How To Get Him To Settle Down With You

Ok, you’ve been dating a guy for a while, he stays over your place all the time, and you’re definitely exclusive.


couple holding hands on sofa

How do you get him to “settle down”? You know, like actually decide he’s REALLY with you for the long-term, instead of him just seeing this relationship as being “ok for now”?

In this article, I’ll explain some basic principles of how the male mind works when it comes to commitment, and teach you how to get him to settle down so that he chooses you over any other woman.

First: Don’t even THINK about changing an “Eternal Bachelor”

man thinking

Rule #1 – It is not your job as a woman to get a committed bachelor interested in marriage and kids.

Some guys will be happy being exclusive for a while, but get uncomfortable at the thought of being your official “boyfriend”, or he’ll squirm at the thought of getting more serious.

If so, that’s on him. It’s not your job to change his attitude. You should never be playing the role of the convincer.

Don’t be the kind of woman who has long conversations with her man trying to understand why he is “on-the-fence” about marriage, attempting to show him all the reasons it would be a great idea. This does not work.

The only things you can focus on are:

(a) Being your best self and living by your standards

(b) Understanding and fulfilling his needs as a man

(c) Cutting off guys who don’t want a relationship

We’re going to cover point (a) and (b) in the next section. As for point (c) remember: if a guy shows he is on-the-fence, that’s your cue to respond and say, “Well I’m not sure this works for me either then.”

At this point, you’ll find out how committed he really is. Walk away. Then, if he chases and decides to make this something real, great! But be willing to leave for good if he doesn’t. It’s not worth the heartache of waiting for him to change.

The longer you tolerate a situation with a guy who isn’t willing to commit, the longer he can string you along without ever really making a decision.

Understand These ESSENTIAL Male Needs

man kissing woman

So what do you do if you’ve already met a man who is ready to commit, but you want to make sure YOU’RE the one he chooses to settle down with?

Well, to begin with, you need to get inside of the head of how men think. Here are some of every guy’s most important needs:

  • He wants to provide and protect – This doesn’t mean he needs to be the financial breadwinner, but he does need to feel appreciated and be able to bring something to the relationship.
  • He needs to feel respect ­– Men are much more likely to settle down long-term with a woman who sees the best in them and shows he admires his character.
  • He needs to feel physically desired – Crucial for any relationship, men always commit to women who make them feel sexy and desired as a man.
  • He needs to feel like you have strong values – He wants to see you have independence, integrity, and that you live by certain standards and aren’t afraid to assert them. Men love the woman who lives by a code and respects herself.

These are just the first steps, and it takes a lot of learning to know exactly HOW to meet all these needs, but these are the essential basics of understanding men and knowing how to get him to settle down. Look at this list next time you’re with a guy and think about how likely it is that all these needs are being met.

And remember: look for the guy who is interested in commitment in the first place, instead of trying to tame a dedicated “player” – the sooner you invest guys who want the same things, the happier and smoother the dating process will be. 

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