This Emotion Will Destroy Your Love Life…

How’s this for scary?

I’m in the studio on The Today Show opposite Kathy Lee and Hoda. It’s not my everyday situation, and I’m trying to make sure I’m on my best game.

“So, what should a woman do here, Matthew?”

“Well, point number one is (blah blah blah).” I rattle it off with ease because I have it locked, ready to go in my mind. “…and secondly…um…”

My mind freezes. I go blank and panic inside. I can’t remember what I was going to say.

If you want to see my full torture and how this played out… watch this video.

►► Take the pressure off your love life – and learn how to LOVE YOUR LIFE. Go to >>>

44 Responses to This Emotion Will Destroy Your Love Life…

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  1. Jo says:

    Wow yes!!! Baby steps! Great advice❤

  2. Sev says:

    Hello Matthew, I stumbled upon your videos while browsing 9gag :) I’m happily suprised at the quality of your videos, in the sense that I wasn’t actively looking for specific advice, but I somehow got attracted to it and here I found this video. I very recently took an English test and, because I felt superior, I failed. I wish I had seen this piece of advice before because, although what you say is something I had already heard of, well the intensity and authenticity with which you say it really resonates with me and gets your message across. Thank you so much :) keep up the good work and I will browse through the rest of your blog for personal growth – i’m in couple and very happy but always interested in human psychology. Cheers ^^

  3. Sarah says:

    Your videos are so hysterical and heartfelt.
    I love your videos. I send them to my boyfriend. I love the recent one on swiping online and reading profiles and the girl in the back drinking wine.
    Also the one where you jump up on the bar and lay down it’s so funny.
    Your advise is very empowering just to go for it in life in all you do. And I think your video here where you talk about pressure and validation are key.
    It great you can laugh at moments where you forget what you’re saying and you can move on from them.

  4. Anna Bengtsson says:

    Thank You! Thank You! Thank you! I am going to think of this the entire week. It is in line with Amos Oz’s opinion that curiosity makes you a better person!
    I’m proud of being humble… ;-)

  5. Mary says:

    Thank you, Matthew Hussey. I really needed to hear this message. In the past several years, I have been experiencing many life events that have “paralyzed” me, and I didn’t know why. Because of your video, now I know why and how to start again. Your work really does help people and from that, change the world for the better. God bless.

  6. Dzanuma says:

    Thank you Mathew and the team.

  7. Lynelle Paulick says:

    Matthew, you are authentic. That’s difficult to achieve, takes a lifetime of work. Good for you. My respect, my applause, is for you today.

  8. Alicya Simmons says:

    Pressure is over rated~ best way to not need validation ~ especially from a guy is to have fun. That’s what we all want – light fun and enjoy – thanks Matt for the reminder ! You’re Epic Dude!

  9. Christine says:

    Great video! I’ve had the most fun in situations where I ‘just didn’t care’. Whether it was that I was relaxed and had no expectations, or just ‘under’-judged the situation, those are where the adventures happened! Now, to bottle that and take it with me everywhere!
    I do play the tourist in my city of Philadelphia, which is easy to do, with all of the changes we have happening.
    I LOVE the Retreat; it was the best money I ever spent (aside from my Brompton bike, on which I explore my city!).

  10. Mia says:

    SF local here, lol not sitting at home watching “the voice” tyvm but point taken. That analogy will stick in my mind, tho as someone who does enjoy my city, I like the humble student identity better. Life is a classroom, and I’ve learned that I never graduate to next stage until I learn what life is teaching me. I’ve had to repeat classes more than once, but starting to figure it out! Great video, applies to all of life, not just romance.

  11. Raslaa says:

    I loved it, pressure really ruin everything you want to do or to be, and as you said we should limit our expectations, and not to worry if others will validate us or not

  12. Veronica says:

    Anytime I feel I am about to make a fool of myself in the dating game I ask myself. What Would Matt do? Or say or think. That always Puts me back in check, and really makes consider whether I am making the right move or not. Thank you for your wonderful advice… Not to bad on the eyes either.

  13. Janat says:

    You aced it! This is one of my favourite videos. We should all be students and enjoy our lives

  14. Marta says:

    Love the image of the legs of a walking baby! I don’t think I ever seen anyone else just focusing camera on baby’s legs and it is an overlook.

  15. Rebecca Brockway says:

    Just read a similar message as yours, Matthew, in the NT Times Modern Love Column:

    Today has been a revolutionary Sunday – and I got my laundry and grocery shopping done too!

    Thank you ever so much for the work you do! :-)

  16. Ha says:


  17. Betty says:

    Hey Matthew,

    I hope your day is going well. As always … another great video from you. You do a wonderful job making your videos fun, unique, and a great way to learn (not only with attracting a partner, but in life as well). Thanks, I appreciate all that you do.

    Pressure … yes that can make people be a little nervous, I know I have been there also. We want to perform just so and not make any mistakes. Although we are not perfect, we still hope that we won’t be judged if we do not stand up to others expectations (or if others disapprove of us) … or afraid of failure. This can affect how we react to the dating scene or even in life.

    I like the baby steps in your video … a nice touch (adorable also). That part put a smile on my face. Who doesn’t like a baby?!

    I love to learn and that is a life process. No one person knows everything and we all can learn more, especially regarding your partner (you are interested in or care about). The whole dating and relationship steps are about learning with your partner and each other because this is what truly shows how much you care for one and another. This dating process is learning about each other and when both partners have the desire to learn and grow with each other, then this allows the relationship to be at its BEST! Isn’t that what we all want … the BEST relationship and bond that it can be?! I know I do.

    Again, thanks for your videos, Matthew. You are a wonderful person … do not worry about pressure because you are amazing at what you do. Thanks!


  18. Lynn says:

    ‘You can go to the grave with pride…..’
    That’s the reals! Always, big love
    I play your YouTube videos on a loop, your lovely voice in my flat.

  19. Shayla Chaplin says:

    This video is so relevant to me right now and I really needed to see this. I’m doing online dating and going through some issues and I’m starting to get jaded with everything. I’m a fun-loving person but right now I’m not really having fun with my own life. This needs to change and I need to be more of a tourist in my own life. Thank you so much for sharing!

  20. anna says:

    thank you, very helpful video

  21. Heather says:

    This was great! Viewing myself as a student of life is a great way to go about living!

    I have always been a person who has need to feel validated for the effort I put in to what I do, but thanks to this video my perspective has shifted. That validation doesn’t have to come from soneone else. That it can actually from me! This can be achieved by honoring my self and stop questioning and judging myself! I am who I am and that’s ok! Life is about growth and learning…

    So thanks Matt,

    • Mia says:

      I like this comment. Tough to resist the pull of validation, and it’s natural to get a nice boost, but we need not become slaves to it and like she says, best person to validate us is ourselves. That’s primary, and then we don’t rely on outside approval.

  22. Cathryn Rogers says:

    Matthew.. Thank you so much! I was struggling with this exact emotion today in my own online career and I was beginning to feel paralysed. I was enjoying the validation that I was receiving but with each client, I was beginning to feel the fear of ‘what if I screw up?’ or receive a negative review. I NEEDED to hear your words today!! Thank you so much…I felt like your words hit me in the gut because they were so needed in order for me to just realize that every client is a learning experience and I can only attempt and provide my best service with each client. Thank you ❤️

  23. Gale says:

    I LOVE this video and ALL your videos, because…YOU always try to help every last one of us. I feel your Love for us. I know you always do your BEST for us. I also consider myself a student of Love. And I Love your voice…hahahahahahahaha!!!

  24. Suzannah says:

    Ba–BAM! A-freakin-MEN!!!
    Brilliant as always and such powerful information for ALL areas of life!!

  25. Kate says:

    My goodness Matt you just get better and better! I am 44 years old and recently divorced, I read your book and watch tons of your videos and I am now dating a wonderful, exciting man who dare I say “has been exceeding all my expectations” (and my expectations are high) I feel like your coaching has taught me to just get out there and be my authentic self. I’m so grateful for all you do! Keep it up Mr. you are making the world a better place!!

  26. asal says:

    hey matt I like your videos
    they are short and useful
    you send them sometimes
    I always feel better when I listen to you
    I hope you read all of my notes I’ve written

    by the way your eye color is very beautiful
    I like it:)

  27. Kim says:

    Your honesty and openness about personally awkward and embarrassing things I find the most relatable and seem to lean the most from. I have to admit I LMAO over the Today show clip. But only because I’ve done stuff like that, too. Thank you!

  28. Ann says:

    Such a great message! I need to bookmark this and listen to it again and again. I’m 55 and still learning to fully embrace this philosophy! The urge to focus on image or looking cool can be so strong. And I’ve had so much fun, adventure and even validation in the moments when I behaved with the beginner’s attitude. Thank you!

  29. Nat says:

    Wow! Great perspective! Awesome!

  30. Julie MacKenzie says:

    Love this video! “Be a tourist in your own life”…Keep the videos coming Matthew! I look forward to them every week! Hugs! ;) <3

  31. Shannon says:

    Will you marry me? No pressure.

    Good message. Thanks Matthew and Jamison :)

  32. Candy says:

    Love this

  33. Lesty says:

    Seek inspiration, not validation – i love it xx

  34. Sarah says:

    Well done Matt, pressure is a bugger . You’re messages are always great xxx

  35. Marta says:

    Great! Playing a tourist in your own life is a lovely way of phrasing it :)
    If I understand correctly, it’s about leaving my comfort zone, doing things and behaving in ways that are new to me.
    You know what? I’ve already started doing that and I owe this to you, Matt (and your At Home Retreat) :)
    It was only yesterday when just before getting off a tram I said to a lady who was a complete stranger that she had a most beautiful nose. In return she gave me this surprised but very happy smile. It was worth it! :)
    Thank you

  36. J says:

    I’m a gay man and I love your stuff Matthew, I feel like it doesn’t just apply to women, but a broader audience (something to think about :-)) A lot of what you’ve said has sunk in and literally changed the way I think about certain situations! Well done and keep it coming!

  37. Teri White says:

    Shit that was good! :) Thank you.

  38. Maryam says:


  39. Egle says:

    And suddenly everything makes sense to me now..
    One of your best videos Matthew, thank you for sharing this.

    “Be a tourist in your own life” how brilliant is that !!

  40. Faizah says:

    Being a student rather than a professional.
    This is exactly what I needed. I’m establishing a new career, and this video shifted my entire set of mind.

    Thank you Matt!!

  41. Zheng Yi Chong says:

    I just want to drop by and tell you “This is a great reflective video Matthews!” The higher we achieved,the harder we need to work on being humble, yet not losing the confidence. I once heard one of my lecturer said ” Greater capability comes with greater responsibility” There will be one day that we need to give back what we have learned or mastered to the society to help the others.Thanks for sharing all the knowledge and enlightenment :)

  42. SuziNZ says:

    And all of a sudden, a massive ‘click’ in my brain just happened.
    All my life I have been under pressure due to everyone’s expectations of me and me trying to fulfil them because that was expected of me. I lost myself and then the pressure was just too much I suffered a nervous breakdown because I couldn’t handle the expectations that was on me. So now if my anxiety flares up because of the pressure, I just stop what I am doing and give myself a break. My way of being kinder to myself than feeling it and putting myself down.

    So now I am in the learnings of learning to love myself, trying to figure out who I am, who and what I WANT to be and to accept that I’m only human. I mean, even superheros have a break now and then.

    Matt, I have spent the last 4 years in therapy trying to make sense of it all since my breakdown and you pretty much summed it up in under 7 minutes! And gave me an action plan to boot.
    My happiest moments/memories of my life was when I was a tourist, trying new things, learning new things, experiencing new things, exploring and taking shit loads of photos. What the locals and other people thought of me, I didn’t care. That didn’t matter to me because I was out there living. And that was when I felt the most freedom ever.
    So from now – I’m now the tourist. And I don’t give a f**k what anyone thinks

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