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1,452 Responses to The 5 Heartfelt Techniques That Help Men Open Up to You

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  1. Denise says:

    Hello Matthew,

    I would Love Love Love to actually speak with you… a cup of coffee perhaps. This video can lead to so many other conversations. First I am in my early 50’s single raising a child. So My experiences with men are vast in many ways. From family to friends & relationships. A basic level of communication across close relationships is difficult at best.. Men do not communicate like women we all know this and on a basic level is externally and extremely different.
    I have plenty my experiences with a man in my life but experiencing the different dynamics of interactions and weeding through all of that is frustrating. Opening up is to me, is what most people desire, especially women. Yet can be the one thing when not accomplished in a personal relationship, certainly will destroy it.
    I have had this experience with my child’s father. I tried for many many years to encourage him in the most loving way but in the end I knew I couldn’t Save’ him. Only he could save himself.
    Sadly 12 years later he hasn’t grow a bit…. I feel because of his family dynamic and what happened to him long ago. He never really dealt with it. And therefore ruined our relationship. It was something hidden from me for years….Nonetheless I find many people NOT working through these experiences from their lives… before they begin a new relationship. Therefore bringing these problems with them. So before vulnerability can happen between two people I believe they MUST first heal… then and only then open themselves for a relationship.
    Much Love
    Denise

  2. Liga says:

    Thank you so much for putting this out there and for sharing these thoughts and suggestions. Is there a way to correct a wrong reaction?

  3. Clare says:

    It’s great that I hear from a man and preparing myself for my future life partner because I wanna understand him as much as i can and give the support no one else would match. When we can Communicate and understand each other, being authentic unconditional love will do for us I think, the rest will take care of it self
    Thank you
    Mat

  4. Gail Frager says:

    Dear Matthew,
    This segment has been crucially helpful to me and is an integral opening passageway for rudimentary healing & understanding between the genuine feelings shared between men & women. Many are too afraid to express. Thank you so much! Really needed & appreciated. Insights embraced & cultivated compassion more endowed & envisioned. Confidence uplifted with loving sentiment appreciated. I so need this & probably many others on both sides. Awesome!Totally Awesome! -Thanks again.
    Sincerely,
    Gail (aka “Dovey”. )

  5. Ro says:

    Appreciate your care in knowing how difficult it can be for a man with communication in areas which are sensitive. Myself trying to be tough in a mans world, I can be seen as blunt and a wee bit insensitive at times. I will try your message of sensitivity with gratitude. It can be difficult between an INFJ and INFP. The INFP can be very guarded. We are both empaths but he can shut it off, I can not. I fill his emotion 24 hours/day. Much of the time I just have to not speak about what I see and wait for him to speak.

  6. Amanda Perry says:

    This was an interesting video and definitely food for thought. More resources like these are needed for men (and people who love men), for the sake of our collectives sense of happiness, and if nothing else our male suicide rates worldwide.

  7. Jessica says:

    Much needed. Thank you!

  8. Dana says:

    I WANT A MAN THAT LOOKS EXACTLY AS HIM :heart_eyes:

  9. Martina Višňovská says:

    Great video.

  10. Kate Aymin says:

    Absolutely brilliant, thank you!

  11. Daisy says:

    Women crave for our men to open up, we always want to understand our men but feel it’s so difficult and often we misunderstand our men as a result. Thank you for these techniques that will help me in these situations and help me better understand and be present in these moments. I feel you have given me a clear understanding in identifying these situations that will help me create a deeper connection by creating a safe place which is my goal in a relationship. Thank you for going through that intense experience that not only helped you grow but is also helping us grow.

  12. Samantha says:

    I was in a 9 year relationship and my ex-fiancé it took a lot for him to open up. Today is 2/19/2020 and I spoke to his mother (almost 8 months) and she even stated that she has no real connection to her son and that I am the one who knows him best. I have read many books like The 48 laws of power, The Art of Seduction, The state of Affairs, etc… i’m the friend that everyone comes to and it seems to them I know all the answers but I don’t. So thank you Matthew for this free guide because even though he is not in my life any more I have three brothers and a future boyfriend some where out there. :)

  13. Valentina says:

    Increadibly beautiful teaching. We need better communication. Everything is in communication after all.

  14. Andtea says:

    I appreciate you and look forward to the technique s.

  15. Chloe says:

    Thank you bery much. Its usful as a communication tool in many aspects of life.

  16. Lacy says:

    This is exactly the kind of training that I need. It’s not just with guys. In general, I’m often more familiar with NOT to do or say than I am with what TO do or say. As a result, people have VERY seriously misinterpreted my intent and I’ve ended up having the opposite effect that I intend.
    My ex-fiancé especially came from a lot of dysfunction (one of the top things we both had in common, unfortunately) and had grown up with his mother’s drifter (and sometimes abusive) boyfriends all his life. As a result, he became that way himself. I admit that I’ve never been the best at speaking up, either due to major trust issues. But the top thing about him that really frustrated me was his tendency to clam up whenever he disagreed with something I said or did. I mean, it was as if he was afraid he’d lose me if he got into the slightest conflict with me or something. He ghosted me after we were engaged for a total of four years. I finally heard from him last year and he said that he still loves me but didn’t think that he “had any excuse” to ask for forgiveness from me. Though with the way I let my fear of a mutual “friend” of ours get in the way, I say if anything, it’s the other way around.
    I know that it’s too late for my ex-fiancé. I can only do better with the ones I do date from this point on-IF I ever do again.

  17. Daniela says:

    I think these were all incredibly useful and helpful Tips. I did some of these in the past but also you opened up my eyes. Thank you for sharing and caring!! :) The way you handled that thematic was lovely.

  18. Tala Melek says:

    This was wonderful, beautifully explained. Would certainly help when it comes to dealing with such situation.
    I wish this vedio gets translated into Arabic language, so many men and women would benefit out of it.
    Thank you for sharing this message.

  19. Despina says:

    Thank you Matthew for your generosity and your kindness!!This video was very helpful for me!

  20. Lindsey Nicole Johnson says:

    This is next level and I think you are on to something. I don’t actually see these as “techniques” as you put it. I see it as way of BEing. Point of view. A bit deeper than a technique. The people who are able to actually hold this space need the ability to truly be confident amidst the other having the experience and feelings of vulnerability and weakness, which means they have to be able to sit with their own weakness and vulnerability too. No everyone has done that internal work. I think its important that we don’t encourage people to fake this stuff or it can be very damaging. Trust is foundational in relationship and viewing these as a technique might encourage people to use it that aren’t quite ready for it.

  21. Ginger Rose Krueck says:

    Thank you so much for this powerful and heart-felt video! The things you are covering are exactly aligned with the work women in my tribe here in Nashville have been discussing and looking for guidance on practicing for the past year with men we care for. It is especially personal to me because the two men closest to me (my soon-to-be ex-husband and my new partner, both whom I have a deep friendship and love for) are directly impacted by this subject. I have worked my ass off to create and hold #safespace for them to work through their barriers to emotional strength and am grateful for this resource to send to them. I’m going to take action and encourage strong men from our collective to step up and be willing to lead some mew men’s circles in our community. Together we heal.

  22. Eleanor Bystrom says:

    Such an invitation and inspiration! Thank YOU! Thank you for your vulnerability here, I perceive you as a guiding light for a whole new way of men BEING true, authentic GENTLEMEN! You’re openness and sharing, in both this video & the FB video are lovely and your heartfelt passion is contagious, love your energy & passion radiating through you’re ability to be vulnerable!
    It so attractive and brilliant when humans open up in this way. Letting down the barriers and speaking from our hearts. Imagining all the possibilities of kindness & nurturing & gratitude we can all be for eachother, regardless of our genders or gender preferences.
    It would be fun to hear more about how to play with the emotion and energy of fear… you spoke a little about not showing fear… curious to hear more! Aware that there are many energies under the emotion of fear, excitement, curiosity. Would be fun to hear you’re take on this! Gratitude to you!

  23. Anna says:

    Thank you! It is art and experience to know how to communicate in a right way.

  24. Sunny says:

    It’s very important to learn how to be an ally to men and how to communicate in postive way which benefits botb menand women. Thank you Matthew

  25. Monica says:

    This helped me understand how I need to be brave enough to be still and present in the moment, to listen, to accept with love and compassion

  26. Eddie says:

    Thank you so much brother, for this.very enlightening for someone like me trying to build a coaching business to help men and the Boy child.

  27. Joel says:

    Thank you for putting words to exactly what I’ve been feeling for years. I knew that we as men had to do better but just didn’t know how to do it. Society has made men feel crippled with fear. I feel very blessed to have stumbled upon your Instagram which lead me here. Incredible job- thank you!

  28. Elwina says:

    Thank you for sharing such an important message, Matt. It is so important for not only women to know, but men too. We don’t want to see anyone suffer. Men are not all responsible for what the society has shape them to be. Hopefully this will change in the near future. I am so grateful that you raised up this awareness. I want to support you and bring the best out of men too. Kind regards

  29. Ana says:

    Wow! Thank you so much for sharing this!!! I have a 9 year old boy who is already feeling insecure about showing his feelings around others. I’m going to take note of this techniques and do the best I can to provide my son with an environment we’re he can feel safe and not judge. I think this applies to us as women as well. We, men and women, need the validation that is ok to have feelings and to express them. Thank you again!

  30. Niki says:

    That was a wonderful and so much to the point video, Matthew!

  31. Monique says:

    With tears in my eyes I lissend the last minutes. Tears of recognising , of hope, tears of love for all my man. I will sent it to them, hoping they will understand.

    I hope you can reach all the men in the world!

  32. Michelle Vincent says:

    This video was very touching, and I feel that this conversation is what is most needed in our world today.

  33. Monique says:

    Valuable beyond words. I have incredible men in my life and your video is so bang on correct and helpful.Thanks so much

  34. Lara says:

    The only coach who says helpful, and thoughtful stuf

  35. maria says:

    thank you for this

  36. Olga says:

    Thank you, Matt, for this video. A great insight for me was the part, where you talk about a balance between showing a pity and being there for a man. I have been in a moments when the guy would open up and cry, and I really hope that I was the way you described. I did kiss, or said «I understand», but your advice makes me expect to act more conscious in situations like that.
    I am very grateful for the LABEL advice. I really relate to it in the sense, that I was labeled by my mother most of the time that I would open up to her in the childhood. As you may guess, it made me very distant from her — I do filter what I tell her about my personal life, even being grown up woman with ability to stand out for myself and protect my personal boundaries. I think due to this experience I keep myself in check and not to return with labeling and depreciating comments.
    Thank you for the video. You are great and truly brave to start this conversation about being vulnerable :) I understand.

  37. Florie says:

    Every man should be a knight who dares to lay down his shield and take off his armor. Thanks Matthew for all the thoughtful content!

  38. Tonya says:

    Thank you, Matthew. I think I need to work on some of this for myself. Per my last relationship, I was essentially told I had no right to feel the way I did and how dare I bring it up. (It was an abusive situation.) Flash forward some time and I find myself in love with a kind man who has a hard time opening up himself due to having been very hurt in the past, though I can tell he tries. I do my best to respond well (my heart and intentions are good) but wonder if I am being patronizing (“Oh I’m so sorry!”) or just not responding in the best way I can, because I have discovered that I am now pretty poor at opening up, too! After all, what right do I have to feel the way I do? I’ve learned to suck it up and do for myself.

    That being said, my mind raced as I watched your videos. Being in an abusive relationship, you have your partner on one side dismissing all of your feelings, and on the other you have friends and family giving you a hard time for not just putting an end to it by doing *insert unhelpful or unrealistic advice here*.

    I enjoy your videos because they help me remember the things I once knew. And I know I need to work both on my strength (insofar as having the courage to ask for what I want) and vulnerability (because how can I make him feel safe to feel vulnerable if I cannot be?). And, of course, in this context, I thought of my son- who was not given the best example(s).

    Thank you.

  39. Donna says:

    I really like this idea of men help men because many problems start there. I wish you good luck with your new direction of conversation.
    Myself I’ve been doing most of the things you say in the video without realizing. I still have a lot to learn and grow.

    Thank you

  40. Sophie Angel says:

    Have just discovered this and would like to thank you for bringing this to the world. It is much needed and super important work. Thank you :-)

  41. Kathleen Renfroe says:

    AWESOME! You nailed it…again! I need to pre-frame more and better so that he’ll open up more than he does.

  42. Uchenna Agu says:

    Matt, I am new to leading a men’s circle. Your video of your Wim Hof experience in Poland really resonated with me. I’m seeking to create a space for the men in my circle in Houston to open up and balance it, with it not becoming “Group Therapy”. I hold it at a yoga studio which is a down to earth and very comfortable space. I recognized from the first circle that there was soooooo much that each guy needed and wanted to open up about that I blew-out the one hour time frame we had…lol (which I shan’t do again btw) I’m looking forward to receiving your 5Heartfelt Techniques.

  43. Stephana says:

    Thank you Matt beautiful essential to know.
    Highly improves my understanding
    of my bros father, friends, bf!! XO

  44. Elin says:

    Lovely advice, the part that I really took to heart is telling my husband how attractive he is when he opens up. What I really need to work on is my reaction the Times when he does open up and scares me. Becaude sometimes his attitude towards life scares me because of how it may affect our future together and the quality of our life together. I really need to show him that he can have moments of negativity towards life without me labeling him as a negative person. Thank you! this was an important video.

  45. Denise says:

    Amazing help as always, particularly the advice to remember to stay calm and respond kindly which is not so easy at times when dealing with my own insecurities.

  46. Hilary says:

    Amazing content, thank you so much for this! It can be hard in practice when men’s insecurities come out in reaction to something you’re feeling, and I love how you said you can meet someone with strength and still be kind. And come to it from a loving place.

    I’m in a healthy relationship with a great guy, but we still have difficult conversations and have a hard time navigating the nuances of vulnerability and emotional intimacy at times. I was previously in an abusive marriage, and it’s reassuring to hear this from that perspective as well, as there’s no place where abuse really fits within this. Apart from having strength while being kind. That phrase resonated with me so strongly, because I feel that’s how I responded to my ex, even as I was ending things. I’ve felt weak for that in the past, for showing compassion to someone who wanted to hurt me, but I think it was actually strong to refuse that while still being able to have empathy for how it must feel to be lost and unsure of how to cope without lashing out at the people you supposedly love.

    Thank you for developing content that makes it easier to feel valid asserting my needs and more competent at vocalizing them. And content that encourages and helps more people to be vulnerable. I really believe vulnerability is the place where growth happens, and it’s a really beautiful thing that you are helping more people to feel comfortable and accepted with being more vulnerable.

  47. maureen says:

    Such a great topic. I love the complexity of all the men in my life. brother, father, sons..friends. Dreaming of a partnership society. Thanks for the great content Matt.

  48. Michaela says:

    This is fantastic! I wish I’d been able to watch this sooner as my ex has some serious trust issues and this would have come in real handy for that relationship, possibly even saved it… I’ll look to apply it to my future dealings with men, both friendships and relationships!! Thank you Matt!

  49. Yoelika says:

    First of all, thank you for the wonderful content. It’s eye opening how the little ways in which we communicate verbally and nonverballly impacts others and our relationships with them. I will def use the steps you talked about here in my own interactions with the men in my life. I also like to add that I really appreciate your emphasis on how it’s not our jobs to have the men in our lives open up but we can emphatically help them have safe spaces to be vulnerable. Kindness I feel is a skill we can all learn to have and appreciate. It’s no understated but so needed in our lives. I honestly believe that a bit of kindness in our day to day lives, be it with our loved ones or strangers can go such a long way. Again, thank you for the wonderful videos and content. You are helping so many people get in touch with a side of themselves they probably never hoped to find again and that’s amazing. You really are a gem and I wish you the best.