investing in them, they aren’t for you. I have to keep saying that. Ots been 3 weeks now and nothing from him. But…hes not my person!
Thank you Matthew! Your words are full of wisdom! Thanks for doing what you do!
Being ruthless about bad behavior while also being kind really resonated with me. My first instinct in any situation is to shut down. I’m really working on setting better boundaries in all my relationships and communicating in a different way that is clear, direct, positive, and constructive.
It’s a great reminder that we aren’t responsible for someone else’s behavior but we can always be allies. The world would be a better place if we all worked a little harder to support each other.
You truly are a bright light Matthew, keep shining.
Thank you for the video it was really helpful for me to understand my partner even better. I’m allready doing some things you said. Glad I found your channel (so many interesting topics). Greetings from Switzerland
This was great.
I really appreciate the logical and down to earth approach towards relationships and the psychology behind them.