Get Him To DESIRE You – Use This Flirting Formula…

Stephen Hussey

How do you become better at flirting?

For some people, that’s a silly question. “Flirting is simple,” they’ll say, “it’s just something you do when you like a guy”.

Flirting is a skill that people seem to blindly assume they’re good at without ever wondering if they could do it better.

And yet, so many people get it wrong. They think they’re flirting, but never realise they’re coming off aggressive, or too bland, or too overbearing and needy, or all kinds of other little mistakes that they’ve picked up along the way.

Sadly, flirting often merely thought of as the precursor to a first date, but it’s much, MUCH more than that.

Flirting is something we should still be practiced in well into a long-term relationship. It’s essentially how we create sexual tension and keep conversation exciting and fun well beyond the usual daily chit-chat – it’s a way to infuse even the most regular conversations with a crackle of electricity and tension that makes us memorable.

But how do you do it well?

The Flirting Formula That Makes Women Irresistible

I’ve never really seen anyone break down flirting in a useful way. So allow me to share a theory of flirting that I submit for your approval:

FLIRTING = INTEREST + CHALLENGE

Let’s look at these two components…

INTEREST = Showing a guy you like him.

A guy needs to feel you actually like him. You could do this through words, touch, holding eye contact – all kinds of ways, but however you choose to communicate it, flirting is poking someone gently and saying, “Hey, you’re interesting! I’d like to get closer to you…”

That is what separates flirting from regular conversation.

But to flirt well, we also have to add the element of CHALLENGE.

CHALLENGE = Making a guy feel a level of excitement where he wants to pursue you more.

A guy needs to feel like there is bar for him to reach, like he hasn’t quite won you yet (but he might…). You might show this by showing your standards, or by not being too available, or by lightly teasing him when he makes a dumb joke, or just by having your own opinions and standing by your values.

INTEREST is what makes him feel connected to you. CHALLENGE is what keeps him intrigued in wanting to win you over.

Rub both of these together like two flints and you get sparks of attraction.

What Makes You A Great Flirt…Use THIS Example! 

Just looking at the theory, you might think “that makes sense, but how do I actually do it?”

I’m glad you asked.

In truth, there are a ton of ways you can apply this in every dating scenario, from the first conversation all the way to being in a committed relationship. But just to illustrate the theory, I’ve written an example of how to apply this in a simple text message conversation, borrowed from our How To Talk To Men program.

To set the scene, imagine a guy texts you whom you’ve already seen once or twice. Here is the conversation:

Him: Just helped my cousin make some cupcakes. I am a domestic goddess! ;)

You: Nice! I love cupcakes!

Him: Shall I save one for you? Which frosting do you like? 

You: Vanilla!

It’s perfectly nice, but it’s also totally boring and uninspired.

The worse crime is that it leaves him no room to engage in any playful banter or cheeky comments, which means there’s no flirting.After enough of these texts, a guy will probably assume you’re not interested, or worse, bland.

But what if we add these elements of INTEREST and CHALLENGE to make it more flirtatious?

Take a look at a better version of the same conversation:

Him: Just made cupcakes with my auntie today. I am a domestic goddess! ;)

You: Aw, so jealous. You never make me cupcakes, I don’t know whether to be angry or hurt. (CHALLENGE)

Him: Shall I save one for you? Which frosting do you like?  

Her: Yes! I love vanilla, but only if it comes with a smiley face, sprinkles, or a cute message. Your choice. (Seriously though – impressed with the baking skills…) :) (INTEREST)

See how this adds so much more fun and challenge to the conversation? It’s cheeky, but also endearing. It adds a flavour of fun, without coming across as needy or too try-hard. It nudges him to say, “I’m interested, try and push back…” which is what all great flirting does.

So now you have the theory, you have the tools, the rest is in your hands.

Play with these tips and add some excitement to your conversations today. Jump on Tinder and take the wheels out for a spin. Or say something cheeky to the barista who makes your vanilla latte. Hell, flirt with the mailman,  I don’t care. Practice is practice, right?

Want to learn 59 more REALLY simple flirting techniques to get in a guy’s head and make him crazy for you?

Must Watch: ‘The Phrases That Make Men Beg to Be With You’

9 Texts No Man Can Resist

13 Responses to Get Him To DESIRE You – Use This Flirting Formula…

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  1. Hannah says:

    There’s this guy…we’ve been friends for a while now, I really like him but I’m not quite sure how he feels about me. At times he’s really sweet, and that makes me think he likes me, and there are also times that he doesn’t text me for days,and that really hurts me. Please help me out here. I don’t know where I stand with him. And I’m an introvert so I can t just walk up to him and tell him to tell me what he feels towards me. Please, help me out here. Thanks a lot Matt
    Hannah.

  2. Hannah says:

    There’s this guy…we’ve been friends for a while now, I really like him but I’m not quite sure how he feels about me. At times he’s really sweet, and that makes me think he likes me, and there are also times that he doesn’t text me for days,and that really hurts me. Please help me out here. I don’t know where I stand with him. And I’m an introvert so I can t just walk up to him and tell him to tell me what he feels towards me. Please, help me out here.

  3. Syd says:

    I don’t have a mail creature to flirt with.

  4. Kate A. says:

    What do I do if I just don’t have the right kind of personality to give the appropriate responses? I’m jut not a flirty person. Am I doomed?

  5. Kelsi Koepper says:

    Excellent post. I certainly love this website. Keep it up!

  6. Victoria says:

    Matt,
    Have just been listening to various YouTube videos. The one titled “3. Tricks To Do Anything You Want”….priceless! Thank you so much for breaking it down! Defying expectations has been a struggle for my entire life. Though I’ve tried the approaches you’ve mentioned, I didn’t have the confidence to pursue my stance when discounted or scoffed at. My curiosity is reason enough to explore opportunities outside of the norm!
    Time well spent!!!

  7. Danielle says:

    Matt, what an awesome approach- very insightful!
    Next time I will use this instead of humiliating myself like I did today… I REACHED A POINT OF SEEMINGLY NO RETURN!

    I was in my favorite ice cream shop (one I frequent quite often), and I told my friend I learned all these knew and incredible flirting tips from THE Matthew Hussey, and I had to give them a whirl. So I walk up to the cute ice cream man and COMPLETELY botched the whole thing. I could tell he was uncomfortable (not to mention he seemed to hold an awkward vibe as it was) which in turn made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I ended up leaving with so much regret of even attempting to flirt with him. Is there ANY redemption from this horrid situation, or do I have to bite the bullet on this one and accept my lack of competence in that moment? Help!

    Huge fan,
    Danielle

    • Bridget says:

      I know this was 7 months ago Danielle, but I need to know what happened? Did you have to find a new ice-cream shop :/ ? Please tell

  8. Julia says:

    Great article! Love the “flirting formula” breakdown; its so comprehensive, yet relatable and understandable. I just wondered your thoughts on the component of “connection”? Is it created, inherent, assumed or unnecessary in flirting? I would venture to say “sought after” at the very least or maybe I’m thinking too much? Lol. Thanks again!

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