The Best Way To Get Over A Guy That You’ve Become Fixated On…

The biggest threat to you being a high-value woman is the one guy in your life who isn’t treating you right.

I get so many emails from women that have one guy who’s not responding the way they want. He’s not calling, he’s not getting back when he says he will, and soon they begin to realise that he doesn’t want to be with them. A harsh reality to face up to at times, but needless to say, they become fixated.

In this moment, when this happens to someone, it doesn’t matter how great they are, how much they have going on in their life, how intelligent or how successful they might be – their confidence is going to be affected.

If right now you find yourself in similar circumstances, I want to provide a remedy…


Having choice with men. You need to know that there are options out there other than this one guy. The only way to do this, and to get over this fixation, is to go out and create more options for yourself.

We have two options in life, we can either WAIT or we can CREATE. To get over a fixation, you need to become someone who says to themselves, “I’m going to be a Creator.”

The more fixated you are, the more choices you need – the more you need to go out, meet new people, and break out of your comfort zone.

Adopt a mindset of being someone who is willing to try things that feel uncomfortable, to try on new personality traits for size, and to shake things up with your day-to-day rhythm.

The temptation will always be to quit, to surrender, and to wonder about this guy, but the only feeling that this temptation will lead you is to pain.

The more we wait, the more focused we become on the guy, the more pain we feel. And so the spiral continues…

I hope that this helps in shaking yourself out of it, and to get back out there and meeting more men.


The upcoming Get The Guy book (January 31st, Transworld) is an amazing next step for doing this. The book is filled with practical examples of proactive approaches for getting back out there and doing things differently.

But right now I’m going to say something that’s a little bit strange… If you’re thinking of pre-ordering the book, don’t do it yet.

If you already have, don’t worry, you’re still going to be involved in everything I have to say, but if you haven’t pre-ordered, don’t do it right now.


This Thursday the book comes out. When it does, to celebrate on launch day, I’m going to be doing something that is truly crazy, and that I know will cause jaws to drop.

I’m not going to say anymore just yet… You can see what happens on the 31st.

Suffice it to say, I’m potentially more excited about this than anything we’ve ever done before (and there’s been a lot to be excited about!). This is a big deal.

Watch your inbox on Thursday, I’ll send you an email then to let you know exactly what’s happening.

I’ll see you then!

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

36 Responses to The Best Way To Get Over A Guy That You’ve Become Fixated On…

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  1. Lisa says:

    Hi Matt,
    This seems to be my Achilles heel in dating. I meet a guy, chat or hang out and then I become the one chasing the guy. Also even if I know the guy is no good for me, I still find myself unable to resist texting or emailing him. I recently was texting the twin brother of someone I knew through work. We were messaging each other for about a week or so and had possible plans to meet for drinks. However, I get an email from his estranged wife saying that she found out he was cheating on her a month ago and she kicked him out, etc. Even after this..I still contacted this guy. Even though he is definitely not what I’m looking for. I have deleted his number, however I still manage to find a way to initiate contact with him. How do I stop this almost self-destructive behavior?

  2. Katerina says:

    Hi Matt,
    you are a godsend to women. I cannot believe how i found your videos on you tube, just as i needed to be empowered.
    My first date after 11 years was really quite disapointing, just strange. Met this guy (through a dating web site) i really liked, he couldnt wait to meet me too, but in person, it didnt seem rigt. I could tell he wasn’t really attracted to me… a girl just knows. so i thought right maybe just friends then. Better luck next time, but he kept sending me messages saying he really likes me. every day i would have two three, four messages, just sweet, thoughtfull stuf. before long i was hooked. We had a second last minute date, which i didn’t really want at the time, because i was tired and had things to do, but he claimed to be lonely so i thought he was feeling down and agreed… Second date was worse than the first… He came half hour late. I couldt believe it. I was going to leave after fifteen, but then i thought if he is feeling down, i am only going to make it worse… Didn’t want to kick him while he was down. Surely enough, he came like nothing happened. He was absolutely fine… He said he met someone on the way and lost track of time… but he is here now, isnt he… I was upset and angry. I said stupid stuff…. he left fifteen minutes later. I dont understand the need to string me along… I broke it off after that, but here is the sad part. I miss him like crazy…. i am pretty sure there was something off about him, but i cant stop thinking about him. I keep checking for some messages, but nothing. i am such an idiot… Anyway i bought your book on amazon, it arrived today and i am starting to see the light already. Still checking my messages, but i dont feel so tragic any more. How come its the guys you dont really want to beggin with, that have the power to hurt you the most?

    Anyway, thank you for being such amazing person and helping so many heartbroken women get back on their feet. Will do my best to follow your advice, though i will probably find it a bit hard…
    Thanks for the wonderful job you are doing.

  3. Julie says:

    Hi Matt
    I am also going through this with trying to forget about a man . And I completely agree with you with what you say I should do. I would love to go out and try to meet new guys but my problem is none of my friends ever want to go out anymore. They all have young families and are married. My last single friend found her self a partner so it’s just me and now I don’t know how to get out there!? :(

  4. Chetna says:

    Right message at the right time, i have recently withdrawn after a break up and gradually been feeling worse! I will push myself to get back out there thanks Matt. Was going to order book, looking forward to it… xx

  5. Elva says:

    I wish I watched this a few years earlier, you are so wise Matt!
    I am so excited for you about the book launch! I wish I could join but I no longer live in UK – missed it so much tho. You gave such an amazing talk in Oxford, and you were SO friendly at the dinner, my friends and I were talking so much about how great it would be if you were our bf, haha. :p
    Anyways, best luck to you, and I look forward to many more great advices from you.
    E xx

  6. Petra says:

    Haha, Matt, this is so cool, I’m in such situation with one of my co-workers now, it just came out of blue, was not really interested in him and we hanged out a bit at our last business trip, he would chase for my number and we had a nice chat and I would totally twist my opinion about him. suddenly he became interesting, very smart guy, having values I have been looking for and well, in the end, he was like – Let’s meet during w-end! – which sounded like a date, so I was like, ok, why not, would be nice. and guess what? no reponse during w-end, he is playing dead man now. and I mean, although it was him chasing me, I was more like following, he stucked in my head now and I would overnalyze it! so I was like: What would Matt told me? I need advice! and here you go, great timing dear :) actually, I kind of guessed this advice – I’m meeting now more guys, and he is just one example, there will be others, so let’s go out ;)

    Ladies, just one advice from me. when this happens and sb sticks to your mind, don’t judge it wrongly. it has often nothing to do with you having some romantic feelings about that guy, but let’s face it, it has a lot to do with your ego. look at me, I was not even interested in this guy and I was enjoying his interest obviously, it does things to your ego, makes you feel good and in the center of attention, right:) and then when it stops, you are like: No! Come back! if you look at it that way, it helps you to get dettached. but watch out, such situations are slippery slope and it is very easy to end up tears. in past, I would start freaking out and this all would affect my confidence and self-respect, next step is totally losing yourself and that sucks! all this for a guy you are not even so into… don’t wanna feel like that anymore, so this time I’m gonna create to get my mind busy:).

    congrats Matt, for the book, I wish I could come to London for the release event, I will send some positive energy from Prague, I’m spreading the news about the book and some of my friends want me to order the book for them as well.


  7. mbao says:

    Thank you so much I really needed that!!

  8. Briony M says:

    This is the situation I’m in at the moment & Im glad its not just me, as i keep asking people what’s wrong with me for him not to reply. so very confusing!
    I pre ordered your book weeks ago, but am looking forward to reading it & putting all your advice into action..
    Good luck with the launch. x

  9. Siane says:

    Hi Matt

    Thanks so much for your ongoing, poignnt advice. When and where is the book launch/signing in London?


  10. Amani says:

    Thanks Matt, thats exactly what I needed to hear right now! :)

  11. Lis says:

    Loving the bookcase behind you !!

  12. kels says:

    Wow,it’s not just me with a jerk stuck in my mind then? Matt you are an inspiration and I am so grateful to have found you and your site!Wishing you lots and lots of success with the book, you deserve it so much for all your hard work!x

  13. annie says:

    I do have that guy in my life, and he’s been there for about 15 months now. Thing is I know there are options, there were several guys but none of them could ever make me feel better about the whole thing. I do go out, meet new people, try to be attracted to those that might be options but I’m really not and it’s driving me mental :/

  14. Rebecca says:

    So true Matthew, and great timing here as well. I’ve felt my confidence draining recently because of a certain guy… Unfortunately the ‘treat ’em mean keep ’em keen’ thing works! I knew the answer all along, however I’ve just needed to put it into action again, to resist the temptation to wait and to submit as you say, and create choice again instead. Starting tomorrow, there will be more creating – I will be out and about ‘making exchanges’. Thank you for the reminder and another kick start Matthew, keep up the good work.

  15. Elaine says:

    Spot on as usual Matthew as soon as I followed your advice I met my future husband on walk with a hill walking group I had just joined to meet like minded women! I have made new girlfriends and they are coming to the wedding too.


    • Matthew Hussey says:

      Hi Elaine,

      This is the ultimate compliment! I am so happy for you. Congratulations! Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. x

  16. Mahi says:

    Hi Matthew

    Perfect timing for taking this topic , as am going through the same thing and feel so worn out … I will wait for 31jan will surely get the book .

    Thank you Matt

  17. Tara says:

    Haha this has come at a scarily good time Matt! I have not been able to get this one guy out of my thoughts for a few weeks now and I’m starting to feel drained ;) So, creating here I come!! xx

  18. Jules says:

    I’ve already per-ordered a copy of your book for my iPad and 2 hard copies for my friends, can’t wait to get them x

  19. Theresa says:

    you must have read my mind ! i know i shouldnt be hanging around waiting for this man to feed me titbits of his time. no more !

  20. Grainne Kelly says:

    Thanks Matt, thats great advice…going out now xxx

  21. Jennifer says:

    Thank you. I was just thinking this about a guy in my life. He’s been leading me on far too long. Thank you so much! x

  22. Nicola C says:

    I can’t wait until the 31st to get the book it so happens that it’s my birthday that day, so I think it will be the be the best present I could give to myself,
    Also I have been guilty of putting all my eggs in one basket with men, but after following the get the guy online program there has been massive changes within myself,
    thank you matthew for helping me spare myself from needless heartache :)

  23. Sarah says:

    I love this! Thanks so much Matt x

    Can’t wait for the book!

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